Change Your Image
iamjackssmirkingreve-905-307235
Reviews
Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch (2002)
More like Air Bud: Fourth Movieplot Stretch
Josh was dead to begin with. There was no doubt whatever about that. Oh wait, he was just boarding the bus to college. Everyone from previous movies is on the bus with him, because Fernfield graduates don't have options. Except Brita and Molly who are totally gone. I assume they went to some fancy private school leaving Josh and Co to raise the puppies (who they distributed around the city) This devastated the Buddy family financially. They were forced to move to a less auspicious house and to trade in the "classic older guy attractive" stepfather in for Al Borland. And they had a baby of their own. IT'S KEVIN!! He doesn't do anything in this movie but boy am I glad to see him in preparation for the next movie.
Andrea lives in a dirty clothes hamper. Did she have something going with Josh and that's why she's so sad that she buries herself in his dirty undies? Gross. Are they steps or fulls? Still though. She remembers to say goodbye. So, Buddy runs in front of the bus to college knowing that when his bones crunch beneath the tires it will stop. But it stops sooner than that. They say goodbye and Josh leaves forever.
Now Andrea's the star! She needs to figure out a sport to play for the spring for some reason but is TOTALLY incompetent despite once being a decent soccer player coached by a real fake British person! She ends up on the co-ed baseball team because Tammy is a rockstar on the field. She's the best shortstop I've ever seen, that's why they make her catcher.
Andrea rides the pinepony (as usual despite the team only having exactly enough players). Why is Andrea so bad? Because they never once practice. She sits on the bench for three games while Tammy makes headlines (literal headlines with full color pictures every single game). They never have a practice. Tammy gets hurt so Andrea has to play (The downside of cutting your team numbers so close). Tammy is "just bruised" and out for six weeks. What a wimp. Andrea and Tammy fight about it until a dramatic confrontation between them at Tammy's front door. Well, it would be dramatic except in the background the entire time is Tammy's toddler sibling who is FASCINATED with something going on below their belt and is hardcore busy with that. I can't believe we live in a world where they didn't think they needed to reshoot that scene. Did they? Was that the best take they got? Horrifying.
So Andrea sucks. She loses three straight games for the team (headlines blame her!). Until she spends 20 minutes practicing with Buddy. (Though don't be fooled because they reuse the same shot of Buddy 40 times). It takes 15 attempts to catch fly balls and a dozen practice at-bats before she becomes a decent player. It's outrageous that her coach never considered "practice" as a method of improving skills. Buddy also realizes that he can catch balls flying at 100 mph with his teeth and swing a bat by hilariously turning his head. It's incredible. It's the least appropriate sport for Buddy and he's clearly not capable of it, but that doesn't stop them!
In the meantime the baddies (Chef Paul Prudhomme) want to kidnap the puppies to test their genetics to see why they're so good at sports. It's actually a pretty noble endeavor and if they weren't operating out of a streamline trailer then the puppies would probably just donate some blood to discover that. Maybe they still would have if they ever considered asking. It's so needless in the end really. They drive a crappy car because they're poor. The crappy car ends up a plot point because it drives slow enough two girls can ride their bikes after it. After they kidnap the puppies the impotent sheriff of the town calls people by the wrong names, threatens to shoot random innocent people, and posts posters. In short, he's worthless. Rocky Raccoon would have been a better sheriff. If he wasn't a baddie that is.
In the meantime, with Andrea kickin' butt the Timberwolves are going to the championship! (That losing streak as usual doesn't keep them out). I sure hope something doesn't occur so that Buddy is late to the game. (There is still nothing in the rulebook that says a dog can't play baseball. Though who can imagine that a DOG would ever play a game that 100% requires hands?). He is late. They save the kidnapped puppies through a mix of both breaking and entering. The dogs run away because they're dogs and dogs have that ability.
Andrea, Tammy, and Buddy are late and nobody cares. Their families are at the game looking back and forth across the field but never standing up or looking or anything. Everyone in town is at the game, all of the puppies' owners (all childless adults) seem obsessed with Middle School intramural baseball. It's kind of terrifying. What are they even doing there? Maybe that's the only way to soothe their sadness about losing their dogs/employees (one dog pumps gas). The coach barely even cares. They're playing a man down on the field and the umpire (mailman) is not on their side (despite being obsessed with buddy).
Josh comes back after taking a taxi from college. I don't know where he goes to school, but I do know that since it isn't in Fernfield proper that taxi ride probably cost over $60. Andrea would have preferred the money. He only makes it for the last inning though. That's right, the only person later to the game than Buddy was Josh. Buddy arrives and wins the game.
Later he plays in the final game in the World Series. Or the whole game. For the Angels, a team completely unable to win without external help.
Air Bud 3: World Pup (2000)
More like Air Bud: Where Pups?
Of all the movies in the "Air Bud" franchise, this is certainly one of them. It has a huge advantage over the other's right up front—Soccer is a sport a dog could legitimately play. It's low to the ground, the ball fits between a dog's legs, it's high speed, and you can use your face. Arguably it's a little physical for them but seriously who is going to slide tackle a dog? I was very concerned he wasn't wearing shin-guards though, and maybe a mask. There could have been a serious injury to our beloved Buddy.
But we should get to the movie itself. The baddies here are dog catchers I think. They drive a dog catcher van and seem to be at the beginning. But then their motivation is unclear later. They make it their mission to catch "Baby" the lady dog of the film. Why? Initially because she loses her collar, and then
I don't know. I can't figure out when they switch from doing their jobs to being baddies but they are suddenly jamming puppies into a hamper to sell. It's very confusing.
Not as confusing as a Swiss Army knife with a dog whistle in it. But that exists in this movie. No, it seriously does. It's vital to the plot. I searched the internet but couldn't find one, if someone does I would love to have it. Why didn't he just give him a standard whistle around his neck like every other dog movie? He never uses the knife function.
Cruella Deville would have been a more effective villain.
To the rest of the movie
so Buddy meets a girl dog! Baby is a darker lady (Buddy got that jungle fever) in a rich family (Buddy is a gold diggah). He dates her behind his family's back, because as cool as Josh has been about Buddy being the only one competent in sports, he knows they'd never approve of their relationship. Though at least they'll be pure-breds am I right? I can't imagine the shock if Buddy met a black lab.
So, the current oldest child has to play a sport already. Josh is still around so we'll have him do it. First, Andrea has started playing on the soccer team. And that team has zero dogs the entire movie because she isn't the oldest. YOU WAIT YOUR TURN ANDREA!
She's coached by "megahottie" (according to Josh) Elizabeth Tudor. Elizabeth is a rich British girl with a terrible fake accent. The actress was born in Florida, I have trouble believing she's even been to England. It's just
terrible. I can't even tell why she's British. Because she's rich and likes soccer?
Anyway, Josh is immediately smitten (or terrifyingly obsessed depending on your point of view). He watches her. Non-stop. Every practice. Well, the camera acts like it's her. Maybe it was actually one of the little girls.
Then they form a soccer team. They're not good. Josh joins so that he can watch Elizabeth some more.
Later, Josh finally goes to a party at her house (discovering she was rich) and takes advice from a kid who might literally have a mental delay. He spends every game standing in front of the opposing goal (no off-sides call?) hoping the ball bounces of him in a beneficial way. Luckily, it seems to do so a surprising amount. It's a terrifying look into the world before you could search the internet for "how to talk to girls".
Anyway, Buddy decides to play soccer. I skipped a bunch but I'm on a word count limit here, and it's a Buddy movie you can fill in the details. He's great. As well he should be for the reasons discussed supra. They win games. BUT WAIT! There's something in the rulebook that says that dogs can't play soccer! Or, they add it to the rulebook. Or something. The point is when one player can't play they disqualify the entire team. After letting them drive all the way to an away game. "This dog has played for two other Fernfield High teams!"
This is short lived as the evil commissioner has a change of heart after his kid calls him a wimp. Dogs can play soccer again! This entire exchange has all the tension of finding a jersey for Buddy. We all know he's going to play, it's in the title. You never think "will he or won't he" you think "how much of the movie are we going to spend with this?".
Also, Buddy has puppies in this time. No one questions the fact that he's been sleeping with this dog secretly while they aren't married. No one questions either family for not spaying or neutering their pets. Baby is just suddenly "not feeling well" and then crapping 8-week-old puppies all over the place. They come out 8-weeks-old and grow to be a year old within the next two weeks of soccer tension. The cover indicates that they might play soccer, but they never do. They just get their own jerseys and play amongst themselves. Why not? Josh's team has zero subs and we've established dogs can play. Might as well flesh out the rest of the team. I can't imagine how they're running so much otherwise.
Thing happen with the puppies, the Brit, Buddy, and Josh are late. How did they even play without them? They don't have any subs. Anyway
They win the championship! Shocker. Buddy is always such a hero. So now he can be called upon by adults. It's World Cup time luckily (if he had to wait three years for the next World Cup he'd die). It's a shootout which leads you to think we're going to have Buddy take that final shot. But he plays goalie! Which
WHY?!?! He never played goalie before! I died a little inside right then.
Air Bud: Spikes Back (2003)
More like Air Bud: Set Backs
First, the movie lost a star because of the inaccurate title. Buddy is a setter not a spiker. They even note that fact in the movie.
It was succinct and non-stop. Very little happened in the movie that didn't add to a character's motivation or advance the plot. Unless you consider the plot to be "Buddy plays volleyball" then nothing advances the plot the entire movie. That overlooks the true plot of the movie though, "Buddy robs a... museum?"
The subplot of the movie focuses on Marv and Stretch trying to steal a tennis ball sized piece of glass cut like a diamond from what is either a summer camp office, a ranger station, or a museum with a lot of sensors and a stereotypical fat rent-a-cop. How do you get past the lasers? A dog of course.
But, they fail. After setting off the laser they escape but have to chase Buddy and are recognized by the guard from casing the joint (or working in their daily job or something).
That's the first problem with the plan. It's unnecessary. Their main conflict could have been solved with a mask and some sprinting ability. They wasted weeks trying to dognap an MVP because they overestimated the security response. Sloppy.
The second is why Buddy? They saw him display the two skills necessary for the task (ducking and grabbing a ball) while his owner stood and made weird faces (the prize in this competition between an adult and a child was ice cream coupons, which is great for Kevin, whose primary diet is ice cream but would have been a real bummer for the adult if they won). That's helpful, but why not just get a new dog and train him on their own? A stranger's dog isn't going to behave for you. They spent a lot of time and money watching a little boy (risky if the town had more than a single elderly police officer). The plan wouldn't have worked if there were a leash law. If there was one, Buddy's owners simply didn't care.
They could have been successful had they taken a little extra time to think it through. They end up locked in the back of a police car in the sun on the beach while the officer officiates a volleyball game. Possibly to perish.
The other plot focuses on Buddy's owners, Kevin and Kat. Kevin is a toddler who is in charge of training Buddy and advancing the plot through negligence. Kat is a teen girl who is left behind when her best-friend moves to Kalifornia. Her parents won't pay to visit, so they're probably on the East coast. The only stale moment in this rip-roaring plot is a montage of her attempts to make money. Though it has more negligence from Kevin as he allows a dog to suffer a rash after heavy shampooing without rinsing.
Eventually through classic hijinks Kat has to use the money to payback merchants after Kevin let the dogs out and they destroyed some junk (and gave these shifty beach merchants a chance to gouge a child "let's round it up..." before skipping town). With a heavy heart, she writes Veronica a letter and tells her she won't be coming to Kalifornia (why a letter? It's 2003, she can get on AIM and chat with her. This question isn't explored).
So, instead of visiting California she hangs out with the whifro kid who moved into Veronica's house (Jughead). He plays volleyball. When a member of his team dies or something he tells Coach (an overenthusiastic 90s caricature who has more visors that say "Coach" on them than most people have shoes--maybe because it's his actual name and they're monogrammed) to let her play because he wants to "serve her" his "spike". Buddy teaches her how to play. Some would argue she should have learned earlier; some are right but the issue is never explored. Some would argue she shouldn't let a dog teach her sports, but have you seen Buddy's resume?
She plays and they do well. Or they lose. I think both occurred. They lose the last game, Betty--the team's "setter"--leaves the team to buy a sports bra. They need a fifth man! Luckily, there's nothing in the rulebook that says a dog can't play volleyball (well, no one ever checks, but the opposing team "Mouserat" never brings it up). So Buddy plays and does well. Now it's the one game tournament!
Buddy is late because he had to escape Marv and Stretch. The team was doing well (behind by three) despite being a man down and Buddy only touches the ball twice for the victory. You won't notice though because you'll be so pumped that Buddy is finally playing volleyball AND THEY'RE GOING TO THE CHAMPIONSHIP.
Well, Buddy is. And Kat is there with Veronica. Oh because it's in Kalifornia. But Buddy is playing doubles with an adult we've never seen before despite the play-in game being teams with children. They should have spent a minute explaining any of this. They don't. The movie ends suddenly and all you have left are questions.
Overall, you just spent more time reading this review than it would have taken you to watch the movie. Don't be afraid to watch this movie, it will be over before you realize and since the whole thing is available on YouTube/Amazon for free there's no excuse. Unless they cut parts out. Which I'd believe because tons of it didn't make sense. If nothing else, every moment is worth it for Jughead's whifro.
Oh! That reminds me. Jughead skateboards. It's a big thing in the movie. I have no idea why.
The biggest downside of the movie is that Buddy plays fewer minutes of volleyball than it took you to load the IMDb homepage. Don't watch at your own risk.