Lightseven Reviews

The Christmas Classic (2023)

Gross, with some good actors.

[1/10 · 18 December 2023]

I was hopeful for another decent holiday movie with comedy and charm, a great plot line and some romance.

What I got?

More than 40 dick jokes and a deep concern for one of the child actors. Never in my life would I have expected to hear a child be forced to say "would 6 inches make you happy, mommy?".

GROSS.

Was this supposed to be a parody? What was the point of this movie? To humiliate Malin and Amy? A waste of money and resources as far as I'm concerned. For anyone trying to avoid chauvinistic movies with dick innuendoes every 2 minutes- don't waste your time with this film.

If a parody this was to be, you missed the mark entirely.

Streets of Fire (1984)

If You're Stoned, this is awesome

[6/10 · 18 June 2021]

But, if you're not, you're going to be wondering which decade this is supposed to be taking place in this kitchy film.. Elements of 1950s greater world, 60s bikers, 80s hair and fashion. It's a beautiful mess. Fun to see singers, actors who later went on to great fame, but here they are 20 and 30 year olds overacting and corny schmaltzing it up like there's no tomorrow. Its a film meant to capture Michael Pare and Diane Lane's beauty at it's freshest. Man, if Michael had been born 20 years later he would have been THE actor of this era. Ahead of his time and mis-directed. Watch it. Just put it into a cheese fantasy category and enjoy Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.

Looking their perfect best in an over acted.

Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)

One fatal flaw...

[9/10 · 27 December 2020]

The film opens with a mercy mission. Trying to stop a volcano from erupting and destroying a fledgling civilization. Instead of using thier superior intelligence and simply dropping the cold fusion device into the volcano from the air, they send Spock inside the volcano to manually set the device; nearly dying and causing the Enterprise to reveal itself to this culture, violating the prime directive. Next time, lob the device from a distance...

Wynonna Earp (2016–2021)

What planet are these reviewers from?

[10/10 · 18 September 2018]

This show, the acting and especially the writing are stellar. The story line is intriguing, the lead character is a perfectly messed up hero of the best kind. The dialog is smart and often hilarious and it gets better as you continue watching. Someone mentioned Van Helsing as a better show. Dear gods, I couldn't get through a single episode of the show because it was so terrible.

Give Earp a chance. You may find yourself sucked into the Ghost Triangle willingly.

The Good Witch's Wonder (2014 TV Movie)

Wardrobe Question

[8/10 · 24 October 2015]

I love these movies. They're charming and interesting and I look forward to new ones each year. Here's my question. Why does wardrobe give clothing that looks like they came from a Goodwill store in 1955 to the step daughter who is supposed to be an attractive college student? And why do they dress the grown soon like a 15 year old high school sophomore (red hoodies? Really?) As he's planning hours impromptu wedding because he's a man who can make his own decisions. The clothing they provide for *Cassie* are gorgeous so they do have access to better options. These are popular films. Please take the time to dress all the key characters in clotting that supports the roles they are supposed to be playing.

The Fault in Our Stars (2014)

Disney Version

[6/10 · 17 June 2014]

I loved the book. Let me say that again. I LOVED the book. The movie, though it had some charming moments and they did salvage a couple of good bits of dialog, felt as if someone went through the story with a big Disney-After School Special sponge and scrubbed away all the edges that made the book so unique.

Where was the snappy sass and witty repartee from Augustus when we meet him at the support group? In the book, his ease at teasing his soon to be blind friend was appalling and fantastic in equal measure and it set the tone for the reality of people living with cancer. They do not want pity and they wish, more than anything, that people wouldn't edit every freaking thing they say in their company because they will miss the good jokes when they do.

Where was the family gathering after Gus got out of the hospital and the cloying, sympathetic behavior of siblings and extended family that was so brilliantly exposed and demolished by Hazel & Gus's funny exchange in front of them all?

If they took the time to put thought bubbles over heads while texting, why didn't they just let Hazel narrate the deeper thoughts that easily could have been laced throughout the film?

And how the heck did the screenplay writer, the director and anyone else who read this miss the HUGE significance of the reading of kids names at the support group who had died? The singular moment they should have gone for a good cry from the audience should have been hearing Augustus's name echo out in that "Heart of Jesus" room and it would have been THE moment it all came together. But no. It either never got filmed or it's sitting on the cutting room floor. I could have done with less - way too long-dramatics when her parents got the call and the whole emotional bundle would have been offered at the name reading.

For any teens who saw this film and "Loved it!" 10 Stars! Hearts & Flowers! I encourage you to wait about ten, twenty, thirty years and read the book...again. You will, as an adult, finally understand the depth of what you have in your hands and when you re-watch this vanilla, cutesy teen love story film, you'll give it the six it deserves.

It could have been so much more if the screenwriters hadn't pulled their punches to dumb down the dialog for a larger audience. Really too bad. Oh, and the actors were great given the cold meatloaf they were handed to work with.

Metal Hurlant Chronicles (2012–2014)

Boys S & V Club

[3/10 · 16 April 2014]

I wish there was a network where all the Sex & Violence heavy shows could go hang out and jerk off together.

There is room for sexual content in Science Fiction to be sure. The nature of graphic novel to film usually means that the Jessica Rabbit/Surgically altered female characters become more human/less plastic filled sex toys (as in the film treatment of Lara Croft story lines where Angelina wore some bra fillers to make her boobs look bigger) The kill & screw scenes of these Sex & Violence festivals are certainly, filling a fetish need for a lot of basement dwelling males, but they are sucking up marketing and promotional dollars that could be spent making GOOD Sci-Fi that a wider audience can enjoy.

I can't even watch this show without imagining a creeper neighbor boy drooling over the silicone boulder tits and the violent fantasy of tossing women around like garbage before and after you've violated them. Nice message to send to a world where ONE IN FOUR WOMEN IS RAPED...FOR REAL.

The story line is weak, the special effects are left overs from a mishmash of prop warehouses from the 1980's and I'm waiting for the Lost In Space era robots to say, "Danger Will Robinson! Gratuitous sex and violence ahead!" UGH. I've watched my one and only episode of this crap show.

The Five-Year Engagement (2012)

Please fricking stop with the stupid Michigan "humor"

[8 September 2012]

I love these actors, which is why I rented this movie. I also live in Michigan, so I was interested to see how Ann Arbor would be portrayed in a film.

Just so we're clear, Ann Arbor is NOT the backwoods of anywhere. Yes there are hunters in Michigan. There are also hunters in California. There are trailer dwellers and there are simple people with no social graces in Michigan. There are also trailer dweller and simple people with no social graces in California. Yes, Zingermann's is a local deli. There are also some really excellent restaurants in the area that rival San Francisco restaurants anyday. I am so freaking tired of seeing my state portrayed as a place where only brain damaged mouth breathers live.

The script was incredibly weak and even these superb actors couldn't drag it out of a the sludge of tedium it is drowning in.

The Newsroom (2012–2014)

Witness to genius

[10/10 · 24 June 2012]

I've been watching television for all of my 57 years on the planet. It is a rare thing when I see a show that grabs me from the first moments and holds me to my chair until the very last, but this just happened tonight as I watched the first episode of The Newsroom. Brilliant writing, terrific characters, excellent dialog, smooth and sexy directing that organically brought all the pieces together, and there couldn't have been better casting. Every character just felt exactly right. When it was over, I said this will be the new West Wing. Jeff Daniels shines in this role and what a great opportunity to showcase his effortless acting. I can easily see major Hollywood "A" listers grabbing their telephone's right now making late Sunday night calls to their agents demanding they get a guest appearance on The Newsroom. I was hoping for good when I heard about this show last winter, but what was delivered was excellence. Well done HBO. You've got me hooked. Well done!

For Lovers Only (2011)

This will break your heart...and maybe heal it

[9/10 · 14 July 2011]

Ahh...love. So what happens when the "one that got away" is right there in front of you and your life, now, is far away? Do you turn and walk away or do you dive in again, head first and follow far past the distance you can swim? What a beautiful film. What a beautiful fantasy. What a sweet, sad situation that so many of us can relate to. Brava for taking us along on this lush and dreamy affair. It brought back memories of long ago and far away and left me playing the "what if" game for the rest of the weekend. The actors were perfect, the dialogue spot on, the scenery fabulous and the choice of filming in black and white leaves so much more room for our imagination to stretch the story over any period of time. Watch it alone first, and if you are brave, watch it with someone else, if you are prepared to talk about periods of your life that you haven't decided to share yet.

Certified Copy (2010)

Before Sunrise Light

[3/10 · 2 June 2011]

Scenery=gorgeous. Juliette=gorgeous Dialog=sophomoric drivel. This is a thinly veiled attempt to recreate the You-Are-There film style done so well, years ago, by Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy in BEFORE SUNRISE. Though the camera work is similar and the extended scenes that require improvised dialog filling out what might have been a bare bones script is the same, the lead characters fail to say anything important that keeps the viewer with them. They just aren't as clever or interesting as Hawke and Delpy and trying to be when you're not is just sad.

I kept waiting for this to get interesting and there was a moment, after Juliette's character has a conversation with an Italian woman in a restaurant about her "husband" where I thought there was going to be a fantastic element of surprise; was he a memory only? Did her son die in a car accident of her causing? No. Just more inane drivel.

The man is supposedly holding on to some stash of anger about her near auto accident and how it endangered their child, yet this same self absorbed windbag didn't even acknowledge the kid when he was in the same room with him earlier. So which is it? He adored his child so much that he left his wife (and the "endangered" child in her sole custody) or he doesn't really give a crap about anything but himself and he used the near accident as an excuse to weasel out of a marriage he didn't want in the first place? This guy is supposedly an expert in antiques- which requires a pretty damn good memory for details to be able to place pieces in their proper time period and to match them with their designers. This idiot can't even remember the town let alone the hotel where he was married and spent his honeymoon only 15 years earlier. What? God help his "antiques" customers if they have anything older than a year or two if his memory is so bad. It's a wonder we can see his face at all given that his head is so far up his own rear end.

The dialog is scotch taped together, disconnected and boring. There are tears (hers), there is distance (his, there are longing looks (hers) What we are expected to receive as deep and thought provoking just isn't. It ended abruptly like they ran out of film or money or the editor decided to play a game on XBox and forgot to add the scene that made all of this a cohesive project.

They should have let Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy write and direct this film and they would have had a little jewel.

It makes me want to ask French film makers who are inspired to do this style of film to just try fashion design instead and save us all the $8.00 and the antacids.

Ricky Gervais: Out of England 2 - The Stand-Up Special (2010 TV Special)

Funny funny funny

[10/10 · 12 January 2011]

I love this guy. He says every snarky thing that goes through our heads, only he says it out loud. Sooooo funny. Rude? Yes. True?

His Noah reading, the whole fat segment, the Flying after 9/11- so bitingly, brutally honest that it is hilarious.

Ricky Gervais is not only a brilliant comic but he's a brilliant human being. His inquiry into the things we lose in our peripheral vision any given day makes me also stop when seeing some incongruous item strolling past me while whistling and I find myself thinking, "Hold on a minute! Did you just do what I think you did?"

He's so right, that there is no area of comedy that should not be explored. You should be able to joke about any and everything; it just depends what that joke is. Ricky entertained for an hour and throughout managed to be both outrageous and to not be cruel.

Some topics may make you blush if you're sitting with a prude watching this, but that's OK,it's on HBO On Demand and you can just watch it again, alone, after the prude leaves and laugh your @@s off like you wanted to the first time.

Heroes (II) (2006–2010)

Peter needs all his powers back or he can't save the show...

[5/10 · 5 April 2010]

I think a major blow was dealt to Heroes when Peter had his powers removed. Being able to access only one at a time tips the balance with the storytelling into a mundane, dragged out, let's get this over with vibe. Get the original writers together, lock them in a cabin for two weeks and make them watch the first season all the way through before they start writing anything new. THAT was amazing. THAT was phenomenal. THAT was deserving of every word of praise. Make it fresh again or end this show before it goes the way of other formerly well written shows like Gilmore Girls, which ended in a bums rush to make a corporate deadline instead of a natural wrapping up of lives we came to know.

Battlestar Galactica: The Plan (2009 Video)

Spoiler of a spoiled project

[4/10 · 28 October 2009]

I love the Battlestar Gallactica Series and I really like the Caprica film and I'm looking for ward to the series this January.

I bought The Plan and I'm watching it right now. I gotta say, it's like someone on the crew got permission to play "director" and they took a hodge podge of moments from the entire series and scotch taped them together.

It feel like Dean Stockwell insisted on making this so he could be a Darth Vader character who has his own "lead" in a movie. Andhis character is the least interesting of anyone on the entire show. He's just this whiney, vindictive weasel with not a single redeeming quality. Hardly a lead.

My favorite characters are put through some really lame dialog and some cheesy dramatic moments just for more face time. I'm disappointed.

Please, BSG powers that be, if you are going to make another movie based on this story, please take the time and care to do it right.

If you haven't bought this yet, don't bother. Borrow it. Watch it. Forget it.