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mhtaylor
Reviews
Dead Above Ground (2002)
my kind of film!
OK, first of all, I consider myself to be a fan of B Movies, so I shant write this as if I actually intended to enjoy the film in the least. And Ill tell you right now, this movie didn't disappoint me; a small piece of my soul died while watching Dead Above Ground.
The movie itself takes place in a very rich suburb of California, and nearly everyone around has ties to the film making business. I noticed a sign somewhere that said it was called Bay City, but after a thirty seconds of Google, I couldn't find out if Bay City, CA was real or not. And frankly, I don't care. I will just assume it is in Orange County, because that makes me feel a little less disturbed when teenagers die.
Anyway, the movie starts with some director and his wife being murdered. This is totally irrelevant until the last few minutes of the movie, when weaker souls will have already walked out.
Flash-forward a few months and we meet our main characters: Jeffery, the incredibly angry goth-kid; Zara, the goth chick who adores Jeffery; Mr. Hadden the bumbling teacher/principal; Dillon, the poor jock kid; Kelly, the cheerleader; Monster, the incredibly annoying, incredibly white guy who is really nerdy and acts like a gangsta; some black kid; and a slew of other not noteworthy teenagers. Basically everyone listed follows their respective stereotypes to a T, and don't need to describe any of them further.
Anyway, they are all in a class where they make documentaries, and they watch the Goth-Kids. Surprise, surprise, his film is a fake snuff film, portraying someone else in the class (kelly?...) Everyone gets upset, there's yelling and fighting, and the goth kid says a barrage of random trash. Honestly, every time this kid opened his mouth, I wanted to vomit, just for an excuse to leave the room.
So they decide that hes probably insane, and he tries to fight people. For some reason, it cuts to a party scene at the professors house and Jeffery says something ridiculous, pushes a girl into the pool, then David fights with him for a while, i had a hernia, and then Jeffery drives off in a fury, David follows him, and Jeffery ends up dying.
Some people hold séances, and some ravens fly around, Jeff comes back from the grave and makes people die, and a detective shows up and shoves his fist up other peoples ...
Our detective is so oblivious to the world around him, that I think he would improve his record by choosing suspects out of a hat. For instance, when the coach dies (which is cool by the way because the coach is an ass clown), the killer tapes up a picture of Mr. Hadden. Guess who Detective Dimwit brings in the next day? yeah... the logical choice, Mr. Hadden. I always thought leaving pictures of yourself at the scene of the crime was a very good idea, like a calling card. I know I do it whenever I kill someone.
Anyway, there are some very good one-liners in this film, and they really make the movie. As per usual with most b flicks. Listen to Monsters talk about PMS and pretty much everything Jeffery says closely. The very best part of this movie was when I remembered that I had some juice in the fridge and I went up and got it. Apparently i missed something boring, and I had juice for a while. Tres Sweet.
Also noteworthy is that the actor who portrayed Dr. Boon, Lisa Ann Hadley, was also a character in Infested, which is a great bad flick about bug-spray and bad relationships. Watch it tonight.
A Crack in the Floor (2001)
A little irked at the production people for this one... (minor spoiler)
OK, this follows the plot line of almost any no-fail-direct-to-video b movie. Group of kids following a few of the stock archetypes (stoners, oversexed girls and their horny boyfriends, idiot leader, cliché pseudo-intellectuals... et cetera) are out on some voyage. Our director chose one of the more popular type: camping. So they go out camping, have a rough start, meet Gary Busey (THIS IS CRUCIAL!!!), and set out into misadventure. Of course, they end up staying in a cabin that belongs to Jeremiah.
Luckily for the audience, Jeremiah starts to remove from society our lovable youthful cast, as per every b flick. For the most part the movie was done really well. Scenes to remember include: Harold, the Janitor, and his criticism of modern amenities and philosophy; Every scene with the Sheriff or his bumbling deputy; and the chicken store/gas station.
At the chicken farm, Gary Busey stars as the butcher in one of his best rolls ever. He is witty, nutty, covered in blood, and best of all, in a light blue three piece suit and tie. Bam, phenomenal. Honestly, he was the entire reason I rented the film. When it comes down to choosing from Hasting's array of B Horror movies, touting Gary Busey is important. Especially when he is THE FIRST CREDITED ON THE BACK. In the synopsis on the case, it even makes mention of his character. -- hardcore -- or so I thought...
Attention, spoiler to follow: Gary Busey is in this movie for approximately two minutes. He makes those two minutes worth it, but I spent the ENTIRE DURATION OF THE FILM WAITING FOR HIM TO SHOW UP AGAIN... and he never does. This pisses me off to no end because his NAME WAS FIRST CREDITED AND HIS PICTURE IS ON THE DVD CASE. Yes, on the DVD jacket cover, Gary Busey's picture is two to three times larger than the actual stars of the film. I figure in the world of 'super size' and 'texas' bigger is better and more important. Well, apparently I was had because Gary Busey (who is credited as the star of the movie... or so it seemed) is a bit part and he NEVER COMES BACK. Gentle reader, please do not expose yourself to this example of capitalist crap. Instead, let me direct you to a much better film: House of the Dead.
House of the Dead is based off the Arcade Game of the same name (yes, the one we all spent our allowance in at Aladdin's Castle). At any rate, there are zombies (which make much better villains than Jeremiah any day), guns, fake raves, the Puget Sound, and Jürgen Prochnow. The best part of the movie is that it advertises Jürgen Prochnow (yes, THE Jürgen Prochnow from Das Boot) and Jürgen makes the movie worth watching. Also, hes in the flick for a decent amount of time, esp. for a bit part.
Love, Matt