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Reviews
Roadkill (2024)
YEAH, RIGHT
I watched this based on a favorable review by Robert Daniels from the New York Times. Remember when the NYT used to be a reliable source for arts and culture? Those days are apparently gone. Their so-called "genre experts" will positively review anything to fill their quotas. This piece of garbage had one thing, and only one thing going for it, that being the photography. Hence, the one star rating. Everything else, and I mean everything was about what you'd expect from a movie distributed by Uncorked Films, which seems to be a major source for Amazon Prime movies (which just one of many reasons why I no longer watch Prime movies, the others including their price increase and commercials). All the kill scenes used amateur effects (as in maybe high school quality). But the worst offense is believing that some 90 pound twig thin angry misandrist woman could be the antagonist. Another pathetic plug for creating a completely unrealistic, unbelievable and unsympathetic story of female revenge on the cruel, cruel world they are so unjustly subjected to. Just horrible filmmaking irregardless of the skewed social commentary absurdly applied in a cheap and easy way to get this dreck made at all.
13 exorcismos (2022)
Best Possession Themed Movie In Decades
Well, finally, a new possession themed movie that I actually like enough to recommend. Naturally, it's NOT a Hollywood made movie. It's a Spanish film called, 13 Exorcismos, which means 13 Exorcisms. Spanish with English subtitles, and it's pretty grim from beginning to end. The story goes into the "eternal battle" of church vs. Medicine in trying to help a girl who deteriorates drastically after encountering the spirit of a really horrible murderer at a seance on Halloween. You'd think kids would know better by now, but it's actually a pretty scary setup and the rest of the film follows the girl's violent and vicious self destruction while her mother and father and psychologist and priest argue over who's best to save her, the church or the hospital. I differ from the other review in thinking that the mood and atmosphere of this film was consistently foreboding and menacing throughout, aided by an effective soundtrack and steady pacing. I felt it was really the first original possession themed movie in decades and the ending is tragic. Unfortunately, I don't think it's available on most of the streaming services, even though it was made in 2022. I doubt it got much if any of a US release, but hopefully will show up someday on a popular streaming service.
Dead Ringers (2023)
I Get It, Women Have Vaginas
Quite possibly, in my humble opinion, the worst remake or reimagining of a brilliant original movie ever. Yes, even worse then the remake of House of Wax. In fact this sloppy mess makes the House of Wax remake seem like an epic. I have always had the highest regard for Rachel Weisz, but now after seeing this I must place her at the top of the Worst Remake of a Movie Ever list. It's shameful and criminal that people are allowed by Hollywood (and especially Netflix and Amazon) to take material which holds such genuine mastery and daring and effectiveness and excellent storytelling and holds a place in cinematic history like David Cronenberg's brilliant 1988 Dead Ringers, and turn it into something so completely unrelated, uninteresting, insulting, and unimaginatively conceived, as this horrible endeavor. The original Dead Ringers I admit was not everyone's cup of tea, but to me that movie and its story builds to one of cinemas most horrific and disturbing catharsis of any movie ever made. Jeremy Irons was brilliant, Geneviève Bujold was equally fantastic, and of course under the genius of David Cronenberg's direction and vision that movie will hold its place for decades to come. This abortion of a remake will hold its place, too, only in the dark and disgraceful dungeon of movie projects that should never have been greenlighted. I think there was great potential for this movie to be explored from a woman's point of view, but instead was absolutely butchered and lost any real, visceral meaning by the team headed by Rachel Weisz. Shame on Amazon for allowing this project to be filmed. Yet, it may hopefully serve as a warning for future projects that attempt to retell a classic story of how not to destroy it.
Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023)
Missed Opportunity
The outrage is more than justified over Winnie The Pooh: Blood And Honey, not because it blasphemes the sanctity of A. A. Milne's "beloved" Winnie The Pooh, but because they obliterated the possibility of making a great Winnie The Pooh horror movie by making this grotesquely BAD movie instead. Had this been directed by Alexandre Aja (the 2006 remake of The Hills Have Eyes), or Marcus Nispel (the 2003 remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre), the potential for a wildly disturbing and terrifying dark adult fable might have been achieved. An inexcusable missed opportunity. AND they're already making the sequel. Ugh, I feel damned for all eternity for having watched this.
Cocaine Bear (2023)
Even Two Stars Is Extremely Generous
So, in a word, Cocaine Bear: supercalifragilisticexpialiCRAPSCIOIS! God, what a let down. Honestly, I feel cheated and betrayed. I do not understand why so many places have given it rave reviews. "Lake Placid" remains the champ of wildlife monster movies. I need to microwave my head to burn away the memory of ever having watched this. I was REALLY disappointed. 90% of the acting/writing was terrible. The "violence" was there, but even though people had their arms torn off or their legs, or their guts, or fingers, or heads, there was very little actual blood just a gash or a stump which made all those scenes seem not only unrealistic, but also rendered them devoid of any shock or gross factor as well. Honestly, I've seen better Troma films. And the two main kids were also crappy actors, especially the "boy". I guess having kids swear automatically makes for a hilarious cinematic experience. NOTE TO CASTING DIRECTORS: THERE ARE REALLY GOOD CHILD ACTORS OUT THERE! The scenes of the bear were the only decent scenes in the entire film. Overall the best thing by far I can say about the movie was that I didn't pay for it thanks to free passes as part of a VIP movie theater membership. Just felt angry and cheated afterwards. And the fact that it was Ray Liotta's last film makes it even sadder.
Sick (2022)
A SICK, SOLID SLASHER
I wasn't expecting to watch more than a few minutes of this film, but ended up sticking with it all the way. Despite the obvious comparisons which will be made to Scream, this movie stands on its own as a solidly crafted slasher film ticking off all the right elements to create a bloody tale of knife wielding killers wreaking violent and brutal terror upon a quartet of unsuspecting college friends first in a dorm room, then primarily in an isolated mountain lodge. The violence is savage and relentless and never weakened by adolescent humor or any kind of gratuitous sentimentality. Using COVID as both a backdrop for fear and catalyst for mayhem may seem less valid with the passing of the pandemic, but writer Kevin Williamson infuses the story with a fierce and unrelenting pace from the opening scene to the movie's scorching finale. A very impressive addition into the slasher abattoir of fame.
The Adam Project (2022)
Slick Syfy Schtick With No Substance
Ok, so, The Adam Project, let me see ...... Well, the best thing I can say about it was that the actor who plays the kid was actually pretty good. Ryan Reynolds was his usual goofy charming self, and the rest of the actors were also good. Super slick CGI and lots of zesty fight scenes, but the entire time continuum plot was completely implausible. Lots of scenes of soul searching family values and the pros and cons of playing God during which the action took a back seat that required yet another heavy handed SFX spaceship chase or quantum core meltdown to remind us that we were supposedly watching a Syfy action flick. So, not a total gag me with a proton torpedo movie, but maybe just enough of a premise to make you wish time travel was real so you could reset the last one hour and forty-six minutes to rewatch (insert your favorite Syfy movie here) instead.
Ash & Dust (2022)
An Avalanche Into Rage and Despair
Ash & Dust takes the murder revenge story and paints it in three primary colors: white for the absence of hope, black for the finality of death, and red for the bloody consequences of fury. There are no zippy comic relief one liners, no superhuman feats of courage or strength, no Hail Mary miraculous escapes, no perfunctory child in distress, no super villain to outsmart, and no hope in hell for salvation. Made even more melancholoc by a perfectly scored soundtrack, Ash & Dust accomplishes something rarely seen in today's eggshell sidestepping movies, a fierce and unapologetic depiction of death.
American Rust (2021)
Utterly Compelling and Moving Story
I loved this series. All of the characters are richly drawn and superbly acted. Jeff Daniels' performance in particular is worthy of an award, but so too were the performances of the entire cast. The series finale was a brilliant example of how life does not always tie everything up in a neat, satisfactory package, but left a resonant message of both despair and hope. I cannot understand the volume of negative reviews this show garnered in nearly all the major press. Regardless of whether Showtime decides to commit to another series is irrelevant. The series concluded as written by the author. Like so many things in life, it will leave you frustrated, angry, and profoundly in awe of the how we all either succumb or rise above the challenges that test our capacity for compassion and violence.
The Turning (2020)
A DISSERVICE TO HENRY JAMES' ORIGINAL MASTERPIECE
This movie, it, well, I can't put into words exactly why I felt it was one of the most abortive, senseless, maligned and unimaginably misdirected and written films I have ever seen.
Firstly, my opinions are completely based on a comparison between this version of Henry James' Turning Of The Screw, and the 1961 version, The Innocents, starring Deborah Kerr. Other than the fact that they both share the same basic premises -- Governess is hired to look after and teach a pair of wealthy, privileged children, and becomes embroiled in a good vs. evil battle to possess the children's (the "innocents") souls.
Besides those broad plot points, there is no resemblance between the original, brilliantly crafted by Jack Clayton (director), and this senseless, predictable and wholly unimaginative remake. The story veers so far from the original that whereas the original, to this day, remains one of the most chilling and provoking horror movies of all time,The Turning becomes an insult, a hollow deceit.
The ending is absurdly random, and obviously nothing more than a misguided attempt by the director to force some kind of shocking "twist" to justify Universal calling it a "horror" film. More reprehensible still, is the claim that this movie is a re-imagining, or modern interpretation , or an alternate version of Henry James' horrific classic.
I normally would not try to obliterate a film just because I did not personally enjoy it, but when a film as precious as The Innocents is smeared by what many modern audiences will have as their only source by which to form their ignorant assumptions that The Innocents is just another unwatchable Turning of The Screw miscarriage. So, what makes The Turning any more significant than another Hollywood example of settling for mediocrity? This -- because it will indirectly also cause those who see it with no desire, no motivation to see a film which was revelatory and groundbreaking Which in turn may lessen the future chances of a moviegoer to be transported and elevated and gain insights which allow us as a species to evolve and explore.
And that's why I felt the need to hopefully reverse some of the damage The Turning has caused, by encouraging moviegoers to instead, rent, buy or stream The Innocents. Remind yourselves of what it feels like to be entertained. To be transported. And scared.
Skjelvet (2018)
IF THIS MOVIE DOESN'T GIVE YOU A CARDIAC EPISODE, YOU'RE ALREADY FLATLINING
Holy Crap!!!! Just finished watching this, and I am still hardly able to walk due to all the cramps and knotted muscles I suffered watching it unfold to its nerve shattering climax. This is a foreign film so, please, don't go into it expecting any kind of typical US tidily wrapped feel good fuzzy ending. I briefly glanced at some of the other reviews and was appalled at how negative some of them are. Yes, it takes its time building things up, that's not a detractor, it's a panic accelerator because we ALL know where this thing is headed and laying out the detailed background of the main players only makes the beautifully crafted arrival of the Quake all the more gripping. I literally had a tough time sitting through a couple of the real nail biting scenes cuz, man, it was that horrific. I did not know there was a prequel, and do not believe that it's proper to judge one film based on anything but its own merits. Though if it really was as good as some reviewers claim, I can understand the temptation to bemoan the fact that they thought this film was not a worthy continuation of the story. BUT, anyone who claims they were bored or that character development was a detriment? I gotta question their socio-environmental-childhood experiences that could create such disdain for what I thought was a terrifying whiplash elevator to Hell. And yes, there is a particularly hellish elevator scene that was brilliant in its ghastly consequences.
The Pact (2012)
One of the Best Horror Movies of the Decade
I loved this movie. Without going into too much detail, this movie delivered where it counted: scary as heck. No overbearing CGI, no horrible acting, and thank god, no hand held video for that pathetic faux cinéma vérité look. This is a ghost story slash serial killer movie that uses real suspense and creepy setups to produce flesh crawling scares. And the acting is good, not passable, but really good. It is a shame this did not get a wider distribution, while dreck fills the megaplexes. I can't remember the last time a movie really scared me with nothing more than the sound of breathing, nothing more, just breathing and a long, slow walk to a closet door -- and once that door opens -- hell comes out with a vengeance.
Let's Scare Jessica to Death (1971)
Creepiness that stays with you long after the movie ends
Saw LSJTD when I was an impressionistic teenager and have never been able to forget this movie. I have been a horror fan all my life and judge my reviews based on the time tested theory. Even twenty years later, whenever I watch this film, I am left with a deep sense of unease and a nostalgic chill that seeps deep into my bones. The acting is completely natural and unaffected, as if this film were shot without a script. The music is perfectly attuned to the bizarre climate of this isolated hell, as simple and sharp as the old fashioned carving knife used in one of the film's most horrific moments. Zohra Lampert should have received an Oscar nod for her brilliantly subtle portrayal of paranoia and terror. This film set the bar for the psychological horror film, and I have yet to be as affected by another.