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phelana01
Reviews
The Hearse (1980)
Enjoyable but confusing with lots of loose ends
I do enjoy a period. Piece! And this certainly was! It was nice to see some actors who were starting out and then old favorites like Joseph cotton. But the story made no sense. You can check other reviews for the storyline but I'll just say that why was the aunt appearing in the house? Why was she being menaced by the Hearse? Why did her new boyfriend smile before she pushed his car off the cliff in flames? How could he disappear and reappear but couldn't disappear out of the car before it burst into flames? Why was she so nice to everyone and why were they so Snoddy and mean and creepy to her? Why was the preacher so creepy but turned out to be a good guy? Why were Joseph cotton and the kid killed? Why did her new boyfriend first appear as a creepy chauffeur? Why was the sheriff so nasty and unhelpful? Why did she run around all the place in super short short short shorts? Why were the young people shown as such nasty yokels? I'm just used to demanding that all loosens be tied up or at least be told in some way that the loose ends are for the viewer to figure out. This just seems that the editing process left half the story on the editing room floor!
The UnXplained (2019)
I love Shatner!
So many people say the show is okay but they watch it because of Bill Shatner. I'm in that group!! His narration is whimsical yet serious. His hosting is full Shatner! He proves age is just a number. My only hope is that he loves another 86 years. I just know that as time goes on he'll only get better at this. Kfxkgxkgxgxgsi jfxoyxtxtf itdotdittf oyfpyditsitsitsitdohdtdd. Otdotditsitditditditxitxitdoy. Pydoyxkxgxgd
This is what you get when you insist on a500 word review!!!!
How that even a real thing????
So here we go. I was born in Chicago I have Colleen who I love. I rode a motorcycle and drove a car. I love road trips with my dogs. Hmmmmmm.... shatner is the best.
A Haunting in Venice (2023)
Not worth the time and money of a theater ticket
I'd like to give some pros and cons. My husband and I are both big Poirot and Agatha Christie fans. I also really like Kenneth Branagh. What started out as an interesting atmospheric movie with a surprise Tina Fay. Quickly dissolved into a confusing mess of characters, plot lines Storylines set pieces and back stories. Within 10 minutes I pretty much had no idea who anyone was the dialogue was super jumbly the story was visually confusing with people running around and no one actually determining where they were what they were doing or why they were there. Then comes a series of murders. Gruesome and strange. At a hallucinating detective. I wanted to hit the pause button which of course I can't do in a movie theater so that I could take a moment and figure out who the killer was in what was going on. When the killer was revealed it was such a humongous disappointment that all the red herrings we're so unsatisfying. In the original detective stories the plot lines and sidelines and red herrings all were part of other mysteries that also needed to be solved they weren't just there to confuse the viewer. This time it was just to make us more and more dislike everyone in the production. Which I did! I disliked absolutely everybody in this show. Lastly I just want to say that the cartoonish direction was only second in annoyance to the jump scare every 20 seconds! Someone warned me not to go see this if I found jump scares stupid. I'm OK with jump scares but this kind of was still a bit much for me. The whole story was propelled forward using jump scares to get to the next scene. I'm sorry mister Branagh but this was terrible. You're acting in it was marvelous. Tina Faye was terrible as was all the other actors in this except for the little boy who pretty much stole the show I think it should have been just view and the little boy. But anyway, If you read this far I guess I should reiterate don't waste your money going to see this movie you will be horrifically disappointed as I was and the 6 other people in the movie theater with me.
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee: I Wasn't Told About This... (2014)
Painful to watch
I've cried laughing watching Jerry and his guests have fun chatting and enjoyed the comedic banter. But this one with armisen was like getting my teeth drilled. Jerry was trying so hard and Fred just let each volley land flat. I could feel Jerry wanted to just get up and leave him at the coffee shop. What an unfunny weird guy is this fref. Why did he even agree to this? He obviously had no intention of making a good interview. They film quite a bit of material for each show. They only got like 15 minutes of usable material? How bad was the test of this???
I actually felt bad for Jerry. SMH.
The one with Garry standing was hysterical.
Inspector Morse: The Secret of Bay 5B (1989)
Confusing and unresolved
This one starts out with all the seemingly right ingredients for a fun twisty Turney mystery. But you win realize it has too many characters and too many side plots and that it never comes together. At the end of it you don't even know who committed the 1st murder. You're not even sure why any of the murders were committed. You don't know how they were committed or who committed them. And you don't know why all the other characters were introduced and yet never were developed into anything meaningful. There were characters and plots introduced that were dead ends in themselves. All around just a really poor episode. Way too confusing and unresolved to be a satisfying episode. Don't bother watching this one if you love Inspector Morse.
Crimson Peak (2015)
Stinker
I'm a lover of haunted houses, haunted trains, haunted people etc! This had a good premise of evil generating a haunting but the plot holes, poor storytelling and weak dialog were insurmountable. I also love Del Torro but he must have been distracted while making this film. It just didn't hold together even with spooky special effects and really good acting. It tried but failed to haunt me. I'm disappointed.
Knives Out (2019)
Ugh! Too long!
Let me start by saying I knew who the killer was 15 minutes into the movie. The acting was all OK. The sets were OK. The casting was a little unusual. But the story was a stinker! If you couldn't figure out who the killer was in the first 15 minutes you were probably unconscious. There's a segment of the movie about halfway through that's at least 40 minutes too long. I wanted to get up and go sit out in the lobby and wait for it to end. It was so boring and tedious to watch. Save your money on this one. Watch it on TV when it comes out on TV next year.
The Agatha Christie Hour: The Case of the Middle-Aged Wife (1982)
Somewhat predictable but only in the best way
Absolutely love to this episode! All the characters the acting and the writing was beautiful. The sadness Maria feels in the beginning after working so hard and being so diligent for so many years is palpable. Her joy changed with embarrassment having a good time with such a young and handsome man is also easy to be sympathetic 4. But when the young man falls in love with her that's a bit of a surprise. But not when you think about maria's character. She is an amazing woman and very lovable and beautiful. Her husband is in the worst possible way taking her for granted and the life they both worked so hard to build. So now hes gonna go off and enjoy it and forget about her. Like I said, I absolutely loved this episode exclamation
The Lighthouse (2019)
Either I'm an idiot or this was a terrible film
Seriously, I love film and I have two post graduate degrees so what's going on??? The actors were amazing, the sets were striking, the filming was okay... so here's the 'but'... But the script was too weak. Here you have these actors giving their lives up to the screen in period costumes, authentic looking sets and moody filming but the dialogue was both difficult to understand and while you're straining to understand that they just said they say more meaningless stuff and jump around signing and dancing drunk. And then it's daylight and everything has changed. I think someone forgot to read Aristotle's poetics. Things happening out of sequence without purpose. Characters entering the story line without enough information to understand why they are there. And finally only the weakest links to the characters behavior and history to account for them going mad like that. If you don't want to tell a story but just give some randomly connected images to the audience and let them make up their own story, well then okay. But don't charge me for a ticket if I"m making up my own story!! All in all I don't recommend this movie at all. If it was a 20 minute movie I could recommend it but not two hours of this ridiculous self important twaddle.
The Game Changers (2018)
Finally, a big budget for vegans!
This movie was entertaining, informative (if you've never studies plant based diets that is, otherwise no real new thoughts here) and reconfirmed what most vegans already know. Interesting that the move only looked at plant based diets from the perspective of the human. A little from the perspective of the planet but none from the perspective of the animal!! Trust me, animals want you to be vegan!! For most vegans I know the cruelty free aspect is a huge reason they are vegan!! The way animals are treated, processed and slaughtered is a horror beyond most of our imaginations. Paul Mc Cartney says "if slaughterhouses had glass walls everyone would be vegetarian". Driving alongside a truck hauling livestock to slaughter is the saddest thing you can run across on the open road. There were a few comments about this along the way in the film but just as side notes. It mostly focuses on the health benefits of a plant based diet. Probably they didn't want to alienate our meat eating brethren but to gently nudge them just to even thinking about being vegan. Even if only one day a week - like meatless Mondays. They also didn't even acknowledge the amount of chemicals in meat nowadays. The hormones, antibiotics, mysterious carcinogens etc make our meat pretty much toxic just because of that! Why do so many young men develop breasts these days?? Or young girls of 12 or 15 have enormous breasts?? Yeah, meat is full of all these chemicals. Based on that alone I wouldn't eat it. My breasts are big enough thank you. That aspect of meat was not even mentioned.
It's as if they wanted to keep the narrative positive, human focused, not fanatic but enthusiastic. Kind of like a high end 2 hour commercial for vegans. My only issue really was that everyone in the theater was probably vegan already. This movie should be shown in elementary schools to kids who already are grossed out by meat and meat products. But are forced to eat it because it's 'good for you'.
The Spy Who Dumped Me (2018)
Fun, funny, exciting!
Was not expecting much from this movie so I was very pleasantly surprised. It was entertaining visually interesting faan funny acting was to perier. It was everything you'd want in a Saturday afternoon film. Good guys win bag guys lose. Best friends are best friends forever. Girl gets the guy. It was nice because they took a simple girl struggling and life and put her in a life-and-death struggle against evil. So of course that's not realistic but it does make for a fun filled movie. Always nice to see girls in body films. All I can say about the badd reviews is it's a bunch of guys that don't want to see women in action movies. Yes I was throwing out the sexist card! Deal with it.
The Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016)
Starts good and creepy then...
It started out good and creepy. The actors were good and added to the creepiness by not being creeped out themselves. Obviously being around dead bodies in the basement is nothing new to them. Obviously us the viewers were creeped out by being in a basement with a dead body. So when the autopsy starts to go into the realm of the supernatural the dad keeps trying to work it out knowing that everything has an explanation. But the son starts to see there's something amiss and they should leave. Right when you get to about 2/3 of the way through the movie you should just turn it off and imagine your own ending. Seriously. The ending that the writers and producers etc. put together was beyond weak. It didn't answer any questions that the movie brought up. It didn't give us any insight into ideas that the actors brought up. It didn't clearly show what happened or what was going to happen. So my best advice is to watch 2/3 of it and turn it off. Sit around the campfire and make up different endings to it. That's going to be so much more entertaining than the disappointment you will feel watching the actual end of this movie.
Errementari (2017)
Visually amazing
The story is not terribly unique but the filming, photography, acting and sets are well worth watching. It's a great rainy saturday afternoon film! First you are afraid of the main characters then you cheer them on. That's always a great film twist. The children actors are very good and carry their parts with professionalism. The adults simply tell a story. The demon costumes and acting are mesmerizing. You'll love every time they are on screen.
Wind River (2017)
never again... just never... again....
Pros:
we tried here but there weren't any
Cons:
Plot holes you could drive a semi into
character development non-existent
anti women
ridiculous dialogue that stops any story telling rather than furthers it
demeaning female characters that cry for help and do stupid things that get them hurt, raped or killed and it's hard to feel pity when you are acting like an absolute idiot without the common sense of a squirrel
Lead male role tries to force nuggets of wisdom, that sound like he's quoting from the inside of a snapple cap
FBI does not know the first thing about law enforcement or the law itself.
Lead female role spent all her money training to be an FBI agent, graduating from Quantico and could be out performed by a strip mall rent a cop.
So to recap: characters are ridiculous, plot is without merit, dialogue is tedious and monosyllabic, and the only question remaining is why?? Why? why? why? and how do I get the two hours of my life back???
Whistle and I'll Come to You (2010)
Wtf??
I only gave this two stars for the way that Emma Jones spent the entire movie staring into space. But seriously how did they get her to play the role?? Did she get extra direction on staring? But I get sidetracked. No, I never read the original novel or saw the 1968 movie. So my review is only about this movie right here. John Hurt puts his wife into a home when he obviously doesn't want to. Then he goes on a trip he doesn't want to take. He says he's going to several places but only actually goes to one and doesn't say anything else about going to another destination. So without any backstory I am completely derailed. Why did he put her in a home? Was someone pressuring him to do that? When you have no idea why someone is doing something it's hard when things start to get weird for them to feel sorry or pity - if anything you want to shout "Now you know how I feel watching this movie!" Then for no apparent reason he begins to be haunted by invisible rats. This is soon followed by a woman on the beach wrapped in sheets who he is terrorized by for no reason. She sometimes walks toward him and sometimes just appears right behind him. Nice jump scare but no reason!! He's running about have a grabber for no reason. Lastly, he is terrorized by someone knocking on his door. I don't know about everyone else but if someone was banging on my hotel door I'd get up and see who it was and what was going on. Maybe the hotel was on fire?? And then he dies of fright. After claiming there are no ghosts. After wanting so badly to be with his wife again (and then she's there and he dies)- the ghost appears as his angry wife crawling over to him. Why? I thought they were in love for 50 years? If they set it up that he was abusive then OK! But he doted on her. He loved her. Why wasn't he happy to see her?? And she killed him?? She was furious for no reason. I know the husbands out there will nod their heads but no.. no. Not in literature. You can't make a loving relationship into something horrible and lethal without explanation. So there you have it. If you think you want to watch this because you have 50 minutes to kill.. don't. Just sit there listening to your heart beat and know you spent the last 50 minutes better off than watching this movie.
Mr. Holmes (2015)
144 minutes for a 20 minute movie
I am a die hard Sherlock Holmes fan. So I can watch/read pretty much anything with him or anything about him in it. This movie - though amazing acting from amazing actors left me wishing I were somewhere else. The sets were lovely, the camera work lovely and the story was really good too. But the storytelling was terrible. Seriously, it was a 20 minute movie that dragged on for 144 minutes. If they only cut out the hour or so of Ian McKellan looking dopey and forlorn - which they did every three minutes - for three minutes - the movie would have moved along much better. We get it - he has dementia. Now that that's been established can we not be reminded of it every three minutes? As though we all have dementia too??? Someone needs to grab hold of this otherwise wonderful movie and do some serious editing. Then put it out there again and let it be the 20 minute masterpiece it was meant to be.