esmad3-216-475224 Reviews

The Sandman (2022– )

Not "woke" enough

[5/10 · 15 August 2022]

I absolutely hate these casting choices. Anyone who thinks all these gender swaps made it more progressive or whatever are simply wrong. The Sandman graphical novels have a lot of queer themes that have been flattened into the ground on this show. Oh the librarian is a black woman now, wupti-freaking-doo. In the comics they have a more nuanced queer dynamic. They made important relationships more trad under the pretense of representation. Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining.

Red Notice (2021)

The Most Generic Movie

[3/10 · 1 December 2021]

This movie is infuriating in it's mediocrity. It's like the script was written by AI designed to make action movies but not advanced enough yet to make something good. It never didn't feel like a waste of time. I turned it off when it was nearly done because I simply didn't care how it ended.

Snake Eyes (2021)

Not Snake Eyes

[3/10 · 23 August 2021]

I'm not a huge fan of the original G. I. Joe, it was a bit before my time, but I do own some of the old comics from the Marvel G. I. Joe era, and have seen some of the animated show in in re-runs, and Snake Eyes is one of the characters whose backstory I am familiar with. This movie butchers it pretty badly.

The version made for a kids show is infinitely more layered and complex than this character, and that's probably not the direction they should be going.

Supergirl (2015–2021)

Female Superman

[1/10 · 7 May 2021]

This is not Supergirl. She doesn't share any basic traits with her comic book counterpart. This character has no personality of her own, just a watered down version of Clark Kent.

Snowpiercer (2020–2024)

The 2013 movie is NOT the source material.

[8/10 · 21 July 2020]

So many reviewers claim it is. Both are based on a graphic novel.

Into the Night (II) (2020–2021)

The Old Axolotl? What's that?

[5/10 · 20 July 2020]

This is an OK show that I absolutely hate for having nothing whatsoever to do with the source material. Why even go through the trouble of buying the rights, only to make a show that had no use for it at all?

Marvel Rising: Initiation: Marvel Rising: Battle of the Bands (2019) Season 2, Episode 3

This Shouldn't Be

[1/10 · 14 October 2019]

What is this even? Marvel for people who don't like Marvel? In that respect they are being faithful to the comics, ca. 2014 and onward.

Child's Play (2019)

Why?

[1/10 · 11 September 2019]

"A mother gives her 13-year-old son a toy doll for his birthday..." And we're already off the tracks. You expect us to believe a 13 year old boy wanted that thing? Why? It's basically the same tagline as the original, except they specify his age. Why? This is just a movie that shouldn't be. Hollywood must be scraping the bottom of the remake barrel when even cult horror classics, that can't conceivably be neutered enough to become a PG-13 waste of time, isn't safe.

These soulless remakes makes even the most silly and highly enumerated sequel seem like grand artistic vision. They even made a Jacob's Ladder remake. WHY?!

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)

"You guys need to learn to have fun"

[1/10 · 21 August 2019]

...Is the point of many a 10/10 review for this movie, mostly made long after it came out. Unless your idea of fun involves huffing paint thinner, this is not a good movie. Don't reward Larry Kasanoff's bad behavior. This movie could have been good but it objectively isn't, and it's his fault. The movie was rushed and half-assed, the script was written by an amateur, a first-time director, scenes central to the plot had to be cut, and on and on... Most of the actors and crew were well aware of these facts.

Sextuplets (2019)

Six Times the Cringe in Same Container

[2/10 · 19 August 2019]

"Marlon Wayans Wants to Make Eddie Murphy Proud," he said in a interview. It seems like a cruel joke. As some Ghost of Christmas Past he's come to punish Eddy Murphy for his sins: Pluto Nash, Haunted Mansion, Norbit, Meet Dave. And that's just from when people still payed attention. I can only hope that it's part of an ultimately benign plan to get Eddie Murphy to do stand-up again. Or maybe Marlon Wayons is just evil.

Get Out (I) (2017)

Dull and Overrated

[3/10 · 31 July 2019]

I finally got around to watching this, after hearing only good things my expectations were high. The guy I watched it with fell asleep. He had the right idea. This was just an overwrought mess of a movie. The pacing was bad. Slow with little pay off. The tone is all over the place, the comedic parts not funny and shouldn't even be in the movie. Worst of all for this genre: It's not scary.

Maybe not being American is part of it. Then again, if this was a good horror film that shouldn't be that important. Social commentary can be in a horror movie but in this case the lack of subtlety kept taking me out of the experience. Being boring is the cardinal sin of horror movies, for that alone I do not recommend. The ominous parts before the plot takes off and some good performances is the only reason I give it 3/10.

Another Life (2019–2021)

Straight up Spaceballs

[4/10 · 26 July 2019]

A group of Earth's least qualified astronauts keeps forgetting they're on a mission to save humanity and acts like high school students on a field trip. They soon come to the conclusion that the mom who went along to chaperone is a drag and they put the class clown in charge. Predictable results ensue. The ship's guidance counselor AI tries his best, although he would really be better off doing the mission alone without these unruly children running around inside him. At home a group of scientists are trying to stop aliens from boring everyone to death.

3 episodes in I am still entertained and I still find the show fun to watch, even if not at all for the intended reasons.

Klepper (2019)

Identity crisis

[6/10 · 24 May 2019]

I like Jordan Klepper. I don't hate this show. But it's a show that doesn't know what it is. Is it a Comedy Central show or would it be a better fit for Vice? The latter in my opinion, there's not a lot of comedy. The situations are often too serious to laugh at anyway, further adding to the sense of displacement.

One thing I can say for certain is that it's not a 10/10. I get the other reviewers think the rating is too low but you're clearly abusing the rating system and making your reviews seem dishonest.

The Magicians: All That Hard, Glossy Armor (2019) Season 4, Episode 10

The Pointless "Yass Queen" Episode

[3/10 · 27 April 2019]

This was a silly departure from a show I usually enjoy a lot. A musical episode on top of the whole dessert thing was a bit much, to put it mildly. The complete lack of subtlety combined with doing very little for the overall story felt like a waste of everyone's time.

As a European I take no particularly joy in pointing out that this was a ham-fisted "wahmen good, Trump bad" story, but that was exactly what it was.

Tacoma FD (2019–2023)

Lame

[2/10 · 8 April 2019]

This is not funny in the way new Adam Sandler movies isn't funny. It's all so tired and half-assed. It comes off as old man dad humor trying really hard to be edgy, and the result is a real cringe-fest.

The Jim Jefferies Show (2017–2019)

Fraud

[1/10 · 25 March 2019]

I like Jim Jefferies comedy, but this is twice now the show has been caught making complete hatchet jobs out of interviews. That includes cutting to match questions with different answers and reactions, basically rendering the interviews fraudulent. I can't see this show as anything but manipulation at this point, I've watched all the episodes but unless he addresses this directly very soon I wont be watching anymore.

2 Dope Queens (2018–2019)

Doesn't belong on HBO

[2/10 · 18 February 2019]

If this was a late show on Comedy Central I might judge it less harshly. I don't really care for being told a show is "special" and "magic" when I can clearly see it's pedestrian and mediocre. I can think of a slew of comedians more deserving than these two, who come off as rank amateurs on a platform like HBO. They don't bring anything new to the "comedians introducing comedians" type show to speak of. I haven't listened to the pod-cast but I assume that's were all the hype is coming from, it's definitely not from the show itself.

Cartel Crew (2019–2021)

When a TV show becomes an indictment on humanity

[1/10 · 12 February 2019]

This shouldn't be. I shudder to think of the kind of vapid soulless monster who came up with the concept for this abomination.

Venom (2018)

Not Venom

[1/10 · 30 October 2018]

Like making a movie about the Joker without Batman, except that I would actually be interested in seeing. The Joker would be interesting before he ever heard of Batman. Venom can't be Venom without the link to Spiderman. You can argue Batman created the Joker from a psychological or philosophical standpoint, but there's intrinsic physical realities linking Venom to Spiderman that if removed completely alters the identity of the character. He looks more like Venom than Topher Grace did yet he is even further removed from the original character.

Upgrade (2018)

Error. Too many plot-holes. Error. The logic of the story has been corrupted. Trying to rebuild...

[4/10 · 30 August 2018]

It's entertaining, great visually, I like the setting, I like the theme. But the story is basically one big plot hole. Brace yourself for an anticlimactic ending that will make you go: "Well that certainly means a lot of the stuff that happened actually made no sense."

Death Wish (2018)

Ignore the "ignore the critics"

[5/10 · 15 July 2018]

A mediocre film with a great online campaign to make it more popular by right wingers. The theme is "ignore the critics" which is pretty painfully obvious, they could at least be a little more creative with the review titles. Of course it's not 10/10, no-one is expecting that either. Even Die Hard only has an 8 rating and this is definitely not Die Hard.

This Is Us (2016–2022)

Artificial sweetener

[2/10 · 3 July 2018]

I know a lot of people like the show, it's probably good for families who wants a family show to watch together. But I personally can find almost nothing to like about it. I don't like or relate to any of the characters, I thinks it's sappy, saccharin, overwrought drivel. I have never met anyone who acts like the people on this show, probably because real people are not overly constructed TV-characters. Everyone is either idealized or a cliché, or both. It seems the most logical reason they didn't work on all that baggage from the past before is so that there could be a show about it later. I would certainly blame my parents a lot more than the characters seem to do if they had been so completely inept at conflict resolution while I was growing up.

Alex, Inc. (2018)

The kind of show that cancels itself

[2/10 · 3 May 2018]

Uninteresting characters, an uninteresting premise, a dated format, and also absolutely nothing interesting to say. The only good thing about it is if you can appreciate the meta of a series about a go-getting upstarter being such an expression of comedic laziness and complacency.

The Orville (2017–2022)

If you thought the original Star Trek was preachy...

[3/10 · 10 November 2017]

The Orville is a somewhat funny show, decent cast and performances, but when it's time to have the lesson of the week crammed down my throat I balk. I'm a Scandinavian socialist and even I can't get on board with this after-school special. When they made an episode about another planet that was just coincidentally almost identical to earth, but even more obsessed with social media, I threw up in my mouth a little.

The Big Bang Theory (2007–2019)

Tired

[3/10 · 3 November 2017]

I used to like the show before it took the obvious path of least resistance and had it develop like every other sitcom about single people: marriage, children, death (of the show). It should be taken out of it's misery before we start to think of it as the tired old show it has become rather than the fresh and funny show it was. If not we'll soon see stage 4 show-cancer: Terrible child actors.