PerfectMoviesShouldNeverBeRemade Reviews

Napoleon (2023)

Four stars for the costumes and sets only

[4/10 · 3 March 2024]

I think most of us realized this was not going to be a great movie just by the lack of good reviews, particularly poor word of mouth reviews.

I don't think we were prepared for how bad it would be. What happened to Phoenix ? His wooden performance was not just poor Acting, it was strange.

The plot was sparse, gave us no new insights, didn't pick a direction so that we were left with it skimming over his battles, his strategy, his personality problems, his love affair. Places it was confusing showing some of the revolts but skimming over them without really getting into the plot. Most of the time was spent portraying Josephine is a slut. We don't need an hour of that to understand it.

It's odd how a movie about one of the most colorful people in history lacked heart, drama, emotion... How can you tell a story about Napoleon and make it colorless? It's mind-boggling but this deserves the award for the most outrageous flop of the decade.

Anatomy of a Fall (2023)

Pretentious, boring and overrated

[2/10 · 14 February 2024]

By now you probably know that this is a courtroom drama. Unfortunately, I spent good money based on positive reviews. What a disappointment. It should've been called " ambiguous conversations".

The best thing about this movie is the child actor. He is magnificent.

The movie itself has a weak plot, no spine or commitment. From the first 10 minutes you know exactly what the entire thing is going to be about. What you don't realize is that the movie is going to go nowhere from there. You wonder in the first 10 minutes what happened. Nothing happens to change that. You got no more information, there's no suspense, there is nothing You keep waiting for something to happen and it never does.

The best thing I learned is an American, assuming the French court system operates as in the movie, is how different it is from the American system. It seems a great idea to allow people to speak their mind rather than only answer as the lawyers and prosecutors wish to manipulate the questions. But I digress.

All I can say without giving spoilers is that there's really nothing to watch. In fact there are no spoilers to give because what you see in the previews is the movie that's it. Characters talking for two hours plus about the same thing they were talking about in the first 10 minutes.

I feel like I'm in "the emperors new clothes" . Everyone is claiming to like this movie, I suspect because they fear if they don't go along with the pseudo intellectuals they will not seem to be "in the know".

The Emperor was naked. This movie is wishy-washy, noncommittal, a spark of an idea that was never developed.

Little Women (2019)

Sad Arrogant attempt to reinvent a classic

[1/10 · 28 August 2023]

Why oh why can't some people leave well enough alone? If it ain't broke don't fix it, as they say. Little women is a classic for a reason. The people who made this film disregarded everything that made a grade in the first place.

All interest in events disappears when you Re told how things turn out beforehand - thus removing any chance of an emotional connection to the story. That's like telling the punchline of a joke at the beginning. Or telling someone about Luke's father before they watch the first episode of Star Wars.

A good story and a good writer just not come from simply listing events. It's HOW the story is told. What arrogance of these people to rewrite Louisa May Alcott's classic story.

Home Movie: The Princess Bride (2020)

Priceless Nostalgia Classic

[9/10 · 12 May 2023]

I don't believe you'll find a negative review of "The Princess Bride Home Movie". As others have said, this was a surprise bit of joy in the middle of the pandemic.

I stumbled upon it through word of mouth. It's difficult to fine. Maybe it's still on YouTube?

The Princess bride home movie is a parity of the original movie. I remember it was during the pandemic so everyone was home and bored. You can't help but enjoy it for the cast of stars, if nothing else. Funny on many levels - classic irony. If you get it, you get it. If you don't - it can't be explained but even a non Princess Bride fanatic (if one exists) can still enjoy it.

Gaslit (2022)

Cannot believe that was Sean Penn. Astounding

[9/10 · 29 May 2022]

Cannot believe that was Sean Penn. Astounding I literally watched the whole series without checking the cast names. Could not believe that was Sean Penn I have missed it. Wow. The whole series was good. I was sorry it ended too soon. I felt like I needed one more episode to wrap it up. Maybe there's more than five episodes and they've taken a break. I hope soon.

The Woman in the House (2022)

I want an Anna and Carol Sleuth Partnership

[8/10 · 28 January 2022]

The show was strange because it doesn't fit clearly into any category. It was a real mystery but at the same time it was campy.

The most interesting relationship to me is Carol and Anna, the odd couple. I would love a Carol and Anna as partner sleuths.

Encanto (2021)

Big Disappointment Forgettable Songs, Poorly told story

[1/10 · 23 January 2022]

What a disappointment. Sometimes I think people, Hollywood gets on a bandwagon like the emperors new clothes. Somebody has a hit and whatever they do next is Applauded. What were you thinking Disney? This is an attempt to be PC? I don't want to give spoilers but there are really no spoilers to give. The story is boring, the songs are lackluster, the kids were bored and found nothing to hook into. This seems like a story written by some intellectual PC nerd who wants to make a statement. I don't think they remembered that it's supposed to be for children. Pocahontas was more informative.

The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)

Disappointing rewrite of a brilliant story

[3/10 · 1 June 2020]

I know script writers take liberal creative license when adapting a book but this is far more than that. This is barely the same story. If you have read Alexandre Dumas' book, You will be disappointed to find that this storyline shares almost nothing with the book, except the title. If you have not read the book, do yourself a favor. Listen to it on audible or read the book. The storyline in this movie is so different from the novel, it's like summarizing "Game of Thrones" by saying "Several families squabble".

Robin Hood (2018)

Failed attempt to redo a classic

[3/10 · 17 May 2020]

Almost everything about this is wrong and silly. The modern haircuts, clothing and settings, look like a strange mix of Mad Max and modern city. It doesn't work. The notion that Robin is a silly boy instead of a man does nothing for the story, not to mention the strange addition of an Arabic slave mentor without whom, he'd be nothing. Robin Hood is a classic legend that is not improved here by rewriting. Some of the names remain the same but the scenarios are completely different. Robin has a chick name Marian but their relationship is also rewritten and odd. I won't go into that one. The most important thing about a movie, in my opinion is that we care about the characters. That doesn't happen here. There's an attempt to make it a adventurous romp but there's no hook, no emotion, nothing to grab you and make you care about the people. It just didn't have Robin Hood in the title I don't think it would get it even one star. I can't get over the modern haircuts on everybody except Friar Tuck. What's up with that? The whole movie is a disappointment on many levels.

*batteries not included (1987)

Two Classic A+ Actors in a feel good movie

[7/10 · 15 May 2020]

Do they make movies like this anymore? I won't give a spoiler (not that the plot is a mystery.) The joy is not in the plot anyway. It's in the way the sweet, G rated story is told, in the character, good casting/acting by Cronin and Tandy, directing by Robbins and overall production.

Quite simply, "Batteries not included" is a movie that your kids will like and you won't hate watching with them. Sure it's meant to make you feel good - and it does. These days Hollywood seem to limit kids movies to Animation. Where are the modern versions of "Goonies", "Old Yeller", " Bed knobs and broom sticks", and "batteries not included" There are too few real movies for kids. Thank goodness the digital age lets us watch those good old movies. don't deny your kids. These kind of movies build character for the little ones. They need stories to be told, fairytales and movies that sparked their imaginations. It's a sweet movie worth watching with your kids.

I often wonder why Hollywood is reluctant to make movies like this when they are generally the biggest blockbusters of all. (They've been telling Spielberg for years his movies are too sweet; said E.T. was a dud).