PrivateBits Reviews

Missing in Action (1984)

Typical Chuck Norris film

[4/10 · 7 August 2008]

This is a typical Chuck Norris film and typical 80's action film. It follows a simple and commercially successful script: Lots of action scenes, lots of nudity, one liners, plenty of stunts and some moments of pure fantasy.

This film is great for those wanting to sit with popcorn and watch a film where you know what you're going to get. But this film sacrifices a lot of realism to achieve it. Scenes of helicopters making outrageous pick ups or so many Vietnamese henchmen with poor aims when it comes to shooting Chuck are some examples. This film is pure action based, as the movie went on, it was action sequence after action sequence and personally, I was fed up with too much.

There is so much wrong with this film technically and is you want to watch a clever, powerful dramatic and original action film ,then this isn't for you. If you want to watch a predictable, satisfying, simple adrenaline fuelled kill-fest, then you'll like this.

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)

This is why I love South Park.

[10/10 · 29 July 2008]

I have watched many shows on TV, but I have not seen one of South Park's outstanding capability to express a point through excessive satire and humour. South Park Bigger, Longer and Uncut is exactly what I expected from a feature-length South Park movie, it has numerous satire, toilet humour, gross outs gags and plain funny jokes that will leave any SP fan in stitches all the way through. But also, this film has a deep moral and political message hidden inside it about censorship, freedom of speech and war along with sun-plots about love, relationships, jealousy as well as strength and extreme bravery being portrayed through the simple ability to stand up and express how you feel.

This film is basically a musical with so many great songs in between the moments of action in the film. The songs are both funny and uplifting as well as moving and dramatic. Listen out for 'Blame Canada' which earned an Oscar nomination for Best Music, Original Song. Also look out for Satan and Saddam Hussian, Bill Gates, Wyonna Rider, Big Gay Al, Terence and Phillips, The Doctor voiced by George Clooney and Chef singing.

Fantastic, 10 out of 10, it has everything.

The Hottie & the Nottie (2008)

I no longer fear Hell.

[29 July 2008]

I can confirm that I no longer fear Hell for I have seen something much worse. This film is so bad it just wretches you with extreme agony and torture until your eyeballs bleed. I haven't even bothered to rate this because even rating this film "0" is too high.

I wouldn't say the acting is bad because saying it was bad would be too generous to the actors/actresses in this film. I have been more convinced by E-mails claiming I can access a bank account worth 10 Million if I pay 10 grand to activate it. As for the writer, well it wouldn't surprise me if it was written by a child because that is the sort of stuff a 6 year old would scribble down if told to write a story. From a technical viewpoint, this film wasn't the worst if you exclude every other film made in history. As for comedy - Well this film makes Schindler's list look like Monty Python, I found this film about as funny as AIDS. Now romance is the only convincing factor in this film, that is if your idea of romance is watching a drunken 1 night stand where both parties have very unsatisfactory sex.

I can't rate this because it is like lining your Grandmothers up and rating their looks. Just don't bother, for the sake of your mental health, don't bother - Spend the day licking dirt off the floor or something but avoid watching this...'film'.

The Duke (1999)

Not recommended for mature movie fans

[4/10 · 13 July 2008]

"The Duke" is a film based in the heart of the British aristocracy where an old Duke (John Neville) dies and to avoid his large property and the vast riches to be taken from him after death by 2 devious aristocrats (Oliver Muirhead and Sophie Heyman); he passes his Dukeship down to his dog. The dog's "best friend", an American girl named Charlotte (played by Courtnee Draper) whose parents die becomes orphaned by the former Duke due to him being her great uncle. A young chef named Florian arrives, with him and Charlotte instantly connecting creating a romantic sub-plot which in its own way, acts as the under tone for the main plot line being the activities of Hubert, The 'Duke' and his many activities and love interests with other dogs. All this is watched over by James Doohan who plays a Butler who is determined to try and serve his old Duke by doing his best to serve his new master, Hubert. Doohan acts as the older character there to comfort and advise the younger ones whilst he over looks and performs various ridiculous tasks under his new master. A fine comedic performance mixed with elements of drama to end the career of a fine and influential actor.

Though from the technical viewpoint, I dislike this film as I only watched upon discovering James Doohan's role. Though the plot is good, elements of the writing and directing have to be obscured. Ignoring the absurdity of a "Doggie Duke", I personally dislike the over use of comedic and outrageous jokes upon the 'bad' characters due to their ludicrousness. The dependence on hygiene related humour as you like is much too apparent and general silliness of many characters doesn't appeal to me. The director, Phillip Spink uses mid-long shots too often with either an overdubbed voice or affecting the overall sound quality. Plus, the acting of Muirhead and Heyman, whilst good at the dramatic and romantic sequences, fall drastically short fulfilling the wholesale requirements regarding the role.

But, as a mature movie fan, I find it easy to be over critical of a simple family film designed to make you laugh. I can admit I found certain bits funny and other bits touching along with a plot that may be far-fetched, but has definite connections. I do not recommend this film to mature movie fans but I do highly recommend it to Dog lovers, families who wish to enjoy a funny film for their child and James Doohan fans who wish to see 'Scotty' in his final role.

Carry on Up the Khyber (1968)

Best Carry On film

[9/10 · 26 February 2008]

As far as Carry on Films go, this one is the best I've seen. Nobody really takes them seriously as quality film-making or acting so that is why I am rating it 9/10 because as far as the plot, the humour and acting goes - this is the best in the Carry On series.

Not too much to say about this otherwise. Same cast as usual, same sort of characters and same conflicts and situations. This time set in the Khyber pass region of Afghanistan/Pakistan involving the British occupation and the revolting locals.

Some very funny and original scenes including my personal favourite and one of the most famous Carry On scenes when the Scottish regiment frightens off the revolting locals by lifting their kilts.

British humour at its best and I recommend it to any Carry On fan.

The Tempest (1979)

Shakespeare must be turning in his grave!

[1/10 · 7 December 2007]

This was an interesting adaption of William Shakespeare's last known solo play but in my humble opinion, a terrible one. Jarman tries to change the personalities of the characters for a start. He makes Miranda seem insane after being stuck on the island for so long, Prospero is no different - a mix of madness and self-pity on his part. I could not imagine Shakespeare thinking his characters to be anything like the way Jarman portraits them.

Caliban's appearance is maybe the only thing he got right, but then again, I was under the impression that Caliban was a tormented, deformed monster but turns out to be an insane rambling, northerner who is constantly cackling, not as I would have imagined him. Ferdinand makes a brief appearance, naked most the time and quiet.

In fact, to the point I stopped watching this awful adaption, their had been so many lines cut from the play. If anything, I think Jarman was trying to re-write Shakespeare and include his own scenes most the time. So much text is cut out in the first part it makes it not a Shakespeare play, but a load of 70's melodramatic, preposterous rubbish.

An attempt to interpret this play more realistically in the end, but this play was never a realistic one and it was made nothing like the text displays it to be.

Semi-Tough (1977)

It has changed me

[4/10 · 23 August 2007]

OK, the movie isn't that great. The plot was confusing and the character's relationships weren't too clearly explored. Also, it wasn't particularly funny nor entertaining and the sub-plot was rather typical and plain. On the whole, not a movie I would sit down for entertainment.

But what has got me about this film is the way Burt Reynolds character becomes; laid-back, relaxed, unjudgemental, wise and very respectable. That in itself gave me the image of who I want to be, a man who is laid-back, honest and unjudgemental, a man who is wise and respectable. No doubt, I will try to spend my life becoming that man.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

Confusing and lacking comedic value

[4/10 · 7 August 2007]

I watched this film and didn't like it. For starters, I wanted to see Jim Carrey playing the sort of character which is funny, but also has more depth. Well in this film, Jim's character had too much depth and not enough humour.

Kate Winslet's character was presented well, but again, I would say she was unfunny. The rest of the supporting cast lacked a lot of imagination but there were a few interesting characters such as Ellijah Woods.

The plot in this film is confusing and seems to have some flaws in between. You have to listen carefully to the dialogue and try to understand the film as a story, not a romantic comedy, otherwise, like me, you'll end up bored and not satisfied.

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004)

Hilarious, fun for all ages.

[9/10 · 31 January 2006]

Spongebob Squarepants has always been a funny, clever cartoon show for kids, but the movie now gives the whole family a chance to see the brilliance of Stephen Hillenburg's Spongebob Squarepants. The movie is a sequel to the Spongebob Squarepants TV Series.

Watch out for: Dennis the Assassin, (played by Alec Baldwin) Mindy the Mermiand, Daughter of King Neptune (Scarlett Johansson) and an appearance by David Hasselholf as himself. Also look out for all the character in the series: including; Mrs. Puff, Sandy Cheeks, Larry the lobster and Karen the computer wife. And listen to some new funny songs and Goofy Goober Peanut.

In the movie there are well thought out jokes, clever twists, a good plot and Spongebob evens sings a rock solo at the end of the movie...

Not to be missed.