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onasivart
Reviews
Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)
Beyond Painful
I found myself moaning and groaning and writhing for the first 20 minutes of watching this torturously embarrassing assault on my emotions — not because it was shocking or terrifying, but because it inadvertently contained every possible characteristic of bad filmmaking. The only reason I stopped suffering was because I began fast-forwarding. The only good things about this "film" were seeing locations that I recognized, and seeing a few attractive actresses in bikinis. Thank God they didn't do any nude scenes. These poor young ladies would have lost chunks of their souls had they exposed themselves for the sake of absolutely the worst cinematic creation possible. Watching it made me ashamed to be human. I knew Birdemic would be bad, but I thought it might be fun to watch a cheesy horror film. It wasn't. And I know you will think that what I'm about to write next is an exaggeration, but I swear to you it is not: I recently got a molar pulled in the dentist's office, and this experience was far more enjoyable and far less painful than watching Birdemic. In the words of Joaquin Phoenix's character in the movie 8MM, "There are some things that you see, and you can't unsee them." Don't let Birdemic be one of them.