joel-280 Reviews

Evil Under the Sun (1982)

mostly boring

[5/10 · 26 May 2024]

This movie is a farce from beginning to end, but is only occasionally funny. Ustinov is way, way over the top; he's just ridiculous. Maggie Smith, on the other hand, is her usual magnificent self, but surrounded by all the other stuff can't quite save the whole show. The other protagonists are just silly -- but again, not very funny. As for the mystery, maybe I'm too old but I could not have been less interested.

The views are pretty and the colors are beautiful. Maggie Smith, as already noted, was terrific. The plot, at least as it spooled out in this version, was way below Agatha Christie. Maybe she should sue?

A Murder at the End of the World (2023)

I'm too old to cut this teen-age mustard

[4/10 · 6 March 2024]

A disclaimer: I watched only S01, E01.

I peg the peak audience for this show at late teens/early 20s, female. A standard whodunnit with a very pretty but not beautiful amateur young lady sleuth. A dreamy youth's fantasy palace, said to be in Iceland for God's sake!, that reminded me mostly of one of my granddaughter's teen-age desire for a Cadillac Escalade. (She's grown out of that fantasy.) A full serving of the current fad of playing pop music during longish sequences where nothing happens in the story except, usually, one or two of the characters driving somewhere. Some small young female nipples, just for a moment or two, from a distance.

Spare me!

Saltburn (2023)

an unnecessary mish mash

[4/10 · 29 December 2023]

Take two cups of "The Great Gatsby" and one cup of "The Talented Mr. Ripley." Add one half cup molasses to ensure that it will move slowly. Add a tablespoon of homosexuality and two tablespoons of any of the English Country Squire costume extravaganzas where everybody Dresses for Dinner. Simmer over low heat until the plot gets completely unbelievable. Then pour the whole mess down that wonderful bathtub drain.

If you need titillation, there are no female breasts. Sorry about that.

Be satisfied with nice male bottoms and a soupçon of a wagging penis, and a rather boring male-on-male semi-rape. Ah those upper-class brits; how do they manage to reproduce, anyway? .

Mrs. Davis (2023– )

who is the audience for this turkey?

[2/10 · 17 November 2023]

I see that lots of folks liked this movie. A quick look at other reviews seems to highlight "something different" or "a wild ride." On those qualities, I agree. I disagree on the overall rating because imho the different. Wild ride is a stupid, boring, mish-mash of "whatever..."

For example one reviewer, who gives it a nine, praises it as "bananas" and (twice) "ridiculous." There is a kind of war in searching for the so-called Holy Grail, and the female protagonist is supposedly married to Jesus Christ. And of course, there's an AI behind a lot of it.

I can't even see any unifying theme or message in it, unless it's that Christianity is a crock, which is an arguable idea that is neither new nor well supported by the movie.

So, sorry, to me it's un-entertaining trash.

The Misfits (2021)

Just bad enough

[7/10 · 17 October 2023]

IMHO this movie hugs the border line between an actually good movie and a bad, corny bore. It's just right. It laughs just enough at itself, it has just the right number of stupid jokes, its impossibility quotient is just barely low enough to avoid turning the viewer off... You get it. At a few places it seems as if it's about to pierce the fourth wall -- but it doesn't. It jumps the shark a lot -- but not too much. It has two really good looking girls -- but they don't take their clothes off. If you have to get up for a few moments, you don't need to pause it.

Maybe too much praise on my part. It ain't that good. But it ain't bad either.

The Equalizer (2014)

entertaing but flawed

[5/10 · 2 September 2023]

This is mostly an acceptable entertainment, with Denzel as icing on the cake. His superman, omniscent, omnipotent, calm character is just a little too perfect but, what the h***. Similarly, the bad guys are more caricatures than they needed to be -- in other words, did it have to be so very unbelievable?

However, I could and did swallow all that until the excruciating, super-unbelievable, extra-long climax in the warehouse. Not only were the details preposterous, but the very idea that the super-smart Russian villain would deliberately and unnecessarily join in a showdown on the hero's home turf was just too much for me. Again: did it have to be so completely unbelievable?

Skyfall (2012)

If you loved the original Bond movies, you'll despise this one

[2/10 · 12 July 2023]

It's not easy to put into words just how awful this movie is. The original Bond movies were well-done self-parodies -- lots of beatiful babes with hard-to-believe breasts, in skimpy clothes; lots of gags, some personal and armed violence and chase scenes for the young among us. Just plain fun.

This turkey has a few gags, and in compensation they're not very good. It pretends to be serious and ends up mawkish. The climax is so mawkish I wanted to vomit, and the coda is not only mawkish but so obvious that it's stupid. The amount of time spent on the fights and the chases has increased a lot -- anybody can get that these days with a run-of-the-mill video game.

The only aspect of this flic that rises a little bit above these criticisms is Bardem's portrayal of the psychopathic villain with fairly clear homosexual leanings and the worst wig since Louis XIV. He jumps the shark with this role and at least provides some much-needed amusement with his unexplained love-hate with M and the whole Service.

I write this in early July 2023, as Netflix is about to remove this loser at the end of the month. Better late than never...

Shanghai (2010)

Not again!

[6/10 · 16 February 2023]

Impossilbe to includespoilers; if you've seen it once; you've seen it all.

Zero surprises is an overestimate. In my case it seems to me I've seen this movie a half-dozen times. Each time the sets were different, the stars were different, maybe even some details about the end were different. But it was the same movie. Shanghai when WWII broke out. Nasty Japs. Mobs. Some unexpected heroes. Gorgeous oriental women (this time the leading lady appeared to have had some cosmetic work done on her breasts -- which in this movie were hardly seen. One difference: none of the women played Mahjjong.

Recommended only for bored people with nothing better to do.

Argo (2012)

a conventional propaganda flick under cover of an international hostage rescue caper

[4/10 · 13 June 2022]

There are good aspects of this movie, certainly a great cast and good acting, but as a whole I don't see what all the shouting is about -- except that it's one more "America is great; America forever; we can beat all our enemies; we are the good guys and anyone who opposes us is a bad guy." I say this aa a patriotic American, who nevertheless does not approve of everything our government does.

The succession of split-second saves at the end is really over the top.

It doesn't really have a direct connection, but the movie reminds me of our stupidity (and worse) in overthrowing the Mossaddegh government in Iran and installing the Shah -- one more merciless dictator ; it sure has been a habit of ours -- in an action which, like so many, have backfired and turned out to be loss-loss. The thrill of the daring escape doesn't hide that, at least not for me.

Light Sleeper (1992)

mediocre noir

[6/10 · 6 June 2022]

This movie is a trashed-up version of the early and great French noir, Breathless (Au bout de souffle) starring Jean Paul Belmondo. This one is ruined by a happy (sort of) ending. If it had a better ending, I'd recommend watching it; as it is I do not.

The camera work is pretty good, lots of New York colors by night. Sarandon is also convincing as an unconvincing character and Dafoe is superb as an idiot with frightening teeth.

Operation Mincemeat (2021)

Sink the Bismark only not as good

[4/10 · 14 May 2022]

A trite and obvious remake of "Sink the Bismark," moved from WWI to WWII. Pretty much identical including the work space of the Brit team in a basement. Stiff upper lip and all that. Skip it unless you can stream in free and have nothing to do with your time.

Haywire (2011)

Stupid, impossible plot. Ritual hand-to-hand fight scenes instead of car chases. Beautiful woman, stupid plot, lots of hand-to-hand fighting, lousy movie.

[3/10 · 8 August 2020]

Sorry. Same to have written my review in the headline section.

O sabor das margaridas (2018–2020)

fun but trite

[6/10 · 11 August 2019]

I couldn't count high enough to get to the movies/series with essentially the same plot, including lots of details. Girl (usually) disappears from small town, police/private person) is driven beyond normal to investigate, finds or catalyzes long-hidden secrets, usually fiscal corruption and/or sex rings, finally the secrets come out and the guilty are identified, this usually includes a secret that was driving the unusual zeal of the investigator. Often one or more policemen/women are corrupt, as well as local officials and/or other big shots.

STOP already with this plot!

For me the big attraction was to hear gallego (Galician) spoken. I doubt many others will find this a plus. Overall, not too badly done and as such a possible way to while away a few hours.

Mother! (2017)

just awful, cheap, the author should apologize

[2/10 · 24 July 2019]

I'm an atheist, and have no respect for religion or religious fables.

I nevertheless find this movie disgusting. It's a cheap, dishonest combination of the horror genre and the Christian mish-mash of love, redemption, forgiveness and all that stuff, with the holy mother of Christ meme, plus a little sci-fi about a universe that is neither expanding nor contracting but rather created and destroyed in [endless?] cycles.

Bardem's superb acting is the only good thing in it.

City on a Hill (2019– )

deep down, it's shallow

[4/10 · 13 July 2019]

There's very little to say about this series. The plot is unlikely and silly, the characters are caricatures, but the weakest point is the dialog. Boring, long-winded, pompous, pseudo-philosophical -- in short, imho, unbearable

Bayou Caviar (2018)

Oy what a mish-mash!

[4/10 · 6 July 2019]

This is a trivial movie that tries to do too many things. The plot is a mish-mash, with a truly unlikely trigger, and some apparently random cutting back and forth in time adds nothing. Richard Dreyfuss, in full disguise as a Russian mobster mit a wery gutteral accent, what a waste!

If you go into it with low expectations, and don't pay to watch it, it's not a terrible way to kill some time.

The Other One (2014)

boring, pretentious and above all irritating

[3/10 · 24 October 2015]

where to start on a review of this failure? maybe, to correspond with the movie, with the trivial: I found the piano score super-irritating. Now, it wouldn't have bothered me so much of more was going on in the movie. To move to the other extreme: if the events of the story (both in the past and in the present) were laid end to end, they would be boring. The movie hides most of them and muddles up the rest, thus holding a determined viewer's attention just to find out what the hell is/was going on.

What's real and what's imagined? Some bad stuff happened. At the end, who cares?

Twilight (1998)

How did they assemble that cast???

[8/10 · 16 September 2014]

The cast is the first thing that struck me, prior to watching this best-of-the-B-movies almost-film-noir. They're stars, and they all deliver star performances. Hackman especially is, as always, amazing. Even James Garner does a good job.

I don't think I'm spoiling anything to say that there are no big surprises, and only a very few little ones, in this movie. It's not quite a film noir, a little bit too much humor for that, but I think it's worth the trade-off. As a small bit of icing on the cake, it's interesting to see Liev Schreiber as a young punk, after seeing him as an older, much more dangerous Ray Donovan.

All in all, nothing great beyond the cast, but a good entertainment.

I Am Love (2009)

Pretentious, one-dimensional characters, trite plot

[3/10 · 3 January 2013]

Let's start with what's good: beautiful outdoor shots, a beautiful mansion in/near Milan, wonderful stuff about the servants and the parties of the very rich.

That's all, folks...

Every character is cardboard; there's no depth, or at least (in the Emma -Tilda Swinton character) no believable depth. The plot has no surprises, except for one complete deus ex machina that's used to wrap it up -- with an ending that I at least found, consistently with the rest of this turkey, to be wildly unlikely and hence incredible. Ooooh the languor of the formal-dinner-partying rich, back in the days when one had a dozen servants to execute it. Ooooh the loving devotion of the chief housekeeper, mother to all three generations of "her" family. Oooooh the lovely, hairy body of the unsurprising love interest. And so on, and so on. The unfeeling, greedy industrialists? Wow, that's shocking. The sensitive son, who has no problem with his gay sibling but butts heads with his greedy cold dad? Who would have thought it? There is no interesting idea anywhere in this movie.

The Turin Horse (2011)

boring boring boring

[3/10 · 27 November 2012]

and, just in case you didn't get the message, boring. stupifyingly unendingly long-takes-ishly boring.

There is no arguing that, as the director said, this film shows the heaviness of things. The horse is heavy. In fact the father and the daughter are pretty heavy, considering that their diet seems to consist of two potatoes per day.

Symbols, yes. allegory, yes. does anything happen, no. gypsies come, gypsies go to the well and drink, they are chased away, the well goes dry. WOW. No what do you suppose might be the meaning of that? actually i found one interesting thing, even in the dark, essentially unlit house, the father's face and hair frequently are beautifully lit; he seems to glow, and I'm guessing that there just might be something about Jesus in him. But how do I know? Am I a movie critic? Boring.

The Tree of Life (2011)

beautiful but dumb

[3/10 · 12 July 2012]

to begin: yes the visuals are out-of-sight gorgeous. both the natural shots and the special effects. and, yes, it's an over-the-top pretentious, self-indulgent movie that purports to deal with ultimate meaning-of-life questions and ends up being simply borrrring.

I guess one could say that there are two ways to deal with these issues of faith, god, meaning of life, etc. One is analytical, works by means of words, logic, etc. (think Aristotle, Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, Sartre and many more philosophers), while the other is transcendental and works by means of faith, symbols, etc because it cannot be expressed in words -- much less dealt with by logic (think of peyote cults and, forgive me, some of the extremes of the Catholic Church). This movie is a daring experiment in the second way. Perhaps for some of those who are already there, who have faith in these inherently ambiguous ideas, it's an audio-visual expression that may or may not come close to their own dream images. But for at least one person who isn't there -- guess who -- it's kitsch, trash in a beautiful dress, just a mess.

The Great Gatsby (1949)

nailed the story, completely missed the point

[6/10 · 7 June 2010]

This typical Hollywoodization of Fitzgerald's famous novel inserts lots of material to make sure the viewer understands the "facts" of the background and motivation of Gatsby. But it completely loses the points of the novel, e.g. "the rich are different from us" and their egoistic carelessness and its costs. The failure of Gatsby to succeed in his version of the American Dream is ruined by his conversion just before he's shot. Daisy, Tom, and Jordan Baker are cardboard cut-outs and not even representative of what the characters in the novel represent. Daisy isn't weak, alcoholic, or selfish enough, Tom isn't loutish or selfish enough, and Jordan isn't amoral and nonchalant enough. Nick and Jordan CAN'T get together at the end, his whole purpose in the story is to highlight, by contrast and by his rejection of all of them, the worthlessness of these careless rich. It's a good movie of its type, and Ladd is wonderful, but there are no "boats against the current, carried back into the past" or whatever the exact final words of the novel were. As the credits acknowledge, this movie is not the novel.

imho the made-for-TV version is the best of the three film versions. Tom especially is perfect, and tells you everything Fitzgerald wanted you to know about the rich. Daisy is good and Nick is excellent. The ambiance is perfect. And it's pretty true to the book. In the big budget big screen version, Redford completely misses the complexity of Gatsby and therefore, even if everything else in the movie had been perfect, (and it wasn't bad!) his lack of tension, conflict, hardness, etc. completely scuttles it.

Mississippi Mermaid (1969)

depressingly bad movie

[3/10 · 12 December 2009]

this is one of the more poorly made movies I've ever seen. One has to take anything by Truffaut seriously; it's not just some B-movie cranked out by hacks.

evidently Truffaut couldn't decide whether he was making a noir or a sentimental chick flick. and neither could Deneuve, whose dozen (?) character flip-flops are simply unbelievable -- not even badly acted; just not acted at all. Among other things, how a woman as beautiful as Deneuve could be a person such as Julie/Marion is simply beyond anyone's ability to suspend disbelief; the role absolutely demands someone not so beautiful. Belmondo's acting also suffers although imho his character is not quite as unbelievable as Deneuve's. The cliché ending (which I won't describe) is unfortunately all too appropriate for this complete mistake.

Khartoum (1966)

Rampant camp, gorgeous uniforms, and a key to US vision re Iraq

[8/10 · 1 August 2009]

A great romp, camp galore, starring a multi-gorgeous-uniformed, shining young Charlton Heston as Gen Gordon and a walnut-colored Laurence Olivier as his opponent The Mahdi. Stupendous walk-ons of Prime Minister Gladstone and other chin-whiskered VIPs in the House of Commons -- this flick can be enjoyed either high or sober, according to the viewer's taste.

One of many high points is Gordon's triumphal entry into Khartoum, which may be where Paul Wolfowitz got his fantasy about how US forces would be welcomed into Baghdad after liberating it from Saddam Hussein. Too bad life did not imitate art in this case. If you want a greatly entertaining epic about paternalistic imperialism (or just over-the-top design of military uniforms), this flick's for you!

Macbeth (2002 TV Movie)

THE must-see-and-hear performance

[10/10 · 11 July 2007]

This outstanding, knock-out production gives tremendous force to what is generally thought to be one of Verdi's lesser operas. With no sweet romance to counter-balance the tragedy, and the prima donna role an archetype of evil, Verdi chose a tough plot for his first attempt. The star of it all is Paoletta Marrocu who gives us a wonderfully acted, wonderfully sung Lady Macbeth, completely true to Shakespeare's original character. To compare her to Callas may be a bit much but you get the idea -- she inhabits the role, in voice and movement. Thomas Hampson as Macbeth is superb, with a rich, powerful voice always under perfect control and excellent acting too. The conducting by Franz Welser-Most brings the whole thing together, with tempi that really bring out the drama. The production, by David Pountney is kitschy, puzzling and distracting in spots, but on the whole much more interesting than a traditional period production would probably have been.

If you have never seen this opera, or if you have seen it and didn't care much for it, you MUST watch the version on this DVD.