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mdanielle-94261
Reviews
Pixels (2015)
One big, stupid Happy Madison bomb
I'm not putting a spoiler warning because it shouldn't be a shock to people with half a brain that Happy Madison productions is the equivalent of a drooling, brain dead child that's only able to utter his own name. The plot is in line with a 1980s Saturday morning cartoon.I'd like to think that the writers and directors all drank jagermeister and got beaten over the heads with bats and then wrote this bomb of a story.Adam Sandler is just like he was during the Christmas bomb, 8 Crazy Nights. He's needlessly cruel to the "love interest" and is a terrible chore to sit through, enough said. Also, the addition of the White House and the military of all things is stupidly insulting because is renders the two as one big dumb,unfunny joke. One of the many, many dumb jokes that this movie pulls is 1980s references that are 100% witless and vapid. Bottom line, the movie is like Kylie and Kendall Jenner. They've got the looks but,absolutely no brains to back it up.
Ridiculousness (2011)
In the beginning it was good now it's.....
I remember really liking this show at first because honestly I liked some of the quick and witty stuff that Rob Dyrdek said during the clips. And if it wasn't for this show, I would've never seen some of the funny videos like "chicken police". Ridiculousness is kinda like Scary Movie 1 due to the quick and witty lines...but...Just like Scary Movie 1, as Ridiculousness kept going there was a needless amount of stupid and grossness and less funny jokes to make up for it.Chanel West Coast is the main offender of bringing the show down with how much dumb sh-t flies out of her mouth thus ruining most of the jokes. Like how she thought that elephants with tusks were extinct. I don't even care to know more about her, how she ended up of the show or why because I'm not going to put effort into knowing more about a redundant idiot .I hesitate saying anything negative about Sterling Brim because he plays the different clips and points out the funny things that people might have missed so, Sterling isn't take anything away. In the beginning the grossness was very minimal but, now there's way to much like when they showed an orangutan that drinks its own pee. And there's a lot more where that came from. Who watches that sh-t and actually enjoys it? I don't know what's worse, a bad MTV show from the start to the bitter end or a decent MTV show that slowly devolves into what the rest of MTV is,lackluster trash + teen to twenty somethings bad melodrama.
iShine KNECT (2009)
Faith based tripe.
I don't have a problem with Christian shows, the problem is how the show treats it's mainly young kids to tween audience like idiots.It's like the Christian version of iCarly and not in a good way.....The jokes feel disingenuous and not funny at all and the laugh track is like a nail in the coffin. And even if there was a real audience laughing at the "jokes" it just goes to show that the audience will laugh at anything that is, I guess "relatable" to what real people go through But, even that is really stretching it because it comes off as unnatural. Why unnatural? Well, the characters and scenarios are contrived and they act unrealistically perfect. The ONLY people who relate to this are sheltered children who don't know how real life works.
Devil's Due (2014)
More found footage garbage
The "actors" act like they'd fit better in a commercial than in yet another bad horror movie. The only parts that made me feel anything else other than boredom just made me want to cringe. And a GOOD horror movie should make me care about what's going on but, Devil's Douche doesn't do that. The husband is dumb, and everything feels contrived. Speaking of contrived, I hate how whenever a "horror" movie does a set up in a foreign country in this case a very brief set up in the Dominican Republic. Everyone is either a money hungary/killer or in a violent/satanic cult. This movie is as lame as Unfriended so don't bother with this trash
Unfriended (2014)
Unfriended, Eat me
OK guys its 2015 and we're still being given messages, or in this case a paper thin message about how social media can be harmful to people. I say paper thin because that over used message is snuffed out by the stupidity of the characters and the BS ending.
The characters are all empty vessels that cover the check list of every other set of bad/horny high school kids. Even when the characters act all mean spirited, it just comes off as empty.
The set up is totally unnatural. The teens are held hostage by some unknown hacker while being connected to skype just shows that dare I say all of Universal Pictures horror movies are stilted and unnatural. This is why I stay away from Hollywood horror movies and I have no reason to stop now.
When the movie finally gets around to telling who the killer just before the ending credits well, there was initially dumbfounded laughter followed by grief.
I mean, a ghost? Really? What kind of mental gymnastics did the creators expect us to have when they make the vengeful teenage ghost capable of hacking everyone on skype at the same time. Not only that but, the vengeful teenage ghost somehow managed to find and plant a camera in that one fat kids room, not only to lure him away but to force him to stick his hand into a blender. And that sounds like it should be in a dark comedy but, its not. This is supposed to scared and I never was.
Bully (2011)
A pretentious message
This documentary covers 95% of what every other documentary, T.V show special, and bad Lifetime Network movie has done 100 times before. How? Don't worry I'll make my case.
1. There's a Dad in the story who talks about his son who committed suicide from being bullied and what do the parents do about their sons death? They whine,mope and cry That's it. The parents, didn't confront the school for negligence of a student or the bullies who got off scott free. Worst parents ever!
2. There's an assistant principal who does (shocker) absolutely nothing about any kids who get bullied. She is confronted several times throughout the whole documentary by both students and parents alike and guess what? She doesn't enforce any of her own authority. Seriously, is was anyone surprised?
3. None of the parents ever put their foots down and demand from the school district that their own kids be protected from bullies because all the parents ever do is, you guessed it, wine,mope and cry. It truly is pathetic when that happens because the kids who are bullied are just left as punching bags who will also grow up never learning how to put their own foots down..
All of the messages tie into the same mealy mouthed,pussy footing messages that might as well say "You see you big mean bullies? you hurt their little feelings and how they either suffer from depression or have committed suicide. Are you happy now?" I hate the whole passive/ignore the bully message. Who has actually done that and actually earned anyones respect in school? That's not how real life works. More people should be teaching kids to STAND UP FOR THEMSELVES!
Fired Up! (2009)
Well, it was funny while it lasted...
The jokes were clever and witty and the 2 leads were fun to watch but, sadly this movie and all of its wit, fell victim to what A LOT of other funny movies fell victim to at that time, the love interest. I don't know why movies have to drop all the potential jokes whenever one of the leads falls in love. Because the second a funny/witty character falls in love, the jokes stop being entertaining and just become lame. The movie was silly and poked fun at stereotypes and once again the movie shined in the beginning and middle but, when I get to the ending, everything fun just took a nose dive to the ground. I left feeling disappointed.
Amber Alert (2012)
Annoying from start to finish.
The story starts off basic enough with 3 teens wanting to make a video for popular reality T.V show. They happen across a sign for a missing girl and the car who they think is holding her. And from there on out, the movie just becomes like every bad horror/thriller film. The characters always make dumb decisions minute by minute but, I feel bad for the kids in this film. They look like young hopefuls who want to make a start in movie careers but, they fall victim to rock stupid writing. I got a headache listening to these people scream and yell at one another. It's like the teens in this movie were saying "Idiot, you're watching Amber Alert, you deserve whatever you get!" There's even a contrived love interest "sub plot" that not only goes no where but, is dropped not 2 minutes after it was presented. And by the end of the movie, it's just comes off as an empty, annoying, not thrilling waste of time.
Brüno (2009)
Trash
This movie doesn't deserve a five star at all, as that would imply that the movie is half decent. And to all the people who like this movie, you all need to be lobotomized, Now let's talk about this film.
Bruno has aggravatingly painful jokes because their the kind of jokes that CAN be funny but, the movie does it 100% wrong. It's like watching someone trying to be funny while being the most socially awkward person ever, who also has down's syndrome. it's just uncomfortable and embarrassing for everyone who has to watch this.
And by the very end, it just feels like to movie is giving one giant middle finger to its viewers, and for what? Why does this movie have to be too vulgar? This movie isn't worth the dirt that you'd find under dog poo . Don't waste your time or money on this.
Peter Pan Live! (2014)
Misused talents + boring
Before I go any further, For those who don't know, for some reason Broadway only casts women for the role of Peter Pan. I know it's baffling and dumb . At least when Cathy Rigby played the role in 2000 Cathy would throw her voice to sound like a little British boy so I'll give her credit for TRYING to fit the role.
You can't say the same about Peter Pan Live. Allison Williams makes no attempt to hide her female voice and her acting, at least in this play, is meh at best. Thus, I don't see Peter Pan, the energetic, fun, adventurer. Next!
Who ever thought that putting Christopher Walken as Hook needs to be punched in the throat. Throughout the whole play, he looks like he couldn't care less. And if the man playing Hook isn't invested in the slightest in his role as the main antagonist, then why should we care. Even if Allison Williams did do a good job in her role, she still wouldn't be saving anything with how bad Christopher Walken does. Hook has ALWAYS been an entertaining character with how fun, sneaky and menacing he was whenever he was on screen But not here, Next!
The issues I have with Allison Williams play into how cringe worthy it was when they have Wendy wanting to kiss Peter Pan. Because Allison doesn't try to hide that she's a girl in a male role, All I'm thinking is that the creators want to tease the viewers with a lesbian kiss. On top of teasing the viewer with a "Wendy and Peter might get together" sub plot that should've been left up for the audience to interpret. Bleh! That was awful... Next.
The only time I was invested was when Hooks pirates were on screen because they put effort into their acting. Tiger Lilly was empty and dull, the Lost Boys are casted as men (there is no excuse for this) And the ending fight with Peter vs Hook is just a boring as Christopher Walken himself. And now that I think about it, I don't know why I'm bringing this up so late but, if Christopher Walken could fit into anything with the boring and uninterested attitude of his, he should be in more M Night Shyamalan movies. Yeah, I said it and I'm not taking it back.
My Little Pony: The Movie (1986)
A basic Saturday morning cartoon.
All nostalgic value aside, this movie is just bad.
One, the 1980s wasn't a good time for cartoons in general, especially for MLP. The "stories" are weak and were honestly just a way for the creatures to make a quick buck and a way for parents to just keep the kids out of their hair for an hour and a half.
Two, Unlike now, MLP didn't give any of the characters a personality. They were all just cardboard cutouts to fill (you guessed it) an episode on a Saturday morning cartoon with a basic lesson for 2- 6 year olds like "don't be selfish" and "friendship is great".
Three The movie has horrible songs like "can't stop the smooze" and the voice acting is also horrible. And to be frank, the only reason I liked this was because of the colors and glittery look of the ponies...when I was 6. A movie like this just doesn't hold up and any level. And in 2015, there are A LOT more better choices for kids compared to the tripe back then.
Epic (2013)
An epic waste of potential.
Without giving too much away. To start off, When were introduced to the little people and fairies there's Queen Tara and Ronin. And there's what looks like an interesting dynamic between them. Too bad that the plot doesn't do anything with them. Ane the villain was LAME. He just wants to watch the forest turn to mold because he's a boring bad guy and the plot needed it. The whole idea of having humans be in slow motion through the eyes of the little people was just unnecessary. And worst of all, I tried to like the movie but, the more I thought about what this movie could've done with the ideas, the more disappointed I was. Just think, people worked for years to make this along with millions of dollars and this was the best that they could come up with? A movie targeted for little kids who are too young to understand that the movie is just a waste of time!
Bloomington (2010)
It's just bait for mouth breathers.
It's not like other bad lesbian movies where one of the girls is tormented by her sexually or is surrounded by horrible people. Oh no, this movie is even worse! The main character is a bland college girl who falls in love with her sexually active female professor. And that sound SO much better than it actually is. I'd prefer this in a porno than in a freaking' drama! The "erotic" moments don't mean anything if its attached to boring characters who make stupid decisions. By that I mean, the main character goes back to her life as a boring actress on a TV show. And everything that happened means absolutely nothing by the end.
Southpaw (2015)
The story forgot one major thing...
Jack Gyllenhaal was great as always and the topics that the story tackled were effective. One little problem was the little girl who plays the daughter. It gets pretty exploitative with her and at one point, she acts more like an emotional anchor than anything else which is always annoying. And if you've seen a lot of children in movies like I have, you'll know what I'm talking about. To its credit the little girl is actually a good actress and there is a touching and quiet moment with her and her dad that kinda makes up for it. I won't spoil anything but, the big issue that started the main characters downfall in the first place and the best that the plot could do was have the issue get settled in the fighting ring. WORST IDEA EVER. I feel kinda bad giving the film a 5. There was definitely a lot of good that this movie did but, you can't just ignore something that big!
Sukai kurora (2008)
As fulfilling as a premature ejaculation
*Spoilers* *Spoilers*
The first half of the movie consists of characters that are so empty and dull. I don't even care to remember what their names are. They are that bad. The biggest problem with main character is that he looks so uninterested and boring. And if he's uninterested and not invested, then why should I care about him? He's a cardboard cutout of Sasuke Uchiha.
And no, the first 30 minutes or so aren't just "slow" like some of the other comments have said because absolutely nothing happens! I'm not kidding, it's just pretty establishing shots and other characters who mean nothing in the slightest, oh yeah they kinda help out to what's going on in the plot but, they never leave an impact. Even the so called " comic relief" just smiles and picks up bitches. That's it.
And yes, the ending is horrible too. It's a huge exposition dump that should have been fleshed out throughout the story but nope, the movie just dicks around and when the movie finally let's on to what's going on regarding the war, the movie is almost over. Oh, the real kicker is that the main character doesn't just die, he dies from a master pilot who is really his father, who we've never seen or heard from in the story. We never even see them talk to each other let alone his dads face. And the character dies without their ever being any resolve, no heroic death and no sacrifice. So to sum up, this movies' a huge tease. It had potential but, I feel like the creators had a "make them want it" kind of idea but, the movie just kept on holding back and making so many bad decisions that the finished product just fades into obscurity. And rightfully so.