partymouse-48811 Reviews

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024)

Cliche and soooooo dumb

[2/10 · 15 May 2024]

This movie has every stupid cliche ever with the only difference being it's got giant monkeys instead of people. The human characters are AWFUL. There's an Australian guy trying to be Starlord (who I really wanted to see get smashed by a truck or something), PaperBoy trying to be nerdy and funny and failing miserably, the woman who is only there to explain all the dumb stuff going on through exposition, and the little mute girl has the emotionless facial expressions of a sanded cantaloupe. The plot is basically good Kong and fire breathing Godzilla vs Bad Kong and ice breathing Godzilla. The soundtrack is annoying and thinks it's being hip and cool. Oh and the evil monkey can control the evil Godzilla using magic crystals.

Ghosted (I) (2023)

Worst movie I've seen this year

[1/10 · 22 May 2023]

This seems like the type of movie agents or producers convince other actors to star in without reading a script because they offered them a bunch of money. Cliche characters, zero chemistry between the stars, boring stale action scenes, awful dialogue, and a plot that's basically been done a dozen time before ( true lies, Mr and Mrs smith, this means war, etc). Nothing in this movie I would qualify as being good. Was it fun to get high and laugh about how bad it was? Sure. But god help you if you watch this movie sober expecting something interesting. Also, is Ana de Armas, just a bad actress?

Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio (2022)

Probably the best Pinocchio movie

[9/10 · 10 December 2022]

I'm not really a fan of Pinocchio. It's an old story that I feel has been done 1 million times and there's only so many new things you can do with it. However, Guillermo Del Toro managed to make some thing that was well thought out, creative and unique. It has much more adult themes than the original (it takes place in Italy during WW2, so there are tons of Nazi's and even Mussolini at one point) and even though it omitted my favorite part of the story (when the bad kids all turn into donkeys) in order to do this, I still think it worked and had a Better message than the original did. Now I will always have a soft spot for the original, Disney Pinocchio movie, but this year's live action remake starring Tom Hanks undid some of that nostalgia for me. This was a great movie, filled with character and soul, unlike any of the modern day live action remakes. Definitely worth a watch.

Bros (I) (2022)

I think Billy is the problem

[4/10 · 6 October 2022]

I went into this movie with no real expectations except from enjoying some of the directors previous comedies. The only real problem I had with this movie was Billy. His character is not likable and there were several times throughout the film where I wondered why anyone would want to be in a relationship with this person. I was not familiar with the other actor who played his boyfriend in the movie but he did a phenomenal job and was very sympathetic and portrayed aside of gay men that I do not see on film very often. Billy's character is catty, insecure, and loud. He's not sympathetic. I don't know if another actor could've pulled this off better, but Billy was definitely the problem with this movie. Which is funny because he wrote the movie for himself and portrayed himself as the least likable character in the entire film.

Bullet Train (2022)

Sorta fun, sorta boring, decent action, bad celebrity cameos

[4/10 · 3 October 2022]

Let me start by saying it took me three times to finish this movie. I kept starting it and around the 20 minute mark we just get bored and wander off and do something else. So last night I had the house all to myself and I said I am going to finish bullet train! About an hour into the movie I thought the film was starting to wrap up and then checked the time and realize there was still over an hour to go. I was shocked. So I kept watching. Then again it felt like the movie was wrapping up. I checked again. I still had 40 minutes to go. I'm not sure why, but this movie felt like it took forever.

Beyond how long this movie felt, a lot of the fight scenes were actually really well made. The only problem is all of the characters are so cartoony and one dimensional that you don't get invested in any of the fights. It feels like the road runner and Wiley coyote hitting each other over and over again. The best fight scene was with bad bunny surprisingly, and reminded me somewhat of old Jackie Chan movies.

Also, I think this movie was at least in part supposed to be a comedy? And none of the jokes land because none of them are being done by comedians. The only time I laughed was when Channing Tatum showed up and gave a very sexually aggressive stare down to Brad Pitt. I'll admit it, it was unexpected and I laughed pretty hard. However the cameos don't just stop with Channing Tatum. Michael Shannon shows up in a very unimpressive role, Sandra Bullock is the voice on the phone because she's buddies with pitt, and Ryan Reynolds (the celebrity douche bag incarnate) also shows up at the end. All of these cameos were unimpressive and meaningless.

Anyway, I sort of can't stand Ryan Reynolds in anything ever so when he magically showed up at the end for a surprise cameo it sort of killed the entire movie for me. I wouldn't have even watched it if I had known he was in it. That's a bad surprise guys.

Anyway if they had casted more comedic actors, and shortened the movie to 90 minutes, I think it would've been a lot better.

Men (2022)

Probably the craziest ending to a movie I've ever seen, but that still doesn't make it good.

[4/10 · 3 July 2022]

This movie starts off pretty strong I'd say. Some genuine creepiness and a sense of looming danger helps ratchet up the tension in the beginning, but all that slowly starts to fade away into something that is just... weird. First off, one guy plays basically all the "Men" in this film, but why? What was the point of having one actor play a little boy, a priest, some drunks and a caretaker? This person had no relevance in the main characters life whatsoever so why would she be seeing this one man's face everywhere? It would make sense if she was seeing her ex-boyfriend's face everywhere because of the psychological trauma, but why this random white guy? Just to be artsy? Ultimately I can give that strange choice a pass, but then we get to the end of the movie where everything goes into crazy town. Now I'm fairly sure the ending was just the main characters psychological breakdown and it was all just in her head, but even with that caveat, this ending is just weird, confusing, pretentious, dumb, and probably the craziest thing I have ever seen in any movie ever. Now that's saying a lot since I went to film school in LA and have probably seen hundreds of crazy things in various movies, but THIS TAKES THE CAKE. I could never have imagined this ending. Even if you had told me what would happen I wouldn't have been able to picture it in my mind, it's that crazy. Does that make this a good movie? Absolutely not, but if you are like me and swear you've already seen the craziest stuff imaginable on film, well I got news for ya....

Chronic-Con, Episode 420: A New Dope (2015)

absolutely pointless

[2/10 · 15 August 2015]

Most documentaries have a point or message that they are trying to get across to the viewer. This "film" doesn't do that at all. Basically this is just an 80 min home movie from a comedian who got high and went to comic con. If you smoke weed it may be mildly entertaining on a "whoa dude, he's so high!" sort of level, but beyond that it's just a waste of time. Doug Benson is slowly becoming a testament to why real actors and comedians don't actually smoke weed on camera or show up blazed as hell to public appearances. It's because weed doesn't make you as funny or clever as you think you are.

Maybe try actually writing a script next time and stop trying to pass off a failed reality show pilot as a documentary.

Doug Benson: Doug Dynasty (2014 TV Special)

reading tweets is not stand up comedy

[2/10 · 15 August 2015]

I used to be a fan of Doug Benson, but it seems as though the countless amounts of marijuana he's inhaled has made him far too lazy to even write down jokes for his own stand up special. There is literally a HUGE section of this comedy special where he is literally just reading tweets from people in the audience, commenting on how ridiculous it is that he's reading tweets as stand up. This stand up show seems like Doug just got blazed then went on stage and tried to wing it and improvise and the result is painfully unfunny.

I was high when I watched this and even I didn't laugh. Step your damn game up Doug. This stuff is embarrassing.