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Grindhouse (2007)
10/10
best film all year
6 April 2007
without having seen or even knowing about most of the movies coming out this year, i can already tell you that Grindhouse will entertain you more. a double feature from Robert Rodriguez and Quintin Tarantino, and with almost no break in the action, a keen eye for what grindhouse cinema is all about, and more blood than one can handle, Grindhouse takes the cake.

first (after a hilarious trailer for Machete) comes RR's "Planet Terror," a non-stop fast-paced exploitation film set in a zombified Texas town. in Rose McGowen as a sexy go-go dancer who loses her leg. next is her crazy boyfriend who eventually straps on her famous gun-leg. they, along with a few other survivors, are against the whole town in stopping the spread of zombies before they infect the planet. very reminiscent of a Geroge A. Romero flick (pacing included), RR decides to take that concept and add as much blood, gore, and pus as possible. no one will come out of this without feeling even a little squeamish. 10/10.

last (after more insanely funny trailers, including Rob Zombie's "Werewolf Women of the S.S. and Eli Roth's delightfully disgusting "Thanksgiving") is QT's "Death Proof," a carsploitation (i can make that word work) film. not nearly as fast-paced or engaging as its predecessor, one might think that QT had failed us. not quite. although the middle 30 minutes bored some people to sleep, the ending car-chase makes up for it, using real stunts instead of CGI. 8/10.

the trailers get a 10/10 by the way.

my personal opinion is that they should have switched the orders of the films, considering the fact that as an audience, we are extremely pumped up after the first film only to be led into a slower-paced, but still fun, movie. as i said before, nothing will even come close to the exhilaration you'll feel when watching this. it's the first, and probably only, time this year i can say i will see a movie again before it's out of theatres. 10/10.
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10/10
Greatest Show On The Planet
28 March 2007
When "Tom Goes to the Mayor" ended, i was sad, because the humor in that show was very unique. So when "Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!" was announced, i couldn't wait to see what the duo had cooked up this time. Needless to say, it works. The show has no plot and basically parodies everything that people hate, such as infomercials and local commercials. The humor isn't for everyone, it's definitely not "mature" humor by any means. But it's great comedy with perfect timing and just the right amount of annoyance that makes the Awesome Show so great. A good example is a sketch called "Here She Comes" in which "Weird Al" walks elderly women down a wedding aisle where at the end stand Tim and Eric who consistently repeat, "Here she comes..." Guest spots pop up everywhere, mostly from underrated comedians such as Zach Galifinakis (sorry if that was misspelled) in the memorable "Gravy Robbers" sketch. As I said, the show isn't for everyone. But for those who can identify with the humor of Tim and Eric, this show will be your new reason to not smash your TV each week.
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3/10
stupid
26 December 2006
Warning: Spoilers
An exploitation film with this caliber of appeal should have been awesome. It's a movie that's been banned in more than one country; that's already reason enough to expect something sensational. Revenge story? Awesome! But...

Somewhere along the lines of absurd, this film was quite possibly the most boring exploitation picture of its time. For starters: The girl gets naked for no reason. Then the rape happens for no reason. And rape to me is a very gross, disturbing, and vile thing; but I Spit On Your Grave didn't even make me squirm, i found myself snacking on Cheerios during those scenes. The violence was equally idiotic as they didn't even save the best murder scene for last. If you think seeing a guy's feet getting chopped up is more disturbing than a guy's manhood being sliced off, then maybe you'll enjoy the revenge sequence: me, i didn't.

basically, I Spit On Your Grave was over-hyped and stupid. it gets a 3 just for the fact that it inspired good movies to be made.
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10/10
Pure Entertainment
19 August 2006
A movie's purpose is to entertain, thus why actors, directors, and everyone else involved are in the entertainment industry. Mainstream movies nowadays (for the most part) have lost that spark...until now.

Title the genre what you like, Snakes On A Plane is entertaining. Samuel L. Jackson's performance hits the nail right on the head as Detective Flynn of the FBI. Flynn is sent on a mission to transport some guy (honestly i can't find him anywhere on IMDb) to L.A. from Hawaii to testify against an Asian killer man. The Asian killer man says, "Well governor, we must kill some guy. Let's...uh...put snakes on his plane!!" And thus the movie moves foreword. I laughed more than I've laughed in months...it was breathtaking to see Samuel L. saying lines that sounded almost exactly like the "Say What Again..." line from Pulp Fiction. The movie overall is pretty fun anyways.

To sum it up, a movie's purpose is to entertain, and boy was I entertained. I'm thinking a sequel titled..."Poison Dart Frogs On A Speed Boat!!"
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Brick (2005)
10/10
mind blowingly amazing
14 May 2006
No words can describe Brick. It's a movie you need to see to believe. Now take this into account, walking into the theatre, you need to have a clear mind and complete focus on the film. The best way to describe Brick is that a senior at high school finds his ex-girlfriend dead, and then sets out as an amateur gumshoe to find her murderer. On the way, he meets a bunch of loonies who go to school with him. In the end, he finds the answers to his questions, with us, as the viewers, shocked. Brendan (the main guy), meets a bunch of crazy people, like i said before, who include The Pin, a drug-ring organizer, his bouncer Tug, druggie Dode, and Laura, a girl who seems to always show up at the right time to save Bendan's ass. Honestly, it was the best movie I've seen all year, GO WATCH IT!
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The Ringer (2005)
7/10
hilarious but not perfect
24 December 2005
my two cents about The Ringer is this... Johnny Knoxville plays nice-guy Steve who is in a ba-a-a-d situation and is in need of cash. his uncle Gary gets a far-fetched idea of rigging the special olympics. although he is reluctant, Knoxville decides to take on the job, donning the persona of Jeffy Dohmer (pronounced da-mur). Jeffy meets a beauty of a motivational helper and tries to get in good with her while trying to win the olympics.

now, you must realize that the plot is funny, yes rude, but funny. Seeing Knoxville bonding with the mentally challenged was actually very nice at the end, because throughout the movie, he beings to respect them. In the middle, the movie shifts towards not so much of winning the special olympics, but winning the girl. personally, i think the plot-line of Steve trying to figure out how to get Lynn (the beauty) without her getting offended at his fraudence.

the beginning was un-funny, but the movie became looser over the course of it, so that is why it is a 7. the comedy doesn't start until about 30-45 minutes in!!
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9/10
crazy acid trip
19 July 2005
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is not a remake, nor is it a new concept. It goes by the book and is highly effective. The beginning is very dreary but in a good way, and the children in the movie play their parts to a T. Charlie getting his ticket was a little dull, but the second the factory gates open, the madness arrives. If you have seen Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas, you will know how far Depp can take a drug role. Johnny Depp adds so much to the role of Willy Wonka, almost taking another role: Michael Jackson. With weird comments like "come try my grass" and "don't touch the squirrel's nuts", this movie gets more stars just for making me laugh. I do not think this is a children's movie though. Most of the jokes will fly right over their heads, and the whole sub-plot of Wonka's parent-problem will confuse most adolescents. Byee ~EtHaN
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