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hmckiel
Reviews
Spiders (2000)
Saved by an Third Act and Decent Effects
SPIDERS could have been another No-Flash, Even Less Bang DTV horror flick. But about halfway through, the writers got smart and made the final fifteen minutes something that monster movies fanatics the world over would of cheered in an immaculate chorus if they saw it in a movie theater for. Problem is, no one would've had the patience to stay up until then.
The plot is simple: The government injects a spider with alien DNA, it lays an egg in someone before it dies, the offspring hatches in a decent gross-out scene, and crap happens. It takes a while to get going, and even once it does nothing cool ever happens until the finale, which involves yet another spider, this one bigger than a large sports car, getting loose in Los Angles. It really is quite the spectacle, one that I thought saved the film from being a total snoozefest.
Everything else is average or below-average, except the puppetry effects used for the spiders (there's only three in the entire film). There is one part where the creature is obviously just a prop on the end of a stick, but other than that the practical effects are outstanding for this kind of film. Now about the CG, well, its terrible for the most part.
Overall, SPIDERS makes for an okay weekend rental. Don't expect much, and you shouldn't be too disappointed.
Altered (2006)
Gruesome and Harrowing
ALTERED is a nasty little Sci-Fi/Horror gem that packs on the suspense and dread. There's something here for everyone: Gore hounds will be pleased, people looking for scares will be pleased, those watching only to see the aliens will be pleased. Everyone wins! Unless you're not into Horror flicks. In that case, go watch You, Me, and Dupree.
Some rednecks who were abducted by sadistic and savage aliens manage to capture one of the monsters that tortured them and killed their friend years ago. Of course, it gets loose and it's buddies come looking for it. I know it doesn't sound very good, but believe me when I say that ALTERED is one creepy movie. Let's not forget how well developed some of the characters are. For once, the cast isn't made up of pretty twenty-somethings with no emotion or backstory! Now about the aliens. These things are nasty little buggers. When they bite you, they infect you with a flesh-eating sickness. They have mind-control powers. They have a tendency to dismember victims. They also are able to survive being shot, harpooned, and bludgeoned several times. That last part was one of the film's few flaws: Again, the monster appears to be using some sort of invincibility cheat.
Overall, ALTERED is a well-made, freaky, creature feature that you should check-out ASAP, if you're into monster movies.
Chimera (2003)
So-So Indie Werewolf Short Film
When I was watching CHIMERA, I got the feeling I was watching something from the late seventies. That isn't a bad thing. Likewise, CHIMERA isn't a bad film. At only 22 minutes long, it dosen't wear out its welcome and the film makers clearly did the best they could with the ultra-low budget they had.
In fact, bad audio and some wooden acting are really the only problems CHIMERA suffered from. The gun and gore effects, though rare, are decent, and the direction is kind of nifty at times, but we never actually see the Werewolf aside from its hands. Plus, there were times when I had to adjust my speakers to hear what the actors were saying.
The plot revolves around a group of soldiers investigating an abandoned research facility in the Arctic Circle, and lo and behold, they find a Werewolf that kills them off one by one. Sure, its generic, but I don't mind unoriginality much, just as long the film itself isn't that bad.
And CHIMERA isn't that bad. It has a couple suspenseful moments, and does something imaginative with its generic plot line. I'd recommend seeing it at least once. Now if only the audio wasn't so bad...
War of the Worlds (2005)
Thumbs down
*warning! comment may contain minor spoilers!*
When me and my Father rented this film, we expected a visually impressive, compelling, thrill ride. While visually impressive, this adaption of HG Wells' classic novel more of a family drama then a Sci-Fi thrill ride.
Meet Ray Farrier. He is an average American citizen living in New Jersey. His wife just left him, and is leaving her two children, Rachel and Robbie, with Ray for the weekend. He assures her she's got nothing to worry about. Too bad aliens decided to attack Earth this weekend.Ray and his family must flee for their lives if they hope to survive the invasion.
I won't complain about the ending, because that's how the book ended. The special effects and Tripod design are above average. However, Dakota Fanning is the only good actor here, and all her character ever does is wail like a banshee. Tom Cruise does well until the aliens attack, and at that point, he appears to start thinking that seeing as how he has to share the screen with top-notch CGI, he can just start slacking off.
Now about the aliens themselves. Big design flaw there. They look like the monster from "Alien" with big eyes and green skin. In other words, you wouldn't expect them to be the evil beings controlling the Tripods.
King Kong: The Official Game of the Movie (2005)
9/10
Peter Jackson didn't want the game to be a slave of the movie, and because of this, the game is very different. This doesn't the game isn't good, though. IT'S FRIKKIN' AWESOME!!!!
The graphics are way above average, the controls are difficult at first, but it's easy to get used to them, the voice acting is very good, and the game automatically adjusts the difficulty level to match your level of skill. However, don't pretend to suck just to beat the game faster, as this isn't an easy game anyways.
Overall, this game is very enjoyable. It's available for Gamecube, GB Advamce, Nintendo DS, PS2, and XBOX 360, so it's not that hard to acquire it, so go play it as soon as possible. If you don't enjoy yourself, sue me.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
You're a mean one, Mr Grinch.......
What can I say? THIS is the pinnacle of Christmas movies. We're talking grade A family entertainment here.
Anyways, the plot focuses on the Grinch, played perfectly by Jim Carrey, being convinced to go down to a little town that's obsessed with Christmas called Whoville for a Christmas celebration. Needless to say, the Grinch hates Christmas and every living creature in Whoville, so all does not go well.
So, the Grinch sets out to ruin Christmas that night. And that's when the fun REALLY starts.
Overall, you should go buy this movie on DVD. Right now. I TELL YOU, MAN, YOU NEED TO WATCH THIS.
My god, could the theme song get any more catchy?
Zathura: A Space Adventure (2005)
Jumanji in space
I liked this movie. I admit, I thought it would be pretty bad, with the bad writing, average acting, and the fact that it totally rips-off Jumanji, but it was still fun.
Basically, these two young brothers who don't like each other much play this board game that shoots them off into space where they must play the game to the end while enduring the countless challenges it throws at them.
It's not very dependant on CGI, either. I was pleased to see that. The Brothers Grim was almost ruined by it's depandancy on CGI, among other problems. Zathura didn't suffer this fate. It uses practical effects for the occasional monster that pops up. This made me happy.
Overall, Zathura was fun. Go see it soon. I'm serious.
The Brothers Grimm (2005)
Weird
Yes, The Brothers Grimm has good acting. They did a very good job of casting. Matt Daemon and Heath Ledger do as good a job as anyone could, maybe a little better, but I'm surprised they didn't have a silent "what the hey are we doing?" expression on they're faces somewhere near the end of the film.
Anyways, the film is about these two con artists. They're brothers, they go around Europe tricking people into paying them to get rid of monsters that don't even exist. But they soon get themselves into a strange situation that requires authentic bravery rather then the bogus junk they usually do. I guess fake bad guys require fake heroism to destroy.
The villain in the film is an evil queen of some sort who laid around rotting for the last 500 years controlling a wide variety of random fairy tale characters so that they can drag a bunch of little girls into the forest and sacrifice them to the queen so that she may return to the world of the living and cause a ruckus. Needless to say, The Brothers Grimm prove themselves to be true heroes and come save the day.
All in all, this film is a jamboree of bad CGI, horrible camera work, and random jump scenes. Watch only if your bored. It is funny to see Heath Ledger dancing at the end, tough.
Warpath: Jurassic Park (1999)
awesome game!
My dad got this game for me when I was 8. It took me awhile to learn how to play it, but once I did, I loved it! The graphics, sound, and controls are very likable. The game allows you to play as dinosaurs from the Jurassic Park movies, and some dinos that wern't in the films.
However, some years ago, my copy just disappeared. This really bummed me out, but then, by some miracle, I found it on Amazon.ca and bought it for $40. I would pay $100 dollars to play this little known gem again!
Now that I've gotten my hands on it again, I'm never letting go!! Although, a sequel for PS2 or PSP would fool me into buying those otherwise cruddy systems. I'd love to take the JP3 spinosaurus out for a ride! Overall, this is a solid, well made fighting game. If you can find it, buy it. 29/30
Critters (1986)
Good fun.
This film is one of the better low budget 80's teen horror flicks. Why doesn't any one make movies about little monsters eating people today?! They're better then most trash that comes out of Hollywood today. Some ugly fuzzy monsters escape from a prison in deep space and head to Earth and start a killing spree, while two intergalactic bounty hunters are hot on they're tails.Notable ratings: VIOLENCE:*** PROFANITY:-* LANGUAGE:*** WRITING:***** HUMOR:**** TERROR:** EFFECTS:**** OVERALL:*x20 RANKING: PRETTY DARN GOOD. You might have more fun watching Gremlins, but don't miss you're chance to watch this cool little horror/comedy gem, either. If you encounter any bad reviews, ignore them. No offense, but if you don't like this movie, you worry me. The actors are quite good, as well, giving another reason to watch this film.
Arachnia (2003)
Disgustingly bad!
This...... Movie.... Is..... Horrible!!!!!! You won't believe this hunk of junk is even a movie!!!! Critters4 was better then this!!! And Critters4 was pretty frigging bad too!!! A bunch of stupid teens crash in a desert, find an old run down bungalow, and end up fending off horrifically badly stop motion animated spiders. Pardon my french, but the acting was bad as hell!!! The person who wrote this probably didn't even know what a spider is, because he had the spiders living in a colony serving an alien-queen-ripoff queen spider! SPIDERS DO NOT LIVE IN COLONIES!!!!!!!!! THIS "MOVIE" IS A PIECE OF CRUD!!! At the end, the marines suddenly pop out of no where and kill all the spider without even being called!!!! If you see a copy of this movie at a video store, douse it in gasoline and throw a match at it!!!!
Munchies (1987)
Fun little movie
A lot of people don't like this movie. I can't imagine why. Despite the bad writing, terrible acting, and cheesy effects, this movie is pretty fun to watch,mostly to kids though. An archaeologist and his reluctant son find a strange little creature in Peru and take it home. However it gets abducted. After severe mistreating, it grows slightly larger and become more aggressive and dangerous, and gets chopped, causing there to be several of them running around town wrecking havoc. Good performances by Harvey Coreman and Nadine Van Der Velde, but everyone else was just bad. If you can forget about that, you'll have fun. Just don't think and watch the movie.