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talllwoood13
Reviews
Final Impact (1992)
fun to watch
Does anything original happen in this movie? No, you've probably seen it a million times. I think a huge reason I didn't turn this movie off was because Lorenzo played the part so well and it didn't seem forced or out of character if that makes sense. He brings this coolness to the character even though you should dislike him. Besides him there's not a single memorable character in this.
The kick boxer that Nick (Lorenzo) trains is pretty meat and potatoes. He can fight but his acting is like some high school kid doing the bare minimum to pass a Spanish class, shooting for that 60% or so. However the worst actor by far has to be the old man perpetually smoking cigars who is the other fighters coach for Jake the bad guy at the end of the movie.
The sets were diverse, there was a few scenes I was tempted to laugh at how poor the acting was and the cheap keyboad musical scores I'd take points off but all in all, this movie turned out to be better than I thought it would as really I just put this on to fall asleep to.
Final Round (1994)
Generic Round
This movie was OK to say the least. It was like a mixture of a few movies such as Hard Target with JCVD, if you've seen the original Saw movie from.2004 and sillier stuff such as. Running Man (1987) with Arnold Schwarzenegger or the video game Smash TV on Nintendo put all of that into a blender and you'd have this movie. This would have been a fun one to rent in the 90s as there's a lot of worst movies out there you could watch.
The cast is forgetful for the most part and if anything with the actor who played Delgado I kept making remarks about the person looking like the politician Justin Treudau.
Unless I saw a heavily edited for TV version.as I've heard there's a second cut of this that is over 1 hour and 18 minutes but nowhere near enough fighting or action happens in this for me to give it more than a 5 star.
Getting near the end of the movie it starts to unravel, the hunters start killing each other. The man in the suit with the shotgun should never have been involved more than passing the last two guys guns. A lot of that made this lose points to the point it just got boring and made the ending seem unsatisfying. Oh you just killed a few people, go ahead, you can go. We're not going to pay you or the moderately attractive woman, no we're going to make sure Justin gets hunted but you can go now! Want to work for our organization? No.. ok byeeee.
Double Blast (1994)
double flush
This is such a bad movie. This just insults the viewers at how they think so low of kids intelligence. I absolutely hate how these kids who aren't even old enough to see a PG-13 movie are able to beat up grown adults. Such as the movie "3 ninjas.(1992)" this is one of those squeaky clean kids movies where there's no blood or anyone dying. Yet for some reason they uttered the word R word twice in this movie.
Can anyone act in this movie? Not really. They are goofy and mostly it's just slapstick humor to the point I wasn't sure what to expect as I just went in blind to this movie. This is another one of those movies where the bad guys get beaten up countless times and they really didn't have many other cast members so they just kept getting up and wanting to get beaten up again.
The movie stretches on for too long. You can tell it had inspiration from movies such as Home Alone 1 and 2. At least the dads martial arts looked fine. By the time there's a cave involved I could not pay attention to this movie if my life depended on it. The only thing I'll remember from this is Robert's glorious chin! Skip this. If I was any child actor in this movie. No matter how small of a role I'd be embarrassed.
Midnight Man (1995)
midnight runs
This movie just came off as bland, so bland that even Steven Seagal would probably have said no to starring in it. Instead they get this actor sporting a glorious mullet similar to JCVD in the movie Hard Target and dresses like the countless grunge rock bands that were dying out at that point. My hair is longer than Lorenzo's and I'd still be the jerk telling him to cut it to look more legit if I was the director or an executive producer.
The first 30 minutes minus a shootout in this mansion were pretty generic and could easily have been cut from the movie. Then again the movie would be under an hour if so. The oil truck scene would have worked if it didn't feel like a video game such as Goldeneye on Nintendo 64 where enemies kept appearing out of nowhere during the shootout as well. The Russian mafia boss hardly sounds Russian. They could have just bugged Ron Jeremy to be in it.
Lorenzo can fight, this almost comes off as a vanity project as everyone loves him and thinks he's so awesome. He's a little too soft spoken to the point he just comes off as kind of boring. Lorenzo is this walking wood chipper who doesn't lose a single fight so to me anyways you don't get very involved in this. The villain was pretty bland and the story was nothing special. It was like a better made Samurai Cop. However it just drove me nuts that this more than likely 100% North American looking guy knows Cambodian fluently. Besides that the last fight was just boring how it ended. Were they going for a PG13 rating? Either way a 3.5 star from me. The fighting was good, the opening score was catchy, there was a plot to follow and the locations were somewhat diverse. I love the explosions from the grenade launchers. However this movie was just bland and I feel could have been done better. I wonder if this was direct to TV or one of those direct to video ones no one had ever heard of and are as bored as I was on a Sunday night to watch. My big question. Did this movie make any money?
Bloodmoon (1997)
not bad
I'd give this a 5.5 out of 10. The chemistry between the two unlikely partners is more better than for instance Lethal Weapon or Beverly Hills Cop 1 or 2. The plot was somewhat original as well I'll give it that. One of the highlights was the over acting that the captain did in this. The action was well choreographed bordering on over the top. There's some questionable acting as well where you don't know whether to laugh or know it's a serious scene.
The masters daughter. Megan I think her name was. She reminded me of Ashley in Resident Evil 4 for some reason.
The bad guy was like a coked out Antonio Banderas in for example Zoro or some Mariachi movie. If it was any sillier in the beginning I would have thought I was watching WCW.
The ending was kind of silly but I enjoyed this. It's almost a good movie to me.
Talons of the Eagle (1992)
ok but not great
I'd give this a 5.5 maximum out of 10. This movie stars a dollar store hybrid of a shorter Steven Seagal as he sports a pony tail and the leather jackets, JCVD with the unidentifiable accent and the good looks of someone along the lines of Joe Pesci or Sardo (Richard Dumont) from Are You Afraid Of The Dark minus those beautiful curls. What surprised me is how almost every training scene he's sweaty. The only thing nice I'll say about the actor is I love his Ellesse track suit. He looks like a walking, talking Jazz paper cup. I kept calling the actor Steven Fauxgal.
For a movie shot in Toronto you don't see much of the city and they insist on using US currency. You can spot Canadian money a mile away due to the colors. What surprised me was that Matthias Hues was in this.
The story is pretty bland and forgetful where they seem heavily inspired by films such as Bloodsport (1988), yet after a few poorly shot fights they just go back into this incredibly mediocre action movie. They even got Michael to do the splits. I can't get over how short he is compared to Billy Banks. I hated how much they relied on vents in this movie as well.
Billy and Michael seemed to have chemistry, more so than say Lethal Weapon 1 or 2 or possibly the Rush Hour franchise. There was some heart to this as there was quite a lot of explosions. The fight choreography was OK, not great. Perhaps it was the opponents. I don't know. I'm not in the movie industry. The last 10 or 15 minutes should have been the best but I was just so bored I didn't care. I would have scrapped all the scenes and started over if the budget would have allowed it.
My least favorite scene in the entire movie was where Michael is in the speedo. His shirt is on inside out and there's a really cringy shower scene. You can tell the girl was more in quantum physics. There's some REALLY ugly strippers in this movie as well.
The only two Canadian things in this movie where one biker said "eh", the Toronto police cop car and of course the cop had to watch hockey.
One weird credit they said "tourney fighters" and early on in the movie they had the lights too bright on a corpse and his eyes are twitching.
Ninja Busters (1984)
Toilet Cloggers
This movie has more of an identity crisis than a teenager in a North American high school. The opening is hilariously bad trying to introduce the actor(s) as if any of them are seriously going to have careers after this... better yet an audience of this shoe string budgeted movie. One moment we think it's going to be a ninja movie, the next minute a comedy... could it be both? Sure it's been done before. However this would mean that either the fights would have to be choreographed way better or the jokes had to make us laugh. I'm wondering if this was just some rich guys vanity project. Usually I go out of my way to find movies like this where they are "so bad they are good" but this one is just bad.
The music is terrible. Chic was absolutely the worst cast of anyone in this "movie", the problem is that he looks like most peoples father in the 80s, not some martial arts expert or action hero. He seemed like he was wearing a wig in it. I find it more easier to believe two students waited 3 years to fight each other than his hairline and I'm too lazy to google the actor. Both Chic and Bernie look about twice all the girls ages that they are flirting with, they are like Beavis And Butthead but unlike those two these guys are just extremely obnoxious and stupid. I wonder how much of the script was written with the aid of Colombian nose candy because I don't think anyone sober (or sane) could write this train wreck. Not a single actor in this is memorable and I'd be embarrassed to say I was a part of this.
Were all the ninjas that allegedly trained since the age of 5 all trained at a Mcdojo and not a real dojo by some shyster. Most just ran up to people waving weapons around and were essentially bullet sponges.
If you're here for ninja fighting action skip to about 50 something minutes in. I don't get it. Was this supposed to be a family comedy where it's fun and clean enough for anyone who didn't know any better to watch? Why a 2 star? Sadly I finished it, it had somewhat of a plot too.
The Last Reunion (1980)
unbelievably bad
The only thing this movie really has going for it is you can follow the plot. Whether or not you've seen the poster of this movie which I seriously question if this movie had a theatrical release considering who is the top billed actors in this. Which both of them the only reason I know them is from other "so bad it's good movies". The other thing this has going for it is a diverse amount of shots around what I imagine is exclusively the Philippines. Besides that this movie is just boring.
Hardly anything happens in this, You could clean your house, work out or cook a 3 course meal for your family and even if you only have short glances at this movie I guarantee you won't miss a thing. There is so little action in this movie is one huge complaint I have with this. Sure it's Leo Fong and not some legit tough guy of that era but for the most part it's just following a bunch of army soldiers around as they are all reuniting in the Philippines. I was constantly checking to see how much more of this film I had to endure like a child eagerly waiting to open up his or her Christmas presents. The ending is terrible and I wonder if this was just an excuse for a bunch of friends to have a free vacation as I can't imagine anyone legitimately enjoying this movie. Perhaps this plot could have worked if they had a different... everything. Even caterer. Skip this unless you need help going to sleep.
Operation Black Ops (2023)
operation: crap drops
With a shoe string budget, 45 minutes minimum of filler where the typical cliche soldier is getting an old team back together and very VERY little action happens I wonder how this got green lit as it'll take more than a legendary UFC fighter to put people in seats or click play on a streaming website.
The intro was too long, that cheesy fire effect was so out of date. The opening scene was hilarious with the orange tipped guns. I'm no gun expert but airsoft or something? They filled up the movie with a big pile of those drone shots that try to make this "movie" seem better than it is and increase the run time. The worst scene in this movie had to be in the locker room when they are trying to convince the first person to accept the mission. Tons of awkward pauses and the lip syncing was laughable. As was a scene in the park with two agents talking. Certain scenes it made the infamous flower shop scene in The Room with Tommy Wiseau from 2003 look more professional. How poorly this was edited you'd think it was an older Steven Seagal movie (2006 or so) that had a different voice actor doing the dubs. Did the character Parker write the script? The only saving grace is seeing Tito in a movie and the pretty dark haired girl trying to be like Rambo or many other action stars trying to say as little as possible. Someone completely out of touch with reality wrote this.
If you're here for action, there's hardly any
the gunshots and all that were done in post production and look cheap
I spent more time trying to figure out the ethnicity of. Cris "Cyborg" Venâncio's ethnicity.
The final shootout was horrible. Either I had the worlds longest blink or the person who mashed it all together did an awful job and the extraction of a certain character by helicopter was lazily done.
Either way skip this movie, even if that means watching a movie again, even if that means doing that extremely tedious thing in your life you're avoiding right now.. do that instead. This BARELY qualifies as a movie. This is just a tiny step further than a youtube or similar site video.
Violent Night (2022)
boring night
Visually this movie they did a good job, a diverse set of scenes and.the plot, even though it was forgetful where I won't remember what this movie is about by next Christmas they did a good job. To an extent this is a love letter to actually good Christmas action movies. However this movie is like a blueprint of everything not to do in a movie. Everything is a cliche or satire. It's like that unfunny guy we know in work or school who is telling a joke. No one is laughing, yet they keep going and going. The pacing sucked, they just stretched it out as far as possible to get past that hour and a half of time.
There were some creative kills where it felt like a slightly dialed back Mortal Kombat fatality. However the cast sucked. Not a single memorable actor was in this. Is it possible for John Leguizamo to be in a good movie? I'd seriously consider watching that 1993 Mario movie over this again. This is like Gymkata, Blind Rage or Hobo With A Shotgun where it should have been laughed out of the room where the studio(s) shouldn't have touched it.
There wasn't enough fighting, thankfully they didn't hire Seth Rogan to be in this or I would have turned this off for sure. I'm still shocked this made money in the box office. Seriously skip this. Go watch Cobra with Sylvester Stallone instead. The opening to the worlds manliest movie is a Christmas movie, a better movie too.
Forced Vengeance (1982)
forced viewing
This is such a bad movie, I honestly don't know what people see in Chuck Norris. Sure he's an accomplished Martial Artist and I respect his time in the military but he's such a boring person in this movie. His breathy voice just put me to sleep, you've got to show more than one emotion. I've only seen him in a few movies but at first I thought the actor was just some nobody adult film star and it's definitely not the silly cowboy hats he's sporting throughout the movie. I honestly just clicked and watched this not knowing Chuck was in this. I thought it was going to be a vanity project style movie such as Champagne And Bullets (1993) or similar.
The second the plot actually thickens without ruining it, the movie REALLY goes downhill. Perhaps it's the person who wrote the scripts fault or the lack of a budget. I'll admit I enjoyed this more than Enter The Dragon which was the last movie I saw shot partially (as far as I know) in Hong Kong.
The plot is unoriginal, the fights were OK at best. It's just some tasteless action movie we picture our parents watching. When we come back from the video store in that era when we rent a comedy, cartoon or whatever. It's an over done story and the only saving grace is the odd shot or two of Hong Kong that makes me want to actually visit there. The villains henchman was terrible, he had the worst wig in Hong Kong on it looked like, the last two fight scenes were laughably bad.
Don't bother unless you're a hardcore. Chuck Norris fan. I'd rather watch a Steven Seagal movie made after 2005. I had to force myself to finish watching this garbage.
The Beekeeper (2024)
kind of creative
I saw this movie the other day and there were parts of it that were really well directed or written, however that ending was just poorly done. The casting was all over the place, it's like they had to find a balance between "woke" and hipster like casting. I hate the hairstyle that someone had to have agreed upon for "Verona Parker" (Emmy Raver-Lampman). Then of course the other bee keeper Jason Statham fights in the gas station just made me cringe. Just another person trying hard to embrace the 1980s style and culture but probably didn't grow up in it with her awful haircut, the jacket and anything else just made it look like they were trying too hard. However that was one of the best scenes in the movie without any doubt. In the call centers I would have rather Jason fly to "South Asia" and do all the destruction that he does over there as we all know where most of those scams are coming from! However language barriers and all that would be a bit difficult. Instead Jason barely drives across America. Maybe a state or two maximum and he just beats up or murders hipsters for the most part. Sure there are actual soldiers and everything but those call centers are mostly hipsters who the only time they have probably ever seen a firearm was playing Call Of Duty while they ate Doritos and drank Mountain Dew to be "ironic".
The bad guys plot was horrible, we didn't need the 28 year old. However he played his role well to be that unlikable. I do feel Jeremy Irons should have been the actual bad guy instead. The worst thing that hipster looking kid probably did was forgetting to tip a waiter I'd look at him as. The second the movie got to the second call center it REALLY went downhill. Finally revealing how the mother got where she was and trying to link all these silly things together. It's like the movie "The Painter" which came out recently where the movie was good but the endings were awful. I even sat through until the end of the credits hoping we'd get a bit more but nope!
The final fight was well done, it wasn't a one sided Steven Seagal fight. The fact that Jason was fighting against men he didn't intend to kill and shooting them in the body armor to knock them out was good. They even tried to implement bee facts in the movie as besides that the most we had was Jason tossing a jar of honey at someone. They had a few creative kills as well in this. I loved the bridge scene the most or when they are in the barn.
The current rating of 6.5 is a perfect rating for this. It had a ton of potential to become a better movie but a different director and work on the script may have improved it. Who knows maybe in 2034 or 2044 there will be a remake. They've made them for lesser movies.
Death Fighter (2017)
boredom maker
When I found out this movie was made in 2017 I was shocked. Either they rented out the worst cameras or something because this screamed one of those awful 90s TV movies and we've all seen our share of them. Save your time and or money and watch Rambo 2 or 4 instead. This is like a dollar store version of one of those for the most part.
The main character is so incredibly boring. The partner in this (Joe Lewis) it actually surprised me that he was not the director of the movie how fat, old and out of shape he was. Cynthia Rothrock and Don The Dragon Wilson's salaries for this movie could have been spent elsewhere to get a better product. I'll admit the main character has his moments where he can fight but I wouldn't have cast him on his martial arts skills alone.
This movie does absolutely nothing original, Cynthia saying to one person you wouldn't shoot a woman" was one of the dumbest scenes in the movie. Even one of the actors inadvertently says she's too old for this movie if you misinterpret it. Although she has pretty high billing in this movie, yet it's like one Steven Seagal's later movies and There is so little plot in this movie I had to give this a second sitting to see if I missed anything as originally I just had this on in the background while I looked for stuff to buy online. However the second sitting. Where I paid close attention to the dialogue I didn't miss a thing it turned out.
And that last shoot out was like something out of Scarface with Al Pacino. It was just insulting! I doubt anyone would remember seeing this movie in 2 or 3 years.
Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai (1999)
way to the garbage bin
I gave up about 45 minutes in. There was hardly any dialogue from "ghost dog", The dialogue was mostly just a bunch of old Italians throwing around racial slurs back and forth and Forest mumbling some Japanese way of the samurai nonsense which I think was more genuine when Steven Seagal would later say deep sounding crap in the movie Attrition from 2018 . Even the one shooting scene was incredible boring The lead actor in this is far too fat to be in this. He just comes off like someone on that certain spectrum that starts with an A, I couldn't help but laugh when he started doing all the martial arts. The only thing saving this movie from a solid 1/10 is that the music is good, as it should be as they actually hired a professional musician (the RZA) and at least there's a comprehensive, yet boring and unoriginal story.
How this movie has more than a 4 out of 10 is beyond me. Nostalgia? Who knows. At least this was better than the Black Dynamite remake.
Nobody (2021)
a lot of fun
I was not expecting this movie to be good. This turned out to be one of the best movies I've seen in what feels like months. I thought Breaking Bad was the most over rated shows on TV so this could have been why I didn't bother watching it until it was a very boring Monday night. However this surprised the heck out of me. It's got elements from movies such as John Wick 1, Home Alone, The Equalizer 1 (kind of a stretch) among other movies. Bob Odenkirk's charm really set this movie apart from a lot of other movies trying to do the same thing. Though at times I kind of picture a younger Will Ferrel due to his voice and how much likability he can have.
I'm not familiar with Bob's other work but the choreography for the fights for someone who isn't say Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham or anyone else. Making Hutch's brother the rapper from Wu Tang Clan the RZA at first would have been a pretty "Woke" casting but he held his own in the scenes he was present in.
The only thing I would have worked on was the final shootout, how they get into the warehouse. Besides that this movie was really well done. A diverse soundtrack of music from various eras.
Would I watch this again? Absolutely. I hope they don't make the mistake of turning this into a series. It didn't work for John Wick. There's no way to capture this lightening in a bottle again.
Hellhound (2024)
starts off great but gets dull
At first the movie has a great atmosphere, the soundtrack works and the opening scene truly set the tone for what to expect in this movie. However the lead actor could have been better cast instead of this Bruce Willis meets Daniel Craig like guy. At times his accent can be incoherent The second the movie goes down hill is when the fight with the big tall guy after he brings the pretty woman home.
The fights were well choreographed but the issue unless I missed quite a lot not having subtitles for the other language was what made this get boring. It's an action movie so it's not like I'm going to miss much.
Without ruining anything I didn't like the ending either. I watched this 2 days ago and already forget most of the movie.
Hardcore Henry (2015)
mediocre henry
This is what would happen if you mixed the first or second Bioshock game with elements from other popular video games that I can't think of at the moment and pair it with a movie franchise such as Crank with Jason Statham. If you're after plot or story. This isn't for you. It's just one of those typical movies where it seems the person just knows where to go. There's a time or two where they tell him but it just seems too easy such as the first Escape From New York movie with Kurt Russell. It's as if you're on an amusement park ride you cannot leave and explore on your own. Although the action is well done and everything the movie could have used a better director as there are boring parts of the movie where I was seeing how much longer the movie was. I did hear the phrase "would you kindly" a few times as a nod to Bioshock.
There's not much to say about this one. It's like if we were X amount of years into the future where Unreal Engine or any other software could accurately capture the world where it's not just an artists job to make everything as realistic as possible. I would honestly see more movies like this. Not saying I'd want a sequel by the same team who made this movie but it's got potential for other film studios to see that and try their hand at making a movie or so.
The Painter (2024)
Not horrible
At times this movie was well directed, surprisingly well written and the action was above average. However the casting is all over the place. It just came off as "woke" like some crappy Disney movie. Women are the leaders of the CIA in this task force, they are multicultural as are a lot of people in this movie such as the guys daughter because it's 2024 that's why! If it wasn't for the ending which I'm sure is leading up to a sequel I'd feel much better about this movie. It went from me liking this movie a lot more than I expected to, to me rolling my eyes and going "oh for god sake" how they try to tie everything together. Jon Voight being the homeless man in the beginning of the movie who always "had his six" was the dumbest thing Jon has done since the movie Holes based on the Louis Sachar book. Good for him for still making movies though as he just turned 85 as of writing this.
The bad guy with the headphones was at least memorable. But the main villain seriously needed to spend less time doing evil stuff and more time with Jenny Craig or going to the gym. The most evil thing that villain I'd believe did in her life would be stealing another coworkers lunch or she looks like the millionaire boss who takes the last slice of pizza at an office party as her underpaid staff don't deserve its cheesy goodness. Her hair looks so slimy as well from all the pizza grease too. I think she could have been better cast and no it doesn't have to be a man either.
Our main character Peter I keep wondering if the director told him to be like the painter Bob Ross as they have this similar calmness to them. It's hard to put into words. He can be kind of boring if it wasn't for his ability.
There was times where I burst out laughing at how poorly the acting was. This could be bonus points.
How they handled technology was laughable with the USB and laptops, it's almost like someone who didn't know how technology worked wrote those parts. This one laptop is full of holes. Yet somehow works. Why not just plug the USB into another computer? Overall this film almost has the right balance of silly and creativity.. but that ending... I can't get over how stupid it is. It's a fun movie but don't take it seriously. I wonder if they shoe horned a few elements that this could have a sequel at the last second because it felt rushed. Other than that it wasn't a bad movie. I'd watch this again with friends over.
The Bricklayer (2023)
the ****layer
This is such a boring movie, other than the every man title we're seeing in a lot of movies lately such as "The Beekeeper" (Jason Statham) or The Baker with Ron Perlman in it, there's nothing else too original.
Why not just go with a 1 star? There were some good shots of Greece and the plot wasn't completely lost They actually did use some of his brick layering skills in a fight or two. It also helped them find some clues at one point in the movie when he sees a brick out of place and they even acknowledge why he'd rather do that when he retired from the agency instead of picking a job where he's not in the field. Besides that there were a small handful of cool scenes in this. This is way better than for example The Bourne Identity 1 or the first Mission Impossible movie.
One thing that I found odd about this is every time the actor(s) get into fights they just keep the scratches on their faces. Where as most people in real life they have even a pimple on their face they rush to the concealer. Yet these spies who are supposed to be keeping low profiles wear the scratches on themselves like badges of honor! No one is going to go up to a moderately attractive woman and ask if she's ok? The lead actors had some chemistry and I'm glad they didn't fall in love. The lead actor was not right for this movie. He may have had the look but he just didn't deliver. He was that stereotypical Rambo, say as little as possible and although I saw the movie last night I remember him being one of those who had that quiet raspy voice to make his character seem cooler or tougher.
The movie is too long. I had to watch it in two sittings. There is a stereotypical twist or two but it's just a dull spy movie with nothing special going on in it. Skip it.
Hao xiao zi di xia yi zhao (1979)
A guilty pleasure
Usually bad dubbing is the sign of a bad movie. I'm looking at you Netflix originals but perhaps it's nostalgia because I saw this movie originally back in 2001 or 2002 but it really did add to the movies charm especially with the little guy with the really annoying voice over dubbing guy. MASTER MASTER! I have drilled in my head now. I have seen this movie at least 3-5 times and I still have no idea what any of their names are.
There are times the fighting in this comes off as almost interpretive dance or borderline break dancing. You hear this thud almost every time someone blocks or takes a hit. However no one would ever fight like that in real life. What surprised me was John Liu was in a movie I saw recently called "New York Ninja".
The theme to the movie is composed surprisingly well to the point it could be a ring tone or something. There's a very minimal amount of story, one you've heard a hundred times but somehow it works.
I'd love to know what movie they used for the North American movies cover where one man is choking the other with his leg. I even tried reverse image searching it and nothing.
Dave Chappelle: The Dreamer (2023)
The borer
If there was any less jokes in this it would be a motivational speech about how we should all follow our dreams and we may end up as successful as him. I like Dave but this was just weak. I laughed maybe once at him meeting a rapper near the end of the show and not being in their music video.. but besides that it was dull. It's like someones cool uncle telling all these silly somewhat amusing stories around the holidays.
I found it pretty uneventful, never once was I in tears laughing. He made fun of that certain community and there was one good remark about a knife but this is certainly not worth subscribing to Netflix just to see. If this is the best Dave can do now I'd seriously retire.
John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023)
yawn wick: no more
The first film is iconic, the second one isn't bad. The third is an absolute chore but I believed the fourth would be a return to form as every actor, musician and everything in between can make a mistake. You'll get just as much mental stimulation out of watching some pro gamer streaming some really violent third person shooter you're too cheap to buy. I'd wholeheartedly give this extremely lazy and predictable movie a 2.5 out of 10.
There is WAY too much fighting and shooting in this. Rambo 2 and other blood bath like movies at least it's a build up to it. Instead it's almost right away and it never stops to the point you're borderline exhausted. The only people who would enjoy this start to finish would be a kid with ADD who gets easily bored that should seriously see a school councillor. Is everything ok at home Billy? Why the first one worked so well was John was vulnerable, we didn't understand how terrifying he could be and as the film progresses we realize why he is a legend... in the first one someone knocked him out even! John gets thrown down a few flights of stairs and shot a few times in this but seriously it's just like some video game, Beat up or kill a bunch of low level henchman without taking any form of break and then fight a boss. Rinse and repeat the only thing new they tried which is the only thing memorable was the top down scene with the.incendiary (flame) ammunition where it's essentially a top down shooter like GTA 2 or even Smash TV on nintendo, among others. I feel all of this could have been accomplished in the third movie as this movie is like a cool uncle or other family member you had over for the holidays who has over stayed their welcome. You've heard all their best stories of the year, their best jokes and so forth and they won't leave you alone.
The movie is ridiculously long, to the point they might as well have done 2 parts and put them out 6 months apart assuming there was a cliffhanger or a bit plot included or possibly done some serious cuts where some of these scenes should have been on a directors cut blue ray or something. There are great 2+ hour movies but this isn't one of them. I hope there was intermissions or something like some crappy Bollywood movie that's 3+ hours long. Some scenes that were a chore to watch were the scene near the Arc De Triomphe, it's just a bunch of people getting hit by cars. The stairs scene where John was flung down a bunch of stairs too was almost insultingly stupid and an extremely over done cliche ohh if he's late! OF COURSE the Eiffel tower had to be mentioned so people bored enough to finish this can "verify" this movie was shot in Paris. I don't even think if the bounty was 100 million or so they wouldn't have gotten him. Another that was stupid was the fat guy who kept running away in a night club and no one was sober or paid enough attention to realize what was going on.
Why this isn't rated lower is I guess the casting minus the main bad guy are done quite well. No more short haired "bad women" , there was a good shot or two of action scenes but Keanu is showing his age as he seems a bit more stiff and at least the plot was established 2 or 3 movies ago. There was the odd second or two of interest with the stylistic shots using color correction, some set pieces had some good lighting and the use of LED lights in the clubs and other areas as well but either way this movie is a waste of time and it's so bad it even has a funeral for itself at the end of it. I hope this is the last one before it turns into fast and the furious or so. It would be impossible for me to watch even a fraction of this movie again. I say it a lot but I've enjoyed direct to video Steven Seagal movies more, I've enjoyed The Room (2003) more and I've enjoyed just about anything from No Holds Barred (Hulk Hogan) to Cobra (Sylvester Stallone) and Miami Connection (Y K Kim) more.
Fight Club (1999)
slumber club
I feel this should have been one of those countless forgotten in some dusty bargain bin films only a small handful of people remember. It's mostly this pretentious guy with a meaningless job whining and complaining, trying desperately to sound intelligent and cool. Even Frankie Muniz from Malcolm In the Middle would tell this guy to relax as he comes off like most "woke" people who just come off as fools when they don't know what they are talking about. For a movie called fight club you'd think there would be more than a small handful of fights. You're mostly getting a shirtless Brad Pitt going around smoking cigarettes, meaning that the lead actor is either the worst casting ever as I can't take him seriously for even a second as the character is so lame and geeky like if you took out all spidermans powers from the first spiderman movie with Toby Maguire in it. That or Edward was an absolutely brilliant casting choice from the director as his job seems to amplifies Brad's late 90s coolness. Brad is so cool he goes around wearing whatever he wants, doing whatever he wants and is the opposite of the lead. Seriously go watch Wanted (2008) with Angelina Jolie instead it's a way better movie with a similar premise with the lead. Or possibly Limitless with Bradley Cooper from The Hangover trilogy.
The movie is too long. I feel it could have started where Brad Pitt and Edward Norton's characters meet on the plane with a few flash backs as this movie is a chore to sit through. There are good 2 hour long and beyond length time movies but this seriously isn't one of them. The plot starts off ok but it gets sillier as the movie progresses and not in a good way. The first half is kind of realistic. One moment they are fighting in some filthy dilapidated house, then more and more members show up. Great he's giving some meaning to their pointless lives. Then out of nowhere.. the other half! I'm not going to ruin it but it gets silly. The twists and everything else that unfold when you are aware of how the fight club started with Brad and Edward the one word that comes to mind is unrealistic.
This has one of the dumbest movie endings I've seen in ages. I went in blind. Only knowing this was an iconic film and was I ever disappointed. If you want to listen to 20 something year old complain for over 2 hours. Just go on youtube and watch some blogger who isn't getting their way.
The Machine (2023)
pretty good - 6.5
On the surface it feels like a crappy film where the father and son reconnect and it'll be all full of cliches, especially involving his 16 year old daughter and a dysfunctional family. However if you can get past that Bert did a great job telling the story that made him famous and gave the fans who heard the story from him a chance to see arguably some of the locations that Bert went to in the story,.
The co-stars and really how or why he went back to Russia was well done. The inclusion of the watch and acting like parts of the story Bert glossed over made the story somewhat realistic. I'll give it some credit I wasn't as bad as Bill Burr's movie this year. I actually enjoyed this especially hearing bands like Aria and other 90s bands.
Mark Hamil surprised me that he was in it. However the star of the show beside Bert was the Russian Mafia woman Iva Babic.
I'll happily recommend this movie to friends and family.
Drive (2011)
flush 1/10
This is such a boring movie, what kills me though is how quiet Ryan is to the point you'd think he is on that certain spectrum that starts with an A. We establish too late in the movie he's broken and can kill people. The story was lazy. It would have made more sense if he was a driver who he owed money to the mob or they'd kill his family or something more interesting. But nope!
The ending is trash and there's hardly any driving in this. Maybe 3 scenes the entire movie? The rest mostly an unrealistic revenge story involving e man who hardly knows this family. The blonde would probably find him creepy how quiet he is in real life. The pink font in the credits with the cursive writing is so out of place. I like the stylized use of the colors but I found both bad guys died way too easily in this. I'd be embarrassed if I was Ron Perlman to be in this movie.
Skip it, don't watch it. It's a Christmas miracle I finished this.