Tweetienator Reviews

Abigail (2024)

Fun

[6/10 · 10 May 2024]

The formula of this little flick is simple and fun: popcorn horror with a good dose of comedy. But for sure the best part is Alisha Weir as Abigail, she really nails it. What else? The production and the rest of the cast are solid too. So, if you're in the mood for some mainstream horror-comedy a la Snakes on a Plane, Tremors, M3GAN, or What We Do in the Shadows and so on comes to mind, Abigail will deliver some entertaining moments. However, if you're hunt for some serious horror and/or gore, the deal won't work too well. Anyway, I liked it mostly, the ride was fun enough, so no complains here.

Arcadian (2024)

Ups and Downs

[4/10 · 7 May 2024]

Arcadian isn't that bad, but it doesn't fully realize its potential - to blame like many times these days is the script: we have some (lots of) issues with logic - why, after all those years, did the creatures decide to break through the ground now and not earlier? Also, the story feels like it's on autopilot: of course, our romancing teens survive (cringe-worthy - just as our Romeo is about to be punished, the creatures conveniently emerge from below to feast on the villain, but well, love conquers it all I read somewhere, so maybe the goddess Venus did intervene), while only the adults get killed. Furthermore, I found myself questioning how the brothers managed to survive for so long; as soon as they're introduced, they start fighting each other and making mistake after mistake. However, if you can switch off your questioning brain cells, you might find some entertainment value here. Recommended for die-hard fans of Mr. Cage and/or post-apocalyptic scenarios.

Breathe (I) (2024)

Too Bad to Be True

[2/10 · 30 April 2024]

Well, I'm still stunned after watching Breathe - this is a masterpiece of boredom and a fine example of what is wrong with movie making these days on a grand scale: a script that is not developed but more or less a fragment, "hero" characters that are most annoying, a production that is somewhat okay but can't save the day, and dialogues right out of cloneland. I've watched tons of post-apocalyptic movies with a far lower budget, but they are entertaining masterpieces compared to this one. First of all, don't bore us to status brain dead while watching the most boring characters doing, well, nothing, and talking, well, about nothing. I really don't know, the idea is not that bad but the whole rest is. This one makes some cheesy post-apocalyptic movies of the 80s look like a drama of Shakespeare himself... Only recommended if you want, for whatever reason, to torture yourself, then this one will do.

No Way Up (2024)

All Way Down

[3/10 · 27 April 2024]

I guess the writer watched 47 Meters Down or a similar movie and thought, "Well, I can do that too. How do I put some people underwater and then just let the sharks loose?" Well, the idea is solid trash, but sadly, the execution is not - this little flick is mostly just boring. And on top of that, while in the good old times, directors understood that they should at least give their audience some eye-candy, some beautiful girls, and for the girls, some good-looking guys, these days you get your everyday types served. No eye-candy, no art of cheese, weak horror, small gore - so what's left to say? I'm pretty sure that No Way Up will get lost into the deep of the ocean of forgotten movies with speed, and rightfully so - everybody not in the demand for some brain stupor can skip this one without missing anything, or at least much. Movies like 47 Meters Down or Open Water are Oscar material compared. Last note: the idea is also not a very unique one, if you are old enough (or a hardcore fan of disaster movies) to know a movie like Airport '77.

Asphalt City (2023)

Good Old Storytelling

[7/10 · 22 April 2024]

Sean Penn and Tye Sheridan perform just excellently in this one (the rest of the cast is rock solid too). Asphalt City delivers good old storytelling, with characters we learn to care about. A dark and gritty tale about some paramedics lost in the maze of a mad gone city, with only a bit of sugar-coating in the end. Production and camera work are fine, acting too. For sure, this is not your usual Netflixed-marvelesque generic popcorn cinema to numb and stun your brain cells, but an well written classic drama with some strong and sometimes even intense scenes. No doubt, not a feel-good movie, but if you know how to enjoy movies like (just a few that came up in my mind quickly) Barfly or The Wrestler (both Mickey Rourke), Monster (Charlize Theron), Destroyer (Nicole Kidman), and the like, you will get two fine but dark hours.

Rebel Moon - Part Two: The Scargiver (2024)

The Sleepgiver

[3/10 · 20 April 2024]

Using a device called fast forward rather in an excessive way you may get some entertainment before falling asleep. I'm not a great fan of Rebel Moon Part One, but it was acceptable. Part Two, however, is mostly just bad and boring. If Zack Snyder's intention was to produce a strong sedative, he accomplished the mission with excellence. I consistently had the impression that someone had a script with lots of checkpoints, and that's it. On top, just imagine for a moment that some skilled warriors and some peasants want to fight the forces of the USA or NATO... Anyway, the production is solid. If you don't mind a mind-numbing story and only watch the action sequences (especially the prolonged battle in the last act), you may find a little entertainment while saving some of your lifetime. In my opinion, Part Two is a new all-time low in the oeuvre of Mr. Snyder. Is this still the same director who made movies like the remake of Dawn of the Dead, 300, Watchmen, and Sucker Punch? If yes, what happened to his skills and taste? One last note: the most fun I had was discovering which scene or idea was borrowed from which other movie...

Immaculate (2024)

Too Pretty Standard

[6/10 · 19 April 2024]

Not bad but not too good either - the most redeeming factor of Immaculate is the beautiful settings and scenery (and a lot of young nuns). Sadly, the story and elements of horror cannot hold up to that level; both are rather predictable, and I would dare to say, dreamt up by or with the help of an auto-pilot system. After the twist is revealed, the writer seems to have not the faintest clue how to develop the story further and just retreated to conjure up some violence and gore (I admit, some well-shot), like you get in every other revenge horror movie. Anyway, in the wake of movies like Conjuring 2 and The Nun (but if you want some more "nun horror" - there are lots to find, more that I thought after doing some research), this is just another entry in the line of many. Immaculate reminds me of a blend of movies like To the Devil a Daughter and Ready or Not, but in the end, the mix did not taste too well to me. However, if you like to watch Sydney Sweeney and you don't mind a rather generic plot, this one will provide some entertaining moments. One last note: with its fine production, but with a good story, Immaculate could have been a really good movie. Exact rate: 5 + 1 bonus for the production only (there is really some eye-candy to witness).

Shōgun (2024)

Good Enough

[7/10 · 14 April 2024]

What I like most is the cast, the acting, and the production. Especially the Japanese actors shine in their roles (I had some difficulties with the characterization of the "new" Blackthorne). The story is, of course, well-known - if you have read the original book by James Clavell or watched the first adaptation for TV starring Richard Chamberlain. Additionally, if you know "The Last Samurai" with Tom Cruise, you will recognize many similarities. Regardless, Shogun is legitimate and a solid, well-made piece, good enough to kill some spare time. Conclusion: a good show, but it's definitely not the masterpiece that many other reviewers claim it to be. At least, that's my opinion.

Fallout (2024– )

Not Bad

[7/10 · 13 April 2024]

I don't know the games and I don't know if that's an advantage or a disadvantage (for judging the show) - anyway, the show offers solid entertainment with some funny moments, the production is top-notch for a TV show, and the cast is solid too. What annoys me the most is the soundtrack - not necessarily the music itself, but in my opinion, too many scenes are unnecessarily underscored with music that often doesn't fit what's being shown, and it sometimes really gets on my nerves - less is more so to say. Other than that, if you don't expect too much, you'll get well-produced trash without great aspirations: popcorn cinema for the right kind of audience - I enjoyed the ride but for sure Fallout is not a masterpiece like so many reviewers claim but way better than Halo or The Last of Us.

Dr. Caligari (1989)

Trippy Trip

[8/10 · 27 March 2024]

One of those movies that will bore some to death and others will just have a nice and entertaining trip. I belong to the latter group. Dr. Calgari provides a lot of fun ideas, over-acting par excellence, nice trippy settings, and a grotesque story that is a great relief from all those formula X movies we usually get served especially the past years. Also, for all students of movie-making, this is a nice example of how to make a fine eye-candy movie without a big budget, and happily, without the use of all those generic computer-generated effects of today - this one beats 90% of Marvel and DC movies of the past years easily. Anyway, if you like your dish sometimes trippy, this one may work for you - maybe. I enjoyed the ride - my exact rating is 7 + 1 extra for the fine trippy quality of the movie. So in my opinion this little flick is worth a try for the connoisseur of the unusual cinematic experience. Alone the dialogues were worth my time.

Road House (2024)

Crumbles Quick and Fast

[3/10 · 21 March 2024]

Well, that was a trip, but not in a good way - the movie starring Patrick Swayze is not a masterpiece, but compared to this one, it is a masterpiece of entertainment of the highest order... This remake or reimagining or whatever it is, is just bad in every aspect. There are no likable characters, just some random violence, and the rest is just a bunch of heart- and soulless stuff. My little advice for you: if you don't know the original one, watch it. You'll get better music too. If you already know the original one, watch it again. I usually like Jake Gyllenhaal and some of his works (Nightcrawler, Prisoners, Jarhead, to name a few), but even he just looks like a dead clone of a clone of a clone and gives a very bored performance. At least, that was my impression. Avoid.

The Hot Box (1972)

Fun 70s B-Movie Style

[5/10 · 18 March 2024]

The Hot Box provides almost everything the true connoisseur of sleazy trash B-movies of the 70s craves for - some hot girls, some nudity, some solid gunpowder smoke, and a production that is not too cheap for that kind of movie. The story revolves around some American nurses who get involved in revolutionary activities, leading to a real battle in the end. Additionally, we are treated to the beautiful Margaret Markov in her prime. It's astonishing that she did not receive more major roles considering her talent and charisma. The Hot Box only touches on the sexploitation business in a few scenes, with nudity portrayed in some scenes to spice things a little up. Torture is only briefly explored - so. If you're looking for movies like Black Mama, White Mama or Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS, this may not be the right choice. However, I found The Hot Box entertaining enough to pass the time, although it may not be essential for hardcore sleazehounds.

Spaceman (I) (2024)

Spaced Out

[3/10 · 13 March 2024]

First of all, in my opinion, Spaceman is not a sci-fi movie, despite featuring space travel and an alien (whether real or imagined by the astronaut, I don't care). So what is it? Simply put, it's a drama, and not a particularly good one, I must say. I wouldn't label Spaceman as a snooze-fest, but it's also not particularly entertaining, thrilling, or gripping - it's meandering somewhere lost in space on the borderline of being bad and mediocre. Anyway, if you're a die-hard fan of Adam Sandler, you'll probably watch this one regardless. But if you're not, I'd suggest watching something else. Spaceman reminds me a little of Ad Astra (starring Brad Pitt), which is also a drama set in a sci-fi context. However, the latter is better in production and story-wise.

The Erotic Rites of Frankenstein (1973)

Sleaze 'n' Cheese

[4/10 · 12 March 2024]

La maldición de Frankenstein, also known as The Curse of Frankenstein (not to be confused with the one directed by Terence Fisher and starring the almighty Peter Cushing), delivers Jesús Franco's usual dish: a decent sleaze-feast, some blood, a most peculiar and cheesy story, and some well-shot scenes. If you are familiar with and enjoy Franco's works but have not seen this one, you may dare to watch The Curse. In my opinion, it does not belong to his best nor his worst movies. So, for aficionados of Jesús Franco's style, this film will provide sufficient entertainment. However, for those new to his universe, I would recommend starting with some of his top (or better, as some would say) movies like Jack the Ripper, Count Dracula, or Vampyros Lesbos. Once you have accustomed yourself to his taste and crave more, you may put The Curse on your screen. Exact rate: 4.5.

Damsel (2024)

Lame

[3/10 · 9 March 2024]

Watching any episode of Xena: Warrior Princess is more entertaining and fun than this - a most stupid plot that is nothing but a melting pot of well-known ideas with twists one sees miles ahead. This is truly a most mediocre movie, a more or less soulless rehash of well-known and overused stories, woven together without much skill and intelligence, creativity. Anyway, Damsel is like too many movies these days - produced, directed, and written by people without any heart for the art of movie-making. It's no more art but work. What else? Production and acting are sufficient, special effects meandering between solid and rather bad computer game cinematic. Final words, Damsel is boring, redundant, generic, and as plastic as it gets - not one character one really cares about, because, well, they are all just a copy of a copy of a copy. And the revelation or twist in the end is so predictable, that it is really just lame: a couple of days ago I put Krull again on my plate - it's (almost) Citizen Kane compared to Damsel. Exact rate: 3.5.

The Brotherhood of Satan (1971)

Solid Trip

[5/10 · 8 March 2024]

Some days ago, I watched for the first time The Brotherhood of Satan. It's a nice little horror flick that has a creepy and surreal feel throughout the whole story, so if you enjoy movies with that kind of mood, you'll probably like it. However, it may not be suitable for those who are only looking for intense gore and brutal slashing business.

But those who enjoy movies like The Devil's Hand (1961), To the Devil a Daughter (1976), and The Devil Rides Out (1968) may find something worth to watch. Other reference movies are for example Children of the Corn (1984) or Village of the Damned (1960) - kids can't be evil, can they?

What surprised me the most about this little horror flick is the director, Bernard McEveety. He is well-known for his work on TV shows like Gunsmoke, How the West Was Won, and he directed even some episodes of Bonanza and Knight Rider.

Last words: while The Brotherhood of Satan may not be a masterpiece or essential viewing, it's definitely not a bad movie and can be entertaining - for the right kind of audience.

Panzer Chocolate (2013)

Misses Speed

[3/10 · 8 March 2024]

I love those 3rd or 4th Reich stories mixed with evil experiments and the occult since playing the Wolfenstein games. Therefore, I put Panzer Chocolate on my plate. First of all, the best part of the movie is the well-made poster design. As some of the few reviewers indicate, the trouble with this little B-movie flick is the timing - it takes 40 minutes of boring introduction until our heroes enter the bunker. The main problem is that all of this is redundant to the story. The way it's done fast and easy exemplifies a movie like The Cave (2005). The second part is also too slow for its own good - the last part is the only part with some redeeming quality of entertainment. What's left? The production and acting are sufficient for this kind of B-movie. Verdict: With a tighter script and some more elements of the slashing business, this could have been a solid entry. As it is, you may watch Panzer Chocolate if you are interested in that special kind of genre, and you could easily save some time by starting the movie around the 40-minute mark.

The Brain (1988)

The Brain Drain

[4/10 · 7 March 2024]

Well, The Brain does not play in the top league of that kind of cheesy horror movies rooted deeply in the 80s: we get some blood, some nudity, hypnosis via TV, and, of course, some young kids (you could easily add them to the Footloose cast) fighting an evil scientist and the magnificent Brain: a big, well, brain with some sharp teeth and some solid appetite for human flesh and bones. While I wasn't too disappointed, for my taste the cheese is not strong enough in this one and neither are the elements of horror. Also, the movie takes itself a little too seriously - a good shot more of humor would have done just nicely for this one. Verdict: too tame for a serious horror movie, not enough funny stuff for a real cheesy one, and the story too predictable, at least in my opinion. Anyway, if you are on the hunt (for whatever delicate reasons) for something fresh in the style of movies like The Deadly Spawn, Nightbeast, The Kindred, or Night of the Creeps, The Brain may be worth a try, it's not too bad.

Manhattan Baby (1982)

So So

[4/10 · 6 March 2024]

Manhattan Baby is definitely not an essential watch if you're working your way through Mr. Fulci's oeuvre - he has made some far better films. While Manhattan Baby boasts solid production and an okay cast, the movie leans towards the slower side and has just a very few gory scenes. For my taste, the horror level is rather low, too low, despite the possessed theme. Essentially, what you get is an ancient evil befalling a child, with some people meeting and greeting death in more or less creative ways. If you're determined to watch everything Mr. Fulci directed, then Manhattan Baby belongs on your to-watch list. However, if not, consider exploring some of his classics like The Beyond, City of the Living Dead, Zombie, or The House by the Cemetery - assuming you don't know them already.

Killers of the Flower Moon (2023)

Needs a Cut Version

[5/10 · 6 March 2024]

There should be a legislative initiative that prohibits the production of excessively long films, which steal the audience's (more or less) valuable time. Having said that, I must admit that the acting and production are solid, and the story is interesting, with one exception: at least one hour of the film could easily be cut to improve the pacing, momentum. As other reviewers have indicated, it might be better suited as a mini-series. While I'm fairly certain that Killers of the Flower Moon will receive some Oscars, recent winners don't hold as much weight these days. Many of these movies are just decent, but they stand out among a sea of mediocrity and badness. Don't get me wrong, Killers of the Flower Moon isn't a complete failure or a truly bad movie, but it's far too slow for its own good and simply drags on and on. Verdict: for sure no masterpiece and one of the weaker works of the master Scorsese.

Mausoleum (1983)

Schlock Around the Clock

[4/10 · 4 March 2024]

Since my memory is slowly fading due to a biological induced error aka terror called aging, I am really clueless if I have seen the Mausoleum in the ancient times of my youth or if I have just recently had the pleasure of experiencing this piece of schlock. Anyway, eight minutes in and we already have a head exploding - me thinking, this one couldn't be too bad... Mausoleum is what I would label as a cheesy/schlocky 80s horror flick - we have some demonic possession of a blonde beauty and some people meeting their final encounter with a guy named Death. And, like it should be in that kind of flick, there's some nudity and a little splash of gore. What else? The level on the horror- and gore-o-meter is rather low (compared to today's gorehound standards), but well, the flick does its job - if you are in the mood (or need) to watch such kind of trash. If you enjoy movies like Phantasm, From Beyond, Re-Animator, and such pleasures, Mausoleum may provide you with some entertaining moments - just don't expect a masterpiece or cult movie. Verdict: sufficient but nothing memorable.

The Walking Dead: The Ones Who Live (2024)

Just Weak

[3/10 · 4 March 2024]

Well, that was short: in the middle of the second episode, I just had to quit. The first episode was somewhat okay but already a little boring with lots of blabla. The second episode is filled with boring dialogues, cardboard characters. It seems like the writers are more focused on gimmicks and to make something looking "cool" rather than writing gripping and entertaining stories with interesting dialogues and characters. The Walking Dead: The Ones Who Live is another example of the writing profession being in deep trouble.

Last year, I put the first six seasons of TWD on my plate again and enjoyed every episode, while watching I remembered why I liked the show so much back then. However, after watching a couple of episodes of season 7, I had to quit. With the introduction of Negan the show got more and more troubled by plot holes, dumb-story lines (too many to count) and decision making by the characters (due the incompetence of the writers, directors): there is so much unbelievable and stupid stuff going on from season 7 on that everything just fell apart - without recovery (I quit watching the serie's first run somewhere in the mid of season 9).

Back to The Ones Who Live: this show is like all the other "offspring" of the original show and its epic first seasons: just a shadow of a shadow. With a sad heart I gotta say, for this one I had some hopes but the truth is, The Walking Dead is dead, at least to me.

Poor Things (2023)

Emma the Great

[8/10 · 28 February 2024]

The strongest aspects of Poor Things are Emma Stone's excellent and fantastic performance, the visual quality, and the many creative ideas (small and big ones) that make it a fresh and entertaining experience. I have only two criticisms that weaken the movie: the running time is a little too long for the story (in my opinion), and the story itself is rather a simple one, a little hidden behind all the acting and visual design. Nonetheless, I enjoyed the movie a lot and I recommend Poor Things to everyone who doesn't mind sexual content and enjoys unconventional and sometimes trippy movies. So, if you like movies a la The Lighthouse (Mr. Dafoe again), The Forbidden Room (2015), The Fountain (2006), Delicatessen (1991) and the like, you may find Poor Things worth your time.

Wonka (2023)

No Sweet

[4/10 · 26 February 2024]

Well, Wonka is not the worst movie nor the worst musical on this planet, but, and this is a great but, it lacks of really good and catchy songs and magic - the story and characters are rather shallow cartoons and predictable and neither the direction nor the cast can fill them with life (at least not much). Solid is the production value with some eye candy here and there. All in all not a total crash, but nothing I will (presumably) ever watch again. Like many productions/movies these days, Wonka just feels forced, rather redundant, generic, even boring sometimes. Both movie adaptations of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Mel Stuart, Tim Burton) that I know, are superior to this one easily - by miles.

Amazons (1986)

Cheese 'n' Trash

[4/10 · 24 February 2024]

I do really like from time to time to watch some serious B-movie trash, and that is I guess a requirement to like and be entertained by a movie like Amazons - what you get is something like Xena with boobs (lots of). The story is your genre typical evil wizard against hero story, a quest, some fights, some more. The girls all have that exquisite hairstyle famous for the 80s, the skirts and other rags are short, the fighting scenes are hilariously bad executed. Anyway, if you can enjoy movies like Barbarian Queen, The Sword of the Barbarians, The Throne of Fire, The Barbarians, Sorceress, the Beastmaster and Deathstalker movies (just a few movie that comes to my mind), you may enjoy this little cheesy piece too. But beware - this one makes Red Sonja look like Citizen Kane, or at least almost.