Change Your Image
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Reviews
All Fun and Games (2023)
Man alive!
The amount of bad movies being made seems to have exploded since Netflix started "making" some.
As soon as I heard the girl with the eating disorder talking I knew this would be a doozy. As soon as I saw the little tyke "act" I knew this would be a super-doozy. And it is, a horribly directed, horribly acted, horribly written, pile.
The little dude who is the worst actor since we received Jesse Plemmons or Twilight "girl", starts with entering some "abandoned" old house, except we can see the fence of the backyard that this shed is actually in. And right there, for anyone to find, way before this kid does, is the main object. The knife. Oooh.
History? Check.
Family problems? Check.
Wait! We need to get the mom out of the house...work! Great.
And things just slow down and get stranger, but not the way we expected.
I wonder what will happen? You guessed it, the obvious.
One decent actor and they have him as the stoner inept brother. And they did Agent Reyes dirty in this one!
I would highly recommend everyone to watch this, if you are wanting to make movies, as this is not how it's done.
Lamborghini: The Man Behind the Legend (2022)
All You Need To Know...
...is Frank Grillo is in this. That should help in your decision-making on whether to waste your time, or thoroughly enjoy a magical movie experience.
The story: glossed over and severely condensed.
The plot: loosely stitched together.
The acting: I already told you Frank Grillo is in this, so there is not real acting going on.
The ambiance: fair, to trivial. It doesn't even really come into play, as you would expect a story of this nature to include.
Overall you should get a sense of the effort and talent that went into the making of this by looking at the name Frank Grillo.
I'm not sure if he is related to somebody or not, but I tend to think he is. There is no way this guy should be getting any work, but here I am writing another review of a Frank Grillo flop. This includes the Marvel movies he was only in to ruin.
The God Plant (2018)
If you score this low...
...then your IQ is around that number!
The fact that one review on here is calling cannabis the devil's weed, saying that cannabis users are addicts and junkies, yet sits there in his Red Hat and says giving his last dime to a duplicitous Orange is boggling.
There is actual science behind everything everyone has ever said positive about cannabis. There is actual science for the bad stuff SCIENTISTS say is related to cannabis - but guess what? Those bad things are negligible to the GOOD things our governments let us use instead: opioids that receive monies from our Uncle Sam; alcohol that receives monies from our Uncle Sam; tobacco that receives monies from our Uncle Sam; corn that receives monies from our uncle Sam - You should get the idea by now.
There are studies by medical and science personnel that have blasted alcohol and tobacco as needless, dangerous and without any benefit whatsoever to humans, at all. Cannabis helps in removing your addiction to those two drugs that have not benefit to our health at all. Yet, cannabis, and it's manufactured ties to criminals - negating any thuggery by alcohol and tobacco! - get the bad rap?
Makes sense when you see the nonsensical "reviews" by these brainwashed trogs. I mean, how are you going to get the government to be trusted by these Red Hats after lying to them about alcohol being better, tobacco being better, and guns being better than cannabis? Hard job. Glad I don't have to wade in all that pile of human excrement to try and persuade them to believe facts. It is a thankless, and impossible task.
This movie is for people who know how to think for themselves, and not regurgitate something they read and heard from their spiritual masters for the last 80 years. Until you can convince them of what was actual before being outlawed, they'll still believe crazy ideas that this plant is an addictive junky making drug. Spoiler: it isn't.
This movie presents everything in a fact-backed manner. It doesn't dive into hysterics. But it does turn our accepted drugs of choice, and their acceptance on its head. Maybe these Red Hat trailer drunkards are sad they have been poisoning themselves this long? I know I was. They should be as mad at the government as everyone else is for the mishandling of this safer than nicotine and alcohol drug that has been kept for us needlessly.
I dare say it is criminal the way this plant has been criminalized.
The Jar (1984)
Hard to say...
WOW! I had thought I wrote a review on this years ago, but I don't seem to see it. Which is surprising as this movie was watched in a club of other movie enthusiasts that try and outdo each other. I'm assuming you know that this movie won the Worst Movie competition. -handedly.
It is hard to say which was worse, the acting or the filming. The actors did try, but then again trying doesn't equate to doing.
The story is very lost and the plot seems like it is trying to escape getting pinned down.
The jar contents are barely even mentioned, just there. It keeps showing it, but does little to explain it. The acting does not help in trying to convey what is actually happening.
The actual plot makes less sense and seems impossible to leap from what we see to what we are supposed to see.
If you want to win a competition on showing the worst movie ever made, good luck finding a copy.
Untold: Jake Paul and the Problem Child (2023)
A huge pile of Paul
The name Paul is now synonymous with excrement, and large piles of it. So it is no surprise that something else they had their hand in is nothing but a grasp at fame, fortune, and inclusion. The only thing these turds should be included in is a flush.
The fact that they only do outrageous stunts to get attention should be all you need to know about these nuggets of waste.
The production quality is that of a youtube video, the "stars" themselves remind you of a shady person that tries selling stuff from the back of an alley, at night.
The premise is nothing novel; follow an unknown on their journey to success. Except there is no success for these genii.
Stowaway (2021)
Can you step in IT in space? And stop NETFLIX!!!
If not, how on earth (oops) did they step into a big steaming pile of it, and spread it around everywhere?
This "movie" should never have been greenlit, and everyone else was aware of this when the "screenwriter" had been gleefully spewing his good fortune of getting to work with such amazing actors. But there aren't in amazing actors in this pile, there are just the ones who showed up to be in this movie, and try to act. They didn't even try though. They phone this mess in, and I can see why.
No plausible explanation for over 99.999% of this "movie". The amount of disbelief you would have to suspend would make you a vegetable in order to try and follow this swiss cheese of a plot.
Netflix should really just stop. Whomever they have in charge of greenlighting movies is obviously just a poorly written algorithm that doesn't know anything about stories, plots, acting, writing, anything.
Another Netflix shoot and miss. I thought I had reviewed this rubbish already?
Nefarious (2023)
Burnt
This is beyond "well done" it is burnt. To a crisp. The story is decent, but the execution is horrible. The acting is mediocre at best. Sean's best role will always be in the past and we all know the movie well, the sequel to it...not so much.
I seem to think Sean watched some Silence of the Lambs and tried to emulate Hannibal. But he didn't achieve the level of acting required to emulate quality.
The directing is on par with students.
The slow roll of the movie doesn't help, and the last - what feels like an hour - 10 minutes with Glenn Beck of all people, was unnecessary and really drove home the fact that this is propaganda.
They really hit a foul with Glenn Beck. But there wasn't much room left to save this thing.
Not a good movie, and I'm very leery of all of these above 5 ratings. This is nowhere near a "decent" movie. This is what we used to call "Straight to Video", and it would have been in the bargain bin at Wally World.
Save yourself some time and read the cliff notes for Supernatural - the last 10 seasons. This is it in a nutshell.
Little Dixie (2023)
Who is this guy a relatvie of?
Why do we keep getting Frank Grillo movies? Who asked for this mediocre actor, who can barely move, to be an "action" star. This is just like every other movie with Frankie. Dull, phoned-in, little substance, no acting ability, and I presume, way over budget for what you get.
But, this movie is nothing new. There is nothing novel introduced here. It is the same as every other single action movie within the last 40 years; flashy. And that's all. There is no substance.
And, good lord, we have to sit through another bumbling attempt at reading lines by Frank Grillo. Stop already with Frank Grillo. He isn't an actor in any sense of the word except that people keep putting him in roles. He must be doing it for free.
There was an attempt by the rest of the cast though, so I won't rate it too low. They probably didn't know Frank was in it until it was already too late to back out. That is the only reason I see people working with him. See how they snuck him into the Avengers movie? I did too. That's why I think he's somebody's nephew.
Prey (2022)
Great Cinematography...
...and that's about it. Maybe I was too medicated, but the plot was pretty non-existent. It all boils down to this girl wants to be a hunter man and she chose this to prove her worth.
The rest is just filling. The predator looked like he was an afterthought as there is no cannon involved. They don't set up anything to explain the future.
This could have been a Bigfoot movie and would have made the same amount of sense.
I had super-high hopes for this movie which is why I might be so disappointed. This ranks with AVP, but way below it.
Choose or Die (2022)
Terrible...not great
Another Netflix grab for attention. This has been on for a couple weeks now, but I never had an interest. Then when I logged in last night, the title was hidden by some fancy poster art, with just a blurb about what it was about. So I clicked play, thinking it would be some low budget horror movie. It sounded like it.
Lo and behold! This title pops up. Okay, I'll give it a go.
Mistake. This is horrible. Story...hmm...not much of one. The plot is band-aided together with so many holes it's hard to remember what the situation was. The acting is absent. Emotionless, vapid.
Man, I could go on, but it's really not worth it.
The Tomorrow War (2021)
I thought this was an Asylum movie
The horrible writing and directing made me seriously have to do a double-take to make sure Asylum didn't foot the bill for this atrocity. I was like; Damn, they are making enough money now to hire Chris Pratt, or Chris Pratt really sank low by voicing his opinions. But nope, this is a legit studio picture. Though you shouldn't expect much when IMDB's mothership is financing it, or buying it.
The feel of the movie is strange too, as well as the ambiance. It feels like someone thought everyone in the world was dumb and they could pass this plot off as the only chance for humanity. But they left so much time and room for speculation of why the dumbest solution was the one they chose? I guess this is a prequel to Idiocracy?
Ambiance was typical warfare with a grimy filter over the entire movie. I guess that hide the horrible CGI (at times was decent though), or the bad prop making. If those were indeed physical. The look of it made it seem like they were in a bad VR game.
Acting was really bad too. But the MadTV guys were remarkably the best part. And that show was too thirsty.
Mass Hysteria (2019)
Sad actually...
This is really quite sad. It looks put together by a dramaa club over the pandemic. The lead is almost unbelievable as a human, she is awkward and doesn't seem like she even wants to try to act. The others aren't bad, but a little over the top and stagey. This seems like they did this play and thought it would be cool to pick up a couple cell phones and make it into a movie. There are few funny parts though, the "stoner" has some good lines and delivers them best of the bunch. I really can't believe I sat through the whole thing, and find it strange the other reviews are so glowing.
On the Trail of UFOs (2020)
Narration so bad I stopped 10 minutes in...
I could not take the robot sounding narration any longer and had to abruptly end what I was hoping would be informative. The sound of her voice cannot really be this bad. It sounds like a horrible synthesized robot voice. The cadence is weird, the adjustment they made makes it sound muffled and is very hard to hear, let alone understand. Besides robot voice (and her obvious shotgun approach to seeing what genre she can make money from), the horrible attempt at ripping of X-files was obvious, and also equally bad.
Do not recommend.
Project Power (2020)
The enthusiasm I will show is as high as the effort they put into this...
Meh! Drawn out, slow moving, poorly written and devised. Best adjectives I can use to describe this pile of mediocrity. They must have picked up a horrible script for pennies on the dollar and decided they'll just make up for it by overpaying well-established actors to try and save it.
It didn't work. They must have been told they don't have to try very hard and can phone it in if they want. Because they definitely phoned it in. The premise is bizarrely reminiscent of a handful of sleeper hits, and not in an homage type of way, but in a blatant "it worked for them, let's steal it" kind of way. The plot is loose and scattered. The dialogue is uncomfortable. The visuals are nauseating at best. But they tried to cover that up with bright lights smearing across the screen.
I'm not sure why they introduced so many characters either. They barely get screen time enough to show us why they are integral to the "story". And Machine Gun Kelly? Worst attempt at acting I have seen since the last movie his new gal was in.
I'll learn to stop watching Netflix originals one day, hopefully sooner than later, because they barely deliver. Well, they don't deliver if I'm being honest. This makes three in a row of big-name helmed originals that they wasted money and time on. I'm also unsure how others can be as critical as they are and rate it at an average? If it is as bad as you say, rate it so people. My two is being generous, but there were a couple, and I mean two, humorous moments that made me chuckle. Maybe it wasn't intentional though???
Ad Astra (2019)
Sci-fi thrown in because it's "cool"
With successes such as The Martian and Interstellar, Brad Pitt must have thought he should get in on the action. Sadly this is what happened.
Anyone giving this more than a 5 ought to look hard in the mirror. This is not a science fiction movie. At all. That was the backdrop chosen to ride on the wave of popularity.
The plot is basic Hollywood drama revolving around a father and son. The father is sent out for some oft-glossed over reason, the son (who never had a brilliant relationship with his father - gasp! how new) is somehow the only person that can get to his father and save the...universe? Not really sure what was supposed to be going on since the science fiction part takes a very far back seat to the drama within these two people that somehow are so important we need to only concentrate on them.
The flimsy plot, that answers little, and asks more, never really stays on the rails. But they throw in some asinine moon chases, crazy action that is barely laughable, to divert our attention from the Swiss cheese storyline.
I'd say the acting was good, but brooding and barely speaking isn't really acting. But that seems to be the trend now.
The Siren (2019)
Uh...
I'm not sure why the glowing reviews are written in the poorest English imaginable, but they are. That and references to the production staff like they are know by the reviewer. I get people having bias to someone in the "business" that they know, but it shouldn't cloud your objective opinion. And these reviews are obvious in their bias, and favoritism.
This movie is glacial in it's motions to get to anything of substance. The "siren" is always in the water. Always. Now if they had named it Rusalka, then some sense could have been made of this never leaving the water. Though the original variation of the "legend" was more genial and kind to man. They made a character mute, I guess to justify having such a bad actor in the role, or to save on typing up his dialogue. Shame, because the actor is not bad.
Lighting? Horrible. Chemistry is bad, props are bad, situations are very unbelievable. As is the ultimate compassion, suddenly portrayed.
If you are one to figure a movie out quickly, don't bother watching this feeble attempt at disguised foreshadowing. It's obvious.
The actress playing the Rusalka has the most high-pitched voice since the original Valley Girl, so subtly is not something this monster has going for her. Plus the part about always being in the water. Always. Not sure if I mentioned that already or not.
I had high hopes for this one, because I thought "They Look Like People" was a great movie, slow, but ultimately awesome. I guess you can't win them all.
Blood Machines (2019)
Visually Good....
...but it is nowhere near coherent as a story. If there was just music and no dialog it would have been great. The acting is just horrible. Very drawn out and forced. More like a couple kids making a movie with no planning whatsoever. Just the acting, mind you. The visuals are decent, but not very well done. Too much Vaseline on the lens to hide the, I'm sure, myriad defects in art. I'm not even sure why they even have real people in here, as their performances (I use that term very loosely) add nothing to this, it actually detracts more than add. Also, why is this split up? It makes no sense to make three 10-15 minute "episodes".
Meh.
Beers of Joy (2019)
Propanda at its worst
As soon as you see 10 Barrel brewing at the opening, you know AB-InBev has their hands in it. Then you see Ray Daniels and you know this is just one big advertisement for the Cicerone racket. From there is just continues spraying you with ads for AB and Cicerone. Sadly the trailer omits this so you cannot make an informed choice on whether to watch it or not. But seeing Sean Paxton in the previews should have let me know where this was going. Nowhere fast. Not thinks corporate mega-brewer. Pass.
Two Sentence Horror Stories (2017)
Got me again...
I read the synopsis and thought I would take another ill-advised shot on some new offering that kept popping up. I could barely last through half the first episode. It was really slow, like really slow. The crazy opportunities people take to defy all common sense is very unbelievable. Not sure what prompted anyone to put a horror tag on this, because it isn't even close. Seems like they wanted to make some psychological thriller but missed the mark entirely there as well. I'm also a little dubious on the high ratings. 10? Really? This is one of the best shows ever made? Because that is what you are saying when you rate it that high. A 5 is way too high, in my mind. I'm being generous with a 1 as this may have been a waste of time and money for all involved. And that it keeps getting made is very disconcerting.
The Watchers: Revelation (2013)
Horrible...
The christian over-, and undertone are evident. It seems like christian actors would at least try and be actors. The overall story is executed awfully. Seriously. Acting is bad, costuming is horribly off for the period they are trying to convey, and the subliminal proselytizing, which is hardly below the surface, is overdone. Terrible flick. Churches should be ashamed about taking donations to fund piles like this.
The Perfect Date (2019)
Another shotgun blast....
...by Netflix. That seems to be their approach to filmmaking; throw as much as they can at us and hope something is a hit. I felt like I was watching mannequins being moved around while voiceovers did the talking for them. No real flow, some of the clever word play and metaphors seemed to drag on forever, and they didn't even add anything to the story. I just felt like everyone was filmed acting separate and then it was edited together to look like they were on set together. Just no chemistry, but that was probably more due to the directing and poor dialogue. No thanks Netflix, you've fooled me too many times for me to fall for another original anything.
Kiss Kiss (2019)
Wow
I didn't know they started making mainstream movies that try to be pornography so hard. Acting is horrible, first 20 minutes or so are us watching strippers who don't seem to ever actually do the one job they have. The directing has me wondering if there was one, the story doesn't seem to want to materialize. Horrid
Something in the Woods (2015)
Wow!
This is by far one of the worst movies ever made. It is only eclipsed by the actual worst movie - The Jar. Acting is beyond horrible. Mannequins with synthesized voices would have more emotion displayed. The GodZone Ministries credit should have tipped me off that this would be super-low budget without any thought to displaying accurate, unbiased, information.
There are so many horrible oversights that is distracts from the already distracting poorly written script and emotionless acting. I wasn't alive in the '60s, but I'm sure Texas wasn't using registration and inspection stickers on the window back then. Especially ones from 2012.
I really am at a loss of words for how horrible this was. It will be a hard pass on anything with anyone associated with this for me if I should see them in something in the future.
Geesh.
Savageland (2015)
Somehow rated, undeservingly, way too high
I'm not sure how this one is getting such rave reviews? The idea is sound, but the delivery is very poor. The makers seemingly want the viewer to come to their own conclusion, but are heavily biased to what is really happening. No speculation by any of the characters at all. Even when faced with the same photographic "evidence" that we are shown ad nauseam. If we are to interpret this on are own we are given very little choice to do so. Especially with the horrible ending that tries to tidy it up, only giving more bias to what is never spoken about.