abstract_karma Reviews

Gamer (2009)

Embarrassing...

[3/10 · 8 September 2010]

I don't know where to begin.. It'd take me longer than the movies runtime to describe how truly awful Gamer is. Gamer is basically an amalgam of The Running Man (even to the point of having a character named Ben Richard), Johnny Mnemonic (with Ludicrous (sic) in a carbon-copy role of Ice-T) with a touch of Robocop (directive 4), but at least it gets to mention 'tea-bagging' (yay?).

From the offset the movie looks and feels like it has been written by a horny 13 year old, and it's all down hill from there. The story and story-telling are poor, the characters one dimensional and the script abysmal. Why anyone agreed to be involved in this picture is beyond me, especially when the supporting cast consists of John Leguizamo, Kyra Sedgewick and Keith David, all solid performers on their day.

If you want to see a film about games/virtual reality, you'd be far better off watching The Lawnmower Man, TRON or eXistenZ, or waiting for the upcoming TRON: Legacy. On the other hand, if you want to see a rehash of some of my favourite tongue-in-cheek sci-fi movies (but without the story) then be my guest....but don't say I didn't warn you.

3/10 (purely for the mention of tea-bagging)

Ultraviolet (2006)

What in God's Name....

[2/10 · 15 September 2006]

Where to begin? Right, if you saw Equilibrium and wanted to see something similar by Kurt Wimmer, don't do what I did and ignore everyone's comments on this movie. They were right. Equilibrium was style over substance, but it worked mainly due to the fact that Christian Bale can act. Milla Jovovich (eye-candy though she is) cannot.

I just don't get what this film is trying to achieve. The sci-fi element consists of a few unimpressive CGI backdrops and that they can change their hair colour at will. Woooo! The story seems to be non-existent as far as I can see, and don't even get me started on the acting! If you're thinking of seeing this movie, do yourself a favour, take that hour and a half and embrace it, cos I'm never getting it back and it p*sses me off.

2/10

Silent Hill (2006)

Roger Avary wants shooting...

[6/10 · 31 August 2006]

First things first. As a fan of the games and a fan of the horror genre, I was apprehensive when I first heard about the project. No-one more than me wanted to see this film made - but made well. I was excited to find out that some of the music from the game was going to be used in the film, as the music was one of the catalysts (along with the dense fog and white noise) for the atmosphere and subdued tension within the game.

Then I saw the film...

I have got to say that Roger Avary wants shooting! I have been a fan of his work with Quentin Tarantino from Reservoir Dogs through to Killing Zoe, but saw little of the sharp dialogue synonymous with these movies. Okay, okay, so it's a 'horror' film and the dialogue generally plays second fiddle to the visuals - but that's no excuse for sloppiness.

Sean Bean was hideously under used, the music was often too contemporary, and for some reason three-quarters of the way through, the film turns into an (even more bizarre!) version of The Wicker Man. On the plus side, the cinematography, costume and set design are near-perfect.

On the whole, Silent Hill fans should at least get something from the film; if only the knowledge that they could've done better. If they had payed as much attention to detail to the narrative as they did to the closing credits, we could have all left the cinema knowing the game to film curse had been lifted. Close but no cigar...