asinyne Reviews

Leningrad (2009)

stark, I really enjoyed it

[9/10 · 27 November 2020]

This is a great movie if you like history...the incredible level of human suffering and endurance are the key elements here. There is nothing sunny or light hearted here. its all dark and stark. It makes one wonder how horrible the human race can act towards each other. And for what, so some frustrated corporal got to big for his underwear and lots of other fools joined in on the madness. War is hell and that is a fact, it always has been. We can all learn something from this film...mainly how stupid people can be. I disagree that the low budget hurt this movie...money doesnt make society better, probably wouldnt have done much for this excellent film...a must see.

The Ultimate Warrior (1975)

truly a sci fi classic..still fun

[9/10 · 18 September 2020]

Back in the day I watched this before I became a fan of post apocalypse stuff. It was pretty accurate as far as what it will prob be like if it happens. Unlike some people on here brynner was terrific. so what if he is over fifty??? grow up people you should be so lucky as to make it to fifty...yeah. Ok, its a fun flick, kinda low budget but effective in most respects. brynner was quite the actor in his time...to bad cancer robbed him of some good years...He is missed

Garm Wars: The Last Druid (2014)

beautiful looking hard to follow storyline

[7/10 · 9 December 2019]

Despite a lot of narration it was tough for me to stay with the story. That didn't tho cause the film was so incredible to look at. I wanted to see more of the lead actress but I was mildly disappointed there...she is very sexy. someone said it would be good to be a little stoned while watching this...I kind of agree, that thought crossed my mind also. It really is a visual spectacle and stays that way through most of the film. Its about two alien races warring for dominance somewhere out in space. There is a ton of kool looking space combat...really nice. I enjoyed it although there were times when I had no idea what was going on...

Ready or Not (I) (2019)

very original, VERY gory...nice

[9/10 · 5 September 2019]

This movie is a wild ride. I picked it because all the others had already started. I was the only one in there. It was probably the most fun Ive had while going to a movie along since the original Road Warrior. It was tongue in cheek funny at times with a hilarious closing line. There is plenty of anxious moments for you to endure. I really enjoyed it. The cast was very good and kind of eccentric. The blood letting may have set some kind of a record. Not for the squeamish. But its all in fun and the sets are very creepy and cool. I recommend this very much for horror fans. The cast played it very straight...mostly....ha.

Les Misérables (2018–2019)

just to depressing

[7/10 · 25 April 2019]

I had no problem with any of the actors, they were all good. I know this story is a classic and those were some really hard times but damn its just so depressing I couldnt take any more after a while. I have more than my share of troubles right now so I will pass on shouldering imaginary ones. I just could not take it all the way through. great production values, the cast was find, the racial thing didnt matter to me I though the black bad guy was just fine. I needed a pill though after seeing the hell that was in the not so far away past. Personally, I think those days are coming back and the socialist arent helping with their idiotic stance.

Cheyenne: The Argonauts (1955) Season 1, Episode 3

Superb episode

[9/10 · 30 November 2018]

Yes this is a remake of Treasure of the Sierra Madre. Thing is, its actually a very well done episode. Rod Taylor stands out in a early performance and the overall production is superior. So what if the story is a re tread? It is a very enjoyable one. Of course it pretty much covers the same ground as the original so you know its gonna turn out bad but its a very fun ride all the same. I would like to add that the production values on many of these old western shows was downright amazing. Of course it was a lot easier to produce quality programming in those days and a helluva lot cheaper. Cheyenne is a great character and adding him to the mix only enhances the power of the narrative. Its a darn good show and I have no idea what the bad reviewer was drinking that spoiled his stomach while watching this. Truth is, its a minor western classic and even does justice to the original epic. Good one parkners

The Legend of Ben Hall (2017)

totally enjoyed it lovely girls

[9/10 · 25 August 2018]

I liked it a lot. The script was well done and the film moved along nicely. The acting was really superb I though. The guy playing Gilbert was fantastic. The girls were very sexy and did their parts very well. I couldnt help but feel sorry for Ben Hall and his wife...They were truly two lost souls. On the other hand Hall's girlfriend was SMOKIN hot my friends. Gads what a beauty. They know how to grow their women down under and thats a fact. And they are natural beauties too thank you. The movie is very good, basically a western with aussie accents or whatever...ha. Enjoy, especially you like horses and old guns and pretty women and action. The actor who played Ben Hall is sorta a cross between Clint Walker and Mel Gibson...he seems to be able to act also.

Paul, Apostle of Christ (2018)

Powerful and unusual

[8/10 · 31 March 2018]

It moved slowly at times or was it simply that we expect a higher body count and more explosions in our films? I thought it gained tremendous momentum towards the end and I left feeling very satisfied, uplifted, and quite entertained. This is a very unusual film in many respects. Its very downbeat, almost like film noir...really. Many scenes are quite dark and the lighting effects are really unusual and I found the pleasing. The acting was fine and the and the movie had a very original feel despite everyone knowing about the Apostle Paul and his unique life. I got to say that Christianity has strayed radically from the vision that Paul had!! It was interesting to me how closeups were used in so many scenes. There were some rough scenes including the final ones but that was reality back then and still is in many parts of the world. I recommend this film highly for anyone looking for something deeper that offers a unique perspective on many levels. Definitely worth your time whether you are into religion or not. Good one.

Metamorphosis (I) (2007)

More entertaining than one might think

[5/10 · 19 March 2017]

OK, this is a fairly low budget vampire flick but you might want to check it out. It begins rather slowly, everything seems predictable and unoriginal. However, you keep watching due to the amazingly SEXY leading lady who plays the female vampire and love interest. She is >>>>HOT<<<<< It also helps that the film is pretty well produced, it looks good, very good sometimes. Things really pick up and it gets rocking though when Christopher Lambert takes the stage as a really rotten chief vampire dude. He really brings a lot of energy and his dialogue is zany as heck. I enjoyed his performance and there is some nicely staged action sequences. Also the effects when a vampire gets killed are pretty cool. They sorta turn into this black husk and then flake away like a burning newspaper. Cool. Then, towards the end of the movie it delves into some metaphysical, spiritual, pseudo madness that is kind of dumb but brings some more zany nuttiness to the fun. Maybe it was just me but here is a strong undercurrent of tongue in cheek at work here. The last scene kinda caps it all off and sends you away with a bit of a smile on your face. The Russian couple and a really annoying sidekick steal a few scenes. Other than Lambert and the dude playing the Russian jerk the acting is kinda stiff.

The bottom line is a mildly entertaining semi farce that might help you waste some time. There are some really interesting tidbits throw in like a iron cross at a monastery that trembles when a vampire is on the property, a vampire who says the lord's prayer and declares the bible to be the best selling work of fiction ever. Then there is a creepy grave robbing scene and vampires that bit each other on the neck. Not to bad.

Without Warrant (2013)

not the best leads

[4/10 · 6 March 2017]

some action fans might appreciate this cause there is quite a lot of shooting, fighting, crashing about and what have you. My biggest gripe were the leads. Neither were good actors, one was wooden and the other to over the top. It didn't help that both dudes were kinda on the pug ugly side. Not to say a action hero has to be pretty but the camera needs to like them a little bit. Anyhow, two burned out Aussie cops run around trying to solve a murder. Things get tense and bloody in a hurry. There are so good points about this flick. Its fast moving and sort of has a plot. I don't think most of the actors were really actors though and that ultimately doomed the overall decent effort. I think my score of a four is pretty accurate. Not the best way to spend your time I would offer. I appreciate the effort though...keep trying

Crosshairs (2013)

intense, intense, intense

[9/10 · 6 March 2017]

this movie is not for fans of John Wick or Chuck Norris. There are not big explosions, long drawn violent scenes, and little appeal to thirteen year old kids. This is about intense casting, intense acting, intense directing, intense scripting, and intense viewing. If I was to compare it to something more recent that would probably be the move the ACCountant...though this is really better in most ways though I liked the Affleck film. The Hit-man Jack has his serene murder for hire life terribly complicated by a bad knee, bad girls, bad porn stars, and bad characters trying to make him an offer he literally can't refuse.

This film is incredibly well cast. Tom Seismore gives a great performance as a high class pimp and the Porn director steals a huge chunck of the film and actually has the best role. This movie is all about horribly flawed people going about life in horribly destructive ways and generally making the world a much more horrible place to live in. There are no good guys anywhere in this movie. They are all "characters" that could best be described as lost souls.

The fact that you will sympathize with Jack and even feel a bit akin to the "Sausage King" is a superb example of masterful film making and manipulation of the audience. This move is real, there are no heros, no Iron Men, no Caped Crusader, no Scarlett Johanssen beating hell of dozens of massive opponents armed wit machine guns. In fact there is no one in tights during the entire movie.

Parts of the move are vague and leave you guessing a bit. You may think there are plot holes where its really simply leaving something for you think about. The people who make this film are artists. This movie was made for a million bucks and good lord, was the money well spent. I would rather go to the dentist that watch putrid horse poop like Iron man vs Captain America. I could easily watch this again trying to pick up on all the many nuances I might have missed the first time. If you are a serious film fan or even a film maker, you should see this movie. Yeah, I was darn impressed. It deserves a 9.5. The people who didn't like this movie are likely the ones eagerly waiting on the next Rambo

Suspicion (I) (2012)

a low key film, I liked it

[7/10 · 6 March 2017]

A good little film that makes the most out of an interesting premise. A sick gangster makes friends with a waitress. Of course there is a lot more to it than that. The unknown cast makes the most of whats here. I was pulled into the story. The waitress wants to be a journalist and has a dope dealer for a boyfriend. Everyone has connections to the mob and most of them have no clue about the others. A lot of the shots were done out in the park or outside a restaurant and that in itself was kinda cool and interesting. Everyone needs to get out more, even dope dealers and mafia hit men...ya know. This film is very low budget but it really doesn't take a lot of money to make a good movie. Just leave out the car crashes, computer animation/scenery, and the big explosions and a good film can be made cheap. For decades movies were made the way this one was...with a story, actors, a smart director and lights. Its not a bad system IMO

Road of No Return (2009)

fun dark serio comedy

[6/10 · 6 March 2017]

This was pretty entertaining. Definitely borrows heavily from Pulp Fiction but thats not a bad thing. There is some silliness but I felt entertained. Its pretty violent and the violence is well staged. There is enough action for action fans. Carridine and Madsen had some fun scenes together and I enjoyed watching them play off each other. Very tongue in cheek. Heck, its a decent movie. The plot is wild but not bad. There were some very amusing scenes and all the madness kinda works for the most part. A different kind of madcap action flick. Pretty good. I watched almost until the end when a jackash co worker knocked my portable DVD player over when he tripped on the cord. Kinda fitting way to wrap up the fun.

Jack and Jill (I) (2011)

Thank You Adam for the great laughs

[9/10 · 30 August 2016]

OK, I totally loved this movie. I laughed hard and often, in fact I laughed more than probably any other Sandler flick except maybe the Waterboy. I know Sandlers humor has gone a bit out of style because there aren't dirty jokes, lots of cursing,lots of people getting drunk or stoned which is what people like now. It not that kind of humor, its pretty family friendly but man its hilarious to me...Adam is the latest Mel Brooks. I didn't actually think he was that funny as Jill but still there were so many funny moments. Adam will have to add dirty jokes, nudity, and lots of f bombs before he will get his audience back. Today's audience just can't get the old school slapstick humor anymore I guess. I feel lucky that I can get it and man I had fun. I needed the laughs too. Sandler is a comic genius, Im thankful we have him.

Blood Father (2016)

fascinating, action with a story

[8/10 · 21 August 2016]

Mel Gibson is great in this movie. He portrays a grizzled ex con who is hell bent on helping his wayward teenage daughter who is up to the seat of her hotpants in hot water. Yeah, there is a ton of action, and very well staged action, but there is also a very powerful underlying narrative about the power of love. Gibson pretty much nails the role and you can't help but admire the character, a very flawed but helplessly hopeful individual who carries a certain nobility despite it all. He is a world weary survivor who has seen it all and finally realizes that the only things that really matter are self value and the people you should be close to. The daughter is just as flawed and beat up as the dad but together they form a bond that transcends all, even the grave. This is first and foremost a blast away action thriller but one theme runs through all the pyrotechnics...we all got to help each other and finally it will all start making sense and maybe even end well for a change. Wow, how the heck did Mel get those guns...Arnold and Stallone must be bright freaking green with envy. Man, those things look computer enhanced but I bet they aren't. Impressive!!!!

Just a Gigolo (1931)

A great classic, just fabulous

[10/10 · 26 July 2016]

Still engaging today IMO. I watched this recently and was very entertained despite the fact there are virtually no effects, very little computer input(ha). I'm pretty sure the budget would not buy much in Hollywood today (lunch maybe). Films can be so good with just charismatic actors, good lighting, and a clever script. One could probably make thirty film like this with the money they blow on computer graphics along nowadays. Heck, you don't even need color!!! Oh well, we have these old classics to enjoy and still we can go off to the movies and watch them blow stuff up...its a win win. Just a Gigolo, what fun.

Star Trek Beyond (2016)

Definitely entertaining, a fine new Trek

[9/10 · 25 July 2016]

I am giving this a nine because its probably one of the very few movies I have watched lately that I would like to see again. As new trek movies go this one is certainly a highlight. All the effects, sets, etc are absolutely first rate. The story is better than most, and it helps that it sets a very fast pace. There is always something interesting happening in this film. I cant see how any Star Trek fan would be disappointed. My only gripe is the new Spock. Somehow, he doesn't seem quite right but after Nimoy's epic portrayals Im not sure anyone who follows will fit the bill. However, I really like the Tuvok character from the Voyager series. Actually I would prefer him right now. Anyhow, its all minor whining on my part. Its a truly great movie, a real epic and the alien girl was a super nice addition. Uhura was great too, she really got to kick some butt. Pine makes an awesome kirk too...he really has claimed the role as his. Its a must see....much much better than all that pretentious "trust the force" drudge people love so dearly. Live Long and Prosper fools!!!

The Choice (I) (2016)

where were the super heroes and explosions

[8/10 · 24 June 2016]

A very romantic and enjoyable film. A lot of people will hate it because of the lack of computer graphics. For my money the leading lady in a bikini is a testament again to the fact God creates much greater beauty than anything man can dream up. I have enjoyed most of the Sparks films. They are laid back and stress love. What people don't like about that is hard to figure. Maybe if the neighbor had been wonder woman or transgender or whatever it would have gotten rave reviews. I watched it with my daughter and I almost teared up. The scenery is grand too, makes you want to move south (dont forget the heat tho, its brutal) OK, I liked it and you will too if you have a heart inside your chest or you are a guy who digs extremely pretty females Like I do.

Gods of Egypt (2016)

Absolutely Beautiful, lovely women, epic fantasy...don't miss it

[10/10 · 28 February 2016]

The visual effects alone are way worth the cost of admission. They blew me away. I went to the 3d version and I HIGHLY recommend you do the same, it is fantastic. The girls were knockouts too, Helen of Troy would turn green with envy if she had to stand next to Zaya...whoa!!! What can I say, forget about Lenin's useful morons and their thought police whining about the cast. Nobody freaking cares, besides real Egyptians have way more to worry about lately than getting their movie careers off the ground.

The plot takes a bit of a back seat to the incredible effects and visual treats but its pretty decent. At least the characters aren't running around chasing some idiot ring that only destroys them...This actually is a film about mythology with plenty of dazzling action and the good old tried and true absolute evil vs the power of love. In a weird kind of way it reminded me a bit of The Risen (another great film by the way) There are similar themes woven through both movies surprisingly.

The movie is rated low here cause Bernie's politically correct wanna be tyrants come on here in hordes and slam films that don't have a communist slant. Ignore that bs and go see this amazing cinematic miracle.

Power Corps. (2004)

some fun to be had here

[5/10 · 21 February 2016]

The first thing one must do while viewing this is to get past the incredibly hokey looking costumes the space soldiers wear...wtf?? Otherwise, its a pretty decent action sci fi movie complete with zombies, evil cyborgs, androids, werewolves, dinosaurs and all manner of weirdness. There isn't much plot. The space marines are sent to check out this place and they spend the rest of the flick shooting everything that moves and trying to get out. The dialogue is mostly MF this MF that...etc. Still, it manages to entertain if you have a fondness for low budget, weird sci fi. The leading lady is VERY darn cute. Why she was left to fend for herself after being wounded is a serious plot hole, especially considering the top dog was in love with her obviously. OK, this is mildly entertaining action packed madness that could have used one familiar face in the cast.

The Day the Earth Stopped (2008 Video)

well written attempt at something deeper

[6/10 · 21 February 2016]

there is really no reason to trash this film. Plot wise, its pretty solid with a nice tale. The effects are about what one would expect of a rather low budget film but they are OK. The cast is pretty solid, tho not Oscar worthy. The story revolves around a mysterious alien invasion that no one can figure out. There are religion undertones, and not so subtle ones at that. The aliens turn out to be powerful, God like entities that have come to determine the worth of the human race. Plan B it to knock the planet off its axis and destroy us. C Thomas Howell is fun to watch and he is a promising director. The movie moves along at a decent pace and never hits any truly boring stretches. I felt reasonably entertained and no, its far from the worse movie ever made like some sniffy Star Wars nerds commented here.

30,000 Leagues Under the Sea (2007 Video)

fun adventure story

[8/10 · 8 February 2016]

I enjoyed this little flick. Hard to believe it was made for a half million dollars cause it looks pretty darn good. The story is pretty well known of course but it managed to be reasonably fresh. Undersea movies make me kinda claustrophobic for this one didn't get to me to bad. I would never go on any kind of submarine...I will wait until I am dead to get buried thank you. The cast seemed to be having fun, especially Mr Lamas and the fine actor who played Nemo. Nemo is certainly one of the great characters in fantasy. Thanks Jules. Despite this being low budget I thought it was easy to watch and there is a good bit of suspense and fun to be had. Some of the characters were a bit wooden but the lady lead is smoking hot and overall the cast performed well. The effects were actually very superior considering the budget, great job! I generally enjoy Asylum movies and some are real gems like this one. Just a nice way to help pass off a slow night and nothing beats a good old fashioned adventure picture. Probably deserved a rating closer to a seven but I added a point for effort and the fun factor.

Tale of the Mummy (1998)

Very Weird, Good Cast...kept me interested

[6/10 · 7 February 2016]

This is a decent horror flick. The special effects were very good and quite unusual. It was sorta the Mummy meets the Invisible Man for a large portion of the movie. The Mummy morphs from one form to another a number of times and it mostly worked. Lysette Anthony looked so darn cute, that little vixen. Christopher Lee was great as always, it would have been nice if he had gotten a few more scenes though. He looked cool too. The guy with the shaved head and tattoos stole a lot of the scenes. He was very good as a possessed maniac. The scene where they brought him back from the dead was pretty creepy, there are so scary moments in this flick unlike the Brendan Fraser Mummy movies, tho I generally liked them too. This movie is sort of a different take, an update on the more traditional Mummy films. I thought it was very unique and it kept me going despite the fact I thought it would probably be crappo based on how its rated here. It is very much better than its rating, overall the film has a lot of good ideas and it moves along well. I think most horror fans would get a couple of thrills from this epic. give it a try.

Princess of Mars (2009 Video)

interesting looking, a bit surreal...kinda like Flash Gordon

[8/10 · 2 February 2016]

It doesn't really deserve an eight but it sure as heck is better than a freaking three. I found this at Goodwill and have been curious about the film so I snatched it up. I enjoyed it. It moves a bit slowly at times, Traci Lords isn't really right to play a teenage princess, and its not a lot like the novel but who cares. Lords does bring some decent name recognition to the cast. Taken on its own merits this movie is entertaining and pretty surreal in some ways. Visually it consistently makes good eye candy. Asylum sank a bit more money into this one I suspect. I actually enjoy Asylum movies, they are simply fun, and this is one of their better ones IMO. It reminded me somewhat of the old serials from the thirties like Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon. However, there are lots of other influences. I felt it came up a bit short in the action department but I may be a bit spoiled by big budget films where something is blown up, wrecked or shot, every few seconds. The male lead was pretty good and the Tarks looked cool. Overall the sets were very nice for a medium budget flick. There is something oddly surreal about a lot of Asylum movies and that actually adds to their appeal. Im a fan of the old pulp fiction stuff so I gravitate to media like this. I wouldn't mind reading a novel based on this movie actually. Give it a shot, its pretty entertaining in a low key kind of way. No its not Star Wars but it is pretty unique in lots of ways. Watch it for something different than the formulaic stuff Hollywood generally puts out there.

The 5th Wave (2016)

fast paced, futuristic, and nicely done

[9/10 · 24 January 2016]

I went to check this movie out not knowing what to expect. The reviews were not that great so I hoped for the best and definitely found myself entertained. The story is solid and pretty original despite what some have said on here. The future is a scary thing and we know sooner or later some truly bad stuff is gonna start happening around us. This flick gives us some idea of the possibilities. The sequence where the army shows up to "help" was especially well done and creepy. Stuff just like that has happened all over the world many times in the past and even today. The chaotic results of a world turned upside down are pretty well realized and the acting was fine although not a lot was asked of the cast. I think most people will like this, its action with sci fi and a bit of 1984 thrown in to make you shiver a bit. A good one. Probably intended for a younger audience, like most movies, but not a bad choice for adults who enjoy futuristic books or movies.