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gtimandan
Reviews
Dinosaurs (1991)
A Great Show For All Ages
This is one of those magical shows that has the perfect mix of writing, cast & crew that comes together far too seldom and provides you with something that's about as sublime as can be mustered. Also, it entertains on many levels so that anyone watching will be able to laugh at, and learn from, each episode.
The show enjoys a terrific cast of voice actors, some well-knowns (Sherman Hemsley, Sally Struthers, Florence Stanley, Christopher Meloni) along with lesser-known talent but who were equally as gifted here, and their chemistry together worked very well.
Each show had a heady topic to be dealt with, such as marijuana; sexual harassment; stealing; job loss; children switched at birth; steroid use; cataclysmic forces in nature; arrogance; caring for the elderly; et al, all while doing so in as light-hearted a manner as possible and with a plethora of humor thrown in along with a gem of wisdom at the end.
This show is a combination of The Honeymooners, The Flinstones, and All In The Family (Sally Struthers is here also, once again suffering an obnoxious father), but is crafted as an inverted Flinstones in that the dinosaurs are the intelligent ones that live in homes, watching TV, and the cavemen live outside in the wild or are the family pets.
The lives of everyone seem to be ruled by the domineering, fearsome "WeSaySo" corporation (it's only funny because it's true) which is the company that loud-mouthed father Earl works for under the thumb of the tyrannical BP Richfield, an odd carnivorous triceratops expertly voiced by Sherman Hemsley. Earl is equal parts Archie Bunker, Fred Flintstone and Ralph Cramden, but possessing about 1/100th of either's intellect, and his best friend, Roy, is a near clone of Ralph Cramden's best friend Ed Norton, who even uses phrases such as "Pally Boy" in this show.
Beyond WeSaySo, the family suffers trials and tribulations at near every turn, from a volcanic eruption closing school for an "ash day" (eg: snow day), to the continent breaking apart, all the way down to the food in the refrigerator (who's vermin leader, I might add, has a cabbage for a hand) taking your family hostage.
Rounding out the family are level-headed mother Fran, tree-hugging son Robbie (perhaps the only one that can see their species is on a path of self-destruction (again, only funny because it's true?) and is forever trying to educate the imbeciles around him), shopping-crazed daughter Charlene, difficult mother-in-law Ethel, and lastly the tyrannical sadomasochistic scene-stealing Baby (I'm the Baby! Gotta love me!).
If ever a TV show generated classic one-liners as found in the realm of a cult-classic movie, this show is it. A decade and a half later, many of those one-liners are still fresh with me today: from overused fare such as "Not the mama!" and "Again!!!", to more obscure ones such as Spike's offering for the school science project "I don't do projects" which then leads to "I call this: What's inside a TV"; to Mr Lizard's oft used "We're going to need another Timmy!"; to pea-size-brained Roy's discovery of a suggestion box, which he speaks into saying "This is Roy...What do you suggest?" as he then leans his ear to the slot listening for a response; to stoned-out hippie BP Richfield's take on Jimmy Hendrix's "Purple Haze" when under the influence of the Happy Plant at work; and lastly bumbling BP's groping for words, trying to say something flattering to the enormously-necked Monica Devertebrae which finally comes out as "Neck! Small! Neck small! My, my, my, what a LoVeLy neck small!", this show is absolutely overflowing with one-liners.
Remarkable still today, the Henson company developed the animatronic puppet for this show, one that employed the use of a person inside a huge rubber body suit for each character. Each puppet required about (if memory serves) four to seven people to operate the facial expressions and certain movements to bring the character to life, all while syncing up to the voice actor for that puppet. Quite a heady task, and it was typically pulled off with great aplomb, the exception being the first episode which was a bit clunky.
Although a terrific show for children, any person of any age can enjoy this gem of a show as it is also chock full of humor that only an adult would get. If you haven't yet seen Dinosaurs, do yourself that favor and check it out - you will immediately be hooked!
Mortuary (2005)
Take the bumpy road that goes nowhere...
...it will be much more fun and worthwhile than this...thing.
Poor Denise Crosby...I love you Denise - you're great. What happened here, though? Did you suffer a concussion before you agreed to do this...thing? This movie is so completely and utterly horrible that it's difficult to write about (wow - am I channeling Simon Cowell?!).
It actually seems to start off OK, and even seems to be going somewhere, but about 1/3 of the way into the movie it's as if the producer & director decided to head off to Barbados for a few months and handed the controls over to the hair stylist and gaffer. It all, immediately, goes horribly wrong in an instant, and you'll feel it when it does.
In a nutshell, Mom (Denise Crosby), a fledgling mortician, moves herself and kids into an old run-down mortuary house that is conveniently located beside a creepy old cemetery where the towns folk say a monstrous mad man lives. Can't see where this is going, can ya?! :) Her oldest child is the most intelligent in the house at about 16 years of age. He runs rings around his mother's wisdom, it would seem, as he hates everything about the move, the house, the town, and is justifiably suspicious of it all, but tolerates it for mom's sake.
Just as the characters are developing and the story is gaining momentum is where the vay-kay to Barbados (above) comes in, and it all comes crashing down. Suddenly everything's upside-down, cliché', asinine, absurd and failingly predictable.
The rest is so awful, that you needn't even consider watching it at all. It's just that bad. It would take me 90 minutes to write down everything that's wrong with this...thing, and for naught. If you believe nothing else from anyone ever again in your lifetime - believe me that the 2 hrs of your life is better spent elsewhere, doing ANYTHING at all.
Poor Denise...(hug). You deserve much better, what with your talent and abilities. Just say NO! to horrible, flaming scripts.
Perhaps the *worst* movie I've ever seen on TV. Yeah - THAT bad.
Ultraviolet (2006)
1c Matrix + 1c Kill Bill + 1/2c Resident Evil = This Stinker
Let me start by saying I just adore Milla. I'd watch her paint a room and be fascinated by it. I've loved her since I first discovered her, during the Beavis & Butthead days and hers was one of the video clips they were lampooning on their TV. I immediately bought her CD (pretty good - check it out!) and have enjoyed every minute of her singing, modeling, & acting ever since. Even her L'Oreal commercials make me smile - she's a delight in most everything she does.
Now, for this movie. The premise is a bit daunting - there's this pseudo-underworld of amped up uber vampires called "Hemophages" that don't consume blood, as theirs is a genetic mutation which is contagious to humans, so they're avoided and ostracized at all costs.
It seems these infected folks have higher levels of strength & senses, making them faster & better able to avoid or defeat humans whenever necessary. It also seems that they have 007's arsenal of ultra weaponry available to them, yet none seem to have a job. Go figure. Now there is information that an anti-virus is about to be unleashed upon their species for their eradication. Obviously, the infected wish to survive so they attempt to stop the human invasion before the anti-virus can be released into the atmosphere (seeing tones of RE in this movie?).
Well, let's just say that it all goes horribly and inexplicably wrong, otherwise there wouldn't be much of a movie, now would there? :) Milla's "Violet" is the ultra assassin sent in to retrieve the anti-virus, single handedly, even though there is a cachet of these equally-skilled vampires that could have assisted her. Her task is "simple", otherwise - get in, get the anti-virus, get out. Let the mayhem of bullets & sword fighting begin! I could delve further into this movie, but you've seen it elsewhere before. What is presented here is a Frankestein's monster of similarly-themed movies (see my title), sewn together in an unimpressive fashion in this reviewer's opinion.
The special effects are quite good, most of the time, but suddenly have an 80's quality to them on occasion. Violet's hair abruptly changes color and apparently for no reason, as she can be walking when it turns from jet black to platinum pink - this doesn't seem to be related to emotions or rage, just random & odd. Likewise, her clothes often change colors and it just seems to be for the effect of changing her clothes colors - nothing more.
I was disappointed that at times Milla's face was the porcelain doll quality that we're used to seeing and then in the next frame or close up, we're treated to her sans makeup (or possibly WITH some purposed defect makeup) with facial splotches showing. This happens several times throughout the movie. Also disappointing was how one moment she's in a car watching a fireworks display, then she's in a lab, then back in the same car. Um...??? And then there's getting shot in the heart, dying as a result & surrounded by your pursuers, and then waking up after heart surgery in your almost-boyfriend's lab. Uh...??? Now lets jump off the gurney & go kick summore butt RIGHT NOW! Bah.
All in all this movie is a stinker, but Milla is superb as always. She comes to the table and satisfies, otherwise this movie would be unwatchable if she was not in it. See it only if you enjoy Milla's work, a mind-numbing amount of Xbox 360-caliber CGI, mindless & repetitive action sequences full of "martial arts", guns spewing bullets incessantly or occasionally a huge explosion.
Groundhog Day (1993)
An awesome movie! Great fun!!!
I never saw this movie until it had been out on video for a few years, which is a terrible shame - the story is top-notch, the acting is the best you can about find anywhere and it seems almost effortless for the two main characters (Murray & MacDowell).
You perhaps have an understanding of the movie, but if not here is the "Reader's Digest" version (note that there's not really a plot "spoiler", per se, but I'll touch on what goes on later in the movie...if that's an issue to you, perhaps you should forego my review until you've seen the movie).
Phil Connors (Murray) is a cranky, self-righteous, spoiled weatherman. He has little use for people in general, yet yearly he has to return to the humble Punxsutawney, PA to showcase whether or not Phil (the groundhog, not Murray) sees his shadow or not. This makes him incredibly miserable, having to deal with and interact with the local rural folks, making him feel as though he's trapped in his own private hell for that day.
Well, they get stranded in the wonderful, bustling mecca that is Punxsutawney (are you getting my sarcasm? (I can say that 'cuz I'm originally from Johnstown, PA)) and to make matters worse, someone is seeing to it that Phil is forced to repeat this day, with memories and awareness intact no less, ad nauseum, all the while perfecting himself in the process.
A terrific feel-good movie that has a great replay value. I've been watching it every Groundhog day now for several years, just to make sure I'm always aware of how great this movie is.
Definitely a keeper - buy it, don't rent it.
The Uninvited (1996)
You've seen this before...
...but it was called Poltergeist and it really scared the bejeezus out of you and stuck with you for days.
You probably understand the story line at this point from the other reviews here, but if not - here's a summation, with plot spoiler: Dad, mom & two kids move out into the burbs... Dad's gone A LOT for work... Mom & son are seeing "things" around the house (lights, movements, bloody water)... Dad doesn't believe her... Mom doesn't try too hard to prove her point... Mom stumbles across a psychic that tries to warn her of the harm coming her way... Dad has mom hauled off... 5 minutes later, dad's digging up gravestones in the back yard in the rain... Mom escapes from the hospital only to save her son in the last possible moment from the baddie while dad exclaims "I should've believed you!". Yawn.
This completely undisguised and unnecessary retelling of the Poltergeist story flips and flops like a fish out of water. It's almost painful to watch, but for some reason it is just barely able to hold you for the duration of the movie although it's rarely startling and never frightening.
Unfortunately, it's terribly clichéd and predictable from start to finish and it didn't have to be that way. The two main actors (although Beau is missing for long expanses of the movie (probably for reasons of salary)) hold this stinker together, and the supporting cast does a fine job of helping them along the way.
For whatever reason, the producer or director tried to insert some amount of levity at completely inappropriate times, and you could only notice this by the musical score becoming suddenly very "Looney Toons"esquire when there was terror afoot (note: I keep putting e s q u e after Looney Toons but it keeps auto-changing it to "esquire" and my corrections don't stick). These failed attempts at wry humor were completely lost, and perhaps I'm the only one that noticed they even tried.
Still, the special effects are well done and the music (aside from the unfortunate segues, above) is suitable if not sometimes sparse. If you've got nothing else to do and the couch is having a wicked gravitational pull on you, then watch it but be prepared to be unimpressed overall.