Change Your Image
lissotrichous1
Reviews
Urban Legend (1998)
Curly-haired people don't think STRAIGHT!
This movie takes place in some strange parallel universe where Freddy Kreuger becomes a college professor, and the ugly kid from Dawson's Creek manages to become even more hideous thanks to household bleach. Also amusing is Reese's Peanut Butter Cop, who prances around with her gun while watching blaxploitation flicks.
The movie does a great job of demonstrating how curly-haired people don't think straight!
You might think it's highly illogical to plan and execute an elaborate string of urban-legend based murders to avenge the inadvertent death of your boyfriend years earlier. Instead of simply killing the girls "responsible" in a more direct manner, she chooses methods worthy of a cheesy Batman TV series villain. It also doesn't make sense that she kills Michelle ( the more culpable of the 2 ) first, then a bunch of insignificant characters, saving Natalie for last.
But, understand that Brenda has curly hair.
Scientific studies have proved that the brains of the curly-haired expend so much energy on curling hair, that they just don't think as good as normal folks.
You get a good sense of Brenda's oppression when Jared Leto rejects her advances, choosing the straight-haired Natalie instead.
Slums of Beverly Hills (1998)
Pufnstuff & Cereal
This is a movie with well-drawn characters you can really relate to.
Much like Ben and Ricky, I also enjoy sitting around in my tight-whities, eating Trix and watching H.R. Pufnstuf.
That scene brought back memories. I also learned the hard way that you can't trade cereal for drugs.
Sadly, Vivian was too busy obsessing over puberty, etc. to realize the answer to all her problems would be to have her hair straightened. People with curly hair are not like the rest of us. Science has proved that their brains are so busy growing hair in weird spirals, that they don't think as good as us normal people.
Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004)
Lifetime-Worthy!
Lamest sequel ever!
I kind of liked Kill Bill 1, but this ruined all of it.
It didn't have the same over-the-top stylization, humor, anything original.
It'll be on Lifetime forever, cuz it's all soap opera drama about the cliché man-who-done-her-wrong; "I told you it was your baby (boo-hoo, why didn't you believe me when I said you were the only one)?" I was not expecting baby-mama drama, and a lengthy girl-power sermon.
How does anyone like this movie???
It's too corny for guys, yet too violent for girls. It tries to please everybody, but that just tells you what you should have already known : Tarantino's a no-talent sell-out brown-noser.
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
Dull, Inadequate Finale
Dull, Inadequate Finale.
From it's start, you sense the drawn-out nature of this supposedly epic ending... its all over the place, trying to involve you with the tedious "now's a good time to go out for popcorn!" fluff/added-on characters who obviously serve only to pad the whole sequence of events.
Peter Jackson heard that trilogies were trendy, so he decided to milk the audience for 3 films, when 2 would have been much more concise.
Really, he could have had a very tight and meaningful 2-pat LOTR, but unnecessarily watered it down to make us spend the extra $9 to be bored on the long route to the predictable conclusion.
It upsets me that the DVD's are so full of extra's. What ever happened to Editing? Keeping the theme tight? Concise work w/o crappy filler?
The Cave (2005)
We All Want Buscemi Eyes!
Not realistic! Manipulative and derivative! Mostly, this is "Alien" redone in a subterranean mode
As someone whose spent some time in caves - lots of time cuz we got lost - your hair would never look that good for one thing.
Also, primordial creatures suffering from gigantism wouldn't even fit into most caves.
You might see some albino bugs and fish, though. They're kind of gross, really.
And as much as I WISH! Being in a cave will not transform you into a sexy Steve Buscemi frog-eyed otherworldly creature with amazing sensory prowess and really big eyes.
Believe me, I've tried!