To me, this is a great example of so bad it's good. There is almost a glut of riffing material here, as the folks from mst3k actually don't make fun of a bunch of great stuff. For example, Poor Wade Popwell can clearly not see very well out of the monster suit as he stumbles around the set, tripping over all manner of things and actually running straight into a wall at one point. The Southern sheriff character is so stereotypical that it's possible he was playing the whole thing for laughs, except all the acting is so bad that we can't tell. Neither thing is really mentioned by the riffers because there's so much stuff to cover. For me the best part of the movie is watching Mr. Popwell flail about the place, constantly tripping over everything, running into stuff and whacking his head against the top of the odd door frame, but there's a lot more here than that. The poor editing means that 15 or so frames before action is called are sometimes left in. There are boom mike shadows all through the indoor scenes, horrible (or no) lighting, crummy underwater stock footage, and a brutally incongruous soundtrack. For instance, at one point there's some tense music (with a rhythmic ticking in the background that makes it sound like the movie needs a valve job). Right after that the music transitions to a sort of light-hearted country ditty, without the scene changing. In summation, the whole thing is just terrible, not just the things affected by budgetary constraints. Of course, that's what makes it a great candidate for riffing, and the MST3K crew does their usual great work. Original version not recommended, MST3K version highly recommended.
Reviews
5 Reviews
Resident Evil
(2022)
Pointless teenage drama called "Resident Evil" for some reason.
18 July 2022
Wow. I just don't know where to start with this. It has absolutely nothing to do with Resident Evil. Nothing. Well, except they used the name of one of the villains from the games and used for the father of the teenaged protagonists, an Umbrella exec.
This is just a poorly written, poorly acted teen drama that's going to have a few zombies and possibly some corporate intrigue... At least hopefully those things will develop. However, I won't be watching season 2, if there is one.
I honestly don't understand who this show is for, certainly not for fans of the Resident Evil games or even the movies. Not for fans of action movies, not for fans of zombie movies, because neither of those things really show up either. There is some brief zombie action at some points, but it's all very uninspired, completely lacking in tension, and nothing we haven't seen 1000 times before.
The writing of the plot, the dialogue, character motivation and just about every other aspect of the whole program smells of wokeness, but never mind that because absolutely reeks of incompetence. None of the characters is relatable or believable. Or likeable, which is the most grievous error here.
This is just a poorly written, poorly acted teen drama that's going to have a few zombies and possibly some corporate intrigue... At least hopefully those things will develop. However, I won't be watching season 2, if there is one.
I honestly don't understand who this show is for, certainly not for fans of the Resident Evil games or even the movies. Not for fans of action movies, not for fans of zombie movies, because neither of those things really show up either. There is some brief zombie action at some points, but it's all very uninspired, completely lacking in tension, and nothing we haven't seen 1000 times before.
The writing of the plot, the dialogue, character motivation and just about every other aspect of the whole program smells of wokeness, but never mind that because absolutely reeks of incompetence. None of the characters is relatable or believable. Or likeable, which is the most grievous error here.
8 Out of 10 Cats
(2005– )
Great topical panel show.
16 December 2021
Love it. Ashamed to admit that panel shows are my way of keeping up with UK news and culture, and this is still one of the best. TheyAlways have a good variety of guests, and the regulars are doing a good job as well. Of course, Sean Locke will be missed, but there's not much we can do about that.
Trigger Point
(2021)
They're lucky their cliche machine didn't overheat and explode during production.
27 April 2021
This movie is so poorly written and directed that the lighting and the acting are gonna get away without being criticized. I don't have that kind of time.
The script is so cliched and so hacky that I could actually say the lines (paraphrased) along with the characters while watching It for the first time. The dialogue was so cringy that I think my paraphrasing might have been better than the script. Every lame, creaky plot point and plot device you've seen a thousand times are trotted out and plopped on the screen in a sort of order that makes for a beginning, middle and end, but not for a decent movie. I could've written this in a weekend, and I'm no writer.
Unfortunately, the directing makes the writing look like pure gold in comparison. The gunplay, what there is of it, is eye-rollingly unbelievable. Not in a fun way, like in "Shoot 'em Up", but just as dull as the rest of the movie, only less believable. Every angle chosen is the wrong one, it seems, and and every cut is at the wrong moment. It's hard to go any more detail without giving any spoilers, so I won't.
As any number of movies have proven, you don't need a big budget to know how people talk to each other, to know what range hand guns are effective at, to be able to guess at how people react to certain situations, and how they don't. You don't need a big budget to close up plot holes that the Evergiven could get through. What you do need is some careful people working on the production. That's really what seems to be the overarching problem with this piece of dreck. It's as if no one, from start to finish, cared at all about how this came out.
The script is so cliched and so hacky that I could actually say the lines (paraphrased) along with the characters while watching It for the first time. The dialogue was so cringy that I think my paraphrasing might have been better than the script. Every lame, creaky plot point and plot device you've seen a thousand times are trotted out and plopped on the screen in a sort of order that makes for a beginning, middle and end, but not for a decent movie. I could've written this in a weekend, and I'm no writer.
Unfortunately, the directing makes the writing look like pure gold in comparison. The gunplay, what there is of it, is eye-rollingly unbelievable. Not in a fun way, like in "Shoot 'em Up", but just as dull as the rest of the movie, only less believable. Every angle chosen is the wrong one, it seems, and and every cut is at the wrong moment. It's hard to go any more detail without giving any spoilers, so I won't.
As any number of movies have proven, you don't need a big budget to know how people talk to each other, to know what range hand guns are effective at, to be able to guess at how people react to certain situations, and how they don't. You don't need a big budget to close up plot holes that the Evergiven could get through. What you do need is some careful people working on the production. That's really what seems to be the overarching problem with this piece of dreck. It's as if no one, from start to finish, cared at all about how this came out.
Savage Dog
(2017)
Just terrible
6 April 2018
Warning: Spoilers
Where to start? I guess with the poorly written screenplay. The dialog is particularly stupid, even forgetting that the narrator gets killed half way through the movie. Yes, that's right, the story is narrated by someone who dies well before it's over. How? No explanation. Maybe they decided to have Keith David narrate it before thinking of having him killed off? Anyway, poor Keith David has to share the screen with a bunch of no-talent "actors" and then spew noxious lines even after being shot to death. No respite for the damned, I guess. The screenplay is also, of course, filled with lines no one would say, such as one guy saying to Adkins' character, "I used to be a fighter, let's see how good you are" after already witnessing said character kill and/or beat to a pulp dozens of trained fighters. There are also people doing things no person would do, such as this same guy who used to be a fighter dropping his gun to fight the savage dog (and then somehow besting the savage dog against all logic) when he could just shoot him. And on and on.
The direction is no better than the screenplay, with myriad white-hatted Frenchies getting their comeuppance from unlikely angles from gunfire and sometimes via machete when our hero sneaks up from impossibly far away.
The practical effects are hilariously over-the-top, too. It's much like the far-superior Ash vs Evil Dead in the amount of high-pressure blood letting, except it looks way more fake. Even the blood looks really fake, more like raspberry Fruitopia in colour and texture. So, on the plus side, there are at least a few laughs to be had.
Then there's all the regular action-movie tropes. The bad guys being either ex-Nazis or sniveling and moustachioed (is that a word) Peter Lorre-types. The workout montage before the hero sets out for revenge, never mind the fact that he's already been beating the tar out of everyone in sight and hasn't been injured or gotten out of shape at all. The love interest that the hero can tragically never see again, for no good reason. Oh, and the requisite face-to-the-sky scream of "NOOOOOoooo!!!", even though the love interest is actually still alive. Maybe Adkins was overcome by the idea of having to do more days of shooting this turkey.
Finally, we come to the acting. Oh no, wait. I forgot to mention the sets. So, everything is obviously done on a sound stage. It has the feel of Star Trek TOS, only missing the giant papier machee boulders. Also, there is a bar/club that is literally in the middle of the jungle, not on a road or with anything else anywhere near it. Despite being in the middle of nowhere, the bar is (of course) owned by the hero's friend and of great interest to the bad guys for its huge economic potential.
Ok, now to the acting. Adkins' Irish accent is actually pretty good, much better than I've seen in some mainstream movies. But it is far-outweighed by the rest of the cast. Keith David, who really isn't that great in anything, looks like Gregory frickin' Peck next to the rest of these clowns. The main Nazi baddie is cartoonishly evil, of course. I don't think he ever goes, "Muwahahaha!" but I could be mistaken. The heavy they save for the final showdown has the worst French accent ever, At least they resisted giving him a fake moustache to twirl while he says his lines. Finally, JuJu Chan plays the love interest, and she is awful. Just plain awful. I'm pretty sure she looks down to find her mark at one point.
In conclusion, this movie sucked. That's really all there is to it.
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