BremenDruid Reviews

Dracula (2020)

Loved it....until the last episode

[6/10 · 23 July 2020]

This short series (short in that it only has three episodes, but it is lengthy in that each episode is about an hour and half long) starts off incredibly strong and had me glued to the tv. It was dark, mysterious, intriguing, creepy, a bit funny here and there, and left you wondering what was going to happen next. Dracula is played perfectly here, he's suave and well mannered, but he's also disturbingly evil. One of the standouts to me is Agatha Van Helsing. Obviously, this is a departure from the original story in which Van Helsing is now a doubting nun who has studied witchcraft and the occult. What makes her interesting here is just how sharp and witty she is and how she deals with the situations presented to her. She openly mocks Dracula and uses every advantage she can against him, and in some ways their battle is more a battle of wits than a physical altercation. It's engaging and keeps you intrigued as they make their swipes at each other. However, this all changes at the last 3 or so minutes of the second episode and the last episode. The premise could have worked, but the problem is they didn't do it correctly (I won't spoil what happens, but it seems like every Dracula story now has to do this). Dracula is no longer threatening, instead he's used more for comedic purposes than anything else. The situations that they derive from the premise are not interesting and in some cases just downright stupid. And then they have the audacity to throw in a plot twist at the end that slaps the vampire lore they'd been adhering to in the face, a plot twist that also makes no sense whatsoever. I haven't been this disappointed in an ending to a show since Game of Thrones.

Ad Astra (2019)

This is pathetic

[1/10 · 2 January 2020]

Let me first say this: this movie is not science fiction. It is a drama set in space. Let me also say this: don't advertise it as a sci-fi movie if it's not sci-fi. The plot of the movie is ridiculous, the events in the movie are nonsensical (especially the one that the trailers tried to sell you on: "Your father has found some incredible secret that could destroy all life as we know it"). It's really bad when you introduce other concepts in the movie that are not the main focus, but I feel like would have made a better movie. Moon pirates and super apes in a space lab? Nah, forget that crap, let's focus on Brad Pitt's unresolved daddy issues instead (no, I don't remember the character's name, because I don't care). That's actually the biggest problem with this movie. I couldn't care less about any of the characters in it or the events really. Congratulations, this movie is not just boring, but it's emotionally devoid too.

Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)

The part that hurts the most...

[4/10 · 9 January 2018]

...is the fact that there were signs of an incredible Star Wars movie buried in this film. It's just completely lost in stupid decisions, dumb character portrayals, and ridiculous plot points. The only time I've ever been this disappointed by a Star Wars movie was after seeing Episode 1 in theaters, but while in my view that movie was just bad through and through, this one could have shined. First of all, the humor. Humor is not a bad thing in a movie and, in fact, Star Wars generally has good flowing humor between the characters. The problem with the humor in this one is it's not character interaction so much as it is just cheap jokes. There's one at the beginning of the movie in which Poe is acting like there's a communication problem between him and General Hux which makes no sense whatsoever in this universe. In order for that joke to work you have to accept that their technology is no always reliable, but in Rogue One we saw that ships could communicate while in hyperspace, you mean to tell me that their technology may not work ship to ship while next to each other? Second: Canto Bite. This sequence was so out of place, and it actually showed to be pointless to the story. I think my biggest problem is Canto Bite feels too much like Las Vegas but with people masquerading as aliens. Slot machines and I'm pretty sure they were playing craps. Come on. Where is the imagination here? It's not like you have to go very far, there are tons of references of gambling games in books and other media, but instead it's basically a standard casino from earth. Lame. Did I mention that this whole subplot had no purpose? Yeah, because it didn't. I honestly could ramble on about this, but I'm just going to stop. This COULD have been an awesome Star Wars movie, but it was lost in some of the dumbest decisions ever made. I'm not even sure if I care about seeing the next Star Wars movies which makes me incredibly sad.

Split (IX) (2016)

I don't understand the hate for this film

[8/10 · 13 May 2017]

Let me start off by saying that I haven't really like Shyamalan's work since "Unbreakable", but I have to admit that this movie made me believe in his vision again. I gave him another chance after hearing so many people raving about this movie, and I'm glad I did. This is an excellently acted, directed and thought out movie. It's intense, funny at some parts, and it is incredibly well thought out. Don't listen to haters just because they don't like Shyamalan's movies. Check it out for yourself and make your own decision.

Ghostbusters: Answer the Call (2016)

The epitome of what is wrong with comedies these days

[2/10 · 20 October 2016]

To say this movie is bad is an understatement. It's not even one of those "so bad it's good" movies, it's just bad. The problem with it is that it tries too hard to capitalize on nostalgia and really intolerable "comedy" that is all too common in our movies these days. You know the kind I'm talking about. Hey that person said something stupid. It's funny! Laugh! And while this might be entertaining for your average stoned 5 year old child, to an adult who looks fondly on the original Ghostbusters this is a dreadful attempt to get a laugh out of your audience. It's on par with the crap we see in too many "horror" movies where all it does is it throws jump scares at the audience hoping that the sudden burst of sound will get them to jump. It's pathetic Hollywood, just stop. Let me address some of the issues I have with this "movie" (yes, I don't call it a real movie, it's more like a really long and dull SNL skit). Here comes the spoilers, so if you don't want to be spoiled (though to be honest there's nothing in this "movie" worth worrying about being spoiled) then you may stop here. 1. The characters are dreadful. I haven't watched that many movies with these actresses in it, but I've seen enough to tell you that they play the SAME CHARACTER in every one. Yeah, sure their names change and their professions, but their personalities are exactly the same. And for a movie to profess proudly to be about empowering women you would think that they would have their main characters not be bumbling messes of insecurity and/or idiotic racial tropes. 2. The villain is awful. And not awful in the way a good villain should be, but awful in the way that he wasn't thought out and nothing is explained. His introduction literally starts with him saying to himself in the mirror "You've been bullied your whole life, but soon they'll all be your slaves" or something like that. So his only motivation is that he was picked on his whole life. And somehow he is a genius that knows how to conjure ghosts and create a portal to allow ghosts into the physical world. The only explanation given is that he read a book. Wow, how profound. Then, as he returns in ghost form, he somehow has the ability to possess people (something the other ghosts don't do), control people en mass (again something the other ghosts can't do), and change his form to anything he wants (another thing the other ghosts can't do). Are we led to believe that he can do this because he read a book or because he was bullied his whole life? Either explanation is stupid and the "movie" doesn't bother giving you either. 3. The ghosts are stupid in both design and ideology. There is literally one part of the "movie" in which there is a ghost parade and the ghosts are the parade balloons. I'm not kidding, and how do they defeat these balloon ghosts? They pop them. Seriously. The last one (which happens the be the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man) gets popped with a pocket knife. I don't know what else needs to be said about that other than that's ridiculously stupid. I would go on, but honestly just trying to write about this makes me want to punch a kitten in the face. Don't waste your time with this abysmal "movie".

Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)

The most boring action-filled movie I have ever seen.

[2/10 · 14 July 2014]

Let me start off by stating that I am not a huge Transformers fan, I never really watched the show as a kid and I didn't really play with the toys or games. Having said that, I remember being highly impressed with the first Michael Bay Transformers movie when I saw it in theaters. Was it a perfect movie? No, but as far as a mindless action flick went it was pretty good. It had great effects and the action was well done. This movie has the benefit of better graphics, but loses anything else. There is no character development, the dialogue was full of cheesy lines and unfunny humor (there was one character that I actually cheered for when he died because his dialogue was nothing but crappy one-liners), and there was no cohesiveness to the story. The biggest sin that Bay committed on this movie, however, is he made the action boring. When you get to a certain point of this movie and you see another explosion, that looks exactly the same as the last 15 that happened in the last 3 seconds of the film, you start to wonder why you should care for this threat? For that matter, why should the audience care for any of these characters? None of them display anything that makes the audience connect with them, and because of this you don't care for any of them. Sadly Michael Bay has not learned that character development and plot are more important than constantly filling the screen with action. In a good movie you care about the characters, so when a threat comes against them you are emotionally invested in the character and when they come out on top it is all the more rewarding (or crushing when a character you care for loses). This movie is more akin to dangling the keys in front of an infant, it has just as much noise and sparkle and just as little substance.

Blue Seed (1994–1995)

I don't get it. . .

[1/10 · 6 April 2013]

I remember going online and trying to find anime that I might be interested in, and coming across reviews of "Blue Seed". After reading some reviews it seemed like an anime that was up my ally, action, comedy, some romance and many reviews praised it's story. So, being excited for a new anime to get invested into, I went and bought the box set and started a weekend of anime.

I watched 4 episodes and then pulled the DVD out and went back to get a refund. This anime is GARBAGE. I just don't understand why people loved it so much.

First, let's get into the artwork. It's crap. This, somehow, looks WORSE than Dragonball. (I apologize if you're a fan of Dragonball, but really, it sucks). The characters don't look good, the animation is not fluid, and I found myself not interested in any of the artwork except the occasional Aragami. It's bland and, quite frankly, repulsive.

Second, let's look at the story. THERE ISN'T ONE. Sure there's something about monsters called Aragami and a Government agency that fights them, but seriously every episode is another monster hunt. That's it. No character development, no deep plot, no plot twists, no emotional impact. NOTHING. I have read that the story comes in at the last quarter of the series, but to get to it you need to watch the series from the beginning. Really? I have to sit through over 9 hours of crap to get any story out of this?

Let's compare this to a GOOD anime like: FullMetal Alchemist or Mai Hime. They have their episodes that are fillers, but generally the story is paced out across the entire series and the filler episodes let you get to know the characters better. Even Full Metal Panic Fumoffu, which didn't really have a central storyline, it was just a bunch of small stories while Sousuke was in school with Chidori, had better situations than this crap. (By the way, Full Metal Panic is another excellent anime series).

In this series you don't get anything more out of the characters. The main girl, Momiji, is a whiny little girl who is clumsy and always complains about her panties being shown off when she falls down, and yet she still wears ridiculously short skirts. BORING. Considering that she's supposed to be the main character in which the story hinges on, this is intolerable.

There were other characters, but in reality NONE of them were interesting enough to make them memorable, hence I already forgot about them.

Honestly I'm baffled by the reviews I've seen for this series. It's dull, boring, and it doesn't look good. I only see this as being enjoyable by all those people who love Dragonball, Pokemon, and other worthless anime series of the same like. If you want to see a GOOD anime series watch FullMetal Alchemist, FullMetal Alchemist Brotherhood (which is closer to the Manga, but really just read the Manga), Full Metal Panic, Chrono Crusade, Mai Hime, Scrapped Princess, or Witch Hunter Robin and leave this crap in the garbage where it belongs.

Southland Tales (2006)

An intriguingly original movie, but most won't like it

[3 October 2011]

Being a huge fan of Donnie Darko, I almost jumped for joy when I realized that Peter Kelly made another movie. Now, you have to understand that I didn't read the graphic novels before watching this movie (which is apparently the first half of the story), so this review is on the movie alone. This movie follows a very well defined niche that Kelly shows in Donnie Darko: a dark story, filled with humor and a complex plot. Granted, at this moment I don't fully understand the significance of one of the characters, however, just as with Donnie Darko, almost everything that happens has a reason for it. It's akin to a giant puzzle that you must sort out to fully understand. However, unlike Donnie Darko, Southland Tales doesn't try to center the events around a common human experience (as in Donnie Darko the angst- ridden adolescent), because of this some may be put off from this movie. They may not care to unravel the ideas because they can't relate to the characters. And while some of this is true, it doesn't detract from the originality or depth of Kelly's imagination. However, it is a movie you will need to watch multiple times to completely comprehend, and even then it will take longer to unravel its mysteries.

Zero Day (2002)

Not for the faint of heart

[26 September 2011]

I will give this movie an 8 out of 10, only because it takes an issue that is generally considered to be absolutely horrific and puts a human face to it. While I don't endorse any behavior like this, or the actions perpetrated in the film (and it is not the director's intent to glorify it in any way), the point of view offered reminds us that the perpetrators of these acts are still human. It's a very rare talent for a director to be able to make you feel for the characters, even though you know they will carry out a horrific task later. That's what makes this movie so genuinely different from the likes of "Bowling for Columbine" or other documentaries about school shootings. This movie doesn't try to make you understand, it doesn't try to explain the reasons. It simply wants to remind you that they were human as well. Despite how our culture has come to hating criminals and becoming detached because we see them constantly on the news. Sometimes we need to be reminded of that, before we lose our humanity as well.

Ink (I) (2009)

The Most Original Film in Years

[8/10 · 7 August 2011]

Ink starts off having you believe it to be a sci-fi/action film, but somewhere along the line you learn that it is so much more than just this. Ink carries on it's shoulders a very human story shown through inhumane eyes. I actually can't think of exactly the right words to describe this movie, it is interesting, colorful, masterful, wondrous, incredible, moving . . .there are not enough words for me to describe it accurately.

I won't give anything away because to give any of it away without allowing you to experience it in it's full wonder the first time is almost a crime. See this movie.

Dead Like Me: Life After Death (2009 Video)

Watch it for the sister dynamics between Reggie and George, not for the rest of the story

[5/10 · 12 December 2010]

I just finished watching the entire series and this movie. I was a little afraid because I kept hearing how the movie was sub par in comparison to the rest of the series. For the most part I would agree in that the movie's storyline in regards to the rest of the characters was pretty weak, but the dynamics between Reggie and George almost completely makes up for it.

While the rest of the characters seemed like just other people doing stupid crap, Mason becoming rich but still pining for Daisy, Daisy (who, I would have to say, was no where near like the Daisy from the series) becoming a theater actress but messing it up completely, and Roxy throwing everything she learned from Rube out the window so she could become a hero. In each one of these the characters were portrayed as completely the opposite of who they should be. Also their stories are no where near the line of compelling as they should be.

George and Reggie finally sharing lines together is what made this movie. When you see them together it almost feels like they are real sisters who were torn apart because of a tragic freak accident. Both have been scarred and they only want to have a childhood together that was taken away. Unfortunately that isn't possible since George has to now live a different life. Also Reggie's struggle as she now loses someone else close to her, but also George's involvement with that loss, brings her to the edge of her sanity.

It's only when the family dynamics, or more so the shattered family dynamics are on the screen that this movie works. George is dead, now living as a different person and a grim reaper who has to take people's souls before they die. Joy is trying to keep the one part of her family she still has left and make a connection with her. Reggie is trying to cope with the loss of her sister, even though George wasn't exactly nice to her in life, while dealing with the breakup of her parents.

When the sisters are reunited, or when Reggie realizes that she has been reunited with George, it's very bittersweet. George is trying her best to make up for the fact that she was so mean to Reggie in her life, but she also understands that they can't stay together. Reggie also comes to understand that even though her older sister is there, she can't live as her sister.

Don't be scared to give this movie a try. Even though some of the rest of it doesn't exactly make sense (I mean, come on, they launch a dead cat into space on a rocket?). But the story between George and Reggie was extremely well done and I actually did come away from this movie somewhat satisfied from that.

S. Darko (2009)

I just had one thought running through my head while watching this . . .

[1/10 · 2 May 2009]

I just had one thought running through my head while watching this . . .WTF? Seriously, that was pretty much the only thought running through my head as I watched this movie. Every time something happened, I thought, WTF does that have to do with anything? And I don't mean that the movie is mysterious, I mean there's a lot that just doesn't make any sense.

Okay, Donnie Darko is my favorite movie of all time. Even after watching Donnie Darko the first time I didn't quite understand everything that happened in it, I was wondering why certain things happened and how some things affected other events. So the first time I watched Donnie Darko I was also wondering: WTF? But even with that I still understood the idea that Donnie went through this whole movie so that in the end he would sacrifice himself for the sake of the world. (It also made me obsessed with Mad World).

Having said that I don't understand what the whole point S Darko really was. In S. Darko, (Here comes the spoilers, but trust me it may be better to read about it than to actually waste your time watching it) the whole thing starts when a dead version of Samantha appears before a man who goes by "Iraq Jack" and tells him that the world is going to end. (Another messed up thing about Iraq Jack? He's the grandson to Roberta Sparrow, what bearing that has to do with anything? I have no clue).

Anyways, Iraq Jack gets obsessed with the dead version of Samantha (and even more messed up is that Samantha apparently turns into her dead self at night when she sees a glowing feather . . .WTF?) So this dead version of Samantha tells him that the world is going to end, and he goes about making a mask that is supposed to replicate the look of Frank the Rabbit from the first movie, apparently she shows him a drawing that Donnie did of Frank the Rabbit and he creates a mask that looks like the drawing.

Now . . .There's a problem with that. Okay, Donnie first meets Frank the Rabbit on the night when the Tangent Universe opens when Frank calls him outside to avoid being killed by the jet engine. When he goes back into time to save the world, he goes back to exactly the same night that he was called outside and therefore the tangent universe never opens. So, unless he decided to randomly draw Frank the Rabbit while waiting for the engine to crush him (Oh, and storing it somewhere in his room where it won't get ruined by the said jet engine), that drawing shouldn't exist. (Except, of course, the sketches that Frank had, but I doubt that he knew Samantha well enough to give her a copy).

So anyways, he creates the mask that invariably kills Samantha later on (which actually Samantha dies twice in this movie, but I won't get into that too much, because the first time is actually quite pointless). So now, the world is coming to an end, Samantha is dead, and the dead version of her springs Iraq Jack from jail so that he could go back into time and die by the meteorite.

Okay, so they're pretty much replacing Donnie with Iraq Jack (who happens to be Roberta Sparrows grandson, but really, who cares?). Here's the problem with that, Donnie was a pretty messed up kid, but the experiences he goes through in the movie moves the audience to feel for him when he does actually die. This doesn't work for Iraq Jack, because quite frankly no one cares about him. Seriously, the only shots you see of him are him rambling like a lunatic, or him digging through trash, or other random shots of him talking to the dead Samantha.

No one cares for him, the audience doesn't care about him, so when he does die (smiling and waving at the meteorite like an idiot) it doesn't have any effect on the audience. It's like watching someone step on an insect, no one cares.

That's just the main plot, but then you have some other stuff in the movie that's just completely inane. Like, for instance, this random rash that (I don't even remember what the name of the character was, seriously he was that unimportant) some dude got from the meteorite, that apparently ate away at his skin and also made him super aggressive. WTF? Here's another thing that didn't quite make sense. Samantha has the Philosophy of Time Travel book. . .Why? For those that don't know or maybe for some reason or another might have forgotten, Donnie receives the book from Dr. Monnitoff, his science teacher, when he starts asking him about time travel. His inquiries are all brought on by the fact that Frank the Rabbit talked to him about time travel, so if Donnie went back in time to the point where the tangent universe opened and died, he never received the book. So that means that Dr. Monnitoff should still have it (or if you go to the Donnie Darko website you find out that it was actually given to the Library of Congress Rare Books Division after Dr. Monnitoff died in a car accident.) These are just some of the things that I've noticed, but right now I don't think I could continue to rant about this movie. I think instead I'm going to find Nathan Atkins (the guy that wrote the screenplay for S Darko) and I'm going to get a refund for what I believe 2 hours of my life wasted on his piece of crap movie is worth.

Don't waste your time.

Juno (2007)

A funny, yet heart-warming tale.

[9/10 · 19 April 2008]

I never thought that I would not only be able to sit through a full length movie dealing with teenage pregnancy, but also come away wanting to watch it over and over again. In comes "Juno" showing me that it's entirely possible. Juno MacGuff is a 16 year old high school junior who gets impregnated by her best friend Paulie Bleeker. In this turn of events she decides to first go for an abortion (which she could not go through because of a harrowing freak-out regarding fingernails) and then decides to have the baby and give it up for adoption. The story revolves around this decision and her problems along the way, dealing with her family, her friends, and the adoptive parents. The thing about Juno is that it's funny when it has to be and it's emotional when it has to be. It's a perfect blend that brings you into the life of Juno MacGuff, and in the end you want to stay there, because even if it isn't perfect you can still feel the love between the characters. From the talk Juno has with her father and the advise he gives her, or the way Paulie finds and comforts Juno in the hospital after she gave birth, or Vanessa's first time holding Juno's child as her son. This movie outlines every form of love in a way that doesn't make the movie feel overly mushy. Every actor and actress (including the amazing Ellen Page) displays emotions on screen that is so lifelike that it's almost like you were there in person and not watching an acted scene. This is coming from a man who enjoys watching Terminator 2 and Live Free or Die Hard, and yet I loved watching Juno over and over again, each time I felt that I couldn't help but get sucked back into it. But as it is with all great movies, you either love it or you hate it. But it is a movie that I feel is worth watching, even the sixth or thirtieth time.

Cemetery Man (1994)

The most disturbingly refreshing zombie flick since Shaun of the Dead

[9/10 · 27 May 2006]

It seems we are seeing the reinvention of zombie movies which started with the remake of Dawn of the Dead, the one movie that brought fear in a new way back to the idea of the living dead (something I thought was nonexistent with the older zombies that could just be shoved out of the way). Cemetery Man or Dellamorte Dellamore is a movie that also reinvented the modern zombie movie. Like Shaun of the Dead, Cemetery Man brings together romance, comedy and horror successfully. However unlike Shaun of the Dead, Cemetery Man focuses on the dark humor, which is very well portrayed by Rupert Everette as a very cynical "Francesco Dellamorte" or "Frances of Death". The original title of the movie "Dellamorte Dellamore" pretty much sums up the entire movie, on the one hand he is "Francesco Dellamorte", the bringer of death to both the undead and later the living, on the other hand he can be "Francesco Dellamore" or "Frances of Love" in the fact that he is truly searching for his love and because of the situations in which he is trying to find his love he becomes the bringer of death. During the movie he is struggling between the two versions of himself only in the end to find that the two go one in hand. Needless to say that this is a very daring movie in that it touches ground that no movie has ever touched before (or at least not to the extent that this movie has). Not to say that the entire movie is about love and death. This film also strives to show different ways in which the world is perceived by different people. Such as the mayor having his own daughter's grave dug up so he can take pictures of himself with his daughter's corpse for an election campaign. Sure there are some events in the movie that are ludicrous to say the least, it was done to show a point and in the end the point was represented very well. This is a movie that everyone should see, even if you're not into zombie movies, just because of the fact that after the movie finishes you won't be able to just shrug it off. This is a movie that sticks with you and makes you think about the world around you. "I should have known it. The rest of the world doesn't exist."

Constantine (2005)

One of the best comic movies around (besides Sin City)

[8/10 · 6 October 2005]

I decided to post this when I found a disturbingly large amount of poor ratings for this movie from IMDb users because the movie wasn't exactly like the Hellblazer comics that it's based on. I've just got one thing to say to that, get over it. This movie, based on it's own merits, is actually a very well crafted and though out movie (I've read a lot of complaints about Keanu Reaves' acting performance, but really I think he captures the tortured soul who knows he's heading to hell pretty well. The reason why so many people complained about this is because he doesn't act like the same John Constantine of the Hellblazer comics, again get over it.) There are some things about this movie that are a little weird, but one thing you do have to keep in mind is that this was not intended to be a horror film. It's an action film. Get it through your head and you'll enjoy this movie, the whole point of the movie was not to freak you out or give you nightmares. It's a fun movie, with plenty of good action sequences and a story that gripped me from the beginning.

As soon as you're introduced to the character of John Constantine you already know that he's a bad mother who's intent is to foil the plans of the underworld so he can win his way into heaven. Along his way to get there he gets sucked into what could end up as the end of the world. There are many sequences in the movie that leave you wondering "what could this possibly have to do with the storyline?" but in the end it all ties together so perfectly that it's almost like a jigsaw puzzle coming to completion. (Some things about the movie you do have to think about to truly understand everything.) Not only that, but the dialog between characters is often humorous, but can be very serious when the movie needs it to be. For example the conversation that Constantine has with Gabriel at the beginning of the movie. At first you can't help but feel pity for Constantine, but then the conversation ends abruptly with a one-liner from Gabriel that would at least leave you chuckling.

Overall this is a great movie (within it's own merits, and when not compared exactly to the Hellblazer comics) that no one should be deprived of missing. A great action flick that makes you think in order to truly understand everything that the movie presents.