sschimel Reviews

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

Hated it

[3/10 · 25 August 2014]

I read the reviews and they were fantastic. I've love all of the Marvel movies so far and have always preferred them over the DC comics movies. I read how funny and snarky the script is and how great Chris Pratt and Bradley Cooper are. In contrast to what I'd read, my actual reaction to the movie is that I didn't believe any of the characters (except Groot. Loved him), I didn't believe any of the relationships, and I didn't care about the quest. I generally like snark, as I can be snarky as well, but I thought the script was pretty lame. I hope the sequel will be better. I place the blame squarely on James Gunn, who directed and wrote the script. There is nothing on his resume that should have led anyone to believe he could handle a big budget, special effects laden, tentpole movie.

Oz the Great and Powerful (2013)

Not since The Blue Bird

[1/10 · 18 March 2013]

I had thought that Alice In Wonderland and Willie Wonka (both with Johnnie Depp) had been the worst fantasy movies since The Blue Bird. But I was wrong. This movie is now officially my choice for worst fantasy movie since the debacle that was The Blue Bird. I like all of the actors but they are uniformly horrible. And James Franco is just wrong for his part. I've read that Robert Downy, JR was originally supposed to play Oz and he would have been a better choice. Franco is just too nice. And none of the women turn in good performances. Also, there are too many evil witches. The only character that came off well is China Girl. I hated this movie.

Les Misérables (2012)

Sing out, Louise

[3/10 · 26 December 2012]

I want to start by saying that I love the book and I love the Broadway cast album of Les Miz, so I want into this movie really hoping for the best. I was very disappointed. Mr. Hooper has managed to make a grand, episodic story and semi-operatic pop opera appear to be much smaller than it actually is. He did that by spending so much time filming in extreme close up. And having the performers sing live adds little to the proceedings except in two numbers (I Dreamed A Dream and Empty Chairs At Empty Tables). The movie is also exceptionally miscast. While Hugh Jackman acts Jean Valjean extremely well, his thin, nasal voice lacks the ringing tones to make the character as heroic as he needs to be. Russel Crowe is awful. Not only is Javert badly sung, but he's not particularly well acted. Amanda Seyfried has a whispery little voice that makes Jane Powell and Kathryn Grayson sound like Birgit Nilson. And Helena Bonham Carter and Sacha Baron Cohen, both of whom I've loved in other projects, are a mess. The movie is inert musically and dramatically...until we arrive on the barricades more than two thirds of the way into the movie. It then comes alive. The men on the barricade are wonderful. Eddie Redmayne turns in the best performance in the movie and sings a truly heartbreaking Empty Chairs At Empty Tables. He and Anne Hathaway are really the best of the bunch. But most of the big dramatic climaxes to the musical numbers are absent because most of the music seems to be sung in whispers rather than full voice. What is so dramatic on stage becomes rather lackluster on screen. It's unfortunate that after waiting 25 years for a movie version of the musical, this is the best that we get. If you want the story, watch the version with Liam Neeson and Clare Danes.

The Cabin in the Woods (2011)

Don't get stranded in this cabin

[1/10 · 2 May 2012]

Since this movie was shot in 2009 but not released until 2012, I can only imagine that the only it was released at all was to capitalize on the success of Thor, starring Chris Hemsworth, and the impending release of The Avengers. It can't be a coincidence that both movies were directed by Mr. Whedon. Cabin In The Woods is a hodgepodge of clichéd imperiled teens stuck in a remote location getting knocked off one by one and seemingly science fiction elements. The movie tries, and fails, to duplicate the successful combination of snark and fright that Scream pulled off so well, but the script is so poor that near the end when a slumming Sigourney Weaver makes an appearance, she utters a line so ridiculous that it's amazing she could say it with a straight face. As bad as most of the movie is, the ending is worse than anything came before. Amazingly, this movie has been receiving fairly decent reviews.

My Week with Marilyn (2011)

My week with Roxie

[4/10 · 2 December 2011]

It's always a dangerous game when someone decides to make a movie about iconic people. Sometimes it works, as in Ray and The King's Speech. But more often than not, I spend an entire movie comparing the performers with the real people. I had that experience during this movie. To me, it is miscast from top to bottom. Michelle Williams, while gorgeous, isn't fleshy enough to embody Marilyn. And it is a mistake, I think, to include musical numbers in which Michelle comes off more as Roxie Hart than as Marilyn. And Mr. Brannagh has the opposite problem as Olivier. Where Olivier was chiseled, Brannagh looks bloated. And the only resemblance that Julia Ormond has to Vivien Leigh is that they're both women. The musical numbers in the movie don't work as reproductions of actual Monroe numbers, and they don't really work in the context of the movie; if anything, they're distracting because while Ms. Williams gets close to approximating Monroe, she isn't close enough.

In Time (2011)

No time for In Time

[3/10 · 22 November 2011]

I find it hard to believe that this movie was directed by the same man who made Gattaca. I can see what Mr. Niccol was aiming for in In Time. Gattaca ha a chilly tone throughout, establishing a 1984-ish premise and atmosphere. Uma Thurman's character is chilly. The sets are chilly. And it works perfectly. Unlike Uma Thurman, who's best movies utilize her rather aloof persona, Amanda Seyfried has always projected a warm and sunny persona and here, playing against type, she is just out of her depth. Justin Timberlake, a likable actor, comes off as too nice to pull off the transition from protagonist to antagonist. The script is mediocre. All in all, not a great movie.

Alice in Wonderland (I) (2010)

Alice doesn't live here anymore

[1/10 · 14 March 2010]

I am shocked by both this movie and my visceral reaction to it. Unlike Avatar, which used the 3D technology as an integral part of the movie, 3D adds nothing to this movie. And frankly, the glasses darken the screen so much that the already dimmed image (thanks to projectors that aren't as bright as they used to be) was pretty bland.

Let me state for the record, for anyone who doesn't know, the movie conflates the two books, and adds in Jabberwocky for the hell of it. And back story (19 year old Alice is about to marry the wrong man (she was too old for Lewis Carroll). The Queen of Hearts becomes the Red Queen. And the Knaves of Hearts become a cross between the clone robots for Star Wars:Clone Wars and sow bugs.

1. A bland, blond, Victorian Dorothy Gale lives in Kansas, er, England, and is about to marry a prig. She has recurring nightmares about Oz, er, Wonderland, er, Underland, and falls down the rabbit hole. Unlike The Wizard of Oz, there is really no sense of wonder when she opens the door from her black and white existence (filmed in color, which ruins the supposed effect) to Wonderland. Nor does Alice exhibit and curiosity or joy at being in Wonderland. The actress registers no emotion about anything.

2. Johnny Depp used to be a wonderful actor in quirky films. His movies now resemble the parodies that Carol Burnett used to do on her show. (Sweeney Todd being the exception). He has now ruined to wonderful movies, with a lot of help from Tim Burton: Charlie And The Chocolate Factory was excruciating in its twee-ness. And as with Alice, added too much back story and robbed the original Roald Dahl's original book of both its charm and character, while only emphasizing how amazing the original movie was. This movie adds all of the current techno bells and whistles and still can't compare to Disney's own animated version.

3. Tim Burton used to make interesting movies about interesting people with interesting actors: Ed Wood, Edward Scissorhands (what happened to that Johnny Depp?) More Sweeney, less fantasy, please.

4. Why do Anne Hathaway's arms not straighten? What's up with that?

EVerything that makes Lewis Carroll Lewis Carroll has been leached out of this movie.

Shutter Island (2010)

Awful. Horrible.

[1/10 · 7 March 2010]

Filmed with one of the worst screenplays of the last few years, this has been compared to Hitchcock and to Film Noir, insulting both in the process. Tag line could have been "I See Dead People 2". Leo has grown on me as an actor, and I think he gives an extraordinary performance, but the script does him no favors. And frankly, I guessed at the beginning of the movie what the twist was, but would have preferred being wrong. I think it would have been a bigger twist. Max von Sydow is wasted and Ben Kingsley plays Ben Kingsley. The flashbacks/dream sequences/hallucinations are ludicrous, portentous, and pretentious. I hated this movie from beginning to end.

Paranormal Activity (2007)

Genuinely creepy

[8/10 · 28 October 2009]

As someone who likes scary movie but hates torture porn, I was a little skeptical of this movie, especially since it was so hyped. I have to say that it was probably the most genuinely scary movie since The Haunting (1963). Proving that a movie doesn't need to have a huge special effects budget or the latest in CGI effects, the movie is very effective at building suspense, all the way through to the wonderful ending. My quibble with the movie is the characters seem to waffle. Katie is either scared and trusting that her husband will solve things or she's barking at him. Micah is either an insensitive jerk or a hero (and Micah the actor, who is gorgeous in a Ben Affleck sort of way, is more believable as a jerk than as a hero). Like the original The Haunting, there's a lot of suspense between the big scares. Like the over-the-top remake of The Haunting, there is room for this to be remade (which was the original plan, with this version on the DVD) really badly with lots of special effects. I hope that doesn't happen. The box office for this movie proves that there is a market for well-made, creative, low budget, and really creepy movies without all of the gore and torture of the Hostels, Saws, and Halloweens.

Law Abiding Citizen (2009)

One of the worst

[1/10 · 24 October 2009]

... films of the year. I adore Gerard Butler, one of the manliest of men working on screen at the moment, but as critics have pointed out, he's a bit of a mush mouth. Why? Because he keeps getting asked to do an American accent. When talking with his own accent, in Rocknrolla, he's terrific. As far as I'm concerned, Jamie Fox alternates between great performances (Ray, Collateral, The Soloist) and absolute dreck. This movie falls squarely in the latter category, placing it at the same level as Stealth.

I found it hard to swallow that Jamie Foxx would sanction arranging a deal for a murderer who killed someone's wife a child, but then show such a supreme lack of understanding when Gerard even vaguely threatens his family. And Jamie's character turns around and threatens to do to Gerard what Gerard has already done to his family's killer.

Wild Grass (2009)

Merd!

[1/10 · 26 September 2009]

I saw this last night as the opening film of the NY Film Fest. It's the first Alain Resnais I've seen and it will also be my last. In this country, if a man behaved like this toward a woman, she'd get a restraining order against him, and he'd be in jail for stalking. And no one would be making supposedly funny movies about it. But besides the inappropriate tone of the movie, the script is horrible, and at least two of the actors seem miscast. André Dussollier's character is described as being about 50 (he's 64), and Anne Consigny, who plays his wife of supposedly 30 years, is only 46 (it's possible they've been married that long but not likely). Sabine Azema's character behaves in a totally irrational way that is likely to infuriate, and should, American women. When the movie ended, the applause was polite at best, but there was a mad rush for the exits, and the general discussion afterward was negative.

The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009)

We laughed and laughed...

[4/10 · 15 June 2009]

Unfortunately, the movie isn't a comedy. The movie is filled with howlers and I think it's one of the worst scripts I've seen in quite some time. I don't mind bad writing sometimes, as when I go to what I know is going to be a "B" movie. This thought was really disappointing. And I have major quibbles: 1. There's a hostage situation on a train that has been stopped on the tracks. And yet express trains keep whizzing by. The MTA would have stopped all traffic in both directions on both local and express tracks. 2. At one point, someone announces that all intersections are clear between Brooklyn and Midtown. And yet cars are wrecked, motorcycles go flying, and the ransom is delayed. I could come up with more, but my head hurts remembering.

Le combat dans l'île (1962)

Film noir without the film or the noir

[1/10 · 15 June 2009]

I went to see this yesterday at The Film Forum, and based on what I had read in the Ny Times, I was expecting a minor masterpiece. What I got was a nice nap. the plot, such as it is, is confusing at best. The first 3rd is a political thriller about a potential assassination and starring Romy Schneider and Jean-Louis Trintignant. The rest of the movie is a love story between Romy Schneider and Henri Serre (who plays Jean-Louis' brother). The political part has nothing to do with the romance, except as an excuse to get Jean-Louis out of the picture for the romance. WHen he re-enters the picture, he and his brother have a duel, because, as his brother points out, he is apparently 12 years old (emotionally). Boring, badly written, badly edited, and atrociously acted.

Duplicity (2009)

Ban flashbacks, please!

[1/10 · 29 March 2009]

Well. This movie has only one thing going for it and that's the charm of Clive Owens. But it's hard to believe that the genius behind Michael Clayton had anything to do with this. The writing is horrible, and at 2 1/2 hours, it's too long by about, um, 2 1/2 hours. It's aiming for Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn, but fails on all counts. And I hate to say it, but I think Julia Roberts has been very ill-served by the make up artists and costumers on this movies. And I really think that Hollywood needs to call a moratorium on flashbacks as a major plot device. The movie seems to consist entirely of flashbacks, many of which involve the same lines of dialogue, which turn out to be a script devised by the main characters. the flashbacks, crosses, and double crosses make your head hurt if you think about them too much.

Watchmen (2009)

The worst superhero movie I've ever seen

[1/10 · 20 March 2009]

I love superhero movies. I adored the X-Men movies and like most of the Batman movies. I love Heroes. But this is one of the worst movies I've seen in a long time. IMO, it is way too violent for some of the audience it's aimed at (teens) and a lot of the violence is gratuitous (Rorschak's back story), misogynistic (Carla Gugino and the pool table), or both. After the dogs and the cleaver, I walked out.

I have to admit that the movie was not helped at all by AMC on 42nd Street. Their projectors are dimmed to save electricity, so none of the colors or effects popped off the screen.

Except, of course, for the giant, blue, obviously not Jewish, schwanz. Which may justify a rental on cable so I can free frame. :-)

La fille de Monaco (2008)

Red herrings smell rotten

[1/10 · 7 March 2009]

MAJOR SPOILER ALERT!!!!! I've been going to the French Film Fest at Lincoln Center for many years now, and this is one of the worst movies I've ever seen there. I am a huge fan of mysteries and this movies is filled with them, but not one of them is ever resolved. Note - There are major spoilers coming up.

1. Stephane Audran looks fabulous, but did she or didn't she? A lot of the movie centers on her trial, and she is found guilty, but it's not ever clear what her motivation is (and the lame excuse mentioned might have worked for Dirk Bogarde in the 60s, but in 2009?) And she's a total cipher throughout.

2. Several lines are uttered during the movie that seem like they're going to be clues, but are never mentioned again. They stick out like foreshadowing, or Hercule Poirot "Aha!" moments but go nowhere.

3. The weather girl parties hearty and is a real good time gal, with a whole group of friends her own age, but falls in love with a nebishy older lawyer. Is she trying to compromise his case? maybe in a different movie written by a better writer.

4. Does the body guard love the lawyer? The weather girl says yes, but since he's a total cipher (lots of them in this movie), we never know.

5. Why does the lawyer take the blame at the end? 6. Why make this movie?

The Happening (2008)

The Autumn Breeze

[1/10 · 16 June 2008]

This is easily the worst movie I've seen this year, and one of the worst I've seen in a long time. I loved Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, and Signs, and liked a lot of The Village, but when a sold out theater all laughs at the so-called ominous pans across the countryside, the added gore from the R rating, and some of the most execrable dialogue in years, you know you're in trouble. I can't tell if Shyamalan is a good director who can't write, or a good writer who can't direct. Actors who have turned in decent performances in the past here turn in some of the most laughable acting (and laugh the audience did). Mark Wahlberg was terrific in The Departed, but really needs a strong director like Scorsese. I liked Zooey Deschanel in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but she looks and acts a little schizoaffective here, certainly more neurotic than a mild flirtation would warrant. John Leguizamo was pretty good, but did his character succumb to the "event" or did he just commit suicide because his wife might or might not be dead and he left his daughter with friends for no apparent reason? AND WHAT MOVIE IS BETTY BUCKLEY IN? Ironic that she was in Carrie (movie and flop Broadway musical, in two different characters), because she appears to be playing a more Gothic version of Piper Laurie.

Sixth Sense worked because of genuine surprise at the ending.

Unbreakable worked because Bruce Willis and Samuel Jackson were great, and because the story was interesting.

Signs worked because so much of what happened, happened off screen. The best supernatural/suspense/thriller movies work because they hint at what is going on rather than showing it. Jaws worked because the shark didn't and Spielberg had to vamp until they got it working. Alien worked because we saw so little of the actually monster. The original version of The Haunting (with Julie Harris) worked because it was subtle (as opposed to the remake which was over the top).

The Mist (2007)

They messed with a good thing

[8/10 · 2 December 2007]

I saw this last night in NYC with a packed house. I loved it and thought it was a very effective genre flick. That now makes 3 Frank Darabont/Stephen King movies and I've loved all three. I only wish they'd remake The Stand, since I thought the TV movie was horrible and badly miscast. SPOILER ALERT: Why, oh, why did they mess with the ending. I distinctly remember where the novelette ended, and it was about 5 minutes before the movie ends. I ordinarily don't like ambiguous endings, but this is one movie that I would have rated a 10, if they'd left the end alone. Mr. King has had a good year, what with Room 1408 and The Mist. I hope this bodes well for From A Buick 8.

Night at the Museum (2006)

Juman-Jew

[8/10 · 24 December 2006]

Okay, I have to admit that I didn't go into this movie for the right reasons. I saw it because it was at a convenient time because I was waiting for the Sunday New York Times to come out and I had time to kill. Also, I have always loved Dick van Dyke (Chitty Chitty Bang Bang not withstanding). Ben Stiller has only made one other movie that I liked him in (Duplex) so I wasn't expecting much. I have to admit that I loved it. I didn't laugh out loud as much as I would have liked, but I thought that it was extremely well-acted, written, and directed. I think that Mickey Rooney and Dick Van Dyke played against type quite effectively. Robin Williams underplays a comedy for a change but with him in the movie, it was hard not to think of Jumanji. The only problem I had with the movie was that Ben and Carla didn't hook up. Carla Gugino is gorgeous; so is Kim Raver, for that matter.

The Black Dahlia (2006)

How the perfect director for this movie botch it so badly?

[1 October 2006]

The Black Dahlia, starring Scarlett Johansson as Lana Turner (no offense to Lana fans), Hilary Swank as Kathleen Turner (if you close your eyes, it's the same throaty voice), Josh Hartnett as any 40's stone-faced B-movie actor, and Aaron Eckhart as any 40's B-movie over-actor. Brian De Palma would seem to be the perfect director for this movie... had he made it about 20 years ago. Remember when he made good movies, like The Untouchables and Carrie? Why is everything beige in this movie? Even the scarlet lipstick is brown. And why are Hillary Swank and Mia Kirschner supposed to look alike, when they don't look alike at all? And why did no one run a brush through Hillary's hair? The great 40's movie hairstylist Suifney Guillaroff would never have let a movie star appear on screen like that. Why, when Josh Hartnett, yanks the table cloth of the table, and the glasses break, does Scarlett's back not get cut to ribbons when he slams her on the table? And how did she cut her foot on a tile, when the tile is inside a cabinet? And why is the band playing Glenn Miller on New Year's in 1947, when he had disappeared a couple of years before, and surely the band had moved on to newer songs by then?

Baby Face (1933)

Not bad

[7/10 · 7 May 2006]

I love Barbara Stanwick; I think she is one of the finest actresses never to win an Oscar. I actually like her older movies better, when she was still playing sympathetic women, for the most part. Stella Dallas comes to mind. I think that she became very "hard". I just watched Babe Face on TCM. I grew up on old movies, but, lately, I've been having trouble watching them because I get bored. This movie kept me riveted. Here's an interesting factoid, though. Near the very beginning of the movie, she refers to herself as a ball of fire. Eight years later she'd star in a movie called "Ball of Fire". I wonder if Billy Wilder knew that movie and that quote.

Funny Lady (1975)

Oy!

[6/10 · 29 April 2006]

I just tried to watch this on TCM. I first have to say that, adhering to stereotypes, as a gay man, I worship Barbra (and will continue to do so until Conservatives legislate that right away from!). I remember loving this movie; I found it mostly unwatchable now. First of all, there is more orange in this movie than in Florida. There is more fuchsia than there needs to be anywhere. And most of the production numbers are horribly staged and arranged. "Clap Hands" is garish and racist. Am I the only person who noticed that Ben Vereen is wearing a costume based on watermelon? It's watermelon pink and green, and his shirt has what looks suspiciously like watermelon seeds on the front. "Great Fay" may be a great song, but you'd never know it from here. What this movie has going for it are, of course, Barbra Streisand, James Caan (why was anyone surprised how well he could sing when he made "For The Boys"? He sings quite well and would be great in "Chicago" on Broadway), and Kander and Ebb. Barbra has a long history with them; they wrote some of the songs on her first albums, and they wrote great songs for her here. "How Lucky Can You Get" is not only a great character song, but a great song, period. On a more humorous, historical note, I have to say that back in the day when I did drag, I copied 2 of the costumes from this movie. The dress she wears with the huge feather collar? I wore a boa like that several times (boy, do feathers itch). I made a nearly identical version of the black satin number she wears for "How Lucky". I always identified with her. I've always had a self-deprecating sense of humor (as many Jewish performers do). I was never what you'd call a conventional beauty. When I did drag, I was gorgeous from the neck down; from the neck up, not so much. :-)

United 93 (2006)

Amazing

[10/10 · 29 April 2006]

I posted a message on the message board for this movie, asking that people allow it to rest on its own merits. I saw the movie this afternoon and I have to say that I haven't been as affected by a movie in years as I was by this. Occasionally, I'll see a movie that leaves me so stunned, I have to sit for a minute afterward to get my bearings. this was one of those movies (Hair, It's My Party, and Longtime Companion also come to mind). I cried, I held my breath, and I remembered exactly where I was when 9/11 happened. I was pleased to see that the theater was crowded; I was afraid that because of the controversy surrounding the trailer for the movie that no one would go see it. I also must add that the writing, direction, and acting are all Oscar-caliber, though how to decide who to nominate in the acting categories would be impossible. I think that this is a much better film than Crash was, and that won best Picture.

The Wild (2006)

Wonderful

[8/10 · 16 April 2006]

I normally try to avoid audiences full of screaming children, but I let my defenses down yesterday and went to see this. I barely noticed the kids. The movie is terrific. However, the makers of Madagascar should sue. It is virtually the same movie; it is, however, superior in every aspect. The animation is terrific and the voice performances are outstanding. Kiefer Sutherland gives a performance that is completely unlike Jack Bauer in 24. His voice is soft and warm and almost unrecognizable. I adore Eddie Izzard as the koala. I have never liked Richard Kind very much but he's very funny here. And Samson's "instincts" in the wild? Very, very clever. See it, but if you can't tolerate screaming children, see it late at night.

Lovely to Look At (1952)

Remake Alert!

[1/10 · 9 April 2006]

This is a very loose remake of The wonderful "Roberta", one of Jerome Kern's finest Broadway shows. The original movie starred Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, and Irene Dunne (in one of her finest singing roles on screen, the other being the original "Showboat"). There is absolutely no comparison between these movies. The original is really a fabulous Art Deco wonder, and includes a fashion show near the end, during which an extremely young, very blond Lucille Ball can be seen as a model. Skip this horrible movie and see the original in all of its splendor. As much as I love Ann Miller and Kathryn Grayson, this is far from their best work, and I simply cannot stand Red Skelton.