Much like the Sinclair c5 or the apple newton, the idea behind 'star stories' is much,much better than the end result itself.The premise:target various pompous,media hungry celebrities and across a series of programmes rip the heck out of them unmercifully,sounds like comedy gold in the making except it is not.The main problem with 'star stories' is the writing,in the hands of an acidic or even moderately capable satirist (armando Iannucci,Chris morris) the likes of tom cruise,George Micheal,Simon Cowell etc would be torn a new one with sidesplitting results.Instead the creative forces behind this seem to be content to make the kind of cringe inducing ,amateurish comedy thats usually the domain of over enthusiastic you tube clip makers and there drunk mates.The performances in tandem with the writing also leave a lot to be desired,those hoping to see Self important,media whores like Mr Cowell etc getting a well deserved visual kicking will be disappointed as the caricatures on show are largely puerile facsimiles (hardly a surprise when you count an ex big brother 'contestant' amongst the cast)that are more likely to illicit a groan than a laugh.No wonder Mr cow ell etc didn't sue they're probably embarrassed for those participating in this comedy abortion and relieved that there public flogging had all the force of a summer breeze.
Reviews
8 Reviews
Christmas Evil
(1980)
Non dumb slasher alert
5 October 2010
oddball seasonal slasher that has more characterisation and less gore than many of its contemparies.After witnessing his mother getting it on with his father in a santa suit as a boy,a now deeply disturbed and grown up harry standling (Brandon Maggart) decides to celebrate Christmas his own way by metering out punishment to those who have besmirched the season of good will.
'Christmas evil' succeeds due to the film's emphasis on showing harry as a three dimensional character and for conjuring up a generally oppressive and Eerie atmosphere throughout,the fact that the death scence's are sporadic and often off kilter add too this 1980 slasher's unsettling nature.
'Christmas evil' will be far too off-beat for your average stalk and slash fan,but for those open minded and adventurous enough,'Christmas evil'is a one of a kind,genuinely original treat.
'Christmas evil' succeeds due to the film's emphasis on showing harry as a three dimensional character and for conjuring up a generally oppressive and Eerie atmosphere throughout,the fact that the death scence's are sporadic and often off kilter add too this 1980 slasher's unsettling nature.
'Christmas evil' will be far too off-beat for your average stalk and slash fan,but for those open minded and adventurous enough,'Christmas evil'is a one of a kind,genuinely original treat.
Corey feldman: how low can you go?
12 July 2010
An earlier reviewer mentioned how this movie derailed corey feldman's up until then promising career,but judging by his decision to sign up to this turkey,it was inevitable anyway.Thats not to say that 'rock'n roll...' is anyway forgivable or redeemable,it's just you cant blame the movie for the 'star's' participation.
First up 'RNRHSF' is the kinda movie even steve guttenberg would have baulked at,even whilst in the throes of his career slump. Secondly there's absolutely no reason for this sequel's existence in the first place, i mean the beauty of the first film was it joyfull dumbness and spontaneity,that kind of off the cuff guerrilla comedy does'nt successfully lend itself to a sequel.Its of the moment for the moment.Anyone who spent more than a second wondering what happened to the school after the first film ended really needs to get out more.
This is truly a dire movie experience that makes 'ernest goes to school' look like 'the godfather',any teen movie that features an well past school age looking cast peforming songs from the 50's in a 1990's setting and then aiming it at the youth market is doomed to failure from the start,the script,acting and direction just bury it even further.A thoroughly wretched film all told.
First up 'RNRHSF' is the kinda movie even steve guttenberg would have baulked at,even whilst in the throes of his career slump. Secondly there's absolutely no reason for this sequel's existence in the first place, i mean the beauty of the first film was it joyfull dumbness and spontaneity,that kind of off the cuff guerrilla comedy does'nt successfully lend itself to a sequel.Its of the moment for the moment.Anyone who spent more than a second wondering what happened to the school after the first film ended really needs to get out more.
This is truly a dire movie experience that makes 'ernest goes to school' look like 'the godfather',any teen movie that features an well past school age looking cast peforming songs from the 50's in a 1990's setting and then aiming it at the youth market is doomed to failure from the start,the script,acting and direction just bury it even further.A thoroughly wretched film all told.
Picnic at Hanging Rock
(1975)
Hollywood please do not remake
12 July 2010
There's some things in life that are sacred: a first kiss,a loved one and the mystery that is at the heart of 'picnic at hanging rock'. Peter weir's enigmatic 1975 masterpiece has inspired more people to offer up explantaions on it's meaning than -'el topo' or 'eraserhead' aside - any other movie i can think of.
A metaphorical tale of sexual awakening admidst adult repression? a turn of the century Gothic fairy tale? or just an orthodox mystery drama? 'picnic..' illicit's all this descriptions and yet comfirms none.The heart of the film is mystery and weir knows this,the joy isn't in finding an answer or resolution to this compelling puzzle,it is in merely looking for one.
A metaphorical tale of sexual awakening admidst adult repression? a turn of the century Gothic fairy tale? or just an orthodox mystery drama? 'picnic..' illicit's all this descriptions and yet comfirms none.The heart of the film is mystery and weir knows this,the joy isn't in finding an answer or resolution to this compelling puzzle,it is in merely looking for one.
Rise of the Footsoldier
(2007)
'the long good Friday' for men and motors viewers.
4 July 2010
The general rule of thumb is post 'lock,stock...' if your looking to make a British gangster movie you must have either danny dyer or someone whose at least been in east enders in a role. 'rise of the foot soldier' honours one of these two choices and despite the absence of Mr dyer,its still ends up being rubbish.
Where to start? well how about the acting apart from a few exceptions,most of the cast seem to have taken the Sylvia young drama lesson 101 in'i'm a cocker-nay,i is honest guvnor',not that the script demands much more depth of characterisation, it's all 'you facking cant this,you facking cant that, all accompanied by a the obligatory strained grimaces.It tells you something that craig fairbrass (an actor so wooden he gets a termite infestation regularly)comes on like Marlon Brando in comparison to the rest of the cast.
The acting/script isn't the only thing that ridden with cliché,the action set pieces are so over stylised that any rawness or grit is washed away in it attempt to out guy Ritchie,guy Ritchie.Music of the time is also used crassly and unimaginatively to save the director/budget the effort of chronicling the years depicted effectively I may sound harsh,but this is a film i dearly wanted to love,the Rettendon murder case is fascinating,and this was a chance to highlight a time when the British underworld's bloody antics bubbled to the surface.But what your left with is a film so safe,so sanitized and about as profound or interesting as an episode of 'the bill', only with more claret guvnorrrrrrrrrr
Where to start? well how about the acting apart from a few exceptions,most of the cast seem to have taken the Sylvia young drama lesson 101 in'i'm a cocker-nay,i is honest guvnor',not that the script demands much more depth of characterisation, it's all 'you facking cant this,you facking cant that, all accompanied by a the obligatory strained grimaces.It tells you something that craig fairbrass (an actor so wooden he gets a termite infestation regularly)comes on like Marlon Brando in comparison to the rest of the cast.
The acting/script isn't the only thing that ridden with cliché,the action set pieces are so over stylised that any rawness or grit is washed away in it attempt to out guy Ritchie,guy Ritchie.Music of the time is also used crassly and unimaginatively to save the director/budget the effort of chronicling the years depicted effectively I may sound harsh,but this is a film i dearly wanted to love,the Rettendon murder case is fascinating,and this was a chance to highlight a time when the British underworld's bloody antics bubbled to the surface.But what your left with is a film so safe,so sanitized and about as profound or interesting as an episode of 'the bill', only with more claret guvnorrrrrrrrrr
Timber Falls
(2007)
dull as dishwater
6 August 2009
First and foremost I was'nt expecting a 'classic' by any means, and as a lifelong horror fan i left overt criticism behind a long time ago,but after watching 'timber falls'i felt compelled to write.
This film's problem is'nt that it's Derivative -i could watch limitless variation's on the deliverance theme - more it's guilty of one of the worst sins (pardon the pun) of any film genre(the horror genre especially) and that is of being as dull as hell.
If the script writers of this yawnathon injected anymore life into the dialogue it would be a barely twitching corpse,you have too wait over an hour for any near decent gore and when it comes it's all cgi'ed and sterile (imagine tom savini after a lobotomy given free reign with an apple mac) and the casting isn't great either the two main leads being remarkably wooden and even the hillbilly bullies looked and acted like'one tree hill' extra's who haven't shaved for a couple of days.
Being a huge horror movie fan i often have to justify my love of this much mocked film genre to non horror fan friends,sadly with uninspired boreathons like 'timber falls',it's sadly all to easy to see where there coming from.
This film's problem is'nt that it's Derivative -i could watch limitless variation's on the deliverance theme - more it's guilty of one of the worst sins (pardon the pun) of any film genre(the horror genre especially) and that is of being as dull as hell.
If the script writers of this yawnathon injected anymore life into the dialogue it would be a barely twitching corpse,you have too wait over an hour for any near decent gore and when it comes it's all cgi'ed and sterile (imagine tom savini after a lobotomy given free reign with an apple mac) and the casting isn't great either the two main leads being remarkably wooden and even the hillbilly bullies looked and acted like'one tree hill' extra's who haven't shaved for a couple of days.
Being a huge horror movie fan i often have to justify my love of this much mocked film genre to non horror fan friends,sadly with uninspired boreathons like 'timber falls',it's sadly all to easy to see where there coming from.
The Dark Power
(1985)
So bad it's................awful
29 October 2006
A total and utter travesty of a movie.'Dark power'is the kind of film even troma would be embarrassed to release.The script,direction,acting and action sequence's are so dire as to be almost painful to watch and one cant help thinking that it's mere 75 minute running time could have been better spent. The above reviewer must be related to the director as that's the only reason i can see for his/her appraisal of this rubbish,some might call it b-movie fun or 'so bad it's good' just to excuse there enjoyment of it,but when the lead actor ( and most experienced cast member) cant deliver his lines convincingly you know you've got a very,very bad movie.Avoid at all costs.
Pin
(1988)
very nearly bland-Ola
24 October 2005
I remember seeing this movie some ten to fifteen years ago and thinking it was the creepiest thing ever.....i should have left that memory as a sweet one and not picked up a VHS copy i saw for sale on ebay two weeks ago. 'PIN' isn't the worst movie ever made -in fact there are some genuinely creepy moments albeit all too brief-,its just it waste's the main character of pin's inherent creepiness,concentrating instead on the kinda risqué but ultimately bland melodrama that wouldn't be out of place in a bad soap opera.
Like i said 'PIN' ain't awful,its just so uneventful and average that its hard too imagine repeat viewings
Like i said 'PIN' ain't awful,its just so uneventful and average that its hard too imagine repeat viewings
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