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3/10
They should have left this one in the vault
21 October 2016
Warning: Spoilers
When a movie's been a part of your life for over 30 years and it holds a certain place in your heart, like Rocky Horror has, you tend to be defensive of it. When I first heard of the remake, I was wary. So is it a equal to the original or was my fear confirmed.

First off, the concept is this version of Rocky Horror is that we are part of the audience at The Castle theater. We are guided into the theater by The Usherette as she sings "Science Fiction Double Feature". The performance of the song by Ivy Levan was fantastic. The theater setting allows for the occasional cuts to the audience doing participation things so that those cuts don't appear out of the ordinary.

But the theater setting leads to something that comes across as less than being meta. After Brad and Janet get their flat tire, they go to "The castle they passed back down the road a few miles". Well, the castle they go to is The Castle theater, which is run down. So basically, we are in the theater watching the film which takes place in the theater. Ehhhh???

And the dialogue most of the time is said at a rapid pace with no pause between sentences, which makes it feel unnatural. The cuts during the scenes also made the action seem unnatural also. I don't know if this was done to fit the entire show in the movie's 88 minutes in order to fit a two hour broadcast time slot that also has commercials, but it feels that the whole thing is on speed, but they did fit all the dialogue from the original movie (except for a couple of things, see below), along with all the songs (including "Planet, Schmanet, Janet" with the phrase "A mental mind *beep*" changed to "A mental mind game"), which makes the whole thing disorientating if you are accustomed to the pace of the original.

The performances were, for the most part, o.k. The only ones that I liked were Annaleigh Ashford, who played Columbia, and Adam Lambert who played Eddie. Laverne Cox, who played Frank-N-Furter, was very lackluster. Props to FOX for casting a transgender actress to play Frank, but her performance wasn't dynamic enough, which is a bad thing when it comes to Frank-N-Furter, who is supposed to stand out, but Laverne Cox wasn't able to do this, I'm sorry to say.

But the big news for fans of the original film was the appearance of Tim Curry, in his first on camera role in four years (he is basically semi-retired due to a stroke he suffered in 2012, he is mostly doing voice roles these days) as the Criminologist. His performance gave me mixed feelings as the criminologist had an assistant (Jayne Eastwood, credited as "Butler") who did what he couldn't do, like turn the pages of The Denton Affair casebook and dance on the desk during the Time Warp. But they also cut about half of his scenes in the film, which I felt they shouldn't have done, because it's Freaking Tim Curry we're dealing with here. It was great to see Tim Curry, but was sad to see him basically restricted to a chair and talking and not being able to do anything else.

The standout performances of songs were, in my opinion, Science Fiction Double Feature, Hot Patootie - Bless My Soul, Time Warp (Song was great, sounded like the version from the Roxy Cast album, but the choreography for the number was terrible), and I'm Going Home (The best number Laverne Cox did in the film).

So was the remake equal to the original? No, it wasn't. It pales in comparison to the original.

If you've never seen Rocky Horror and are wanting the remake to be your first time, skip the remake and go see the original Rocky Horror with an audience. It is the proper way to see Rocky Horror for the first time and is an experience that you'll remember for quite a while, and who knows, maybe it'll become an annual event you'll look forward to attending every year at Halloween time.
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KILD TV (2016)
8/10
A love letter to slasher films and horror film hosts.
3 May 2016
Warning: Spoilers
KILD TV premiered at this year's HorrorHound Weekend, where it won Best Feature and Best Actor in the HorrorHound Film Fest and is currently making the film festival rounds, mostly those concerning horror films.

D.C. Douglas (HorrorHound Film Fest Best Actor) plays Dr. Perseco, host of station KILD's Friday night horror movie program. But as the show progresses, Dr. Perseco and his crew discover that there is a killer in the station, who has also completely cut them off from the outside world. But when Dr. Perseco finds a way to communicate to his viewers about the terror unfolding at the station, will they send assistance to Dr. Perseco, or will they just sit back and enjoy the show, thinking that the carnage at the station is all part of the program?

First off, the movie is great. The day after I saw the world premiere at HorrorHound Weekend, I went and bought two copies at the convention, one for myself and one for a friend who couldn't make HorrorHound weekend.

Also, the concept of a man who presents "reel life" terror on TV is suddenly faced with real life terror is original. Out of all the slasher films of the past, this concept was never used, and makes one feel that this was a great concept and why did they wait until now to do this?

D.C. Douglas is awesome in the film. He is believable whether he is portraying the persona of Dr. Perseco or as a regular person, trying to figure out who the killer and concern over his fellow crew members.

And the mystery of trying to figure out who the killer is portrayed with logic, taking time to accomplish this, is greatly appreciated here, unlike other slasher films where the killer's identity is shoved down your throat in 90 seconds through exposition by the killer in those films.

Also, KILD TV has one of those "This Guy" jokes. Suffice it to say, "This Guy" jokes have never made me laugh, until the one in KILD TV. Congratulations guys, you finally made me laugh at one of those jokes. Well done indeed. And the film also has one of those YEAH!!!!!! moments which was greatly welcomed.

Part slasher film, part love letter to horror movie hosts, KILD TV is a welcome addition to any horror film collection.
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5/10
The Fountain Of Youth, Sort Of....
18 January 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Eating the flesh of the young gives you extended youth for a little while. That's probably why Don't Go Near The Park was a important part of England's list of Video Nasties breakfast. But it isn't near the park, it's in the park where everything begins 12,000 years ago when Brother Gar(Crackers Phinn) and Sister Tra (Barbara Monker) are cursed with somewhat eternal life by their mother for chomping on kids which basically killed their tribe off, and their curse can only be broken when a virgin sacrifice of one of their offspring is offered when the stars are just right.

Flash forward 11,984 years as Gar, now known as Mark gets to work in order to lift the curse, marries and fathers a girl named Bondi with a woman (Linnea Quigley as "Bondi's Mother", see, it says so in the credits!), and still eats under age individuals while completing his plan. Well, the limpid second part of the film involves Bondi meeting other runaways, after running away following a Epic Failure of a 16th birthday party. This part also includes a subplot with reporter Taft (Aldo Ray) trying to convince runaway Nick (Meeno Peluce) to get out of the park, especially with a rumored immortal woman running around (three guesses, anyone?).

The plot lines of the first and second parts merge for the finale which includes eye beams (eye beams????), fire, poetic justice, and a much unneeded shock ending.

Looking back at this film in our enlightened age, in which we've all seen much more extreme examples of gore, the film seems watered down concerning the gore effects, but the copyright date on the film is 1979, which places it between Dawn of the Dead and Friday The 13th, the two films that blew the roof off of gore effects at the time thanks to a Mr. Tom Savini. The film was edited down to achieve an R rating, but you can see the cut footage spliced back into it's proper place in the deleted scenes in the bonus materials, which also includes GORE! (gore effects footage), a stills gallery, English and Spanish trailers (both the same, except the Spanish one has distributor added narrator subtitles) a T.V. spot and a commentary. The only question I have is that if Dark Sky were able to restore the deleted gore, why didn't they do that and had a rated and unrated version on the disc, with a disclaimer about the added footage? They put one at the beginning of the deleted scenes.

So anyways, it's a 5 out of ten from me, and happy viewings!!!
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9/10
The Christmas Movie That Generation X'ers Call Their Own.
6 December 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Back when HBO was in it's infacy, every year at Christmas they would show this wonderful film, I just saw it again recently and it hasn't lost any of it's charm after all these years.

You know the basic storyline: Phineous T. Prune hates Santa for some reason and wishes to stop Christmas, and he has the way and the means to do so, for he holds the deed to the North Pole, so in other words: he's Santa's landlord! And if Prune can evict Santa for non payment of rent, Christmas will be no more!!! But Santa gets help from the one source he knows he can count on: Sam Whipple, an attourney who always says "Why can't every day be Christmas?" and the two team up to try to stop Prune. Will Sam and Santa find the way to pay the rent, or will Prune win, thus ending Christmas altogether? The one thing that has remained with me through the years of seeing CTAW was not only the songs, or the sentimentality of the film, or even the effect of Santa's sleigh (these days, it looks cheap but brings back memories) is that Santa is human, and therefore has human traits. This will become apparent in the last few minutes of the film, and that anyone can forgive another person, for any reason.

If you have never seen this film, go out and seek a copy and see it. It's 90 minutes of Christmas joy you could make a yearly tradition.
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Meteor (1979)
7/10
What was ACTUALLY destroyed by METEOR????
15 May 2007
Warning: Spoilers
METEOR was supposed to be American-International's BIG film. How big? How about a two page ad in the NEW YORK TIMES announcing the film a year before it's release? Tie-in's to the film like a official movie magazine and a pinball machine (pratically unheard of in those days)? The title METEOR copyrighted by American-International? But then METEOR was released.

The storyline (Comet passing through asteroid belt collides with gigantic rock causing the huge chunk to head towards Earth, disaster impending) is just basically a chance to see B-grade and former A-grade actors go through the motions, which is fine and passable. What is wrong with this film is the long pauses between anything really happening at all, which is poison to a disaster film. METEOR really didn't need a nearly five minute segment of two rocket platforms turning, or occasionally during the climax of the film, a character asking "How long till impact?", another character would say how long it was. And then we would see a combination of shots like the meteor, then the rockets, then a shot of the meteor headed towards the rockets, then a shot of the rockets headed towards the meteor (any combination of any and/or all shots above). Any momentum the film had would be killed right then and there.

METEOR isn't a bad film, it's a decent film with unnecessary filler sequences.

And what was actually destroyed by METEOR? American-International Pictures. The high (compared with other A.I.P. films) production costs combined with low box office returns doomed A.I.P. and was bought out by FILMWAYS and within two years of METEOR's release, A.I.P. was nothing more than a memory except to those lovers of drive-in flicks.
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8/10
Great B-Movie
11 May 2007
I recently got NAUGHTY STEWARDESSES and BLAZING STEWARDESSES from a on-line rental service and decided to recreate the Stewardesses Drive-In double feature. As NAUGHTY is more of a exploitation film, BLAZING is actually a throw back to the old REPUBLIC and MONOGRAM Saturday afternoon B westerns starring John Wayne, Gene Autry, and Roy Rogers.

In fact, if you took out the sex scenes, it would be no more harmful than an old B western.

The performances are good, especially by Regina Caroll's comic turn. If you thought her film roles only required her to "look pretty and scream a lot" will be surprised by her role in BLAZING. Two of the three Ritz Brothers are in the film as comic relief and they rise up to their task.

So, if you like old Drive-In flicks, check out BLAZING STEWARDESSES. You can't go wrong with this one.
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9/10
A Night to Dismember delivers the laughs
20 August 2006
Warning: Spoilers
A Night to Dismember, a very catchy title indeed, had me ready because I knew it was cheese, and then I started to watch it. Simply hilarious.

Because much of the original film had been lost, new footage had to be shot to replace it, and it shows. Disjointed editing, a new soundtrack that replaces the old soundtrack which sound effects and the score just doesn't match the action on screen (a good example is when one of the main characters is being attacked during a dream sequence, the soundtrack doesn't have terror laden screams, it has moans akin to a porn film), and repeating footage makes this film a truly funny film.

The parodies of the slasher genre of the 1980's can't hold a candle to the laughs in this one. Watch it, you'll be glad you did.
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