schlangz Reviews

No Time to Die (2021)

Congratulations you made the worst Bond of all time

[3/10 · 31 October 2021]

To avoid any misunderstanding: I love Daniel Craig and Casino Royal was imho one of the best Bond movies. What came after Casino Royal was kind of meh but it was still watchable, but No Time to Die is just so bad that nobody ever will watch this movie a second time.

This movie fails on so many levels. I ran one minute late and even the opening sequence was so weird that after 3 minutes I had to ask the guy next to me if I'm really in a 007 movie...

Then suddenly all my hopes went up when we get the first action sequence, Craig at its best, the bridge stunt, the vintage Aston Martin, beautiful. Next action scene, bad guys steal the virus and use this badass magnet device to jump down the elavator, that's why we love James Bond movies. Fast forward to another action scene, Ana de Armas is absoutely stunning and I love the chemistry between her and Craig. She almost steals the show

But everything else in this movie? It's just so bad!!

• the woke black female 007. No charisma, no presence, she is just completely unlikable. I don't care the fact that she is black, she was just bad. They could have switched the actors of 007 and Moneypenny it would have been amazing. And she even dares to woke at Craig, saying it's just a number. Bond is a legend, and every other MALE actor would have showed his respects when meeting him, but of course the woke female 007 doesn't. What an insult to James Bond fans...

• the villain (Hackerman!!) never really gets introduced, or barely gets screentime. Who is that guy and why should I think about that guy?

• blofeld dies in the most unspectactular way possible

• felix dies. Again, in the most unspectacular way possible

• a gay "Q". Awesome. This is exactly what we wanted. Now we know what the "Q" stands for, maybe the next movie will give us "L" and "G" too

• A "cameo" of a guy that looks like Idris Elba. Or was it the real Idris Elba?

• the worst opening credits ever. Literally everybody in the cinema pulled out his smartphone during that time.

• Movie is just too long. After 90 minutes you just want it to be over because it feels more like a drama/love story than a 007 movie

• the car chasing scenes. Literally every land rover rolls over after one contact

• Ash. We see him 2 seconds before his car rolls over. His death may lhave ooked good on paper but it was ridiculous on screen

• The one-eyed henchman. Such a wuss, even gets tricked by the Bondgirl

• Bond has a kid. Why? Bond is a spy, a womanizer, a badass, no friends, no relatives, no family. Why give him a child? Maybe good for a Craig movie, but not for a 007 movie

• Craig ditches half a million bullets but then gets shot twice by the bad guy.

• Bond DIES. WHAT. IN. GODS. NAME. The real bond would have never died. The real bond would have never committed suicide like that. Bond would have never accepted the fact that he can't be healed, he would have spent the rest of his life trying to get rid of the nanobots.

• Speaking of nanobots. He gets an EMP watch. And you moron screenwriters try to tell us you can't destroy nanobots with an EMP? He literally has the cure on his wrist, but no he just gives up.

I'm so disappointed with all that crap, and it's so sad seeing Craig leave the franchies like that. I even feel sad for his daughter's stuffed bunny.

1 star for Craig, 1 star for Ana de Armas and 1 star for the bunny.

Can't wait to see the woke reboot: 007 Origins. 007 Evolution. 007 Reloaded

Can we please have a white female SHAFT instead?

Modern Family (2009–2020)

Came for Ed O'Neill

[9/10 · 3 October 2021]

And wasn't disappointed. Just suffer through the first 5 episodes and you will have a great time.

Friends: The Reunion (2021 TV Special)

you had one job

[3/10 · 14 July 2021]

And that was bring back the cast. It started so good, but it literally goes down the drain the moment we see that gay guy from germany telling us that life for him was sooooo difficult when he was trying to get jennifer aniston's haircut.

Mortal Kombat (2021)

Oh boy

[8/10 · 14 July 2021]

This movie is so much better than anticipated:

• no woke crap
• bloody & gory
• fatalities (yeah these mfu*kers work)
• scorpion & sub-zero
• vfx
• music
• sequel incoming!!

Of course the movie has its meh moments but this is a video game movie and it could have been a 10 if they had concentrated on (or at least doubled) the fighting scenes. Please sequel, do it better.

If you like the games, you will like this movie. All the haters here never did any fatality by themselves don't listen to them.

Birds of Prey (2020)

wahwah

[5/10 · 14 September 2020]

Could have been much better. and margot robbie wears too many clothes

Bloodshot (2020)

Solid

[8/10 · 11 April 2020]

I don't get all the hate. It's a great action flick. Unrealistic, yeah definitely, but if I want something social-critic I would watch other stuff.

Give it a chance, much better than everybody is crying around here.

The Good Doctor (2017–2024)

Still in Season 1

[8/10 · 1 April 2020]

Looks like this is the Scorpion version of doctor/hospital shows but so far quite amusing

Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)

Mixed Feelings

[7/10 · 23 March 2020]

This is the Fast & Furious version of Terminator, be prepared for all thr non-sense that comes with it

IMDb Cheat Sheet: 'Terminator: Dark Fate' (2019) Season 1, Episode 6

Mixed Feelings

[7/10 · 23 March 2020]

This is the Fast & Furious version of Terminator, be prepared for it

The Big Bang Theory (2007–2019)

Best sitcom ever made

[10/10 · 20 August 2019]

I watched TBBT from the beginning and I found it to be a great series.

I'm currently rewatching all episodes and I must revise my statement: it is the best sitcom ever made. The show has aged very well, no difference between 2007 and 2019. And I habe to admit that the earlier seasons are so much better than the later ones, and you remember why this show became such a success.

If you haven't seen it yet, you know what you have to do now.

Thanks to all who made this show happen.

Dredd (2012)

Almost perfect

[9/10 · 18 August 2019]

This is a great movie which depicts the comics at its best and Urban does a great job to portray Dredd.

I really feel bad that this movie does not get the recognition it deserves and we don't get another one...

This is a must watch, don't hesitate!!

Passenger 57 (1992)

Hasn't aged well

[5/10 · 5 August 2019]

What might have been ok in the 90's is today barely watchable. If you want to see Wesley Snipes giving some kicks then you might be ok but otherwise just skip.

+1 for young Liz Hurley

Ride Along 2 (2016)

Mixed feelings

[6/10 · 4 August 2019]

Quite funny but the little guy is annoying af. Watch if you like Ice Cube

Ride Along (2014)

Quite solid

[7/10 · 15 July 2019]

Ice Cube is great but the little black guy is annoying af

Maze Runner: The Death Cure (2018)

Something is wrong this one

[6/10 · 13 July 2019]

Story was good but for some reason the acting can't keep up in part 3 of the series. Ending is kind of unsatisfying, even if I honestly don't care that the chick is dying (I've been waiting 3,5 hours for this).

Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials (2015)

Not as good as the first one

[7/10 · 13 July 2019]

Still quite enjoyable. A bit too unrealistic and the enemy was apparantly trained by Stormtroopers as their aim is overall terrible.

The Maze Runner (2014)

Great start of the series

[8/10 · 12 July 2019]

Usuall these kind of movies are too unrealistic and have way too many annoying characters (kids especially). But not this one. Refreshing.

Cars 3 (2017)

Disney what's wrong with you

[4/10 · 8 July 2019]

So female's are the new heroes. I get the political agenda and for the most part of it I'm fine with it since this is a phase that will eventually go away, followed by the next phase. Cars 4 probably will have a transgender car as the main star...

Anyway, thank you for making the main hero a brainless loser that does not really accomplish anything in this movie. Race? Fail. Training? Fail. Origins? Fail. Final race? Fail.

And the main heroine is portrayed as someone with no self esteem, no experience, no ambitions and from what we see not even qualified to be a trainer as she apparently knows nothing. But hey cool flip she can suddenly outrace the fastest car that hit 214mph where all she did so far was 193mph.

Nice dream little girl, now wake up.

The animations are stunning which I give 3 stars instead of 1.

Plus another star for keeping that stupid Goofy tow car away for almost the entire movie.

The Hateful Eight (2015)

A little bit too long

[8/10 · 7 July 2019]

But otherwise a great movie with great acting, jokes, twists and a very satisfying ending. Must see

Alita: Battle Angel (2019)

Great action movie

[8/10 · 30 June 2019]

Lots of action, amazing fighting choreography and the CGI is the best I have seen in a while. Definitely worth your time even if you are not into anime.

Discard the critics regarding plot and story, not sure what these people expect in todays movies.

Get Out (I) (2017)

Ignore all the political crap

[7/10 · 29 June 2019]

And maybe fast-forward the first 30 minutes. you will be rewarded after another 50 minutes with an extremely satisfying ending. thank me later

Fear the Walking Dead (2015–2023)

Season 5 is surprisingly good

[6/10 · 23 June 2019]

Darker, more violent, has a lot of potential I hope they don't mess it up

Tomb Raider (2018)

So here it is, the 2018 version of that movie

[3/10 · 30 April 2019]

I rate the movie 3 stars, but only because I enjoyed watching the quite likeable actress. Besides that, the movie is even more unrealistic than Skyscraper. Instead of repeating what others have already said I can recommend checking cinemasins' review of that movie on YT, do yourself a favor and just watch that instead of the whole movie (saves you 1 hour and 45 minutes of life time).

Supernatural (2005–2020)

Season 14

[9/10 · 27 April 2019]

The final episode of season 14 is epic. I forgive you for giving me crappy boring 19 episodes because the last one is pure genius. Well played writers.

Blade Runner 2049 (2017)

Boooooring

[2/10 · 10 April 2019]

Seriously wth see other people this movie??? Boring af not even Harrison Ford can change that