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TheDonkadonk
Reviews
Dream Scenario (2023)
Nicolas Cage is getting better with age
Loved this, very original and intelligent.
Concept was clever, genuinely funny with awkward moments, even Nicolas Cage just walking aimlessly in peoples dreams made me crack up, the drinks advert really should of been in the film, missed a trick there.
The on screen relationships seemed very authentic and genuine, which is a testament to the actors and director.
Contains a mildy serious point. It does focus in on the narrow minded cancel culture kangaroo courts that exist in our modern world.
I hope Nicolas Cage continues to make these unusual interesting out of leftfield films.
Well deserved 8 stars.
Hell House LLC Origins: The Carmichael Manor (2023)
A most annoying mockumentary
Took a punt on this and from the 1st minute i knew it was going to be awful, the actors (if you can call them that) can't act naturally at all.
The talking head interviewee characters are not believable, suttle melodramatic mannerisms really don't work in that role.
Margot, the main character is one of the most annoying people i've ever seen on screen, what was she thinking when filming this.
All involved should consider a career change, save people from being cringed out by bad the acting and incredibly fake personalities.
It's a badly made soup with all the wrong ingredients. They basically rented a manor for a few days and filmed a cringefest.
Cabin Girl (2023)
Better than i expected!
You think it's gonna be a typical boring vlogging social media horror at first, but i actually twigged onto some decent acting from the lead girl early on, perfect for the role and i was impressed at how she took to it.
Although i will say the mechanic could of been better casted.
Plot was good! Background music was spot on during some scenes.
It keeps you guessing as to what's going on which keeps you watching. I won't give any spoilers but i think Cabin Girl 2 should be made, as long as the script can evolve the story and you keep the lead, make it more sinister and disturbing and you'll have a really good franchise on your hands.
I'm thinking prequel sequel to be honest.
Devotion (2022)
Touching true story
I went into this one not knowing anything about Jesse Brown but now i do, and i have to say i think this film was really well done.
There was definitely a big budget involved so it's not some low budget war film using plastic aeroplane models, they used real carriers, real planes the lot, although in saying that the gunfire CGI could of been alot better.
Acting was fine, Powell put's in a decent performance, he holds himself very well as a military character, he was in the new Top Gun to so i would definitely say he's been in the two best pilot movies the last decade.
And that's where i put it, second best pilot movie of the last decade.
Sick (2022)
Scream in a pandemic
Just seen this, random choice and i was actually surprised at how accomplished it was, it's perfect if your into films like Scream.
The acting was acceptable, the plot simple but enough to keep you interested, there is also alot of running about in this film so you may get motion sickness, but not in a Blair Witch way as it is shot with a modern set up. Also there is a twist which i won't go into obviously.
What most impressed me was actually the execution of the violent scenes, they definitely had a good stunt co-ordinator and slice editor working on a few of the death scenes, which to me made the film slightly memorable really, it is worth it just for them and the cool house to be honest.
Terror on the Prairie (2022)
Cerrone isn't bad but Carano is awkwardly awful
I will start with the good, then the bad, then the ugly...
First off, you can't beat the terrain in this film, it's gorgeous, just like somethin off Red Dead Redemption, shame it was wasted by the production crew.
Nick Searcy is by far the best actor and it showed, one scene worked with his crew members in the cabin with Hattie (Gina Carano), easily the best part of the film with the intensity building.
But then it all goes to hell, the shooting scenes were badly choreographed, alot of it very laboured and incredibly awkward, almost like someone had to grab hold of a scene by it's throat and give it some life.
I think quite honestly Gina Carano shouldn't act full stop unless she's playing someone hard faced, she just didn't know how to show emotion in most of the scenes.
You would have to pay me to watch this again.
Orphan: First Kill (2022)
Inconsistencies from the sequel original
I don't know what happened to this prequel to be honest, it should really been done as the first installment.
1. The Albright's should of been the Sullivan's (as mentioned in the original)
2. Where was the scene with the school boy and the scissors? (As mentioned in the original)
It seems like poor recollection to me from the people responsible for continuity.
I think making more would be a mistake, the girl that plays Esther (Leema) is brilliant but she does look alot older now so it doesn't really work if they are making more films from her past foster home antics.
Also the way it was filmed almost seemed like it was in a fog of white mist which was off putting.
They/Them (2022)
Actually enjoyed it!
I don't understand why this film has so many low scores, i suppose it is mostly the BGT community angered about representation as usual.
Anyway, i'm straight and i saw some really good performances in this film, a lot of characters with dagger eyes and Theo Germaine was great, actually looked up who it was because i didn't know the actor/actress.
Different kinda horror.
Top Gun: Maverick (2022)
I didn't want it to end!
Total thrill ride, bought the 80's back with precision and great film making.
Fantastic sequel, excellently executed. I did want it to be longer though in one part near the end but i won't spoil it.
Night Sky (2022)
Concept ruined by a stray guy
First episode is the only one worth watching because you'll be let down with the rest, concept sounded and came across very original in the first instance but then it's just about a pair of grandparents lookin after a Hispanic male.
BORING.
Reed's Point (2022)
Career change needed for these "actors"
Ok, the name and concept actually had abit of potential to be a good horror, but after seeing the awkwardness of the actors i knew it would be a painful watch, and it was.
Adam Evans please focus on something else, you cannot act at all, start up a hemp shop or something because you looked out of it during the whole film.
The Bubble (2022)
Actually funny if you are not a miserable critic
Went into thinking it would be a bad spoof, but i thought the actors did a good job under the circumstances.
They were under pressure from the dinosaurs, and constant hampering of being quarantine so naturally they got abit stressed.
Only bit i did not like was John Cena, he makes me quiver and cringe so please never involve him in a film ever again.
Doors (2021)
Great concept, but too segmented.
OK without giving out too many spoilers, the start of the film gets you intrigued... then it drops off into all kinds of madness that doesn't make sense.
Tbh it's not badly casted or acted, the CGI is actually really good. It's a shame because it reminded me of a Langolier type film so I wanted to see a meaning behind the Doors at the end, or maybe make a sequel and develop each characters stories. I'd be interested to see what they'd come up with if they do a sequel.
Mortal Kombat (2021)
Ok character adaptation but flawed casting
It's not terrible but it's not great either, it was OK, poor casting of the characters (especially the lead, no charisma) and basic dialogue ruined what could of been a great reboot.
I also really have to slain the introduction of the new character, Cole Young, where did he come from? What relevance does he have to MK history, is he meant to be some kind of Neo from the Matrix? :-/
Black Water: Abyss (2020)
Abit of continuity please...
So, what is the point of making a film, when they cannot understand the main protagonists behaviour... lots wrong with this.
Unhinged (2017)
Dialogue and plot starvation
It seems the writers lack any kind of realistic human behaviour in their writing, pieced together very poorly.
No back history to the characters, took me 30 minutes to figure out if the cast were American pretending to live in England???
The cinematic quality is good, but they severely need someone to link their writing/plot to make any sense at all.
The Intruder (2019)
One of the best thrillers of 2019
I honestly thought this was a really good thriller, Dennis Quaid is brilliant, the plot is simple but it is executed very well.
Good Sam (2019)
Boringly average
Good concept with an anonymous donor but really bland and daytime programme drama-esque.
Not very imaginitive dialogue, poor background music. The lead is very monotone and annoying.
Could of been alot better.
King of Thieves (2018)
Not exactly how it went down.
No spoilers here, questionable casting, and very inaccurate.
But it isn't a bad watch, i could of done a better job with the casting and script.
Real Cases of Shadow People: The Sarah McCormick Story (2019)
Immature adult frat boyathon
Had promise with the concept, but the guys in the film are so annoying and immature it really does spoil any hope this film had.
If you are into 30yr old guys acting like 12yr olds and laughing like little girls then this is the film for you.
Searching (2018)
Cringiest film iv ever seen
Very poor interaction between the actors, very you talk I talk with uncomfortable interruptions that just screams amateur hour.
The policewoman is cringey and over melodramatic from the start, which is just not true of what an officer would be like in real life, they wouldn't make it seem so apocalyptic.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)
Defies logic.
So the ball vehicles, that can withstand anything... Gets opened by an army knife under water...
Enough said... Terrible.
The 15:17 to Paris (2018)
Let the heroes be part of the gravy train
So I just watched the film, and it was obvious none of the three HEROES had any drama school lessons... But, its not about that, this is a wise metaphorical lesson from Clint Eastwood to honour the real heroes for once, and give them a slice of the Hollywood pie.
Actors are constantly given the accolades for such great portrayals, and they do get paid a LOAD of money for something they never did in real life...
It's just a moral and token gesture, yes it could of been alot better with world class actors but you can't take anything away from the point of the story... End of the day that train could of arrived at its destination with no one alive... So I think people need to realise that the valour that is stolen in movies is actually all for money...
Just let this one go as a moral victory.
The Beyond (2017)
Overacted and cringy
Its a very bad mockumentary attempt.. overacted, badly casted and left me feeling what on earth have I just wasted my time on. Very pretentious production.
Leave concepts like these to the big boys,