Alanjackd Reviews

Bone Tomahawk (2015)

Western Horror or Horror Western

[8/10 · 19 July 2020]

I can't decide for myself to be perfectly honest. Looking at reviews you either love it or hate it..much like your wifes family. Personally i loved it...but i can't stand my wifes family so I'm no expert.

Ok..the violence is graphic but it's not dwelled upon..it comes and goes as it does in real life...no build up or loud music.

The real cowboy /alien crossover movie. Tried before with Cowboy V Aliens and that George Clooney one...this is much better.

Go see it if you want ...I don't really care..I've got better things to do. Besides , i'm depressed as my wifes family have just arrived.

Jaws (1975)

Bite me

[10/10 · 9 March 2020]

This, along with most people my age...is what started my love of cinema. Not DVD or download...CINEMA!! To see this on a big screen in a dark theater is storytelling at it's finest. Performances all deserve full marks and direction is flawless. Sound , script, editing, humor,tension,empathy,lighting,production all exceeds. In it's field you will not see better. Steven Spielberg is a master of narrative and suspense....for me outdoing Hitchcock every step of the way. Robert Shaw takes over every scene he is in...I haven't seen an actor do that since Jack Lemon..and more recently Denzil Washington in Fences. Full of bite.

Underwater (2020)

At last...not a sequel or super hero in sight.

[6/10 · 13 February 2020]

Many years ago this sort out movie that used to be made all the time. Regardless of whether they did well or not..it was a fresh idea all the time...many of them turned into classics. imagine if through the 50s , 60s and 70s if all they made were sequels from the 30s and 40s! How awful would that have been. Alas,,,this is where we find ourselves today. While Underwater may not what you might call a great movie , it is a good movie. Plenty of action and suspense with some great " did i see that" special effects. Of course a few comedy moments and some bare female skin help....and of course a massive explosion at the end. Most importantly it has to be applauded for being a fresh(ish) idea with not a caped crusader or mutant/terminator in sight. We NEED this sort of movie to be made to keep the monotony at bay. Give yourself a pat on the back guys and keep it up. A cross between The Abyss, Godzilla.Alien and Independence day make this well worth a visit to the big screen.

Queen & Slim (2019)

Waste of celluloid.

[2/10 · 1 February 2020]

Went into the theater blind with no knowledge of what i was about to witness. Opening scene for 5 minutes seemed gritty and well put together. Alas...as the minutes went by things got worse. The director(ha ha) tried to create tension but got nothing from the 2 leads....who were in themselves awful characters. Over the next 65 minutes the plot got more and more absurd...I say 65 minutes as that is about the time I put on my jacket and made my way home. In a world of sequels, remakes and superheros , we so badly need movies with new ideas and edges...but this just put it all back 20 years. The old " white cop shoots black guy " story has been told many times before and much,mush better....a new slant on things may have been welcome. Right the way through the racist language from all involved was so way over the top it was stomach churning. 2 innocent people get caught up in the killing of a cop and decide to run away for a dance and a horse riding lesson?? Do yourself and movie making a favor by staying away from this nonsense. Bad acting,,bad screenplay,,terrible characters make this one to be missed. One or two nice shots at one point but only worth a 2 at best. e

The Gentlemen (2019)

Outsnatched Snatch

[8/10 · 11 January 2020]

What a fantastic return from Guy Ritchie. As I said earlier this outsnatched snatch. Brilliant performances all around..especially bu Hugh Grant. The more money put into those awful Marvel/DC and star wars rubbish the less we see of real movies like this.

The only gripe I have is the language...they could have easily watered it down to make it a 15.In the days of heros and remakes it's a shame younger people cannot watch masterpieces like this.

Help yourself to a fantastic 113 minutes of classy, proper movie making.

Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker (2019)

NO MORE PLEASE.

[2/10 · 23 December 2019]

This movie was designed in the 70's for children.

Childish adults now revel in it.

Each movie gets worse.

They will not stop making this rubbish while childish adults keep lapping it up.

Not enough small independent movies are being made because all the money goes into this trash.

This was woeful...I'm off to bed.

Goodnight .

Curry & Chips (1969)

Before it's time.

[10/10 · 9 December 2019]

Calling this racist is ridiculous. Its racial but not racist. It shows the difference in attitudes at a time when you could actually say what you meant Everybody is as bad as each other. Strange how things like this annoy lefties 50 years later. In my opinion comedy like this brought races together. If you dont like it then dont watch it. Simples!!

The Irishman (2019)

A let down

[6/10 · 1 December 2019]

I think 99% of the population wanted this to be a great movie so fooled themselves into thinking it was. For me it was just cold and dull. i suspect if the names had not been in it then it would have not even been mentioned. Nothing here we haven't seen a million times before but better. The inclusion of the JFK stuff was ridiculous. Never being a fan of the director i never expected to much. It should never have been tried to make these actors shine ...they are well too long in the tooth to be gangsters. The great Steve Graham was as bad a case of miscasting as you will ever see. I didn't want to review like this but it's honest. I gave it 5 but would have been a 6 or 7 at the theatre as its where movies should be watched....not on a tv or a tablet or a phone. Great chance missed.

Playing with Fire (I) (2019)

For morons only

[1/10 · 30 November 2019]

Not much more to say. Everything about making bad movies is in here. Not one giggle from the audience. Awful, annoying kids and thick adults. Bad acting...terrible direction. This really is the bottom of the lowest barrel. Total waste of money...glad I never paid. This is one of the reasons why audiences are down. Last week I watched Knives out and Maleficent...now that is how you make movies. Then again this is not a movie..it's a film. If you liked this you need a lobotomy and should be banned from ever going to the cinema again...for life. worse then last years Holmes and Watson. It is now time to give us a 0 score please . I wanted to puke.

Midway (2019)

Too big

[5/10 · 9 November 2019]

This has the look of a disaster movie written all over it. Not a BAD movie...but instantly forgettable.

Now....where was I?...oh yes...Midway.

The CGI for me was just overdone..and i hoped the storytelling would make up for it...but alas no.

All that money on blue screens and nothing spent on a script..and to be honest the acting was shocking.

Not a bad way to spend a few hours but will be forgotten very soon

Judy (II) (2019)

Quite splendid.

[8/10 · 12 October 2019]

I never expected this to be so good. Forget the slight factual errors..dive in and enjoy.

From credit to credit this captures her later years to a tee. Showing her struggle with life.

Zellwegger is astonishing...I completely forgot she was even in it..deserves an Oscar nomination and probably a win.

Direction and cast all give 100% and it is just the right length.

would have liked a longer movie dealing with the parts between Oz and London , but that's just me nitpicking.

at the end I had a lump in my throat the size of a grapefruit. Such a shame movies like this are so rare these days thanks to DC and Marvel. Brilliant movie making and a delight to watch.

Brightburn (2019)

Astonished

[8/10 · 28 June 2019]

After watching all the super hero nonsense comes a brilliant idea...

Why didn't somebody think of it years ago??

Imagine Superman as a bad guy...Brilliant.

this flick was a breath of fresh air.It had some cheesy bits but in a "good" super hero movie it's ok because they are all good guys...but the twist is in the maybe..

Fantastic and more gory than Superman could ever be...this is a nerve shredding walk on the wild and super side..

Catch it on a big screen for full immersion.

Rocketman (I) (2019)

As good as can be.

[7/10 · 29 May 2019]

Ok..let's get the Bo Rhap comparison over...this was much better...the latter was very awful , this was as good as you could get it. All done.

Without delving into the REAL murky world of Elton this is probably one of the better attempts of a life story. Made good because of the way the music was used as part of the story and actually helped it along.

Directed well with some brilliant camerawork it let's us know exactly what we want to know .

Egerton mastered the little mannerisms that Malek overdid in the extreme and made Mercury look like a spitting image puppet of Mick Jagger.

More of a musical than a biopic...well thought out...well presented...well done

Red Joan (2018)

Best Of British

[8/10 · 22 April 2019]

With all the superhero big budget claptrap around , it's good to see a proper well made British movie.

Everything works perfect here. From the script to the direction including costume and design it all becomes jigsaw pieces of a fantastic tale.

For me , each and everyone gives a marvellous performance to make this an early contender for hit of the year. Of course it won't win anything come award time but neither did The Guernsey Literary and Potato Pie movie....and this is just as good. Just a brilliant story...with a dollop of history thrown in.

The young Judi Dench gives a brilliant performance .

Forget all the blockbusters and settle down for this...I gave 8 because I would have liked an extra 20 minutes or so to delve into KGB or MI5...but alas no, FANTASTIC

Hellboy (2019)

Just the 4 stars

[4/10 · 15 April 2019]

4 is all this is worth to be honest. Not well directed at all....pace changes and editing is very wishy washy.

Storyline is very shambolic and the CGI is appalling...sometimes looks like the 80's stuff like in who Framed Roger Rabbit.

The absence of Del Toro is all too noticeable as only he can create the magic of a fairytale like Hellboy ( watch Pans Labrynth and you'll see what I mean)

To cap it all we had the ridiculous character ..a half man half pig with a scouse accent swearing and cursing his way through ..Stephen Graham letting himself down here if I'm honest.

I own a Cineworld card and would have been quite angry in paying a Saturday night fee of over £11.

Dumbo (2019)

Pointless.

[3/10 · 6 April 2019]

A pointless rehash here with no discernible points at all

most of the money went on the stars and CGI. About £500 went on the script. This was a cold and miserable attempt to cash in. Burtons direction is shockingly awful...he must have been thinking about the amount of money he was getting and took his eye off the ball.

Devito just about made it but Farrell and Keaton were hopeless. Shame that because so many good movies have these two in it.The 2 kids were just horrible.

Only good point was Alan Arkin...who must be laughing himself silly .

In the 40's and 50's kids were naive and enjoyed the story. In 2017 kids are far more sophisticated and have the internet to look at...so this will mean nothing to them.

The money spent on this rubbish could have made many smaller but independent good stuff!

The movie business is in a bad place at the moment and needs new ideas.

The Mule (2018)

1 more please Clint

[8/10 · 31 January 2019]

Clint is arguably the greatest movie icon ever. I really hope he makes another movie next year...as that will mean he has made movies in the 50s.60s.70s.80s.90s.00s.010...and 020s.....a career that spans 8 decades....incredible and never before happened I believe.

Back to the movie...the way this guy directs is unique..he's not Tarantino ,,,blazing away onto the screen...he's not De Palma...who edges your nerves to a big climax...he just starts and finishes at the same pace....brilliantly holding momentum.

It's a story of redemption and missed opportunities...seeming to be what he thinks of himself..the way he gets the message across without the violence is incredible. You know what happens at some points and the violence occurring but you never see it...that's old school....doesn't need to the gore. Each and everybody gives a great performance...with the exception of Cooper...who seems quite happy to just plod along to take his pay cheque...heaven knows why he was first billed.

Not everyones cup of tea but will keep any fan over the age of 50 happy.

Shout out for his ex wife who for me stole the show.

Catch this on the big screen...marvellous.

Stan & Ollie (2018)

Hard boiled eggs and nuts.

[8/10 · 17 January 2019]

Hard boiled eggs and nuts!! One of my earliest memories is laughing at these two on the t.v with my family.

A time when families sat together in awe at 2 geniuses playing off each other. If you never grew up with this you best not review.

Takes you behind the lens and lets you have a glimmer of the men behind the hats.

I laughed, smiled, cried,chuckled and was generally swept up in the brilliant performances. Perfect direction and story telling. How much these guys were mugged off was sickening ....much apart from todays overpaid superheroes.

Drop the blockbusters for this week and watch a proper movie,.

Well done all round.

I, Daniel Blake (2016)

True grit

[8/10 · 7 January 2019]

This isn't about blockbusters and overpaid bad actors ( Ferrell,Hanks,Cruise,DeNiro) etc..it's about the real world of movie making.

We could have had 20 or 30 of these for the price of a ridiculous Xmen or Star Bores.

Brilliantly directed and acted with the slowest burning narrative it does just enough to slowly boil your blood.

Watching this in 2019 amidst the immigration crisis makes it even more searing and cements the fact that the government has no time for it's own ,,instead preferring to hand out cash to others.

Mesmerising to anybody who has ever been hungry in a hopeless situation.

Sicario: Day of the Soldado (2018)

Heart pumping

[10/10 · 29 December 2018]

Right from the outset we have here not just a sequel but a stand alone thriller. Brolin is perfect as the good bad guy and the direction is flawless. Forget the bad reviews and immerse yourself. It does have plot holes but it's a movie...not an essay. The dislikers clearly don't understand movie making so I say stick to the Star Wars and the feeding narrative of a Bruce Willis movie and let us professional movie reviewers do our stuff.

Bring on Sic 3!!

Holmes & Watson (2018)

Come on IMDB...give us a zero score

[1/10 · 28 December 2018]

IMDB need to think about this . We need a 0 score on the review rating.

This was nauseating in the extreme.Up there with Nativity Rocks and Hot tub 2. Why would ANYBODY put money up for this. Walked out half way through...glad i didn't pay for this. There was a family of 5 in front of me that paid nearly £100 in admission and refreshment...spending their hard earned money on this drivel.I felt so sorry for them I almost wanted to give them it back. The two leads will not care though as they can buy a large house with the money they earned from this. Last thing is this...as a regular twice a week movie watcher and IMDB user I would suggest they look at whom they have reviewing as somebody has been clearly paid money to give this a score of 10.It needs looking at. If you go see this you deserve to be ripped off.

Mary Poppins Returns (2018)

As expected

[6/10 · 22 December 2018]

This was always gonna be put up against the original ..for me unfairly...as we live in different times now and the audience has changed so much. On a positive note the whole is directed superbly ..has a real good family feel to it and each does the job they were brought in for.The camera work is fantastic and the script enough to carry everything along nicely.

What I also liked about it is that it doesn't try too hard to explain exactly how MP got here or indeed where she came from...I expected a modern twist about her background to enlighten a new audience....but there was none of it...which for me added some kind of child like quality.

The only downside I suppose is the songs. Two hours later I can hardly remember a single song..it's certainly not a Showman or La La soundtrack but all in all a solid British movie with a great chance to cash in on quick DVD release. Have to add I am a Cineworld unlimited card holder so it did not cost me anything ..if I had paid for 2 adults and 2 kids with food I may have been a bit less happy in my review.

Well done all round though.

Aquaman (2018)

So many bad actors in one movie

[4/10 · 15 December 2018]

This ticks all the DC boxes . Plot, Goodies, Baddies,Comedy, Sentimentality,Action...etc etc. O.K direction and some impressive action..but all was let down for me by the acting. Thing is...i know it's a superhero movie and it's not too important....but it was REALLY bad at times. too much direction in the action and green screen and not enough in the actual acting department. Even Nicole Kidman..one of the greats..was just warbling on. Shame tho but that's my review.

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)

Where it belongs

[7/10 · 15 December 2018]

Over the past 12 years or so with the " newest" Spiderman goings on i have never really felt that anybody has got it right. Something was nagging at me in the back of my mind. All the other Marvel guys seemed to sit happily and just get on with it but not Spiderman.

Then it came to me in the theatre today exactly what it was....it's at home being animated. I can't say why but it just does.It really suits being animated and needs to stay there. For me it starts where the 70's series ended and looks fantastic on the screen.

The animation is at times jaw dropping and the action sequences are much better than real life green screen could ever be.With a perfect balance of humour and sentimentality thrown in , this suits both young and old. Try catch in 3D ...it brings the colours to life. I would like to see more of the Marvel done like this as , for me, it brings it to life. Awesome soundtrack too. I gave it a 7 because Marvel is not my thing but this is as good as it gets. Well done Sony.

Bohemian Rhapsody (2018)

Terribly terrible.

[3/10 · 27 October 2018]

As a Queen fan since 1973...there is not much I don't know about all things Queen This guy looked like he was actually lampooning Freddie with his ridiculous teeth..he got it all wrong.

The direction was cold and tried to over romantisize the facts...he was a brilliant performer but also a guy who willingly shared his condition with the innocents who were not famous enough to have movies made about them.

Now let us get to the facts...they got most of them wrong...things in the movie never occurred ...and the things that did were in the wrong order. HOW ON EARTH could the producers ( Executive Producers May and Taylor i should note )get them performing songs on a tour that were written 7 years later??? It makes me think Messrs May and Taylor just added their names for the accolades.

It also hinted at Bohemian Rhapsody was a coming out song ...IT WAS NOT!!

Some people have mentioned Oscars...which is of course ridiculous...for me an opportunity missed.

Listen to the Greatest Hits album instead. No word of Barcelona???

The Live Aid set was NOT the best performance...as any REAL Queen fan will tell you.

This is just fodder for the masses and IMDB should stop putting up clear false reviews with a 10 score.