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robertcmacon
Reviews
Mommie Dearest (1981)
Scary Mama
Faye Dunaway reportedly disowns this film. She doesn't want to talk about it. If I were Faye, I'd be basking in the glory of giving the most over-the-top, shrillest, bitchiest, most manical performance in screen history. This film is based on the tell-all memoir by Joan's adopted daughter, Christina. However, if you have read the book, the film version of MOMMIE DEAREST stands alone as one of the worst (and most enjoyable) movies that scream out, "What was anybody thinking???" This is basically the plot: Joan feels that her movie career is in a donward spiral. She decides to adopt a baby, naming her Christina. The rest of the film is just knee-slapping fun. Christina mouths off at Joan. Joan spanks her and locks her in a closet. Joan then attempts to make Christina eat raw meat; Christina refuses, so Joan leaves it on her plate and announces, "You will have dinner in your room alone and you will eat everything on that plate!" More fun begins when Joan finds a wire hanger in Christina's closet. "NO WIRE HANGERS...EVER!" Joan screams. This scene is memorable for many reasons...especially Dunaway in a flowing black cape with her face smeared with cold cream and a bandana holding her hair back, complete with VERY red lipstick. When Christina grows up, Joan hates her even more, grabbing her and throwing her on the floor while Christina screams, "MOMMIE!MOMMIE!MOMMIE!" Oh, and I forgot to mention the scene where Joan chops off Christina's hair with scissors, wailing "I'd rather you go BALD to school than looking like a TRAMP!" Then there is the heartwarming scene where a drunken Joan chops down all of the flowers in her garden, and when she decides to chop down an orange tree, she screams "Tina! Bring Me The Axe!" Another famous line: "Don't f**k" with me, fellas! This ain't my first time at the rodeo!" I could go on and on, but I must say that MOMMIE DEAREST is the best "bad" movie ever. Edward D. Wood, Jr. would have loved to get his hands on this.
Basic Instinct 2 (2006)
Insulting And Silly
This is just ridiculous and sad. Poor Sharon Stone. Was this supposed to be her "comeback?" Daytime soap operas are Shakespeare compared to this filthy drivel.
Why wait so many years to make a sequel to "Basic Instinct?" That film was vastly overrated and nobody cares about it now.
This "sequel" is a mess. Sharon Stone seems to know that she is GETTING OLD, and she's not sexy anymore.
The so-called "plot" involves exploding cars, serial killings, an embarrassing Charlotte Rampling, and lots of fleeting sex, with Stone purring about how she's a "great f@@@." Michael Caton-Jones directed this mess, and I will forgive him for this movie. He has directed two of my favorites, "Memphis Belle" and "This Boy's Life." But this is the most embarrassing sequel since 1982's "Grease 2." God only knows what lured Stone into this debacle. Wait...I think I know...MONEY! LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY! So awful that it is already out of the movie theaters and will probably show up on DVD in a few weeks.
Elizabethtown (2005)
Slow...Very Slow
"Almost Famous" is one of my top five all-time favorites. So is "Fast Times At Ridegmont High." What do these films have in common? Both are by Cameron Crowe. He also wrote and directed "Jerry McGuire," with Tom Cruise. "Elizabethtown" is not a bad movie. It is extremely slow, and Crowe seems to be wanting to juggle multiple stories as if he had all the time of a neverending daytime soap opera.
As the movie opens, Drew (Orlando Bloom) couldn't be happier after he creates a revolutionary sneaker. It's all over television and magazines...but...
People are slipping and falling and suing from this sneaker, and the company is going bankrupt. In a moderately funny scene, Alec Baldwin appears as the president of the shoe company, and promptly fires Drew.
Drew now wallows in depression and contemplates suicide but a call from his sister catches him off guard. Their father has died.
On the flight to "Elizabethtown, Kentucky" Drew meets flirty flight attendant Claire (Kirsten Dunst) who brightens up Drew's sad mood. Dunst is so adorable and perky that when you are watching her, you forget how flat this movie is.
When Drew arrives in Elizabethtown, he is greeted hysterically by his relatives who seem to have just stepped out of "Hee Haw." Susan Sarandon, one of America's most gifted actresses, steals the show here. Sarandon is so good and so brilliantly glides through great dialogue. Her one-woman show at her ex-husband's funeral is a gem.
I could go on and on, but there are too many stories stuffed into this movie. Nothing is resolved until the last twenty minutes, and you'll likely be asleep by then.
A Little Thing Called Murder (2006)
Absolutely Unlike Anything I've Ever Seen
Yes, it's easy to bash any LIFETIME movie. However, the film "A Little Thing Called Murder" should have been released to theaters. The film tells the true story of Sante Kimes, a flamboyant liar, con artist, manipulator and all-around evil witch. Sante is played by Judy Davis, who should win every possible acting award for this disturbing yet oddly funny black comedy. Sante leads her son, Kenny, (the criminally cute Jonathan Jackson) into a life of merciless horror. She conditions him and shapes his mind the minute he is born. The story of Sante and her son Kenny has been the source of various books and a movie, "Like Mother, Like Son" with Mary Tyler Moore as Sante. That film told the story in a serious and dramatic fashion. In a stroke of creative brilliance, director Richard Benjamin decided to present this material as outrageous and zany. It truly is; if you know the story, you'll know that nobody could come up with it from imagination. Sante is a ruthless, cunning, cold-hearted sociopath...but we see that she doesn't realize that what she does is wrong. She does things HER way and God help anybody who stands up to her. Sante and Kenny murder people, order arson on houses, scam several banks, steal cars, and Lie...Lie...LIE. Lies piled up on top of other lies. Judy Davis and Jonathan Jackson are both incredible in this movie, which manages- and delivers- chuckles in an otherwise grim story. Director Richard Benjamin took the absolute right-on approach with handling this mess of a story. KUDOS to all involved.