hellhound8 Reviews

The Bad Batch (2016)

A true "MUST-SEE" Movie!

[2/10 · 30 September 2017]

I STRONGLY recommend everyone watch this.

Is it good? No. Is it coherent? Hah! Is it the worst movie ever? Quite possibly.

So why would I recommend anyone watch this steaming pile of incoherent garbage? To come back and read the IMDb reviews after.

There's something cathartic about seeing the immense anger of all the other poor viewers who survived this experience. Their frustration, their rage, their inability to comprehend the world any longer... after you watch this "movie," you too will understand that sensation. And it is truly uniting.

... but from the perspective of a good use of time, no, don't watch this. It has no plot, horrible acting, and dialogue written by (and likely for) a 4 year old. It did have one incredible accomplishment though - the director managed to turn $6 million into $100,000 box office gross. So it has that going for it.

13 Cameras (2015)

Slightly better than a kick in the balls

[1/10 · 23 August 2016]

To say this movie is garbage would be an insult to garbage. I've watched pieces of rotting banana peels that have a more thought out plot and better written script. Every character in the movie has the IQ of a lobotomized turnip. The director was likely Kim Jong Un using an alias, who realized that unleashing this piece of crap on the world would cause more long term devastation than simply nuking us.

If you're considering watching this, I recommend getting a large tub of ice cream, swallowing it as fast as possible, and enjoying the brain freeze instead. Your head will be better off.

... Apparently I still need a few lines of text in order to submit this review, so I'm going to make a list of things that are better than watching this movie: - Small paper cuts - Having a little bit of nail hanging out that keeps getting caught on things - Being asked "Why are you so quiet?!?" - People walking in front of you then stopping spontaneously to check their phones - Writing reviews about how awful this movie was

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013)

Great, but brainless at times

[7/10 · 21 November 2013]

The first half of the movie is great. The atmosphere is very well designed, the acting is great, and it does a perfect job of drawing you in.

The second half isn't quite as flawless. Much like in the first movie, where the extra actors had been picked up from Starbucks and were attempting to read a script their first time, here too many extra characters were poorly done. The majority of "past contestants" were completely hollow caricatures of personalities. Basically throwaways to move the plot along.

The other problem was that the final plot made no sense. When the ending is revealed it is completely absurd; there were a million reasons it should not have worked. Maybe they explain it better in the book, but if you have not read it, the movie explanation sounds pathetic. I can't say more without spoilers, you'll see.

Even with these two flaws - occasional poor acting and an unbelievable plot - the movie was much better than I expected. Worth a watch if you're looking for something and generally very well done.

A Good Day to Die Hard (2013)

Michael Bay would love this film.

[3/10 · 17 February 2013]

If my title appeals to you, you would love this movie. You would also probably like Transformers, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, Humpty Dumpty's New York Rampage, Random S#@T EXPLODING 5: Mentos and Coke Apocalypse, and Hollywood Lamely Capitalizing on an Old Franchise IN 3D.

If you see my title and think - "MICHAEL BAY IS STILL MAKING MOVIES? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY?!? They have no plot, gratuitous explosions, horrible acting, no character development, and capitalize on cheap cultural and pop stereotypes! HIS BUDGETS COULD CURE POVERTY! Jesus... I'm off to work on a way to stop people from reproducing. We would be better off with dolphins ruling this planet." - then this movie is probably not for you.

If for some reason you're still forced to watch it, I recommend bringing your own bag. Filled with gasoline, and inhaling from it deeply using your diaphragm before the movie starts. That should take care of most of the plot holes. The only issue with this strategy is it could cause painful migraines and severe brain damage if the gasoline wears off too early forcing you to actually watch the movie.

Whores' Glory (2011)

Powerful, but misleading

[8/10 · 25 January 2013]

The film is interesting and powerful, albeit depressing. No idea how the director got access to give us such a candid look, but this is a dark side of the world you won't see anywhere else. The subject is self explanatory, if you're at all interested about the lives of these women in Thailand, Bangladesh, and Mexico then you should experience this.

My one critique is thematically, the movie is about prostitution in abject poverty, not prostitution as a "job", but does not make any distinction. The prostitutes in Bangladesh and Mexico he shows were in absolutely horrifying conditions - they were forced into it, threatened if they tried to leave, and barely paying for food. Whereas in Amsterdam, Germany, and even many in Bangkok treat it as an occupational choice. They can get other jobs, but choose to do this. Those are two VERY different circumstances that can have very different effects on people physically and emotionally.

That would be my critique to keep in mind while watching. The movie is not so much a commentary on the evils of prostitution or even the lives of prostitutes, as it is delving into the darkest depth of what desperate conditions can bring.

Capitalism: A Love Story (2009)

Entertaining, but useless.

[5/10 · 5 October 2009]

Anyone can critique. It's easy to find problems and yell about them with a megaphone. The hard part is coming up with a solution, something Moore is incapable of doing.

Every country in the world has problems with corruption, bribery, unemployment, and inequality - most on a MUCH larger scale than us. The countries that have succeeded in creating a working system with more equality and higher GDP (Luxembourg, Norway) have MUCH smaller populations, and you can't claim their system would work on a greater scale. It's like his "communist bread factory." That's great with 100 employees. Now try having a democratic vote every time an issue needs to be passed with 20,000 employees and offices scattered globally. Not quite the same. Likewise, FDR's speech on giving every American jobs, a house, and a paid vacation sounds great in theory, but where are these magical jobs going to come from? What utopia does he live in that has a 0% unemployment rate, equality for all, and a growing economy? He makes some good points, but in the end he focuses exclusively on generating outrage without presenting any alternatives. Maybe if he spent more time pushing the audience to action with implementable changes and less time trying to arrest executives, his movie would actually accomplish something.

Cloverfield (2008)

Could have been good, but...

[5/10 · 30 June 2008]

Alright, I'll overlook all the minor inaccuracies. Obviously there's no way 1.5 million people can be evacuated that fast. Obviously there would have been more chaos and carnage. Obviously you can't carry a camera through all that, nor would you. BUT, it's supposed to be a fun movie, so we'll overlook all those.

My problem is with the acting. It sucked. Why they chose to go with a group of models instead of legitimate actors is beyond me. I honestly can't believe anyone with an IQ over 10 would act like that. Apparently, this movie would have you believe that Manhattan consists solely of supermodels with giant hearts and superhuman strength, all of whom are immune to pain and talk in scripted comments.

The actors and dialogue are scarier than the monster itself. The cameraman is more annoying than hepatitus. Could have been an amazing movie, instead it turned out slightly better than most of the garbage horror movies released.

6/10 just for ingenuity

If...: If... Drugs Were Legal (2005) Season 2, Episode 3

Thought provoking, yet BIASED

[6/10 · 23 March 2007]

I'd recommend this documentary for anyone. Many of the issues hit hard, force you to think, and provide viewpoints you may never have thought of. With that said, it is quite biased.

The 'simulated future' is VERY bleak. The camera lighting and music set an incredibly depressing mood, which is extremely unfair to the argument. We are unevenly influenced by things such as music, mood, and visuals. Setting a negative tone overshadows all of the pro legalization arguments every expert brings sup.

Most of the interviews with real people bring up research and points that show HUGE benefits to society from legalization, but many of these are unfairly ignored because the mood is so damn depressing.

Also, the background story is irrelevant. "TWO PEOPLE DIED OF TAKING SEMI-LEGAL DRUGS IN THE FUTURE!!! SO HORRIBLE, BAN ALL DRUGS!!" The plot conveniently ignores the argument that thousands of people die today from unmonitored, and often laced, illegal drugs.

Final thoughts: Watch it, and take notes on the interviews. It brings up very many good points. Watch the 'simulation' for entertainment, but don't take it seriously. It contributes nothing to this piece.