browncal Reviews

10 Minute Tales (2009)

Not a bad little series...

[7/10 · 18 January 2010]

As always, i'm sceptical about anything skyone produces themselves. And as usual i'm wrong. The stories wrap up in ten minutes nicely, there's a great cast and the idea that no one speaks is fantastic. Its really something different and a great way to spend an entire ten minutes (!!).

Peter capaldi is excellent at whatever role he takes and he excels as 'the man', as does timothy and bill nighy...even ross kemp! Each story is unique in its own little way and its clear to see that a lot of work has gone into each second on screen. Not only does it draw you in and make you feel for the characters...but it gets you thinking, even the absurd episodes! Its doubtful that this could appear on DVD, if you missed them, but hopefully they might be repeated. Youtube will probably get them somehow, so lets hope! Hope also for maybe a second series next Christmas time.

Jennifer's Body (2009)

Disappointing...

[4/10 · 10 November 2009]

Now, i liked 'The Avengers' , 'Bullseye!' and loved 'Juno'... but 'Jennifer Body' was utter rubbish. Not only was the storyline completely screwed up and laughs minimal...it's also extremely predictable... Maybe its because i had such high expectations for this film...because, lets admit it....the trailer was awesome! But half of the humorous lines from the trailer are ultimately cut from the film. Call me violent, but the violence was minimal as well. I have to give the film 4 stars as the acting wasn't terrible and some bits were entertaining but on the whole the film felt drab, boring and as you re-enter the real world you come out feeling empty, because not much happens. I would recommend you give it a try, if you're into this sort of thing.

Basic Instinct 2 (2006)

its plain average. with an older stone being devious...

[4/10 · 30 July 2007]

The film is pretty confusing and ludicrous. The plot is awful...but on the plus side the acting is pretty good, with a few good shouts and rants. Sharon stone is OK this time...not even half as good as the original mind you. The murders aren't as gory as the first one either, which is a shame. Its not the unpredictable mess everyone say it is though. The sex is pretty graphic at times while others it is clear it is fake (they are fully clothed). The script is weak most of the time, but the scenes with banter and arguments between Dr.Glass and Washburn are highlights. The plot twists a few times, but the ending is awful. The tension is always constant with a huge dollop of 'Oh my god!'. The chase sequences are brilliantly directed, and shots and camera angles are impressive and bring a bit of class to an otherwise, rush-felt film. Sharon stone is a bit old for this too. The bits where we see her breasts were, in the first one, delights. This time around, they are too horrid to describe. The films its self is rather average, but it is worth a go. Mainly because the film does deserve some good buzz...with the opening sequence being a highlight. Not to be critical, but if you liked the first one - leave this one. Don't ruin the run. You'll be glad you left this stone unturned.

Red Scorpion (1988)

this probably really was meant to be good but....

[3/10 · 27 June 2007]

it was a good idea but everything was done poorly. Apart from the action scenes which is why it gets more than a one. But only barely. The story had no other surprises. The back of the video box basically told you the end, which i should have just read and then put the film good at the beginning, set in the dark explaining the mission. How ever after this it turns to bad. The acting is horribly bad, the American is the only person to deliver half decent lines. "I could kill for a bacon cheese burger" - that line was delivered classically. The action scenes after are good - until they start killing African villagers. Only Hollywood could imagine villagers having hugely armoured land rovers. The end battle is outstanding with the American again being the highlight. "son of a bitch!" after his car is hit was another classic line. all in all this is horrid but the occasional gun fight and car Chase and the American are highlights. but i would not recommend this film. Not one bit.

Speed Zone (1989)

Greed Zone!

[6/10 · 1 February 2007]

I first saw this on the British channel sky movies - it was the Sunday family film. I caught the end and was transfixed, for one reason. I had just bought a jaguar XJ-S in blue with a red stripe. The exact same type from Speed Zone. I remembered the name and tried to find it in Europe. I couldn't and after long and hard searching on the internet eventually found it on ebay. When i watched it i was disappointed. Yes, the car chase sequences are good - but for an hour and a half long film there are not enough. Half of the film is trying to build on John Candy's love relationship with his passenger - and while the first few of these scenes are quirky and amusing , they get boring very quickly. Alex and Vic in their XJS are the best characters to follow but they seldomly appear. The news reporters are also annoying with random wrong comments that the writers obviously put in to liven the film up. John Schneider from the dukes of hazard's name appears high up in the list of names in the credits from the beginning but he only has 4 lines and appears for about 30 seconds. I like this film, despite it's corny mess and the actors bad acting because the car chases are good. If you are a car person then this is a must but if you enjoyed all the other car chase films - leave this one out. you'll be glad you did.

Shergar (1999)

land rovers chasing each other, the isle of man, Hollywood... be proud...

[8/10 · 10 August 2006]

lets start with the summary, a horse with a talent for racing, a boy who loves it, sees that it is going to get killed, steals it, hides from the evil persons, and they chase each other around. Typical Hollywood plot. But that is where the typicality ends... now we have a new actor, a nice setting, none of that inside, back projection, blue screen nonsense. Quite refreshing. I will admit the storyline does go a bit over the top. I mean... dying a horse a different colour... is that the best they could think of? The part where the Land Rovers are chasing shergar also... the gaps in the ruins are just big enough for the cars, i mean - no bigger or too small - just right. and did the producer have a love of these Land Rovers? it would seem so as when the camera pans back and the 4X4s have surrounded Kevin and Shergar you can see that all the cars are Land Rovers. and there are a hell of a lot of them...

The Script is quite boring in some parts, but then quite Interesting in parts. The part at the beginning is quite gritty and exciting, but it does tend to go downhill from there. Pointless cameos from Mickey Rourke and Julian Fellowes (from monarch of the glen) are not called upon, neither is some scenes in the script, they just drag on and on and on...

The action is quite good though - bringing this film onto the up - the car chases are well filmed and cleverly directed - so are the fight scenes. although the scene where the dogs get shot and Kevin takes a shower in front of the horse are both unnecessary. The ending - turn away now if you wish not to know- Kevin and Shergar , Cornered at a cliff by the villains and there Land Rovers, jump off the cliff. (to avoid being shot) Kevin is then picked up by Ian Holm and his daughter as he floats and is drowning. He is saved but shergar is lost.

all in all, i thoroughly Enjoyed this film. It is worth a go if you like horses, Land Rovers or are a big Hollywood fan. if you are neither - don't bother.

The Avengers (1998)

Needs avenging... not!!

[10/10 · 3 July 2006]

First line; "Well done steed." I say; " well done warner bros!"

People say that The avengers is the worst TV remake ever. I say NO. This film has great music, great cars, good acting from Sean Connery, uma Thurman's and Raulph Fiennes. Good fight scenes, an average car chase and the main thing: 1960's Madness! The storyline makes little sense i will agree, but it is mad! Back in the 60's would it have been possible for mechanical wasps? would you have had an underwater island? a weather control machine? Pointless treasure maps lying about the place? (Maybe in the ninety's when this was made.) No, but back then they thought they should! Miss Thurman's in the cat suits i mean, come on! Eddie izzard is great as the henchman, Sean Connery is hilarious as sir august Die wynter, Jim broadbent is cleverly casted as 'mother'. May i add, that when the TV series was written, a storyline like the one of this film was highly common! So, if you liked but not loved the TV series, you should like this film.

Any Man's Death (1990)

Hollywood's done it again...

[2/10 · 3 July 2006]

I'm sorry, what was that? This film is complete rubbish? I agree, Hollywood at it's worst for many years. The acting is questionable, the music is complete and utter garbage, the lighting for the dream sequences looked like a battery powered torch, the directing is mediocre and the action sequences are pathetic. Obiously done on a low budget this film was a great plan, Geonalist gone mad after his partner is killed in a war zone, stomps off to join a African colony and live the simple life. The hero (sort of) Is sent to find him but when he does the journalist refuses and stays. So now the storyline thickens, pointless action, a good car chase through out the desert, a picnic followed by some boring romance and sex. Then some flimsy storyline about Jews and Germans and then a plane takes off. spiffying stuff. The only good scene is the car chase involving a Land Rover series 2 and an early Toyota Land Cruiser, although when the series 2 goes off a cliff, you can clearly see there is no engine, suspension or chassis. They probably had to sell them off to make a profit, as no one will want to see this. If you have the chance, do buy it, then burn it.

Maximum Overdrive (1986)

maximum enjoyment, Maximum terror, Maximum garbage...

[9/10 · 3 July 2006]

People say that Maximum overdrive is complete rubbish, but it is fun to watch! Yes, the acting is rather mediocre and the story line is full of holes and yes, it makes no sense and is completely unrealistic but... it is great fun to watch! 1 hour and 40 minutes of complete carnage, it's like no other movie! It has action from the first minute to the last second! The beginning sequence with the draw bride is quite excellent, the scene when the can machine goes insane and kills the little children is hilarious, until the little 10 year old gets run over by a steam roller, which is quite shocking. This film has no boring chit-chat at the beginning like the remake " Trucks ", It simply cuts to the chase and we start to see humans faces exploding and hair driers strangling women with their own electrical chord. The ending was rather annoying mind you, The Truck that looks like the boss gets blown up with a rocket launcher, and the survivors of the Dixie boy truck stop (Blown up near the end) Get on a boat without a motor and sail away to an island that is said to have no motors on it, what so ever. Fun, funny but some bits make you gasp, classic Steven king. who was the director. Just thought you ought to know...

The Sweeney: On the Run (1976) Season 3, Episode 13

May Day

[27 February 2006]

This episodes is one of the best of the programme ever! It has everything, a car chase, fight scene, swearing, violence and a twist at the end.

The Jaguar chase at the beginning is unique to the Sweeney, due to the fact that there is only one car, the Jaguar s-type chases Davie through a junkyard.

The ending is sad in a way, they get away and leave Davie for dead at his mothers house where carter (Dennis Waterman) and Regan (John Thaw) have gone to cheer up Davies mother as Davie has gone missing. One of the baddies places his chewing gum over the door bell and leave a battered Davie over the door.

The Sweeney (1975–1978)

Jaguars,cheese and cortina car keys

[10/10 · 30 January 2006]

The Professionals, Starsky and Hutch and Knightrider. What do they have in common? They have all aged terribly! Have you also noticed that they are all cop shows? Well heres one that hasn't

The Sweeney! This show first hit our TV screens in 1975 and even tough it was launched more than 30 years ago is still widely talked about today. The famous scenes with the Jaguars and cortinas, the famous guest appearances, the gun play and gritty realism. But of course we all remember the SHUT IT! The realism all starts at the end of many of the episodes. Such as the episode entitled MAY where the villains get away and are not caught. John Thaw is here in one of his most memorable roles, along with Dennis Waterman. The show was pulled after 4 Series as John Thaw and Dennis Waterman both agreed that they should stop the show before people became less interested. A good idea as many programmes had once been popular but fell into the TV black hole as they were carried on too long.

Rat Race (2001)

nothing' but a fat cat race

[5/10 · 23 January 2006]

rat? More like fat cat! Everyone on this planet is wanting money. It just seems like we need it more and more these days. But whats this? Mr. Cleese is giving away 2 million, Cash. What would you do? Probably nothing that these characters in this film did! Would you cling to a cow suspended below a hot air balloon? Insult a squirrel seller and end up crashing at the bottom of a valley near dead tourists? Bet on Nuns hanging from curtains? Steal a rocket car that has about a million million horse power? Destroy an airports landing system? I think not! This film is pure fantasy. Designed for fat cats who sit and laugh at normal people and call us peasants.

Trucks (1997 TV Movie)

Trucks bucks!

[8/10 · 23 January 2006]

Trucks! "U-Turn U-Die!" More like "U-CRAP U-WORSE THAN 2FAST 2FURIOUS" If you watch this film you will want to shoot the television. If you are a Steven king fan you will want to shoot the television and shoot the producer. If you like the story however, you will still hate this movie. One could say that it is not a bad movie, in the same way Hitler was fond of fluffy kittens and donating to charity. This film is terrible, but it has one strong point, it has the temptation no other crappy horror film that i have ever seen has. It makes you want to keep wasting it. Hit it with an axe. Time and time again and you will never get bored.