columbusbuck Reviews

Dementer (2019)

Cat is killed

[1/10 · 23 February 2024]

This movie has a scene where the "protagonist" butchers a sweet innocent cat. I stopped it right there and then. I don't care how good a movie is, killing an innocent cat is never entertaining.

Other than that how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln? Well let me tell you. Pedestrian acting, terrible writing, shoddy cinematography, and directing malpractice are all here. If that is what you're looking for, and you like a side of pet slaughter with it, then you've found your heart's desire.

Me? I am spending my limited free time watching something else.

P. S. Deep shame on Thrillist for listing this in their Top Ten of the year's best horror movies.

The Crime of the Century (2021)

Who Knew?

[4/10 · 18 July 2023]

Apparently, taking a medication that kills the pain you are agonizing over is really addictive.

I mean, you can't really quit taking the medicine and go back to the excruciating pain you are actually in, but who would do that? And why do these activists want that? Is something really a bad thing if it takes away the pain and doesn't create any serious side effects? Are drowsiness and itchiness that bothersome to observers that they had to take away a life-giving pill? Why is the obvious devotion to a pain killer in itself the result of 'the crime of the century'?

I don't get it.

They should be giving these scientists a medal for the compassionate devotion to helping others. God forbid I ever end up in unbearable pain and there is no medical relief available because wanna-be do-gooders made sure all the pain relievers were destroyed!

Explained: Dogs (2021) Season 3, Episode 4

Where are the cats?

[1/10 · 21 June 2023]

This episode begins with the ridiculous premise that dogs are man's best friend. That's an outrageously arrogant assumption. I could have lived with this if Explained had done an episode on cats giving it equal heft. Obviously they can't be bothered with that.

By the way, cats are in fact the number one pet in the world, more than dogs. In the United States, the UK, Russia, China, France, Italy, Germany, Turkey, Brazil, Japan, and the Ukraine there are more pet cats than dogs. So what's with this show's horrible premise? Did no one at the studio think to check the numbers?

Ultimately, the show was cancelled. Good.

Servant (2019–2023)

Sadly Addictive

[5/10 · 23 January 2023]

I have endured two seasons of shows in the past week and I will watch it to the end because it's just that addictive. I wish it was just as good. But so many pointless and senseless scenes ruin it: Every episode seems to forget it's own mythology and so it makes up something new. And every character seems to be bipolar as they swing from mood to mood in the space of just a few minutes. All of Leanne's relatives seem to come from the same clone factory: ominous and dark but ultimately deflating. Please tell me the writing improves in the third and fourth seasons?

To wrap up, I will say I got a weird boner watching Rupert Grint in a love scene.

Daredevil (2015–2018)

Unsure of the Motivation behind the Score

[9/10 · 27 December 2021]

I'm not sure if this is just a brilliant Marvel television show or if I hold great attraction for Charlie Cox's Matthew Murdock. I honestly think it's both!

Slasher (2016– )

Best WhoDunIt in Years

[8/10 · 3 May 2021]

Three good seasons of WhoDunIt's. I hope there's a fourth! But if you insist on watching only one season, make it the second season. It's the best mystery I've seen in years, maybe decades! So many good performances! And the story - so Good!

Season 1: 6 Season 2: 9 Season 3: 7

Very good series.

Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)

Huh?

[4/10 · 29 December 2020]

Wonder Woman doesn't fly, Patty Jenkins. Nor do clouds turn solid just because you threw the lasso of truth at it.

The Loved Ones (2009)

Uhh

[6/10 · 3 December 2019]

What happened to Timmy Valentine? THAT's what I want to know!

Sequel!

Cool Cat Saves the Kids (2015)

Left speechless

[10/10 · 27 September 2019]

What one rich man with one part confidence with no bounds, one part miserly budgeting, and one part zero imagination has left me in awe. This is life altering stuff.

Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)

Off Target

[5/10 · 11 July 2019]

I thought the Gyllenhaal character was corny, Spidey taking selfies too out of character for a selfless hero, and the Fury twist really unnecessary. Tom Holland continues to be a charming presence, though.

Extinction (2018)

Not terrible

[6/10 · 28 July 2018]

It's Skyline meets AI: Artificial Intelligence. Decent effects, A STORY THAT HAS NEVER BEEN TOLD BEFORE (despite what the haters say), and adequate acting. Not a bad way to spend 90 minutes at all.

Threads (1984 TV Movie)

2 Minutes to Midnight

[9/10 · 17 March 2018]

Once again, I struggled to understand the British English. At least this time, I didn't really need to. Not a word needed to be spoken to convey the very real horror we might all be subjected to. Now, closer to that armageddon than ever before in our history. I just hope I die in the initial blast. The after is actually worse than the blast itself. God help us all.

Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)

English Language's 2 Most Annoying Accents

[4/10 · 26 September 2017]

Pretty much a formula action movie. If you have ever seen a James Bond movie or even the first Kingsman movie, you have pretty much seen this movie. Kingsman 2 has it's good points, but one overwhelming bad point sunk this movie for me.

There are a couple of good points, namely Halle Berry and Julianne Moore. Berry somehow, someway looks 25 years younger. I don't know how she and the makeup team did it, but she looks fantastic. Her scenes are fresh to boot. Moore, on the other hand, really plays up the craziness. She's deliciously vamp and I loved every minute she was on screen.

Now, the bad: The Accents. Namely, Scally and Deep South. Two of the most annoying English language accents on the planet if you ask me. Thankfully, Egerton only employs the former for 20 minutes or so in the first half hour of the movie (complete with tracksuits, drugs, and his similarly dressed lads). The latter however goes on and on and on for the last hour. Thank God the most annoying employer of the accent, Channing Tatum, only uses it for 20 minutes or so. Still, the accents grated on this reviewer's nerves enough to ruin the movie (had there been no accents, it was only an average movie at best).

See it for Moore and Berry's parts, but FFWD through the rest. You won't miss anything.

Mother! (2017)

Better if Viewed as an Allegory

[8/10 · 22 September 2017]

If you watch it with the following in mind, you will find it fascinating in my humble opinion:

The author is God. The homemaker is the human race.

Ed Harris' doctor is Adam. Michelle Pfeiffer's wife is Eve. Their two adult male children are Qayin and Havel. Author's manager is the Catholic church.

Etc, etc. etc.

Seeing it as an author and his live-in girlfriend, surrounded by lunatics, will only give you a headache.

Here Alone (2016)

Okay...

[8/10 · 8 July 2017]

I'm sorry, but did she just rub animal feces all over her body?

Is that what she was collecting in that bag? At what point do you decide the game is just too darn hard to play anymore and cash in your chips? There has got to be a line when life literally crosses over into a hellish test of endurance and death would be a sweet release. Am I right?

I'm starting to think that's what her husband did. I know I would.

Use that bullet, lady.

The Embalmer (2002)

Not at all surprised

[2/10 · 22 April 2017]

Two scenarios.

Scenario One: A beautiful man meets another gorgeous hunk, finds that besides having a lot in common the hunk is down on his luck. The man, out of the kindness of his heart and more than a little chemistry, gives the hunk a job as his assistant. When the hunk is evicted, the man even lets him move into his home. Chemistry between the two grow until one day, during an intense sexual encounter with two girls, the pair cross a line into a burdening relationship when the man finds himself interacting with the hunk sexually. A lovely romance that makes your heart melt.

Scenario Two: A short, toadish looking man in his 50s meets a gorgeous hunk, finds that besides having a lot in common, the hunk is down on his luck. The man, out of the kindness of his heart and more than a little chemistry with the hunk, gives him a job as his assistant. When the hunk is evicted, the man even lets him move into his home. Chemistry between the two grow until one day, during an intense sexual encounter with two girls, the older man crosses a line and dares to attempt the hunk sexually. A stalker story that makes you fear ugly people who might think you are attractive.

The difference: Physical appearance, genetics, and age.

Offensive and repugnant.

Casual (2015–2018)

A ton of chemistry between the leads

[3/10 · 11 December 2015]

The reviews for this show have been really good and I like to give shows that are well reviewed a chance before deciding not to watch. So, I watched the first episode. The banter between the three family members, as well as the dreadful behind the back talk about everyone else, was actually pretty funny - - truly a guilty pleasure. My favorite was the scene outside the restaurant's ladies room.

Ultimately, though, it was the chemistry between the two leads, Alex and Valerie. There is so much of it that you feel like they should be together. And that's extremely ICKY because they are siblings. And I can't help but feel that this show is leading to that destination. Will 'Casual' be the first show ever to feature a romance between brother and sister? It feels like that and that's a total deal breaker for me. Yuck. I'm out.

The Machine (I) (2013)

Retarded

[4/10 · 21 April 2014]

The reviews on this thing are epically misleading. The IMDb description, as well, is waaaay off base. It's basically a misogynistic homage to 1970s sexploitation sci fi films. Think 'The Black Hole' and 'Saturn 3'. This piece of excrement fails miserably, both logically and entertainingly, as well. The guys who give this glowing reviews have to be on someone's payroll. Wouldn't be the best film in a month of made for TV ScyFy films. Probably wouldn't even be top ten on that list. Writing - awful. Directing - lazy. Production - cheap. Acting - Looks like everyone learned from the Roger Corman School of Filling Screen Time In Between Boob Shots. Editing - capable until the last 15 minutes, when it looked like the Editor just gave up on trying to make something of this mess. My advice? Avoid, avoid, avoid.