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Anthracite (2024)
1/10
Unfortunate Crime Mini-Series with a Lead Character Dressed As Clown
20 April 2024
Warning: Spoilers
This could have been a really interesting crime series, but for me, it got completely ruined by the strange choice of the lead character "Ida"- a tall 25-35 year old woman dressed in ridiculous clownish clothes and acting like I would imagine a very immature teenage girl would like to act in order to appear "cool". I was gripped to start with but I simply could not continue watching it, the contrast between the grim storyline and Ida's appearance and behaviour was way too grating.

Shame, really as the story itself, from what I've seen, is quite gripping - involving a cult, a disappearance, a kidnapping and a mysterious cave - and the rest of the characters came across really well - so Anthracite is something I would most definitely watch and enjoy - just to give you an idea how irritating this lead character is.
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Caché (2005)
6/10
Mildly Interesting Story About Guilt
23 December 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Hidden is an interesting film, even though I'm afraid it's not as clever as its creators clearly think it is. It attempts to deal with issues of social responsibility, accountability and colonial guilt but does it in an unsophisticated and pretentious way reminiscent of a high school essay.

The story centres on a wealthy bohemian couple, Gorges and Anne, who suddenly start to receive anonymous surveillance tapes of their home and childish drawings of kids and animals bleeding. As the film progresses, we learn that all of this is to do with Georges' childhood: as the story goes, his wealthy parents had a farm, and employed an Algerian couple as farmhands. The couple had a kid, Majid - similar age as Georges. After Algerian couple's sudden death, Georges' parents, who liked the family, wanted to adopt the kid, but 6-year-old Georges, being very against it, created a situation portraying the boy as a psycho. This resulted in his parents changing their mind and sending Majid to the orphanage - terrible scene follows, with poor kid being bundled up in to a car, screaming and crying. After that, it seems that everyone in the family wipes this unfortunate episode, and Majid, from their memory.

However, as we observe Georges and his parents, its quite clear that all of them carry a lot of guilt and shame about their treatment of Majid, even though they would not admit it even to themselves. This explains Georges' weird attitude - his reluctance to tell the story to his wife, his inability to talk about it to anyone, his lies, and even his attitude toward Majid's son. Georges comes across as an emotionally stunted, entitled and self-absorbed imbecile who can't/ doesn't know how to admit his feelings to anyone, even to himself. In a way, Georges as a character is entirely one dimensional - there is really no depth about him, he is simply entitled, unpleasant and dull.

His wife, Anne, is not much better - she is whiney, soft and lacking any kid of backbone. She seems incapable of any strong emotions - even when her kid disappears she seems unsure of what to say or do - and appears to drift though life in a semi-conscious way. The film hints at her having an affair with one of the married friends of the family, a scary looking old guy - but she appears quite indifferent even towards her lover. The affair seem to be a reason her son, Pierrot, displaying strong dislike towards her - we are hinted that he learned of it from Majid's son who he seems to be friendly with.

Georges and Anne seem very self-obsessed and blind to anything apart from their very narrow sphere of interests, and their circle of friends don't come across any better (as a side note, why all men seem to be so bad looking in these kinds of French "intellectual" films?). But the supposed victims, Majid and his son, also come across unpleasant - angry, manipulative, passive-aggressive and borderline criminal. And I do think that harbouring anger towards someone for 40 years, as well as blaming them for all your woes - and passing this anger to your children - is very odd and definitely unhealthy. After finishing watching the film, I really don't know what to think. Maybe there is a deeper reading, but for me it seemed a like a mundane and a bit boring story. I did watch it all the way to the end but a lot of it was a voyeuristic pleasure of observing someone else's life - nothing to do with what the film was about.

I liked the suspense at the start of the film but it didn't last, as it quickly became obvious what the situation was. Even before we knew who Majid was. The suicide scene was unpleasant, but mainly because idiot Georges did not make any attempt to save Majid. Acting is fine, and I liked the setting and the camerawork - I think this film is really well made and well acted, but let down by the shallowness and pretentiousness of the story.
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Distorted (I) (2018)
1/10
Disappointing and Pretty Much Unwatchable
25 November 2023
I cant believe how bad this film is considering it has well known actors in it - Christina Ricci, for example, I always thought she was a good actress. Not so sure after watching this drivel! The film is really low budget, mumbling and stupid; everything in it - scenery, camerawork, dialogue, even the colour scheme - are basic, bad taste and boring. Also - Brendan Fletcher! No one in this film comes across as particularly believable or suitable for the role, but this guy stands out (in a bad way) even among the overall low standard. He is massively overacting, and he is completely unsuited for the role, he hasn't got the right face and physique to play a "reasonably attractive successful husband", and the chemistry between him and Ricci is well below zero. I'm also not sure he is a good actor at all, but its hard to say as its the only film I've seen him in and everyone in this acted like they have no idea how to.

The whole thing is really, REALLY bad. I could not finish watching it. Avoid.
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7/10
Really Strange and Creepy
1 October 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I watched this film a while back but I cant get it out of my head. Its really unpleasant and grating, but also fascinating. Before your very eyes a group of completely normal, robust and, presumably, sane people descent into madness, and its strangely believable and surreal. When the music starts its relentless and really, really unpleasant; some of the scenes are absolutely horrible - like the student girl jumping off cliff in a complete matter-of-fact way.

However, the ending is absolute rubbish and ruins the film completely. I understand it would have been hard to come up with something to match the more inventive ideas of the story, but the whole cinema thing is completely lame and doesn't actually explain anything. I think it would have been better to omit this bit completely and end the film before the end of the road is reached.
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The Staircase (2004–2018)
10/10
Still Have No Idea What Happened to Kathleen!!
1 October 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I had a very little idea about this case and, to be honest, thought it was not interesting at all - the story seemed straight forward. But I ended up watching all episodes of these series (took me several days!), listened to all the podcasts and read everything I could find about this case online... And I still have absolutely no idea what happened to Kathleen!

The series are very well made though, I agree, a bit too one-sided; its full of intriguing and weird characters, and Michaels Peterson is the most intriguing one. He comes across as eccentric, over the top, self obsessed and pretentious; a thoroughly unpleasant person, but that, of course, does not make him a murderer - and these series go a long way to make it look like he was unfairly treated because of his "liberalism" and sexual preferences.

However, after learning a bit more about the case I think the way the courtroom proceedings are edited is a bit too "creative", and casts prosecution side as biased, bigoted and stupid - which is completely unfair. Ultimately, Michael was found guilty because of all the evidence pointing to him actually being guilty, it had nothing to do with his personality or his love life. I also think his defence lawyer, David Rudolf, was a wrong choice and did not help at all - but I can see why they gravitated towards each other, both quite in love with themselves.

I really liked the series but I think it should not be viewed in isolation, you need to listen to BBC podcast to get a balanced view as there are a few things missing from the series which are quite crucial and go a long way to explain the court's decision.

Seriousness aside... The owl theory. Kind of wondered why an owl and not an eagle, for example?
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The Motive (2020–2021)
1/10
Repetitive, Incoherent, Incompetent Mess - and No Motive Shown!
24 September 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Well, this was one of the worst "documentaries" I have ever seen! Especially, as it turns out, its not a documentary but a re-enactment - all "historical" footage is not real.

Every single person involved were shown fumbling along, incompetent, stupid and in awe of an underage psycho who killed his family "for no reason". Incredibly lazy storytelling. I felt sorry for the people who had to deal with these "professionals" in other situations - psychiatrist who never heard of autism, sociopathy or BPDs; investigators missing the fact there was an inheritance involved and not questioning why shooting downstairs did not wake up the sisters; and don't start me on that gross defence "lawyer" - was it absolutely necessary to film him so close?

The whole thing seemed to have one aim - to repetitively glorify the little killer. For no reason other than him "being smart". It could have easily been done in 10 minutes since there was literally no desire from anyone to find why he actually done what he done. What it shown is a complete failure of Israeli justice system - in the 80s and now. This person killed his entire family, and was out in 9 years, living his life like nothing's happened. Mind boggling.

Absolute frustrating drivel, avoid.
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8/10
How Grief Can Literally Drive You Insane
13 August 2023
Warning: Spoilers
First of all, its really strange that people assumed it was a simple crime documentary (as in crime investigation) and are not happy that it is based around Biodno family's quest to find a "killer" of their son. This documentary is much more interesting than a simple "whodunit" and is a study in psychology of grief and group insanity. The story is well paced and the progress of the inquiry is revealed as we learn about the depth of the Biondo's family delusion and their descent into a conspiracy hole.

I also started watching it thinking it would be an interesting story of a complicated criminal case - and it definitely started this way: a young mad dies suddenly, family are suspicious that it was not a suicide, like everyone seem to think. Mum, dad, brother and sister cried and I felt really sad and sympathetic at first.

However, I soon realised that the whole Biondo family have been driven completely bonkers by their grief - especially his poor mum. At the beginning, one could relate to their questions and grievances; but eventually it becomes clear that they all are really not right in the head. Their inability to accept that Mario died by his own hands (and probably by accident) - and, potentially, their desire for fame and notoriety created some sort of a group psychosis where they live in an alternative reality not guided by facts. I would imagine their insanity was also fuelled by all the people who exploited the story, all the nasty TV programs and crazy experts.

It is a sad but also revoltingly, compulsively entertaining story. The contrast between shouting, angry, irrational and somewhat mentally challenged relatives and calm, respectful and intelligent people trying to convince them that there is no conspiracy is very striking.

After watching this, I just hope there could be a way to protect Raquel from this nastiness, poor woman, she suffered enough. Also, hope Mario's family can get professional help they so clearly need, especially his mum.
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Enys Men (2022)
3/10
Beautiful to Look At, Artistic but Not Very Entertaining
15 July 2023
This is one of those films created as a piece of art, to be shown in art galleries. Full of hidden meaning, hints, and symbols gallery visitors no doubt would enjoy deciphering and decoding. It is stunning to look at, every single shot is amazing. The 70s colour scheme and aesthetic is wonderful.

However, the film is not really entertaining. Its not making any effort to engage the viewer in the traditional sense, by creating a story. There is a story, but its vague (though clearly menacing) and hard to follow. From this point of view, Enys Men is dull, repetitive and, quite frankly, boring.

I would never describe this as a horror film. Its an art film, and should be viewed and admired as such. Me, not being an arty person, simply fell asleep before it ended.
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The Feast (2021)
3/10
Too Predictable and Slow
9 July 2023
Warning: Spoilers
The Feast a film shot in Welsh which makes is quite unusual. The acting is superb, and the whole production is immaculate. But, sadly, the story and the script are way too predictable - its glaringly obvious from the very beginning that Cadi is not who see seems to be.

The film seem to have some tentative desire to be grotesque and otherworldly, with some really funny and amusing caricatures - like the horny cycling nut and the glutton guy - but then loses its nerve and goes back to being pedestrian and boring. The same goes for the script. Some scenes are delightfully over the top, but this interesting bits of parable get diluted by otherwise bland delivery. What is it supposed to be? An actual real life story? An elaborate fable? A fairy tale?

The film is too polite, too polished, but has an ambition to be different - it doesn't work. I think it needed a braver approach, not this middle of the road stuff.
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Hatching (2022)
8/10
Story of Parents Destroying their Child
9 July 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Firs of all, I must say that this film has the most awful, dysfunctional family I have seen in a while. Selfish, narcissistic mum with zero boundaries; weak, compliant, emasculated dad; nasty, entitled younger brother. And we have Trinja. A lovely, sweet, talented girl who loves her parents and especially her mum, who wants to please, and tries her best to be what her mum wants her to be.

But as the tension in the family grow, Trinja hatches something. Something ugly, nasty, evil, and revengeful. What is it? As time goes by, we see that it is also Trinja. This version is cold, heartless, and selfish - just like her mum.

In the end, her mum kills sweet, kind Trinja and the family is left with the evil, glaring doppelganger. This is quite a blunt message - horrid parents destroy all that is good in their children, and pay the consequences. And I really hope Trinja's family pays, every one of them.
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Ancient Apocalypse (2022– )
2/10
Mainstream Archaeologists are Way Too Mainstream, Goddamit
7 July 2023
I watched this as I wanted to see something light and removed from reality, and this definitely fits the bill on both accounts. But I got a bit tired of Graham's constant digs at "mainstream" scientists - like, seriously, this is not doing you any favours, mate! You sound bitter, like "mainstream science" left you at the altar holding a baby or something. Get over it.

Also, not convinced his "advanced" civilisation was that advanced. From what we have seen, they seemed pretty primitive to me. No idea what "advanced" or "evolved" or even "civilisation" means to the author, but to me all these mean some amazing culture, like Ancient China for example... Something that, even if meets a violent and apocalyptic end, would still leave some tangible proof of its existence. Not some crappy looking ruins and nothing else besides. I mean, if people who were part of this "civilisation" survived in large quantities (enough to go to every single tribe on Earth) - how no thing else survived? On one occasion Graham says, sarcastically, - imagine, primitive hunter-gatherers suddenly built THIS?? - pointing at some pile of rocks. Hm yes, I would imagine this is exactly what they would make if they decide to build something. Its not like we are talking about Taj Mahal here.

And I'm not even going to start the discussion of his suggestion that all of the native tribes people on Earth were incapable of doing something meaningful until someone came and showed them how to do it. Like, ok... At least he is not suggesting they were aliens (like most of his conspiracy theorist mates do).

Anyway, scenery and locations were great, and I liked the presentation (weirdly, the bits without dear old Graham). The rest is just silly fluff.
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2/10
Not Scary but Very Frustrating to Watch
6 July 2023
Warning: Spoilers
To start with, liked the idea of the film, it seemed quite promising. Compared to the American films of the same type, it felt very refreshing, with its moody Australian deserts and ordinary, believable looking mum.

However, the film ended up being a dud. Not scary, not interesting - only incredibly frustrating and weird. First of all, it was very difficult to watch Sarah mistreating her little daughter - hurting her, screaming, pulling her around and leaving her on her own in a freaky cliff house. Even though the kid herself was incredibly annoying, it still made me squirm and cover my eyes.

The mum, Sarah, was clearly not all there from the very beginning of the film, even though it was implied she is completely ok apart from grieving for her dad. She was not ok by a long mile, and very obviously mentally ill. I liked the actress but her character was unpleasant and horrible. I accept that this was probably the intention, but I cant say for sure, the story is as clear as mud.

And, to be honest, the rest of the film is just as confusing. What is going on? Is it all a dream? All in Sarah's head? Why she hated her mum so much? Why there is a rabbit?

Also, annoyingly and predictably for this sort of fare, no one ever talks to anyone about mum's and daughter's strange behaviour, injuries and health problems. Like, the ex husband and his new wife, who is supposedly a Social Worker - no, not noticing anything odd, all is well. I'm surprised the kid was not knocked out half way through the film, considering everyhting that's been done to her. But I guess she needed to stay alive to be killed by a revengeful ghost of her aunt (at least I think this is what happened).

Anyway, stupid, illogical and not scary. Avoid.
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10/10
Stunning and Outrageous
8 January 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Unbelievable documentary - unbelievable because of the subject. I loved the way it was made, and how the story, and the deception, gradually came to life. But the sheer audacity of Misha Defonseca was very hard to stomach - as well as how everyone around her was willing to accept her story, even when they had niggling doubts, or, in case of the publisher, were actually told the story is most likely a fake.

The weird thing is that Misha's legend is clearly a fairy tale - clearly too twee, too perfect: a little girl, saved by magnificent wolves. But for everyone this story was more valid and important than, for example, a story of Belgium archivist Evelyne Haendel: her story, like the stories of hundreds of other Holocaust survivors, seems too mundane, too simple in its horror - no photogenic little child, no wolves...

I have zero sympathy for Misha/ Monique. Yes, her dad was a traitor, and she was called names. But I don't buy her explanation of the secret made up world she retreated to: it would have worked if it wasn't for money and fame she so clearly craved. To me, she is a repulsive and vile human being.

In the end, both her and the publisher's downfall came purely because of the greed. And its sad that, with this story, we become more cynical and cold: before this, imagining that someone would lie about being Jewish and surviving the Holocaust was unthinkable, but now - we have Misha, who doesn't even look that remorseful.
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Smile (V) (2022)
2/10
Absolutely Terrible
1 January 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I think the makers of this film watched It Follows and decided - hey, look, cool film, simple concept, nothing much happening but its so scary and everyone loves it. Lets do something similar but with more scary jumpy gory stuff, we sure could have an even better film with no effort at all! Lets just build a whole story on one single concept - a scary smile! That should be enough.

As a result, with have this corny mess: an incoherent tale of random possession by something that, when revealed, looked like a huge tranny in underpants; masses of screaming; blood, monsters - but despite all these the film is not scary at all, just annoying. The filmmakers did not even manage to recreate the same lingering horror It Follows achieves: the scenes with with their spooky smiling people never last long enough, the characters do/ say too much - this creates a distraction and removes any potentially scary uncanny atmosphere in favour of cheap jump scares and gore.

The main character, Rose, doesn't help, she is really irritating and very hard to feel sympathetic for. Which brings me on to the next point I found terrible about this film - I really don't get why Rose was shown to act like she did. I thought the whole point of these kind of stories is for the main character to be totally normal, perhaps a little fazed but still ok. They encounter some sketchy stuff no one can see, so while everyone around them questioning their sanity and judgement, us, the viewers, know what's happening all along and can see that their actions are completely reasonable. But here, all we can see is that Rose is clearly nuts. She looks nuts, she acts nuts, she is a gasping, sweaty, screaming mess. There is nothing rational about her. She constantly overreacts, and is more fragile than pregnant Rosemary - despite being a psychiatrist. It doesn't help that, probably due to bad lighting, she somehow looks 20 in once scene, and 60 in the next - this makes her look even more unhinged.

I did wonder - maybe I missed something, and this was not a horror film at all, but a psychological thriller about madness? There was a crazy mum storyline, and some sort of indication that Rose killed her, maybe the monster was some sort of representation of her inner turmoil? Did Rose really kill her cat and gave it to her little nephew? But I somehow doubt this film is this deep. I did not enjoy it, I think it was a waste of time.
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Mørke (2005)
3/10
Who Wrote This?...Seriously...
26 December 2022
Warning: Spoilers
The story starts with a lovely and pretty but obviously deeply troubled disabled girl announcing to her family (mum, brother and his girlfriend) that she is marrying a strange, bumbling fat guy she literally just introduced. Family is obviously stunned but supportive; cut to the wedding. Everyone seem happy and relaxed. But the night after the wedding the girl commits suicide, leaving her brother, and her chubby new husband, completely inconsolable... All seem to point to the girl, Julie, just carrying out successfully what she tried to do several times before. However, her brother, Jacob, starts getting suspicious of the groom/ widower and decides to dig deeper. He discovers that the guy has been married before, also to a disabled girl, and she also died. Committed suicide. He goes to find where this guy, Anker, is living now - and finds out that he is about to marry another disabled girl. He also discovers a box of stuff belonging to Anker with video footage from the weddings (with identical speeches); morphine prescription; other dodgy stuff. So, armed with all this, what this seemingly well meaning and normal person is going to do next? Go to the police? Share his findings with anyone? Nope. He will keep it all to himself, act weird, not tell anyone anything at all - not a word! Even when arrested on suspicion of murder. And the police?... Two of the girls Anker was involved with lived in the neighbouring villages, but there were no questions asked by anyone who knew them. No one ever wondered why this guy's spouses all committed suicide in the exactly same way, why they never lasted past the wedding night, or why he only ever marries disabled people. The actions of the village policeman are also completely illogical and borderline psychotic, I have no idea why Jacob is all friendly with the guy at the end instead of punching him in the face. Tragically, Jacobs weird resistance to say anything and Karl the policeman's idiocy and lack of professionalism resulted in Anker's latest victim, Hanna, ending up nearly dead, but its like, ok, no worries.

I appreciated the quality of production, and the actors; I enjoyed watching it despite the plot holes, but failed to connect to the story on any emotional level. I think the film attempts to be deep and thoughtful on the subject of disability and death, but does it in such a ham-fisted way that instead it ends up portraying a sadistic Harold Shipman type in a sympathetic light. It is definitely not a story about coming to terms with suicide (as some suggested) - the film is explicitly not about suicide or even about euthanasia, its about crazy weirdo murdering helpless women because he thinks they want to die. There is an attempt to show Jacob's guilt trip over the death of his siter, but its muddled, odd and hard to understand. For me, it was a very confused and strange story.
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2/10
Hard to Feel Sorry for Humans Involved
22 December 2022
This documentary charts a life of a dolphin trainer in Spain following an expose portraying him (rightly or wrongly) as an animal abuser. The guy seems to have been quite famous in his field, and the film has a lot of input from his family and friends, as well as lots of detail of how the situation described came about. But, to be honest, all of this information did not register - all I could see was the absolutely hellish suffering of the animals involved. I still feel sick thinking of it; some of the footage shown in passing is pretty unwatchable.

The documentary is a bit plodding, and I would imagine it loses a lot because of translation. Judging from the title, the film was supposed to have been focused on the trainer and his dramas, with treatment of the dolphins shown as a footnote to the story. Instead, for me, the story of the trainer guy was completely insignificant compared to the horrors of what had happened to the animals. Poor dolphins.
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Midsommar (2019)
10/10
Scandi Craziness
22 December 2022
Warning: Spoilers
First of all, I must say I absolutely love Florence Pugh - she is an amazing actress. When you see her first, you go - ok, nice enough ordinary girl... but by the end of the film, you absolutely love her, root for her, care about her, think she is lovely. I doubt this film would have been the same without her.

This film confirms everything I've ever suspected about clean living, uber-healthy, close to nature, Scandinavian-coloured smiling commune-living hippies - they are crazy and do awful stuff when no one is watching. Like drugs, weird rituals, strange sexual practices - and oh, they kill people too. Burn them, throw them off cliffs, skin them. That kind of thing.

The scenery plays a great part, the film is very light coloured, in contrast with the story - you can almost breath the air, the freshness, which makes everything you witness incredibly real. The acting is also amazing, the whole cast is outstanding, and every tiniest detail, every scene, every shot adds to the overall impression.

The story is bizarre and scary. It would really be hard to faithfully describe this film on paper: a group of friends go to a festival held every 9 years by a remote Swedish commune. Most of them do not come back. As with both Ari Aster films I've seen, it is a bit old fashioned - this time, its the Wicker Man vibe - but the director's take is completely fresh and original. I would say - a masterpiece!
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Cold Skin (2017)
8/10
Unexpectedly Great Film
22 December 2022
Warning: Spoilers
I never heard of this film and it took me by surprise. The story is very interesting and original, I would say Lovecraftian, about a man serving as a weather monitor on a cold remote island at the beginning of the century. There, he encounters another recluse, and a tribe of humanoid sea creatures who seem to want to destroy all the humans on the island.

The acting is outstanding. The creature design could have been a bit more original, but still - its effective and somehow believable. The scenery is amazing and atmospheric.

I loved this film but I'm giving it 8 stars because I felt the ending was a bit too open ended, a bit unresolved. I get the story's deeper meaning (well, its not exactly THAT deep) - yes, hating other nations/ races/ cultures is terrible, we should stop killing each other, but in this context, I'm not entirely sure what the finale is all about? It felt somehow weak and anticlimactic. It did not spoil the film, but was definitely a bit disappointing.
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Bite (I) (2015)
1/10
Orbeez Overload
22 December 2022
Warning: Spoilers
I suspected from the beginning this film was going to be rubbish (mainly based on main characters acting) but decided to give it a go. The story is a nod to The Fly, about a girl being bitten and getting all bug like, gooey and murderous. It could have been ok, but everything - the script, the acting, the actors, casting, scenery, filming - is so bad no amount of orbeez and slime would ever be able to fix it. I would not even try to pick individual examples, the whole film is a mess - stupid character actions, weird angles, cheap 80s style gore, crappy acting, obvious goofs, and ORBEEZ!! They are literally everywhere.

Also - never thought insects vomit their eggs, I'm pretty sure they come out the other end.

I could not finish watching this film, way too boring. Avoid.
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Masha and the Bear (2007– )
1/10
Cheap Badly Made Computer Animation
19 December 2022
Its been a long time since I had to be subjected to any kind of young-kid oriented stuff, but I was reminded of this delight by Netflix - for some reason, it appeared on my start page. This cartoon is everything I hate about cheap computer animation aimed at children. Most of the similar stuff is on Youtube, but for some reason this one made it to Netflix. Its badly made, simplistic, garish and loud. Bear character design is clearly a rip off some Disney cartoon, Masha character is a really annoying thing with huge head and dead eyes. The characters are two dimensional, with roughly two character traits each - poor Masha got "loud" and "irritating", and she is not allowed to be anything else. Storylines are repetitive and are mostly plagiarised from older Soviet cartoons (which, if anything, had much more effort, craft and thought put into them).

I guess its inevitable that kids will watch all sorts of stuff, but this is literally has no value whatsoever. These cartoons are blunt and basic, don't have any subtlety and there is absolutely no room left for interpretation, imagination or anything an inquisitive mind might want. Just a cheap fast food of noise and bright colours.
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The Canal (2014)
4/10
Bland and Boring With a Couple of Interesting Bits
5 December 2022
Warning: Spoilers
The story behind The Canal is a quite straight forward one: an ordinary guy called David, who adores his young family, finds out his wife is cheating on him and suffers a severe mental health crisis which destroys (literally) everyone he cares for. We learn that David's psychosis is centred around the story of a century-old wife murderer who used to live in the very same house he is living in now; poor guy's mental disintegration is portrayed through vivid visions and hallucinations all themed around the details of the murders and other equally nasty things.

The film manages a reasonably good and believable depiction of one person's descent into madness, though I cant say much of Rupert Evans' acting, nor of his co-stars acting. Somehow, the cast manages to make all of the characters bland and hard to care about - even the little kid, though cute, comes across a bit robotic and emotionless.

The biggest problem with this film tough, for me, is that the filmmakers were not content with the story as outlined above and decided to add more supernatural boll***s in the shape of random Ring-like black and white filming, decomposing corpses etc. I guess it was done in order to make the film more interesting; however, it managed to completely ruin everything - it made the story too complicated and contrived, with too many unnecessary details which watered down the impact from the main theme. Also, the "twist" - if there was ever an intention of creating one - never came, as it was obvious from the beginning what's going on so additional elements only served to create confusion and make the viewer, at first, ask - wtf is going on - and later, completely tune out.

The ending is absolutely ridiculous, like the last ditch attempt to emphasise that this is definitely not a psychological thriller but something else entirely... yikes, look, these are actual ghosts! The film makers even killed off the little kid, for no reason at all. Sadly, this murder was totally unnecessary and failed to make a desired impact, as no one cared about the kid at this stage - most of the views were probably asleep.
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6/10
Ok but Not Great
27 November 2022
Warning: Spoilers
The story is about a fake online exorcist suddenly faced with the real thing, and forced to 'fess all there is in order to save his friends and himself.

Really weirdly, I enjoyed watching this! I liked how the priest was portrayed ultimately in a positive light, with a proper back story; at the beginning, he comes across as someone very unlikable, but as the plot develops, he appears to be a caring and genuine person with a tragic past. I just wish there was a bit more to it - the ending was completely pathetic. The demon was super bad, and the crazy killing spree he inspired was done hundreds time before and was totally predictable and unoriginal.

The two main themes of The Cleansing Hour - playing with what you should not play with, and crazy online popularity obsession - could have made a really great film; however, this was just OK. Not great.
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8/10
Clever, Sad and a bit Preachy
27 November 2022
Warning: Spoilers
What you appear to be watching when you start the film is the story of a girl going to see her new boyfriend's family. It seems like she is not too enamoured with the guy, but thinks he is clever and nice; she feels guilty but ultimately is "thinking of ending things".

I must admit I read some of the reviews while watching it, so was aware in broad terms what the story is. However, even without it I understood quite early on who the janitor was, and the weird age changing parents also explained a lot. Ultimately, it is a sad, sad, film about lost opportunities, about things promised but not delivered... I even cried at the end of it. The whole meaning behind the story is profound and touching - but the film itself sometime veers off into the boring and pretentious. It is very well made, and the final scene in the car is horrendous in its realism; but it drags on a bit and is quite uneventful. I did not dislike it, and appreciated the depth behind it, but at the same time I can't say I enjoyed watching it - mainly because it felt like some sort of a life lesson, rather than entertainment I was looking for. I did not really feel like I needed to be told all of this.
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2/10
Boooooring
14 November 2022
Warning: Spoilers
I was looking forward to watching this film but sadly it turned out to be pretty much unwatchable... I had to take a few breaks to finish it, took me several days. The story is totally non-existent beyond the initial idea of the underwater house with zombies in it; the writing is lazy and not very intelligent - for example, the house is pretty much clean inside after few decades under water; and the way these people dived - with zero regard for safety - freaked me out completely. The dialogue is terrible (Ben!! Ben!!!! Tina!! Tina!!), everything is too dark, its not scary and the main characters are so annoying you just want them to die. It also does not help that the lead "actor" can't act AT ALL - I don't know if I ever witnessed anything as bad as this. The guy is AWFUL. I since learned that he's Mick Jagger's son so it basically explains a lot. The other actors are quite bad, too - but nowhere near as bad as Jagger Junior.

Two starts - an extra one for the underwater shots, just because it must have been difficult to do. Only watch this if bored stiff, and definitely don't pay to watch it.
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Men (2022)
10/10
Great Film, a Horror and a Feminist Commentary
12 November 2022
Warning: Spoilers
The story is about a girl trying to mentally recover after her husband commits suicide right in front of her, as a blackmail/punishment for her wanting a divorce. She tries to get herself back together and decides to rent a house in the country, to have some me-time. Good idea, but it goes a bit wrong.

On the surface of it, its a horror film. And it works great as a horror film, with its spooky English countryside - think Wicker Man - and some very unsettling scenes , like the tunnel encounter and the first appearances of the naked man. The re-birthing sequence at the end is completely insane and terrifying but also hilarious, with manginas aplenty.

But if you dig a bit deeper, its clear that the film is a commentary on the expectations both men and society have of woman as a keeper and maintainer of the relationship, in charge of looking after men who forever remain helpless, demanding and selfish... It made me think of the dating sites and of the incel culture - unattractive, badly adjusted, desperate and needy guys, parading their genitals, pathetic, childish creatures, wallowing in self pity and horny to the point of losing any mental capacity, demanding sex because they think its their right. I'm no man hater, and I understand that this is an extreme view, a caricature- but still, a very effective one. As girls, we've all been there at one point in our lives, with that one guy stalking, demanding, blaming...

The acting was great, as the choice of actors. I loved the country guy character. Very authentic.
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