garywoodburn Reviews

Treadstone (2019)

Treading Water

[5/10 · 7 April 2020]

Too many stories.

Simple as that.

A stripped down version would have been muck better.

Maybe just the 70s story.

Oh and for a spy story.....way too predictable.

The Stand (1994)

STAND OR FALL

[1/10 · 1 October 2019]

I just finished the book. It's amazing. This is the worst directed..acted and scored 'thing' ever committed to film

It makes the Room look like a masterpiece. I listen to a podcast the 'director ' does..its quite good and he seems like he knows his stuff. My 11 year old nephew would have produced a better finished product. God awful.

Star Trek: Discovery (2017–2024)

Engaged

[10/10 · 4 June 2019]

I love this. Do not understand some of this hate. It looks better than anything on tv. And I love the story in season 2.

Polar (I) (2019)

A CURIO

[7/10 · 29 January 2019]

See it. It's fun. In fact that's my issue. It's too much fun... and not in a good way. The director has chosen to colour this universe with over the top characters and a palette of neon day glo nonsense .. and boy does he. It's almost as if the 2 leads are in quite literally a different movie than the supporting characters. This would have worked so much better if they had played it serious. As it is. It's fun.. and Mads is magnificent.

Wilderness (I) (2006)

not wild about wilderness - it is wilder less

[2/10 · 26 February 2009]

Man oh man where to begin? I had good expectations going into this film but one by one they were ticked off as the film fell into every ( and boy do I mean every cliché) that movies can offer.

It is not a terrible concept but it is executed ( forgive me ) so lamely that you are left holding your hands to your head in disbelief. Every character ark is signposted by a neon bill board every plot development is mapped out every shred of invention is strangled to death by bad acting and a worse script. I see references to dog soldiers in the comments - it is nowhere near dog soldiers - they are not even on the same planet. They might look similar but one entertained me the other left me thinking - I really need to get to bed why oh why am I sticking with this. and the reason why you stick with it is the same as any monster movie - how bad can it get and how on earth are they going to explain this. the guy playing the baddie looks like your drunk uncle - about as convincing as a special ops soldier as Benny Hill might have been in King Lear. let us hope they stop throwing money at this kind of rubbish until British movies can get their act together. Was this written by a teenager and directed by a teenager because it sure as shot looks like it.

There Will Be Blood (2007)

bloody great

[8/10 · 18 February 2008]

This film grips you like an engineer on a drunk looking for a fight. Day-Lewis - henceforce referred to as DL is a force unlike anything cinema has ever encountered. His raw unsettling role in this movie has such a threat of unresolved anger through it that you can barely tear your eyes from his. Remember Joe Pesci in Good fellas - well Plainview is all that and more yet he communicates it all with a twitch of the face or the raise of an eyebrow. Although the story is compelling it can drag in places but the wonderful Dl carries the entire film on his shoulders and hurls it back at the audience. A great companion piece to no Country for Old Men - two great modern westerns for the 21st century .Lets hope DL doesn't wait before he finds another skin to inhabit.

Cloverfield (2008)

monster smash

[9/10 · 4 February 2008]

Rarely if ever does a film leave me giddy and exited the way i did as a kid - but Cloverfield did just that. When i was a kid I remember the feeling of leaving the cinema and wanting to rush back in and see it again or tell all your pals about it.Anyone of my generation remembers the heroin high of leaving star wars or superman and thinking that life would never be the same again - indeed how could film get any better - any more exciting? Of course now I am a grizzled weary 38 and have seen many hundreds of movies I do not quite get that wet the bed excited but Cloverfield delivers all that visceral wow and all that white light of all engulfing emotional high that I remember as a Kid. JJ dipped his toe in the big scary monster in Lost but here he pulls it out of the shadows and puts it centre stage for a roller coaster horror ride of damn near perfect cinema. Go see - go get excited - go hide behind your hands and go wet yourself. Godzilla hang your head in shame - King Kong go peel a banana- the real deal has stomped into town and cinema is a better place for it. It stayed with me over night and might just persuade me to buy a bigger TV to accommodate the DVD.

Messiah: The Rapture (2008– )

touched by god

[23 January 2008]

I watched both episodes back to back - and I have to say that although Marc Warren has a limited look and appeal he stood shoulders above the rest of the cast.

When you watch enough of these shows it gets easier and easier to spot the villain- and in the and the killer was about as threatening as a bag of wet cornflakes. Don't hit me you big horrible baddie - i think not.

However if you strip away the major plot holes and the fact it was pretending to be a watered down Seven done by the BBC - it was watchable.

Lady in the Water (2006)

lets twist again -not

[22 January 2008]

I watched this movie and its complete polar opposite The Devils Rejects back to back last night. Im not going to write a review of the latter because it does what it says on the tin. Its dumb mindless violent horror. However I have no idea what The Lady in the Water is. If its a kids book for grown ups it fails. If its an adult film for kinds it fails badly. The story is so over the place that it would need a road map a compass and a boy scout to piece it together. At the centre of the piece is a kids story- but it is a kids story so lacking in charm and whimsy that no kid would touch it with big hairy stick.It is indeed just plain rubbish - Im sure his kinds liked it but come on - get over yourself kids will listen to any old rubbish an adult tells them. I've written better kids stories on the back of my hand. Kids stories are supposed to be fun and most importantly transport you to another place with adventures. This story is just a list of stupid rules and reasons that are as much fun as taking a bath in a wool suit.

Most of my comments on IMDb are really only about one thing. Scripts. If the script and the story are not there then you don't have a movie.

Heres the twist its rubbish and I wish I saw dead people instead.

The Number 23 (2007)

23 - seconds - thats enough

[2/10 · 14 January 2008]

About 10 minutes into this film I thought hhhmmmmm .. Im not gonna like this am I ... and guess what i didn't. Are you ever amazed at how easy it as a casual viewer to watch a movie and immediately think right from the off - Oh my god what a load of complete crap... and yet it still gets made -released and people get paid. There must be a point when someone involved with these rubbish thrillers says - enough is enough lets bin this. People write it - it gets approved - why? Actors then get attached - why? Directors then get approached and think - yeah - this looks like it good be a good movie - why? It boggles my mind. How many great scripts are out there waiting to be made and rubbish like this gets green lit. And if i see one more movie where the guy did it himself I will scream. Avoid - not even worth the 23 thing - as it doesn't exist.

The Sopranos: Made in America (2007) Season 6, Episode 21

bada bing

[10/10 · 12 December 2007]

After a pretty slow start to season 6 part 1 and some over extended plot threads - we finally got we wanted and needed in the last 9 episodes of our favourite family soap - drama that need a dram to settle the nerves. I could wax on endlessly about the genius behind the stories - the plots and characters but anybody reading this - is i imagine pretty familiar with the body of work that mr chase has left behind with the Sopranos.

No lets discuss instead the postmodern significance of a show that references itself continually and beautifully crafts scripts that mirror reality. You see in reality not every plot thread is resolved. In your life there are loose threads that are never picked up and forgotten as you go along your daily way - and that's the way the Sopranos works. It's not for everybody - because most of us are spoon fed warm and cosy TV with resolution after the drama - very rarely are we left with any ambiguities at a series end. Lost may prove may wrong though as they seem to create more mole hills with every episode.

So all of us waiting to see Bobby arrested for leaving dna at the scene of his first hit or my favourite all time dangling plot thread the missing Russian come to ahead were sadly wrong. Yet that's life.

And the finale ......well as much as I like the idea that it goes to black when when he's whacked it just sounds too pat for me.I prefer the idea that what we are seeing is life through Tonys eyes - where everybody is a potential hit man and his paranoia is at an all time high.

Overall season 6 hit all the marks and hit all the people it needed to hit.. Chris was always way too tragic a figure to come out good.

Like the Italians before it ...it came ..it saw .. it conquered ... and how.. TV will never be the same.

Doctor Who: Blink (2007) Season 3, Episode 10

Don't blink seriously don't -you'll miss a bit

[10/10 · 13 June 2007]

Last night I watched 2 very different DR Who's. I had a DVD of City of Death I have been meaning to watch for ages - and the latest NEW WHO - Blink.

Now it would be churlish to belittle the Baker years or indeed any of the classic series on production values,acting or indeed script - but by Jimminy the differences don't half stand out in comparison.

Old Who has a nice familiar feel to it and after 28 years I still vividly remembered the classic Jaggaroth episodes. However a few things do stand out - the pacing is slow and the sets overused -it looks dated but has the potential to bring out the kid in anyone.

Then we have NEW WHO - now this series and indeed a lot of the 3 new ones have been really terribly written - especially those by new producer Russell Davies - which have been patchy to say the least.I mean what the hell were the Slythine all about - 3 episodes of tosh.

And then we come to Mr Moffat - I was a bit sceptical when they were bringing back the series that episodes would be 45 mins - but it's only at looking at classic WHo that you realise good scripting would easily have put a 4 or even 6 episode series into 45 mins. And MR Moffat is the king of this - his writing has without doubt been the best on any of the series and if/when Davies leaves he should be brought in as producer and chief scripting editor. His stories show what can be done with WHO and leave the other writers light years away. I am always amazed that the same people can be involved in the rubbish that was the traffic jam episode or 42 or any of the crap that passes and yet produce Blink . buy it because it's possibly the best Doctor Who story ever. NUFF SAID

Peep Show: Wedding (2007) Season 4, Episode 6

Pee Show

[10/10 · 24 May 2007]

I don't think I have ever laughed at a TV show as much as the last episode of Peep Show 4 - I honestly nearly passed out from laughing - twice - the characters are flawless - from Superhands puking to the Church Pi** up - you have to see it.

Over the 4 series the situations have become more absurd and uncomfortable but always hilarious.A kind of 'Britsh Curb your Enthusiasm' but without the over the top mugging that Larry David can be prone to. At first the pov camera was a bit distracting and 'in your face' but the more you watch the more it becomes natural.

It will be a pity if this is the last of Peep Show - let's hope they don't sell out any more - The PC + Mac ads look like the thin edge of a veeery thick wedge.

Punch-Drunk Love (2002)

feeling punchy

[6/10 · 20 September 2006]

This ones a real oddity - I remember seeing the trailer some years ago and vowing to see it when it came out. whatever happened I never got around to it - so some 4 years later I finally watch it on DVD. Now I loved Boogie Nights and i liked Magnolia but this one - I dunno.

The direction is good - Anderson knows to frame a shot and how to mix his palette but after 24 hours I'm still kinda lost as to what it was about or more importantly what it was trying to say. Sure Anderson is quirky but this thankfully short moral play never seems to get going and is bogged down by his stylictic flourishes and slow narrative.

The central Character played By Sandler raises so many questions - How did he ever start a business - how does he sustain it - is he mentally ill - does he have a disorder - how has he got through life without being locked up? I could go on forever - and i know its a movie and we are supposed to suspend our belief - but this character never rings true for me and brings me out of the movie on so movie occasions. It feels like a wee overblown piece of Magnolia blown into a short movie - but nevertheless has its moments. I liked him getting back at the blonde brothers and the store owner but again there's no build up to this. Overall a 6 - cause like I say I just dunno!!!!!!!!!

The Aristocrats (2005)

Only Joking

[4/10 · 18 May 2006]

I am a Stand Up comic and I was lucky enough to work with Paul the director at a club in my home town a few years ago. He is a great guy with wonderful stories and as such I was really looking forward to this movie. However I have never seen so much talent on screen used to such little effect. This film is a one trick pony and the pony is shot in the first 5 minutes. I love the idea but its badly executed. Come on let's get real it's a film about -1- joke. It's not even a great joke - its pretty lame to be honest. It's comedic intellectual masturbation. Why don't we get 50 thespians to recite the ' to be or not To be ' speech for 2 hours? Mildly diverting -

Three Days of the Condor (1975)

2 hours of the condor

[7/10 · 30 March 2006]

Towards the end of this film - two of the main protagonists engage in a conversation that is so telling - it could have been written yesterday and not thirty years ago.

The West has long looked to the east and its oil fields as potential targets and this film just reinforces the fact that what we think of as a new war has in fact been a raging cold war for decades. It is not and never has been about freedom –it is now and always has been a war of economic necessity. Although this film is not as renowned as many of the other paranoid spy thrillers of the 70's such as the Conversation or the Parallax View it is still a very watchable and intriguing film.

Redford is well cast as a fish out of water having to adapt his talents from the page to real life. The central relationship between Dunaway and Redford doesn't work as well as it should. She is too keen to fall for his charms and were it not Redford but a more charmless man like Hackman for example I doubt it would have worked at all.

The film is not as complex as has suggested. It is neat and easy enough to follow. It has a beguiling character that is better for my money than harder hitting films like Parallax. Redfords fight in the middle of the film is copied in a many ways by the new Bourne movie fight scenes. Indeed the double talk spy will appeal to fans of this genre. Bourne today is the nearest thing to Condor in the movies.

And Von Sydow is as always untouchable. Worth a remake but I still have a very dear place in my big movie heart for well made 70s films like this.

Hostel (2005)

bloody hell

[5/10 · 27 March 2006]

Anyone who goes to see Hostel without first reading a review or at least knowing the content is in for a bloody ride. I am still ambivalent as to it's worth. As a bloodfest video nasty it works - as an metaphor for the torture and cruelty that goes on in the world it falls well short of the mark.

the film builds no sense of suspense -it is just relentless. It is slow paced and choppy. It has no sense of structure beyond the set up and closure. We feel little for the characters beyond a mild sense of empathy and a desire not to be them. The only twist it has is a happy ending - something i was hoping for but not really expecting. The last man standing does indeed stand - and no bogeyman comes out of the wood work to foul up our sense of closure.

What works? Well its a horror film - but unlike say the Evil Dead that was bloody gruesome and nasty when first viewed this is just laughably horrible- but it does draw you in and make you crave revenge almost palpably for the victims even though we neither know for or really care for them. So for all its faults i liked it - I'm a sucker for horror - but why Tarantino put his name to it i don't know. There are a few homages to him peppered throughout - like the ear cutting scene in Reservoir Dogs but it does nothing to enhance his reputation.

Rocky III (1982)

boxing clever

[7/10 · 23 March 2006]

Watching Rocky 3 again – I was struck by how nice a bookend to the whole piece it would have been. I'm a huge fan of these movies – I believe they rise above the popcorn bracket they are placed in.

As much as i love the idea of 4 and 5 and 6 for that matter it gets a bit ridiculous to watch his IQ rise and fall through the series. Indeed by 2007 when the last is released we should expect to see a bubbling wreck a la the once mighty Ali – which might have been a nice character piece – but what we'll get maybe we'll get that one in a few years.

But back to Rocky 3. Mr T is menacing – Coach is frail and plucky and the Adrian/Paulie siblings continue to annoy rather than add to the story. Adrian now seems adept at motivational speaking and Paulie just plain gets on the nerves. The reason I say it would make a perfect end to the series is that a lot of things come full circle. Rocky and his one time enemy become friends – Mickey dies and Adrian blossoms fully. Rocky proves that he is not just a one time lucky bum made good by beating not just the new threat to the throne but his own fears.

Sure it's east to see it doesn't have the gravitas of the original but it has moments. And above all else Stallone created a character that people just love to get behind.

A worthy film to any DVD collection. Take it for what it is and not what others try to make of it. It's good solid entertainment and won't disappoint.

Cool Hand Luke (1967)

cool enough look

[8/10 · 22 March 2006]

I had vague memories of seeing this movie years before and was keen to relive it.

There are more iconic moments in this film than most people remember and it has one of the all time great movie lines. 'What we have here is a failure to communicate.' Oft quoted but who would remember where it came from. Iconic moments include the egg eating bet (not sure why the director chose to leave the Christ on the Cross pose as the last image in this scene - I don't see Luke as Christ figure - although he has disciples and his NO. 37 are biblical references - Luke.37 )and the hot and sweaty scene stealing car-wash girl - again often copied ( One Night at McCools comes to mind) but again who remembers its origin.

Cool Hand Luke is one of Newmans best parts - he gets to draw on a range of emotions - but as the film draws to a close i still see him as a loser not a rebel not a hero but a man out of time and out of options. A desperate man in need of something he can never find - happiness. When at one point he is visited in prison by his mother he his chided by her for once being 'sensible' and making them worry at his attempt at normalcy. It seems he tried to settle down but it just wasn't for him.

Right from the outset we know Lukes destiny - he can't be seen to win but by being the anti-hero he brings a little hope to those he leaves behind. Watch out for a young Harry Dean Stanton and Dennis Hopper. Small cameos also to the Council Leader from the Matrix -and Pa Walton.