thechair Reviews

Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope (1977)

Reduced

[7/10 · 22 December 2023]

Obviously this was a straight 10/10 all my life, however, I just saw the adulterated version at the Duke of York cinema in Brighton and, if George and Disney insist this is the version I must watch, then it has to be reduced to a 6/10. Return of the Jedi suffers worst from the horrendous tampering but everything in Mos Eisley is practically ruined, and these scenes were simply perfect. A frame is there for the original reason: two people explaining or doing something, yet we now have dated, crappy monsters yawning and moaning in the side of said frame, ruining scenes that could not be bettered in the history of film. The final edit of the Death Star run also ruins what was perfect, even if there are some cool shots.

I read a great article about the updated effects, to the point that they have immediately dated and made this version look sh£t. It's so interesting as old effects filmed at the time just do not have this effect: they still look good or forgivable as they fit in with the overall aesthetic. The new additions do not. They stick out like sore wampa thumbs. Rubbish.

Anyway, that's enough. I am downgrading all three Star Wars films to 6s, Return to a 4 because the vandalism is that much worse, until such time as Disney atone for George's sins are release the upgraded original versions.

Gran Turismo (2023)

Cliched but it just didn't detract

[8/10 · 19 August 2023]

Like a lot of people on here I had low expectations for this one, and perhaps that plays a fair part in how I feel about it but I absolutely loved it. If you've seen Days of Thunder then you've basically seen this as many of the beats are the same. That's no bad thing though! It isn't as glamorously shot as that Cruisemobile but it does bring a lot more heart with it, with a genuine underdog aspect ably played by newcomer Archie Madekwe, his rookie awkwardness on screen adding to the based-on-a-true-story feeling. David Harbour was excellent as his gruff engineer foil also.

All of the above I was kind of expecting but what surprised me was how good the racing scenes were. I was completely wrapped up in each event, the editing and the sound design really ramping up the cinema experience - and I would definitely recommend that is where this is watched. I'll happily buy a 4K version when it comes out but this was designed for a big screen with blockbuster sound. I should caveat all of the above with the fact that I am very much an auto-sport fan, but I'm also pretty discerning about my movies. This one has made it to the podium (at least for the summer 'race'). Vroom Vroom.

Women Talking (2022)

Really, Really Boring

[4/10 · 16 February 2023]

I wouldn't normally bother to come on here and speak the negatives because, well, who cares? But as there are so few doing it I have to lend my voice. Beautifully well shot and acted, this is easily the dullest time I have had at the cinema in this, admittedly short, 2023 so far. With the splendid reviews (thanks Jim Schembri for being the lone voice on RT) and the stellar cast I was really looking forward to it, and to be fair the visuals and the initial mystery, plus the intriguing, horrid flashes of the crimes being referred to, did hold me fast for the first act. But alas, the second act was merely a repetition of the first, with the same boring conversation ongoing, that stellar cast merely masking the fact that these characters are as paper thin as any from a junky superhero movie. It got no better as it crept sombrely towards the finale, which couldn't have come sooner for me. It does what it says on the tin, so if you'd like to see some women talking, about the same thing, in a barn, for an hour and three quarters, fill your boots.

A few marks for the acting, the score (which really was clever - what a waste) and the cinematography: 4/10.

The Witches of Eastwick (1987)

Magic!

[9/10 · 29 January 2023]

This has been one of my favourite films ever since I first saw it and, having just watched a Blu-ray thirty years later, that opinion has not been diminished in any respect. I simply love it and rank it as one of the most entertaining films ever made.

The performances are uniformly brilliant, with Jack Nicholson at the top of his considerable game. I'm going to dare to say that, for me, this is his best role, and the one he was born to play. Alright, alright, Cuckoo's Nest is out there, I'll concede, but this is absolutely the most fun. It's not just him, either. Cher is magnetic, Sarandon's arc is joyously portrayed, and Pfieffer is as delicately alluring as it is possible to be.

The editing and the direction are superb. Such a well made film. So smooth an experience to watch it.

The score by John Williams is playful and wonderfully dramatic in turns and oozes with his usual class.

The script is fantastic, a devilish battle of the sexes with some of the greatest monologues I have ever seen on screen.

This will definitely be one of my favourite films in another thirty years.

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022)

A Fitting End To Phase 4

[4/10 · 24 December 2022]

What a load of boring rubbish. It was obvious that Marvel was going to struggles after the twin brilliance of Infinity War (especially) and Endgame, and struggle they have, releasing a mish mash of the poor, the ill-conceived and the downright hateable (hello, Thor).

Wakanda Forever feels a fitting end to the run, delivering boredom, poor cinematography, eye-rolling silliness and a lack of gravity in equal measure. Oh, and it is way, way, way too long. In truth it would probably have been a passable 6/10 if it was two hours; something to catch and then quickly forget ever existed. At two hours-forty it is actually painful. I couldn't have cared less what happens to any of the characters by the end. Letitia Wright can act but she absolutely does not have the chops to carry a movie like this. Any scene at night was so dim I could barely make out what was going on. Namor and his underwater kingdom? Meh. It was pants. A waste of time.

I'm done with Marvel now. Adios, and thanks for the good times.

Living (2022)

Less than I was expecting

[6/10 · 9 November 2022]

It's a beautifully made film (on a budget) for sure but I found this remake of Kurosawa's Ikiru frustratingly inert. I am English and proudly somewhat reserved (until I've had a few drinks, thus living up to our other stereotype), but many of the characters in this are practically dead. Scenes drag a on too long, mostly because the characters don't converse properly, and while the poetry of it all held my attention I couldn't help but feel slightly agitated at the molasses pace.

Bill Nighy brings his usual charm, although naturally subdued as with the rest of it. There's a brief, almost-fun showing from the ever reliable Tom Burke. And as I said, it is handsomely well shot so not a waste of anyone's time, just don't go in expecting big things - and that I say with classic British understatement.

For the record, the original is probably my least favourite Kurosawa film, so you can take from that what you will.

Apostasy (2017)

It Made My Blood Boil

[8/10 · 22 October 2022]

Really interesting to see all the reviews here from ex-JW's, and to read how truthful the film is, which I might have questioned. I'd always thought of the religion as fairly benign if a bit silly, with the jokes about irritating botherers knocking on doors at unwanted times part of the cultural fabric of modern Britain. Seeing this has opened my eyes. It made me angry. Hats off to the director and the actors as it is wonderfully well played, very understated, and entirely convincing. I was glued to it, gradually becoming more and more furious that this organisation exists and is supported by anyone at all. I'm not much of a fan of organised religion as a whole but one that runs on threat and exclusion is entirely abhorrent. Bravo to everyone involved. More non-JW people should see this.

The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (2022– )

A Laudable Return To Middle Earth

[8/10 · 22 October 2022]

There are some fairly fierce criticisms of the show on here so I thought I'd balance it out a little: I thoroughly enjoyed it! Granted, the first few episodes are a little slow but I was so pleased to be back in Middle Earth that I didn't mind, and it picked up brilliantly in the back half of the series, particularly episodes 6 and 8.

Not every performance worked in terms of style but on the whole I was more than satisfied and had grown fond of many of the characters. I cared about their relationships, mother to son, Elf to Dwarf and human, even Uruk to Orc in a weird fashion - the chap playing Adar was excellent, sadness and horror intertwined in the best Middle Earth idiom.

It looked gorgeous, and one would expect that with the money spent (although that is far from a given), but I was also impressed with the material used. It didn't feel heavy-handed, allowing the story to flow without sledgehammer references to the LOTR films as the pretty horrible Hobbit films did - this is much better than those.

All in all, a great effort. Not outstanding but a hugely promising beginning. Bring on the second series.

Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985)

Utterly Lame

[2/10 · 2 September 2022]

I adore the first film and will gladly debate anyone over what I believe is it's classic status. In the UK you can only get all 7 in one pack if you want a blu ray, which the first film certainly deserves.

I've begun my work through the dross that is the sequels but I thought I remembered 2 being okay. It isn't. I have rarely seen such lame production. It's just wretched, with a horribly compressed timeline, no story, scenes that have no bearing on each other. It's pathetic. The only mildly funny bit is Kirkland's violent family, and that lifts it above a 1/10. I am throwing this disc away. I expect others will follow but hoping 3 is better.

I Came By (2022)

Strangely watchable but pretty bad

[4/10 · 1 September 2022]

Enter ye at your peril, a standard plotline that has resurfaced in recent years, and also an advisory for this weirdly watchable but ultimately disappointing Brit-flick.

There isn't a bad performance to be found, and Hugh Bonneville playing against type as a menace is a lark, even if most of the time it actually comes across as comical rather than frightening, but the dialogue, the characters, their motivations, the construction, all are way off the mark. There was potential in the society clash but it is largely thrown away, and the direction and editing simply don't do the thrills any justice.

It was maybe a 5/10 for most of it, even a 6 in some spots, but the ending let it down. A 4.

Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)

So, So Bad

[3/10 · 30 July 2022]

Not since The Predator have I been so disappointed with a franchise movie. I had my doubts early on but by the midway point it was full eye-rolls and willing it to end. The humour rarely works and just ends up feeling awkward, while conversely the serious themes are horribly misplaced. Christian Bale's villain was all over the place and by far the weakest in any Marvel film, with his motivations feeling glib from the worryingly poor prologue - honestly, what on earth was going on with that rubbish god-guy and the effects? Glib is a good word for the whole thing, really, with an end product that looks like zero rigour or care was applied to any aspect; a that'll do because it made Taika laugh approach.

I was originally glad to see a blockbuster coming in at 2 hours but this felt longer than The Batman. Basically a piece of trash cobbled together with nothing working at all. It feels like Marvel is in decline since Endgame. Maybe they should change tack, and definitely go back to fewer films per year. Please.

The 3 stars are for a couple of chuckles and Natalie Portman looking devastating in a blonde wig.

The Little Hours (2017)

Unfunny Rubbish

[3/10 · 9 July 2022]

Not even sure what they were going for with this but if it's comedy there is barely a smirk for the 90 minutes. A shame and a surprise because Alison Brie and Aubrey Plaza are almost always excellent. They were certainly wasted in this (the latter with a mystifying producer credit). Watch the Castle Anthrax scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail nine times instead. You'll laugh a lot more.

GLOW (2017–2019)

Right Up There

[9/10 · 26 May 2022]

This is easily one of the best produced, written and acted shows out there, right up near Mad Men for me. Alison Brie and Marc Maron are superb and there is a real joyous feel, certainly for seasons 1&2. I'm afraid I'd have to join the popular criticism about season 3, where there is virtually no wrestling and a little too much soapy drama, but by then I was so heavily invested in the characters it was a nag rather than a full downturn in my appreciation. I binged all 3 seasons in two days so I do hope they bring it back for the finale. It sounded like it was heading back to its LA roots. Thumbs up!

Brigsby Bear (2017)

Such A Surprise

[8/10 · 20 May 2022]

What a great movie. I really wasn't expecting much but from the off it was creative, funny, sweet and yet never saccharin, a real treat. I kept expecting a point where it would go off the rails and veer into something heavier but it was nuanced to the end. The performances are all pitch perfect, which helps. Really good.

I saw this immediately after Doctor Strange atMoM. All that money and it couldn't even touch this. Ah, Hollywood...

Deep Water (I) (2022)

Rubbish

[2/10 · 21 March 2022]

Absolutely atrocious. Not a single interesting scene, character or plot development, only a series of smug, boring encounters and stupid ideas. Still, it is awkward to watch and badly put together, so there is that. What a waste of time.

The Lost Daughter (2021)

Yep, not for me

[4/10 · 9 February 2022]

Fine acting but for the most part it was just watching someone have a miserable time on holiday. I'd have had more fun doing that at Butlins. A vague interest in the why of it all ended with frustration that I'd bothered. Thanks Oscar. Dull.

Twilight's Last Gleaming (1977)

Rubbish

[4/10 · 29 January 2022]

Stiffly overacted, bad dialogue, cheap sets and production (any money there was obviously went on the tank advance, which was okay), and virtually no tension after the first hour, when even then it was minimal. It looks like it was made by someone who'd never even seen a film, let alone directed one. A couple of marks here and there for various parts and actors but this was a woeful effort, and long, too. Rubbish.

West Side Story (2021)

Stunning

[9/10 · 30 December 2021]

While I always appreciated the music I can't say I'm a huge fan of the original. There was something just too unrealistic about dancing gangs and I found my interest waning. Spielberg has given it just that extra edge of grit here, enough to get past that, and with his unmatched brilliance behind the camera I was completely blown away, in tears, in heaven. The master had wanted to do a musical and I couldn't be more glad that he chose this one. Superb on every level.

Cry Macho (2021)

Please Stop, Clint.

[3/10 · 18 November 2021]

I thought Clint Eastwood had retired from acting in his own films? In The Mule his appearance was just about understandable given the role but here he deludedly plays a basic leading man, fist-fighting men in their thirties while ladies half his age at a push go gaga for his doddery, skeletal, 90-year-old cowboy, falling for him at first sight or tempting him to bed as his elderly voice strains and he struggles to stand up or deliver his lines. It was embarrassing. Added to this was the fact that no one in the film could act. I adore the Clint of old (or even just a little while back!) but this sort of thing poisons his legacy, like late Bruce Willis or de Niro. I hope this is the last.

The French Dispatch (2021)

Unengaging

[5/10 · 1 November 2021]

There are certain Wes Anderson films I love (Rushmore, Grand Budapest, Moonrise Kingdom) and others I find extremely difficult to engage with (most of the others). Unfortunately this was one of the latter. It's beautiful to look at and occasionally amusing but there is a complete lack of an emotional core. All chocolate box surface and pretty icing, but nothing really to hold the attention. Left with ten minutes to go, with a second nature break pressing and a realisation that I cared nothing for the fate of any character on screen. I'm sure big Wes fans will adore it.

The Many Saints of Newark (2021)

TV, Not Cinema

[5/10 · 30 September 2021]

That might seem an unfair criticism (and it is meant as one) for a TV offshoot directed and produced by TV talents, but having taken the time to go to the cinema to see this it's the most succinct way to express my disappointment.

A collection of characters going about their business in a way that barely connects them together, in scenes that do little to build into each other or later events, and smalltime dilemmas. These are all hallmarks of long form television, where all of that works just fine because there is time to develop. There is no cinematic construct here and it's the sort of film where you can wander to the toilet at any moment, come back and feel safe that nothing of note has been missed (unless it was the shootout, which was well staged). Whenever you think the story is about to shift up a gear just calm yourself: it isn't going to.

The acting is fine and there's nothing to object to in the whole runtime, it just doesn't do anything, so the bitterness and 5 rating come from that emptiness I felt at the end having basically wasted an evening.

Watch it on TV. It probably works better and you won't have to go anywhere.

Copshop (2021)

A Promising Opening

[4/10 · 17 September 2021]

As the hoods gather on the (what seems to me) extraordinarily large police station in the middle of nowhere there is real promise. Who are they? What secrets do they hide? What will the stakes be?

It turns out that the writers didn't care and nor is the audience meant to. Gradually I realised that this was not the hoot the trailer had promised, just a gruff, dull series of talky scenes that somehow manage to add nothing to any character, followed by a hash of violent ones that make no sense. The performances aren't bad, and as many have stated newcomer Alexis Louder does steal the show, it's just that the show is pointless cr*p, topped off by a truly awful ending.

RT critics have this at 80%, the audience at 57. I think they should leave it to us.

Rose Plays Julie (2019)

Class

[8/10 · 15 September 2021]

Popped along to the cinema to see this as it was only £5. There were six people in there. What a shame because this is excellent! It's a film that keeps you perpetually off balance. The acting is top notch, the score mesmerising and haunting, and everything else about it exudes quality and skill.

The tone and subject matter are dark so don't expect much in the way of jollity, but it is always waiting to thrill you with a look, a frame, an unexpected turn of events. A real treat. I look forward to what the directors do next.

Reminiscence (2021)

Nothing works

[5/10 · 25 August 2021]

Lunken dialogue, a tragically bad voiceover, wiffy acting, zero chemistry and a plot that barely hangs together at all. I'm rating a five and not lower because for some weird reason I actually enjoyed the badness, laughing out loud at a couple of the more excruciating scenes. A joke of a film, but if you view it as a crappy parody it's quite a fun watch.

The Nest (I) (2020)

Never really lifts off

[6/10 · 11 August 2021]

Nicely played and it does have some interesting themes but it never makes the most of them, feeling dramatically inert for long periods. All of the tense scenes are in the trailer, the rest is a rather humdrum, if never quite boring, collection of family scenes. Saved from being a 5 by the final few reels.