Kurt_Bludgeon Reviews

Adventureland (2009)

Get over yourself!

[10/10 · 18 February 2024]

Reading the one star reviews was almost as good as the movie.

Were you ever a teenager?

Obsessions = drugs, sex, music and hating your family - in any order you like!

Pretend otherwise and you lie!

Job of teenager = be confused. The end.

All of your life is here in microcosm. Hair, clothes, background music, **** summer jobs, real people, real connections, betrayal, redemption, booze, drugs, your parents not understanding you maaaan! Moby Dick, dreaming of something else, dreaming of getting "out" and a happy ******* ending! Possibly.

Acting, IMHO, is spot on capturing all that needs captured. Eisenberg talks a lot and gets confused, Stewart talks les and her hair gets confused. Reynolds hardly speaks and his Lou Reed songs get confused.

Rite of passage, my life is worse than your life, real people with real friends.

And a pipe. So many little frills!

Naysayers you need to get out more!

The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012)

Late to the party!

[10/10 · 13 July 2022]

So I tend to start at 10 and take points off.

None to go here.

Yes it is over dramatic and over emotional and over confused but that's being a teenager.

Too easy to go teen romance so bring in awkward, gay, outcast, letters to self, familial abuse, guilt, denial, comedy, teenagers and all the shenanigans you could want - but add mental illness and relationships and what actually matters.

And charismatic friends. Ezra Miller- that's you, ya smiling charmer!

And if a finale of our hero kissing the girl then standing in the back of a truck in a tunnel with Heroes playing loud and exiting said tunnel into the lights with hands aloft doesn't float your boat, then why bother?

Ever?

Line of Duty (2012–2021)

Believe the Hype!

[9/10 · 27 April 2022]

Outstanding series that started off tight and small and, necessarily, became a wee bit more complicated as it grew and was, perhaps, a little too sprawling in Series 6.

However! The acting was uniformly excellent, from the leads, through the rotating regulars, to even those in smaller roles.

There was definite and genuine chemistry between the three leads and fluctuating relationships, although always with a strong sense of loyalty.. There were in-jokes a plenty - "mate", staring, leaning over railings, Hastings' ever lengthening catchphrase. Above all else there were moments, sometimes minutes of (literally!) unbearable tension - not something you often find in TV drama.

And that leads me to my biggest gripe - I cannot believe the amount of reviews that treat this show as if it were a documentary. It is a TV drama, a diversion, and entertainment.

I tend not yell out during a Mission Impossible film that "The CIA don't work that way!" or get all out of shape because Sherlock is a bit far-fetched!

A great , in-depth body of work that does not insult your intelligence and likes to keep you guessing!

Blacklight (2022)

Just no.

[1/10 · 26 March 2022]

Big soft spot for Liam Neeson - despite the Star wars aberration! This is lazy, witless tripe! The story is cliche central. The characters are identikit. The logic is non-existent! The scenes alternate between over-ornate frowning and moody cityscapes. The climax is laughable - total old agent says "Give it up!" Total head of the whole FBI says "never!" Agent says - "You'd better!!!!" FBI boss caves! No climax! Other wonders - Porsche fails to out-run SUV, aged Liam takes down umpteen trained home invaders, reporter has fantastic hairstyle/fashion/anger/monotone crossover! I don't often use the word "dreadful", but this is dreadful!

She's in Portland (2020)

Don't Believe The Anti-Hype.

[10/10 · 8 January 2021]

What do you want from a "movie?" This one has fantastic cinematography, handsome leads, the road-movie premise, intelligent writing, problems hidden-identified-dealt with-explained - loose ends left, a sucker punch of an ending for any old romantics around! A really well thought out look at love, commitment, marriage, infatuation, relationships, children and friendship. Cannot believe the negative reviews - OK so the leads are contrasting and insanely handsome, the people they meet are very much on point and on-message - but remember folks - this is a film!!!!!! I loved it and I cared about these people!

This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Believe the Hype

[10/10 · 8 September 2020]

Time for too much ******* perspective. Strange to see even one 1 star review! This movie may be based on the Rock world - but it is simply a pin-sharp, on the money satire, shot totally straight. It strips the layers from the ludicrous world of rock'n'roll, but keeps it's heart warm and its tongue so far in its cheek that you'll never spot it. All the leads are superb, the shortest of cameos are amazing. The music rocks and is funny as! The drummer motif is excellent. If you have ever been in a band, you will recognise and love this. If you have never been in a band, this is how it is and you will love this!

Measure of a Man (2018)

For anyone who has been lucky enough to be young.

[10/10 · 12 July 2020]

It's not an Oscar winner. But some have seen fit to award it 1/1o. For me, this film is well shot - the story is simple, honest and resonates. The acting is uniformly excellent. There may be cliches in the portrayal of "Summer folk" on the east Coast of the USA - but that is the reality. So.. why would you have a down on the underdog as he fights unhappy parents, weight issues, bullies, lawnmower, saucy younger sister and - the killer of all killers - unrequited love! All of these are dealt with humanely, realistically, positively and without a sugary coating. And that last shot? Marvellous! Would recommend to anyone who has a a heart!

Sabotage (2014)

Not quite the worst......

[1/10 · 4 May 2020]

Not quite the worst film I've ever seen in over half a century, but pretty damn close! Reasons by list; Acting - so bad it makes Neighbours look like The Globe. Directing - none. Lighting inept. Machismo - makes The Expendables look realistic. Characterisation - wear black and swear non-stop. Gore - hopelessly gratuitous, a lot involving innocent third parties. Arnie - career worst - honestly! Plot - write it yourself after 2 mins. Star Wars reference - All our "heroes" are look - all the heavily armed villains are stormtroopers. Reasons by word; Ugly. Normally I would say, "make up your own mind." This is not that day.

The Way Way Back (2013)

Not great art, but a GREAT film.

[8/10 · 6 August 2019]

So, what do you want? A genuine story? Real characters with real issues? Love, betrayal, justice, redemption? Young people doing stupid unpredictable stuff? Top quality acting from literally everyone? A total lack of pretension? Steve Carrell playing convincingly against type? A happy yet ambivalent ending? You got them all!

The Tribes of Palos Verdes (2017)

Just no......

[1/10 · 6 August 2019]

Don't usually do the "negative review" thing, but this was truly awful. Four leads equally cliched, acting all moody but really just looking at the middle distance. Our heroine surfs her way to happiness - no she doesn't, she looks at the sea. In some crappy movies, the stunning surf action lifts the whole film - not here! Look! There's the legendary local surfer!! Err, that's it! Brother has issues, falls in with bad crowd, takes drugs. Mum has issues - goes from 0 - 60 in one minute. Dad has issues -moves out, says nothing. Nothing happening? Quick some ambient music! Not one character speaks in a remotely realistic way. Our heroine has atmospheric sex with rich boy, but keeps pants on and uses quilt strategically. In one word - trite!

Come and Find Me (2016)

Don't believe the (anti) hype!

[8/10 · 1 December 2018]

Came across this early one morning. A softer Aaron Paul and a pretty much captivating Annabelle Wallis. The plot may not be unfamiliar, but that would be like criticising songs off the Ramones' second album. Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, girl not all she seemed! Is it done well? Yes it is - the leads are believable and have a genuine chemistry rather than two big box office flavours of the month paired for. err, reasons. The cinematography is excellent - a warm, friendly bleakness. The kicker for me is that it aims for, and achieves, a rare commodity these days - genuine slow build understatement. Michael Bay this is not! One spoiler - the Butch and Sundance ending had me thinking "nah!" for only a second or two, then I realised - yup, that works!

John Wick: Chapter 2 (2017)

Repetitive.

[1/10 · 24 December 2017]

Literally the most repetitive film I have ever seen. I have a lot of time for Kee-Ah-Noo, but this is nonsense. Lots of "assassins" (who cannot fight or shoot straight) attack John Wick - they cannot hurt him because of reasons. John's target commits suicide in front of him, but he shoots her anyway. Assassins fail to assassinate John some more. Pause for drinkies in posh safe house/hotel. More fighting except John just kills everyone by being a good assassin. Ian McShane pops up with more Ham than Walls Sausages. The most poorly realised "alternative society" ever not realised on screen. Bad guys wear black and communicate in cod bonhomie and and atfully knowing cliche. The secret office of the secret assassination bureau id staffed by foxy, hard-assed chicks straight from the 50s. Will there be a 3rd? John sort of gives that away, along with the shock plot-line. "I'll kill them. I'll kill them all." An insult to the intelligence that trivialises violence and is not even as funny as Highlander 2.

xXx: Return of Xander Cage (2017)

Worse than Highlander 2

[3 November 2017]

It takes something special for me to simply say/think, "err, no!" It is difficult to know where to start; VD spends the whole film with a smile so smug I cannot tell if he simply laughing at the viewer or if he is happy with his performance. The one liners would have been rejected by any Bond film, even the Roger Moore ones. Possibly the most gratuitous sexism I have seen on screen; having a drink poured, better have a female crotch in miniscule bikini brief framing the shot. Every "agent" better be ridiculously good-looking and have a gender/racial/sub-culture stereotype. Guns shoot, planes fly, men swagger, and yes, it really is worse than Highlander 2, and it has taken me 26 years to be able to say that!

The Goob (2014)

Well worth it.

[9/10 · 22 February 2017]

Two words - spare and edgy. I love catching a film I know nothing about and enjoying it so much that bedtime gets later! The Goob is such a beast! The story is as old as time; son don't get on with evil new step dad, but it done so well, so low key that it is fresh. Cinematographer Simon Tindall achieves the impossible; making Norfolk look dreamily beautiful, harsh, ethereal and always with an undercurrent of menace. Director Guy Myhill does a great job - he takes his time but builds up the atmosphere, the story and the tension with skill and care. There is real romance here, and the many different ways of searching for it. There are believable comic interludes and there is no padding. Lead Liam Walpole is hypnotic and totally convincing, even when totally still! He looked spookily like Richard Ashcroft live on stage at Glasto!

500 Days of Summer (2009)

Don't believe the hype!

[3/10 · 10 December 2016]

No - just no! As far removed from saying anything about "Love" as Love Actually - yes, that bad. JGL smiles too much (to show he's in love), vamps too much and gets all huffy when things don't go his way. But.....he is a positive paragon of accuracy compared with Summer (ZD) She is "honest" about what she wants and doesn't want. OK, except she is lying , to herself, to JGL and to us. Why does she feel this way? Why does she act this way? No, me neither. At least you cannot accuse her character of acting out of character! So the "got married LOL" bit rings as untrue as any scene I've ever watched. As does the bit where she turns up at his "special spot in the park" at exactly the same time he does - you know, just like in real life. His mates seem nice, but there is no hint of what has pulled them and kept them together. Never mind chuck a Smiths song in there, have a PG cert version of Bergman's chess game, Bollywood dance routine? Sure. Cartoon bird? That'll do nicely. 3 for The Smiths, cinematography and the pay off line - love a bit of cheese with my movies!

Living Is Easy with Eyes Closed (2013)

The whole of human life is here - with John Lennon!

[9/10 · 8 December 2016]

Don't you love those hidden gems? Off work and feeling miserable, found this and for two hours suspended my disbelief and my feelings of illness! A slight story, based on what actually happened, in Spain in 1966. Some have said the pace is a little slow, I found every scene perfectly shot and perfectly timed. Hints of politics, pop music, the beat generation, the older generation, bullying, love, sex, disability, revenge, honour, integrity and connecting. An anti-hero in the non-clichéd sense and naturalistic performances all round. This is a beautiful little film, and if I tell you my favourite film ever is Local hero, well, that should be both a clue and recommendation enough!

Crowman (2016)

Haunting short.

[10/10 · 2 November 2016]

Something bad has happened to Scotland, but we don't need to know what "it" is. The Crowman and his boy travel the roads, scraping a living. They interact with some locals, which doesn't go as well as it might. This is the visual equivalent of a Ramones tune, short, spare, no fat and everything in the right place. The direction is taut and immediate, putting the viewer at the heart of the film right away. The film is beautifully shot contrasting the beauty of the rural setting with the brutality of this new life. Although low budget, there is no sense of this anywhere on scree. The acting is excellent, by a mostly unknown cast. There may be hints and elements of The Road, but this is a Scottish film and markedly different. There is a wee bit of gore in the climax, but since when has this been a bad thing?