Jaws 3-D (1983)
2/10
The third dimension is awfulness
21 April 1999
Warning: Spoilers
Oh dear is this film bad? Jaws is a classic, Jaws II is a strong, worthy sequel but this drek is just so pathetic. Though I must say it's nowhere near as bad as the notorious Jaws The Revenge.

In the space of 5 years the Brody kids have gone from kids to total grown-ups. Dennis Quaid is Michael and he now works at Sea World (one would imagine he would have a fear of the water by now) in Florida. They've just opened up their Undersea Kingdom (y'know those glass tunnels) and ignorant park owner Calvin Bouchard (Academy Award winner Louis Gosset Jnr. at the start of his downward spiral) is so full of himself he doesn't even realise a massive Great White Shark has snuck into the lagoon and plans to munch on divers, swimmers, skiers etc. Luckily for them a renegade naturalist (Simon MacCorkindale from TV's Casuality-looking EX-ACT-LEE like Thomas Jane) is hanging around to convince everyone that getting in the water to torment/trap/catch the poor beast is the best idea. His fate is firmly sealed as soon as he opens his mouth. Which is a bit of rip-off considering he risks his life many times through-out the film and Calvin Bouchard jeopardises so many but escapes un-eaten.

The shark coverage is down right terrible. The underwater photography sucks and is badly spliced with stock footage of sharks that look nothing like the clumsy foam rubber monster in the close-ups. The 3-D effects come off as the WORST you will ever see. Even in plain-old 2-D you can see that they were pretty much the most unimaginative and unsubtle attempts at reaching the audience ever. Even the 3-D tricks in Friday the 13th Part 3 were much more fun and natural than this.

I first saw Jaws III on ITV years ago. It's best to see it on the new DVD as the 2.35:1 picture adds loads to the sides of the frame for those of you who suffered the pan and scan video. Plus there is a few extra gory shots that ITV and some video releases saw fit to censor. But the picture quality is real nasty with some dirty grainy scenes and annoyingly soft focus others. The sound is simple Dolby Stereo but don't expect any Oscar winning sound mixes this time. Even John Williams shark theme is all but vanished and some guy called Alan Parker's score is generic and unengaged.

Extra feature(s) consist of a trailer (methinks originally in 3-D shown before Friday the 13 Part 3 began, in the previous summer). And then there's something Universal call 'Recommendations'. Click on it and what do you get? Still photos of the DVD covers of the other Jaws movies. Duh, thanks! The only interesting thing about this film is the fact that Sea World actually allowed their name and logo to be defamed in such a ludicrous way. Jaws may have been born into greatness but it died very, very quickly as a franchise. Now Jason Voorhees has lasted much, much, MUCH longer and the first Friday the 13th film was hardly a masterpiece.

Never underestimate the underdog.
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