Kismet (I) (1999)
1/10
Worst movie I've ever seen. Truly.
4 June 2004
Warning: Spoilers
SPOILERS AHEAD!

(Though I wouldn't call them spoilers, because this movie can't be spoiled, it's already too bad)

The plot sounded interesting enough (guy finds the murdered body and the murderer who's begging him to give him 5 minutes to explain all this before calling the police), I loved the movies of Fatih Akin so far and the DVD was cheap. Well, it turned that the DVD wasn't the only thing that was cheap- the entire movie sucked. Its normally not my style to say this or that sucked, but for this movie I just can't seem to find any other word. Starting out from the story this could well have been a very entertaining movie- but from the first minute on it only goes downhill.

We were three to watch this movie and we just couldn't help asking the same questions over and over again: "Why's he doing THAT??" and "Why am I still sitting here when I could as well entertain myself much better with, say, cleaning windows??". I can easily answer that second question (one always desperately hopes for the movie to get better), but the first one is way over my head. The entire movie doesn't make any sense, the characters are absolutely abstruse and the acting... nah, let's leave it at that. You want an example? Here we go: at some point the guy who finds the corpse sleeps with the presumed murderer- why?? He's not gay, and you can't find any hint before that could somehow support this storyline. And his ex-girlfriend is looking for him all over Cologne, which would already be stupid enough (Cologne is quite big, you know)... but why the hell is she spending most of her time in a brothel, of all places?? WHY?!?!

No matter what expectations you may have for this movie- you'll be deceived on every single one. Personally, I'm a fan of Fatih Akin's (director of "Solino" and "Im Juli", two of my favourites), as I've said before, and I think Steffen Wink and Axel Milberg are decent enough actors, but a movie like that... no, thank you very much.

The sad thing is, the initial idea -a murderer pleading for only a few minutes to tell his story, that could have been interesting- is quite original, you could have gotten a really good movie out of it, but they failed. Totally.

I really can't imagine anyone would ever like this movie, but judging by the user votings apparently some people did, which genuinely surprised me as hell. I honestly warn everybody to keep away from this movie. It's a huge waste of time, and there are so many good movies out there. The only ones I recommend this to are movie makers- as a repulsive warning how bad a movie can get. It's neither funny nor thrilling nor anything else apart from truly, truly bad.

And why did they change the name from "Kismet" into "Black Souls"? Because people spread the word never ever to watch a movie called "Kismet"? Could be that.
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