by Dane Youssef
OH, GOD! ENOUGH!!! YUCHHHHHHH!!!!
Is it actually possible to spoil this movie for anyone? I don't think so. Not really. Anyone with a working brain cell can pretty much figure out exactly how this one is gonna go. And one working brain cell is a lot more than this one has. Technically, if you've seen the trailer, you've seen the movie. I saw the trailer, so... yeah, I pretty much saw this one coming from space. I saw the movie (my father rented it on a slow work night).
Yeah, I was right.
What audience is this for really? Women? Young girls? J-Lo fans? Stupid ones? Females who wanna see a woman kick a guy's ass, after he tortures here implausibly throughout the the whole f*****g flick?
Oh s**t, I answered my own question.
I was screaming the title out at the screen less than halfway through. And not in a good way. This movie represents cinematic s**t in it's purest form. This movie does not have viewers, only survivors.
It's a stupid movie for stupid people. Very stupid. People who wouldn't be able to count to 10 if they didn't have that many fingers. For this movie to be worth watching, it should have been as short as it's trailer. J-Lo takes ten steps back.
I mean, even "Gigli" was better than this crap. The movie is like watery broth with a single piece of meat floating in it... like a loan survivor lost at sea with no hope. To watch this putrid filth (or to at least enjoy it), you must love J-Lo (and I mean to the point where you'll gobble up anything she so much as peed on), you must be easily duped, preferably a woman... no, a young teenage girl who gets moist at the sight of watching a woman kick a guy's *ss... There are a lot of women out there like that... watching some chick kick a guy in the nuts. They'll see it and squeal, "Right on, sister!"
You know what? To save you the trouble, here, let me just tell you the entire plot. Like the villain when everything has fallen in his favor: They fall in love (he pulls something of a con), they get married. He cheats on her... he beats on her (although it's so spoon-fed, anybody with more than one brain-cell will feel insulted). He beats and cheats and beats and cheats... "I'm a man who always gets what I want..." he says right before he decks her for complaining about unfaithful he is. She goes to a gym and gets in shape... then kicks HIS *ss. Movie's over.
Not soon ENOUGH, though.
I know that the women out there looking for a positive female influence. A leader. Someone they can look up to. But to deal with themes like stalking and spousal abuse so routine... he tortures her to no end... just so she can beat the s**t out of him in the last couple minutes... I felt not so much sympathy for J-Lo's character Slim (by the way, it's J-Lo, so WHY would she honestly be named that??) as much as I felt hate for J-Lo herself and the rest of the filmmakers. This movie insulted my intelligence. And the intelligence of a lot of others.
But some people's I.Q's were not insulted. Like my sister's and her friends.
If you met them, you'd know why.
Enough, J-Lo. Good luck with "Jersey Girl." I know you and Ben will do great. Kevin Smith's name alone "great movie."
No where to go but up, right?
by Dane Youssef
OH, GOD! ENOUGH!!! YUCHHHHHHH!!!!
Is it actually possible to spoil this movie for anyone? I don't think so. Not really. Anyone with a working brain cell can pretty much figure out exactly how this one is gonna go. And one working brain cell is a lot more than this one has. Technically, if you've seen the trailer, you've seen the movie. I saw the trailer, so... yeah, I pretty much saw this one coming from space. I saw the movie (my father rented it on a slow work night).
Yeah, I was right.
What audience is this for really? Women? Young girls? J-Lo fans? Stupid ones? Females who wanna see a woman kick a guy's ass, after he tortures here implausibly throughout the the whole f*****g flick?
Oh s**t, I answered my own question.
I was screaming the title out at the screen less than halfway through. And not in a good way. This movie represents cinematic s**t in it's purest form. This movie does not have viewers, only survivors.
It's a stupid movie for stupid people. Very stupid. People who wouldn't be able to count to 10 if they didn't have that many fingers. For this movie to be worth watching, it should have been as short as it's trailer. J-Lo takes ten steps back.
I mean, even "Gigli" was better than this crap. The movie is like watery broth with a single piece of meat floating in it... like a loan survivor lost at sea with no hope. To watch this putrid filth (or to at least enjoy it), you must love J-Lo (and I mean to the point where you'll gobble up anything she so much as peed on), you must be easily duped, preferably a woman... no, a young teenage girl who gets moist at the sight of watching a woman kick a guy's *ss... There are a lot of women out there like that... watching some chick kick a guy in the nuts. They'll see it and squeal, "Right on, sister!"
You know what? To save you the trouble, here, let me just tell you the entire plot. Like the villain when everything has fallen in his favor: They fall in love (he pulls something of a con), they get married. He cheats on her... he beats on her (although it's so spoon-fed, anybody with more than one brain-cell will feel insulted). He beats and cheats and beats and cheats... "I'm a man who always gets what I want..." he says right before he decks her for complaining about unfaithful he is. She goes to a gym and gets in shape... then kicks HIS *ss. Movie's over.
Not soon ENOUGH, though.
I know that the women out there looking for a positive female influence. A leader. Someone they can look up to. But to deal with themes like stalking and spousal abuse so routine... he tortures her to no end... just so she can beat the s**t out of him in the last couple minutes... I felt not so much sympathy for J-Lo's character Slim (by the way, it's J-Lo, so WHY would she honestly be named that??) as much as I felt hate for J-Lo herself and the rest of the filmmakers. This movie insulted my intelligence. And the intelligence of a lot of others.
But some people's I.Q's were not insulted. Like my sister's and her friends.
If you met them, you'd know why.
Enough, J-Lo. Good luck with "Jersey Girl." I know you and Ben will do great. Kevin Smith's name alone "great movie."
No where to go but up, right?
by Dane Youssef