Alien Apocalypse (2005 TV Movie)
1/10
Bruce needs a funny script!
26 March 2005
This movie is horrible.

Save yourself the two hours and go watch Army of Darkness to see Bruce Campbell working with a much better script. If you are a Xena & Hercules fan, you might enjoy Alien Apocalypse, but probably not.

While the directing and cinematography are comparable to a Xena episode, the writing is flawed, stupid, and, worst of all for a Bruce Campbell movie, not funny. The dialog offers some witty lines that will entertain some people, but overall, it's dull. Does this "comedy" movie save all the laughs for the end? No, the ending is flat; not a single chuckle or smirk.

If you're an Army of Darkness fan, do not watch this movie. It's almost as if the writers didn't know Bruce Campbell was going to star in it. He doesn't have much to work with, and this movie won't appeal to his "cult" audience. I'd rather have watched a repeating loop of Bruce in Spiderman 2, over and over and over and over again, instead of watching this movie.

TV doesn't have to be this bad!

___SPOILERS___ Stop reading if you don't want major spoilers. They are added here to help warn people about some of the major flaws.

1) Renee O'Connor is a major draw for the audience, but they cover her face and she's off-camera or sitting down for a large portion of the movie. Huh?

2) The President-in-hiding is guarded by ZERO Secret Service agents, nor any other guards of any kind! None! Guards could have at least been standing by the doorway, sleeping on their feet. That would have been funnier, while adding a smidgen of realism.

3) The rape of the 2nd lead woman is glossed over LESS than if someone slapped her. Disgusting. Then Bruce's character lectures the rapist about how to treat fellow humans, yet he kills the rapist ONLY after the creep threatens to report them to the aliens. Even if that was acceptable in a movie in this genre (and it shouldn't be), Bruce speaks no funny line of dialog when he kills the guy. To compound the problem, the character later tells an angry mob that this isn't the right time to be executing anyone (without any indication he's had any kind of morality shift).

4) A ragtag group of ex-slaves shoots bows & arrows with more deadly accuracy than the aliens fire their energy rifles. Even the explosive alien rockets don't seem to kill any humans.

5) Humans don't try to pick up the alien energy guns. This is a comedy movie, but it lacks the semi-obligatory humor scene where a human tries to fire one, but can't, throws it aside, and it fires, killing an alien, without anybody noticing. Given the lack of humor in the movie, that goofy scene could have been a laugh-out-loud moment.

6) The aliens don't attempt to duck, cover, or run when they are being attacked. They just stand there. If they had run around like chickens it would have been funnier.

7) After the aliens subdue the humans at the sawmill, the humans recover their senses enough to ... stand in a line where they can be shot-down (instead of fleeing, or continuing to shoot those amazing arrows). However the aliens don't kill them, but instead compliment the humans, and then discuss killing only the leader (Bruce). They talk about it long enough to be mowed-down by yet more arrows from a group of untrained senators (that sounds funnier than it is).

8) The final killing spree has not one twitch of humor. The end of the movie desperately needed something goofy or over-the-top like a Xena episode or, of course, Army of Darkness.

Anything good at all in this movie?!

1) It's nice to see Bruce in a lead role. Hopefully producers will recognize he just needs better material.

2) The Bizzi character was a nice distraction, and she was one of the top 5 actors.

3) Green Gatorade makes pretty decent alien blood. Who knew!

Holly-weird!
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