Fact: A film where an overexposed celebrity couple that star together as a double act will always become a vanity project. Fact: Vanity projects in modern cinema simply do not work. Fact: Vanity projects bomb at the box office. Fact: Most of them include pop stars. And fact: Pretty much all of them absolutely suck.
So imagine how I must have felt when I heard that Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, were chosen to play in a role in a film that tries to rip off The Godfather. At first I though it was just a sick joke. However I was wrong and soon enough, Gigli was released.
Now the critics gave Gigli an absolute slaughtering, the kind of panning that generates a kind of curiosity. "Is it REALLY that bad?". And of course with Gigli it's all justified. Gigli is the kind of embarrassment that people ought to should be hung upside down for. It's a truly appalling film.
So why am I the latest person to give this film an absolute bashing? Because I've seen it, and from my personal view it deserves it. In other words, I watched this piece of crap so that you don't have to. And here's a low down of what I ended up watching for my £5.
Firstly, The Direction. Martin Brest (The same man behind Beverly Hills Cop and Midnght Run) is behind this movie, so talk about a guy with no excuse! It's difficult to understand what he was smoking when he gave the go ahead for this disaster, which goes wrong in so many ways that you can barely keep count of them. He's allowed the film to be completely shapeless. From The Plot, The Cast right down to the small and unimaginative scenes, it can only be described as an awful messy blot on his copybook.
Secondly you have the cast themselves. Now we already know that Jennifer Lopez has modelled herself on Madonna's woeful pictures from day one, but Affleck (normally competent)is in way over his head. And worse still, veterans like Al Pacino and Christopher Walken turn in some very poor cameos. It's painful to think the lead in Scarface is being now bogged down in this commercial vanity fair guff.
Then the story. Affleck, plays Larry Gigli, a dim bulb of a mob enforcer. Gigli has kidnapped mental patient Brian (Justin Bartha, doing Rain Man), the kid brother of a federal prosecutor, to keep mob boss Starkman (Al Pacino) from going to jail. Don't ask how. Know only that mob girl Ricki (Lopez), a lesbian with a suicidal girlfriend, has been sent in to make sure Gigli doesn't screw up. Lopez treats the role like a photo shoot, doing yoga exercises in Gigli's apartment and ruminating on why it's more erotic to kiss a vagina than a penis. I wish, I truly wish I was making this up.
But then comes the dialogue. Welcome to hell. The dialogue enters "Manos The Hands Of Fate" territory in terms of sheer awfulness. Here's what I like to call the Three Crown Jewells in terms of this movies atrocious script.
1) "Turkey Time! Gobble Gobble" During a bedroom scene! WHAT THE HELL?!
2) "Mooooo" A cow noise that Larry uses to seduce his partner? We are still on planet earth aren't we?
3) "It's more erotic to kiss a vagina than a penis." STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!
Gigli will stand for years to come as an example of how not to produce a love story movie. Gigli isn't even in the Freddy Got Fingred realm where it's so bad it's good. It's in the painful excruciatingly bad, almost like puncture wounds being inflicted in the cinema area.
Manos The Hands Of Fate, may still be the worst movie of all time but it has got some powerful competition from Gigli. Oh and by the way, Gigli, rhymes with really. As in Gigli, Gigli bad. And one more thing, there's more than a dozen worse movies worse than this? Do us a favour!
Don't Watch This Film.
So imagine how I must have felt when I heard that Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, were chosen to play in a role in a film that tries to rip off The Godfather. At first I though it was just a sick joke. However I was wrong and soon enough, Gigli was released.
Now the critics gave Gigli an absolute slaughtering, the kind of panning that generates a kind of curiosity. "Is it REALLY that bad?". And of course with Gigli it's all justified. Gigli is the kind of embarrassment that people ought to should be hung upside down for. It's a truly appalling film.
So why am I the latest person to give this film an absolute bashing? Because I've seen it, and from my personal view it deserves it. In other words, I watched this piece of crap so that you don't have to. And here's a low down of what I ended up watching for my £5.
Firstly, The Direction. Martin Brest (The same man behind Beverly Hills Cop and Midnght Run) is behind this movie, so talk about a guy with no excuse! It's difficult to understand what he was smoking when he gave the go ahead for this disaster, which goes wrong in so many ways that you can barely keep count of them. He's allowed the film to be completely shapeless. From The Plot, The Cast right down to the small and unimaginative scenes, it can only be described as an awful messy blot on his copybook.
Secondly you have the cast themselves. Now we already know that Jennifer Lopez has modelled herself on Madonna's woeful pictures from day one, but Affleck (normally competent)is in way over his head. And worse still, veterans like Al Pacino and Christopher Walken turn in some very poor cameos. It's painful to think the lead in Scarface is being now bogged down in this commercial vanity fair guff.
Then the story. Affleck, plays Larry Gigli, a dim bulb of a mob enforcer. Gigli has kidnapped mental patient Brian (Justin Bartha, doing Rain Man), the kid brother of a federal prosecutor, to keep mob boss Starkman (Al Pacino) from going to jail. Don't ask how. Know only that mob girl Ricki (Lopez), a lesbian with a suicidal girlfriend, has been sent in to make sure Gigli doesn't screw up. Lopez treats the role like a photo shoot, doing yoga exercises in Gigli's apartment and ruminating on why it's more erotic to kiss a vagina than a penis. I wish, I truly wish I was making this up.
But then comes the dialogue. Welcome to hell. The dialogue enters "Manos The Hands Of Fate" territory in terms of sheer awfulness. Here's what I like to call the Three Crown Jewells in terms of this movies atrocious script.
1) "Turkey Time! Gobble Gobble" During a bedroom scene! WHAT THE HELL?!
2) "Mooooo" A cow noise that Larry uses to seduce his partner? We are still on planet earth aren't we?
3) "It's more erotic to kiss a vagina than a penis." STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!
Gigli will stand for years to come as an example of how not to produce a love story movie. Gigli isn't even in the Freddy Got Fingred realm where it's so bad it's good. It's in the painful excruciatingly bad, almost like puncture wounds being inflicted in the cinema area.
Manos The Hands Of Fate, may still be the worst movie of all time but it has got some powerful competition from Gigli. Oh and by the way, Gigli, rhymes with really. As in Gigli, Gigli bad. And one more thing, there's more than a dozen worse movies worse than this? Do us a favour!
Don't Watch This Film.