Lethal Vows (1999 TV Movie)
4/10
Ex Wife REALLY nails hubby.
15 September 2005
Warning: Spoilers
Strikes me as routine, as far as TV movies go. I can believe that it's based on a true story because the plot seems too clumsy to have been written by anyone with storytelling skills.

For instance, good old John Ritter (now a rather bulky and bearded villain) poisons his wife enough to make her ill, then accuses her of being psychosomatic and leaves to marry another young woman immediately. Fourteen years pass before the story picks up again. Why fourteen years? I would guess that though the narrative doesn't demand it, history does.

Some of the particular scenes, however, are so cinematically apt that they were almost certainly dreamed up by a writer. Pawing through her attic, Helgenberger, Ritter's first wife, stumbles across an old electrical appliance and has one of those black-and-white flashbacks with stings on the score -- suddenly she recalls when, fourteen years ago, she discovered Ritter shaving selenium filings from a rectifier, carefully collecting them, and putting them in her shampoo and her eyelash liner (or whatever it's called). Later it develops that he was putting it into her coffee as well.

Frankly, I don't believe it. I don't believe either that she had that particular epiphany in the attic or that Ritter put selenium shavings into her shampoo or eyeliner. Selenium is referred to in the movie as a "toxic metal" and I suppose it is, in sufficient quantity, but it's also an anti-oxidant that's sold over the counter in drug stores and swallowed. Someone will have to demonstrate -- as no one does in this movie -- that it is a topical poison. Many people have tried the nicotine patch and failed. So how come some selenium in her shampoo gives Marg Helgenberger immediate and drastic headaches? And her eyes become as painful as boils when she applies makeup? I think the anthropologist E. B. Tylor called this simple-minded idea "sympathetic magic," but I'm not sure.

Mais je divage. Anyway Ritter evidently tries the same stunt with his second wife fourteen years later, although no evidence of trickery is ever produced when she becomes ill with the same symptoms. Wife Number Two is taken to Mexico and apparently cured but suddenly drops dead shortly after her return. Circumstantial evidence piles up against Ritter, who plays the villain with all the stops out -- when his first trial is dismissed he SMIRKS at Helgenberger, who has prompted the investigation.

You see, Helgenberger was good friends with Ritter's second wife and was terribly disturbed at her demise and its manner. (I'll bet.) And she wants to prevent the same thing from happening to the wealthy young woman who seems lined up for third place in Ritter's marital schedule. (Sure.) The best performance is given by the guy who plays Detective Mauser -- Lawrence Dane? Everyone else acts by the numbers. They project emotions and thoughts with the subtlety of a warning at a railroad crossing. But Dane does little things that are original. "I'm told you want to report a murder. (Long pause while he sits down and waits), then abruptly thrusts his face towards Helgeberger and inquires in a reasonable and curious voice, "So who was murdered"? I suppose except for the bare bones of the historical events, nothing prevented characters or their actions from being drawn differently than they were in real life. I mean, what the heck, Ritter is still in jail convicted of murder and Helgenberger's character is dead, so who is to object? I wish the forensic stuff had been made clearer. Ritter seems to have used so many poisons and toxic metals -- let me see, selenium, cyanide, a massive dose of chlorine, and maybe something else -- that I was confused by it all. Not that I was rooting for Ritter. Here's a mathematician with a Ph.D. who insists people call him "doctor." He even corrects people who address him merely as "professor." Most Ph.D.s get that narcissistic problem behind them very quickly. "Jes' call me Whitey, even though I know how to get a standard deviation and you don't." Average TV fare.
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