The Holy Girl (2004)
1/10
Not even two beers can help digest this movie.
13 October 2005
The first time I started to watch this movie was after drinking two beers pretending they would be enough to send my stressful day at work into the past and help me indulge in the simple pleasures of idleness.

I couldn't understand anything of the first 20 minutes and falling sleep won the match. I didn't take this loosely the next day, first of all I speak Spanish and the language was not an issue, secondly, if two beers are making me so incompetent, AA in my area will be my next google search.

So I decided to give the movie (and me) a new chance the next night. This time, though, no beer, volume all the way up and the intention of conquering a task with the eagerness that can come only from being defeated at it beforehand.

Nope, still no good. This time I say the whole thing and I must say, this is the Iraq war of movies: A complete mess without justification.

On purpose I will leave aside the cinematic details so I don't sound like a wannabe connoisseur (MS Word corrected this word, BTW) or a reviewer with some clout, I am just a disgruntle customer exposed to this almost comic levels of ineptness portrayed as a Drama film.

Well, the single merit of this thing is that it has more scenes of people lying on beds than a porn movie (but in this case, they are not doing anything, just there… and still there…. There….forever). Secondly, actors don't do anything (again); they are just Argentinean mannequins whispering some absurd words in an environment that makes no sense with a plot that seems to have been written on the back of the check that founded this idea of a film.

The trite recipe of inserting some shocking scenes on the film so they carry the chore of making the rest of the movie worth something, again, fails. The director shows almost a sadistic delight on keeping the camera 6 inches away from the unanimated character, thinking that this is enough to portray a study of human something (sickness, emotions, whatever because we never know at the end) and give a social commentary of something even more groped by intellectualoids: Religion and Sex. The time goes by and nothing happens, nothing is concluded. This idleness is way better than the one I was expecting from my two beers the day before, but this is not fun, this is a waste.

Blockbuster now remembers me as "the crazy dude that wanted a refund for a bad movie he rented". Well, yes, I returned this movie, made a scene and got my $4.86 back. Is not possible that rubbish like this gets distributed and God forbids, other project got rejected or delayed. I know is not a fair world, but this is testing the limits.

I will always support foreign movies, especially from Latin America, but something I can't support is to perpetuate mediocrity by implying that because the movie was produced in Argentina or that the director is a woman, or that the theme is so controversial, it can get away by overlooking quality, coherence or merit.

The good news is that my drinking is not a health issue (yet). This movie is awful, drunk or sober.
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