Adam & Evil (2004)
2/10
Lame Unimaginative Rip-Off of Friday the 13th
16 June 2006
Wow. Another clunker from Canadian "auteur" Andrew Van Slee. At least this one is somewhat watchable, unlike his earlier epic "Totally Blonde."

The scariest thing about this entire movie is the teeth of the actors. Instead of rehearsing, the director must have thrown a teeth-whitening party. Almost every character has teeth that look like chiclets which had been soaking in bleach for a week.

The plot line follows that of "Fiday the 13th" -- the only difference, and it's huge, is that instead of watching the kids die one by one in imaginative efx sequences, all of the violence takes place off-camera. A shadowy murderer appears, the victim reacts, and we see the bloody aftermath. The entire efx budget seems to have been spent on a bucket of fake blood and a number 4 paint brush.

Most of the actors are good, but a few are grade A hambones. The characters are entirely generic. In fact, none of the human characters are as interesting as the farm tools used by the killer. And we don't get to see those farm tools act... just the aftermath.

The dialog is atrocious. The opening character set-up is a long, labored discourse which makes it clear to anyone who didn't already know that teenage boys like sex. They also call each other "dude" a lot. It seems dated, but hey, maybe Canada's teens are on some kind of culture curve. Another ten years and they'll be getting into hiphop.

There's a big surprise ending which I won't reveal. Anyone who makes it through this piece of dreck, even on fast-forward, deserves the miniscule thrill of the revelation.

The ending sets up a sequel, apparently intending to rip off "Halloween" in the next installment, since they blatantly ripped off the theme music to set it up.

If you're tempted by the premise, skip this turkey and rent the original "Friday the 13th" instead. Even if you've seen it fifty times it'll still be more exciting.
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