The Being (1981)
8/10
An enjoyably crummy 80's killer mutant monster horror hoot
17 February 2007
Warning: Spoilers
There are certain stinky movies whose very fetid, noxious, nostril hair-curling putridness takes on a so-unbelievably-shoddy-it's-weirdly-sublime glow. This exceptionally awful atrocity is one such appealing abomination. The first surefire sign of superior shabbiness stems from the rambling and unfocused plodding'n'poky plot: a murderous one-eyed, flay-skinned, slime-dripping upright biped humanoid beast created by the illegal dumping of toxic waste (WARNING: Beware of heavy-handed subtext concerning the dire consequences beget by man's thoughtless disposal of hazardous radioactive chemicals) brutally slays the wholly deserving idiot inhabitants of the sleepy stick central hamlet of Pottsville, Idaho.

A second testament to the picture's pathetic, yet oddly irresistible sub-par allure is the slumming and suitably embarrassed Hall of Shame Faded Name cast: a dour Martin Landau as a shady, spineless, untrustworthy scientist, a cranky Jose Ferror as the gloomy mayor, a highly annoying Ruth Buzzi as Hizzoner's nagging shrew wife, a haggard Dorothy Malone as the harried mother of a missing little boy (said tyke may just be the monster, but thanks to the murky script this particular plot point dangles unresolved throughout the film), the eternally goofy Murray "The Unknown Comic" Langston and saturnine country-and-western satirist Kinky Friedman as ill-fated local yokels, former porn filmmaker turned lousy thespian Bill Osco as the charmless good ol' boy sheriff, and Kenny Roger's hot babe "can't act for spit" wife Marianne Gordon as the constantly shrieking heroine. Toss in Jackie Kong's fumbling (mis)direction, witless attempts at broad humor (two stoner guys are attacked by the monster while watching a cheesy fright feature at a drive-in theater), fake-looking gore, dimly lit cinematography, across-the-board cruddy production values, a meandering pace, a hilariously hokey and unconvincing titular creature, and one of those always irritating "it ain't over yet!" sequel set-up non-endings. The net result of all these endearingly dreadful ingredients is a wonderfully wretched stiff of a highly entertaining Grade Z turkey.
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