3/10
Miss of the tarantula.
23 March 2007
Warning: Spoilers
A lacklustre seventies movie in the mold of Carrie or Willard, only time the demented loner strikes out with her pet tarantulas instead of telekinesis or rats. Kiss of the Tarantula follows this formula of the misunderstood loner with a power and doesn't really do enough differently or with enough flair to stand out or to really engage the audience. Made in minimalist seventies style the movie is left to hang on the performances of the cast and the strength of the script which aren't that strong. The story basically revolves around the heroine killing off with her pet spiders those who wrong her in some way, such as her malevolent spider hating mother, her sleazy uncle and the 'kids' (It's hard to tell how old these guys are. The script refers to them as being of school age but they are clearly are far older) who pick on her and kill some of her pets as a prank. It's a simple story structure that could work if some suspense is created as to who lives and who dies, whether of not our heroine gets away with it etc. This is where the script and acting fail. Whilst Suzanna Ling is somewhat convincing as the unhinged heroine she is not particularly sympathetic or interesting as a protagonist and little time is spent in the script developing the character or going into the details of why she is the way she is beyond her contemporaries thinking she is weird because she lives at the morgue with her mortician father (shades of Six Feet Under). Suzanna Ling, whilst she is convincing and creepy is not a strong enough an actress to bring anything extra to the role beyond that which is the script. The other characters, such as the sleazy uncle, are not very sympathetic or interesting either. You won't care who lives or dies or if the heroine gets away with it and there are really no surprises in the story.

There are other plot issues. There isn't even a hint as to how she has the control she does over the spiders and it unclear as to whether the spiders actually kill anyone. The mother dies of a heart attack it is clear and it seems like some of the youngsters who die later on might have died by accidents prompted by the spider attacks although this less clear due to the shoddy way the scenes are shot. All the later victims effectively dying by chance like this seems contrived and extremely silly, although if they did die by spider venom the forensics department in this town is really bad for not picking up on it. There also a few plot threads introduced that don't go anywhere such as a potential boyfriend character who is introduced but disappears and the sleazy uncle's aspiration to run for some form of public office which doesn't lead anywhere. On the whole the script is quite underdeveloped.

Not much else is provided on a more visceral horror movie level. The spiders are good movie nasties but they are not really used to much effect here. Others than a few short scenes here and there the titular creatures don't get a great deal of screen time and pretty disappear from the movie after the halfway point leaving the audience to watch a flaccid melodrama/thriller minus what is presumably the movies hook. The movies climax in which our heroine finally deals with her sleazy uncle does not involve the spiders at all, although the way in which she deals with him makes it the best and creepiest scene in the movie. Beyond this the movie is lacking in gore, suspense or anything juicy or exciting.
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