Review of Choker

Choker (2005)
3/10
Not B.E.I.N.G. good
28 November 2007
Warning: Spoilers
This comment MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS – hmm, but not much to spoil, on the other hand.

Now, I got my hands at B.E.I.N.G. (UK DVD title) when I bought a set of 80s Sci-Fi flicks … dunno if there are better movies in the box set, but hey, this movie surely lowered the expectations for the rest. After reading the other comments and the trivia here on the IMDb, I won't bash the movie for looking cheap or doing things rather rushed – looks like they had neither money nor time. Then again, one can criticize this:

(A) Lack of storytelling. The background story – being thin enough – is only explained for a certain degree, and everything happens quite fast. This must not be a flaw for a movie, but it doesn't improve this one. And than they do things like this: Missi Logan, the right hand of the main character is killed somewhat in the middle of the flick. Now, she did not have much to say earlier, but then, after you have all but forgotten about her miserable role they give you a ten minute flashback about "why she was the best there was, how the nebulous agency did hire her, etc.". This I found somewhat out of place, because like I said, she did not have any character while she still ran after Sloan's character – so why bother?

(B) Most actors are no good. Sorry, but only Paul Sloan, who I found good enough as somewhat clueless, driven killer and Hayley DuMond – who did a okay job as a cold, but nevertheless hot evil lady, did really act. The rest just kinda stumbled along. The cops where so stereotypical that it hurt, Nick Vallelonga did not much with a one-dimensional character and the girls, the girls. More or less all of the gals in this movie look like they started their career in porn movies – and "act" like that. Okay, they look hot, too – but their wooden acting skills make every wainscot go green with envy.

(C) Plot devices. They just do more or less all the bad things to do. Have some fights with wild gals in leather. Kill a kid. Let the bad cop beat the crap out of the main character. Have a martial arts fight with absolutely no style or anything else but, "oi, I know a real karate guy, why not invite him and let him do some tricks, so there are another five minutes wasted and the audience might actually think it's cool". Sorry, it's not. And then they do the usual "Bad Ending". In the older days all people did good endings. Then some did bad endings which added a nice dreadful touch to a movie. Now every blasted C-grade Horror does a bad ending and like with the good endings back then, you know it's coming, and hey here it comes, and hey, did it not add to anything but the terror – maybe they will do a sequel!

All in all, I thought this movie lacks too much of a movie to be called entertaining, but then again, maybe they tried hard. This not always means you are not going to fall flat on your face. B.E.I.N.G. falls not completely flat, but more or less so. Only for Sci-Fi hardcore fans or people who like flicks that look like you could do it yourself.
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