Review of Satanic

Satanic (2006)
3/10
Boring none event of a horror film.
7 December 2008
Warning: Spoilers
Satanic starts as teenager Michelle (Annie Sorell) wakes up in hospital with amnesia & her face completely bandaged up, surgeon Doctor Barbary (Angus Scrimm) tells Michelle she was involved in a horrific car accident that has left her with no face, no memory of who she is or was & her father (George Tovar) dead. Barbary says to Michelle that he can recreate her face with the use of family photo's & that nobody will ever be able to tell the difference which he does with amazing success, with both her parents dead & memory loss Michelle is placed into Harmony House a halfway stop for troubled teens run by Bisson (Rick Dean) & his wife Jackie (Diane Goldner). Once there Michelle tries to regain her memory & find out who she is but terrifying nightmares & a constant feeling something is wrong means Michelle doesn't settle & when her fellow troubled teens start to turn up dead there appears to be more to Michelle & her past than everyone first thought...

Sitting down to watch the very bland, mundane & generically titled Satanic last night I had never heard of it before, I didn't know what it was about & my hopes were not too hight but seeing genre favourite & fine actor Jeffrey Combs name appear during the credits peaked my interest a bit although one has to say that Satanic can be summed up quite nicely by saying Combs is the best aspect of it yet he has nothing more than a cameo that last's for no more than five minutes which he probably shot in half a day. Co-produced & directed by Dan Golden I would describe Satanic as a supernatural thriller that isn't very supernatural apart from some rubbish about a Ouija board & definitely isn't very thrilling due to it's snail like pace. I suppose whether you will like Satanic will depend on how good you find the twist ending, I must admit it did wake me up a bit & the basic concept is actually solid but like the rest of the film it's done in such a poor, cheap, lifeless & lethargic way that it doesn't have the impact that it should. The main problem with Satanic is that the first seventy odd minutes is nothing more than a really boring build-up to the twist which feels like it goes on forever, this might have worked better as a shorter, sharper thirty odd minutes Tales from the Crypt (1989 - 1996) style horror anthology episode. Look, more or less nothing happens for over an hour & then it tries to pack in a twist & becomes some sort of teen slasher in the final twenty odd minutes.

Apparently this had the working title Demon Board & the whole film looks pretty cheap throughout, even the supposed halfway house just looks like an ordinary house. There's not that much horror here, there's not much gore either. There's a burnt face, someone's wrist's are slashed, a couple of dead bodies are seen with a bit of blood splatter but nothing to write home about.

With a supposed budget of about $120,000 Satanic looks as low budget as it was apparently was. I would suspect that a bit of that budget was spent on a couple of familiar genre faces with Jeffrey Combs (who needs a new agent) & Angus Scrimm who is probably best know to horror fans as the Tall Man from the Phantasm series of flicks.

Satanic is a rather dull, forgettable & boring film that doesn't really have anything going for it apart from a couple of cameo's from genre favourites & a reasonable twist ending that could have been the films saving grace if it had been done properly. Not good.
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