3/10
Dual of the Boobies
26 January 2009
Nevermind my low rating. This is a really good movie.

While the first DEATHSTALKER movie played it with a straight face (making it a much easier movie to poke fun at), this second installment in the series is tongue-in-cheek all the way. It did make me laugh as hard (or perhaps even harder at times) as with the first one, though maybe the enjoyment I got out of DEATHSTALKER II might be a bit less, how shall I put it... satisfying? Because after all, we're supposed to laugh with this one, and when it comes to the humor, it is as dumb as it gets. But still, nothing too wrong with that, I suppose. And to make things crystal clear from the get-go, the fun already starts in a most verbal way, just before the opening credits, when evil sword-wench Sultana shouts "I will have my revenge! And Deathstalker too!", and then whoosh, the "Deathstalker two" title-logo comes on. Brilliant.

Part of the fun still comes from unintentional events, like scenes starting and ending abruptly, a chase-scene on horses were people just seem to be riding the same part of the road endlessly, stock footage from the first DEATHSTALKER (with a different look, easy to spot) inserted in this sequel for pointless reasons, etc. Another reason for incomprehensible chuckles comes from the movie's subtitle. It reads DUAL OF THE TITANS, supported by crackling flames... What titans? Who? Where are they? And like if the opening-credits weren't enough to make us reflect on this movie in a grinning or dumbly drooling fashion, then wait until the end-credits start to roll. They show us a handful of bloopers, at times even supported by silly voice-overs. Those bloopers are likely to kill off any braincells one might still have after viewing DEATHSTALKER II: DUAL OF THE TITANS! (Which titans?)

The performances of the whole cast, this time, are indeed deliberately campy. Most actors handle a contemporary language completely unsuitable for a swords & sorcery film. Especially our hero (John Terlesky) seems to be exquisitely enjoying himself doing so. Blond Barbie-doll Monique Gabrielle (in a double-role, no less) was as painful as she was funny, watching her deliver her lines trying very hard to strike the right comical note (or vicious note, for that matter) when called for. And has John Lazar (of Russ Meyer's BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS fame) ever acted so laughably idiotic before in his life? Fitting for these slapstick characters, is the fact that they all seem to run around on sets made out of cardboard or styrofoam. In other words: real works of art.

Of course, DEATHSTALKER II offers enough female eye-candy. Knockers and buttocks are displayed quite randomly in this one (thank you, Jim Wynorski). Sometimes they use stock footage from the first movie for this purpose, but thankfully there's new boobage to behold too. Especially the sex-scene between Deathstalker and evil princess Evie is as gratuitous as can be. The one naked girl dancing in that completely retarded bar-fight (at the beginning) was quite funny too. Her dancing skills were limited to 'wiggle waggle, bounce & shake' and 'duck' when a hurled brew-holder comes flying over her head. Now that we're talking retarded scenes anyway, the movie reaches an absolute lowest point in the middle during an embarrassing wrestling scene that goes on for way too long. It's Deathstalker vs Utterly Fat Growling Barbaric She-Thing. I think that says enough.

But you have to at least give Jim Wynorski some credit: He really watched and understood the first DEATHSTALKER movie. He took several elements of the first film (characteristics of the 'hero', the nudity,...) and enlarged, emphasized and mainly spoofed them (out of the many examples of this, Warthog-Brute returning for a silly cameo is one of them). So at least, he aims to please and for the bigger part also succeeds. Even that inappropriate western-vibe is, at times, again present on the movie's soundtrack. And will you check out that one, eardrum-piercing sound-sample, used numerous times throughout the movie. It goes "shreeeeeeeuw!!!"... What was up with that? Other highlights include scenes distinctively showing Wynorski's inexplicable ways of film-making. One scene has Stalker and Reena on a horse, trying to escape some villains repeatedly shooting exploding arrows at them. The villains just shoot without aiming and the scene is packed with seemingly pointless explosions. It's like Wynorski just said to the pyro-technicians "When I yell action, you guys go nuts, okay? I don't care how you do it, just make sure you blow the hell out of everything!". And so they did.

Another favorite scene of mine (and another pointless one it is), is the one with the zombies at the green cemetery. I don't know why or how this cemetery is all green, but it is. Just look at it: Green graves all over the place. Magnificent. I guess it's all just proof that DEATHSTALKER II is one in a row of many successes by a genius film-maker. So, watch more Wynorski films is the main message here. Thanks for listening, and I'm off to prepare myself mentally for entering the third installment, undoubtedly yet another epic tale of mind-boggling barbaric fantasy, called DEATHSTALKER AND THE WARRIORS FROM HELL. Unfortunately, it was not directed by Jim Wynorski.
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